Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

“No, he doesn’t know. And it would probably surprise him quite a bit, too,” Kim replied forcefully. “After all, he still thinks at least one of his daughters is straight.”

  “Kim . . .” Sonja wrung her hands.

  “You are, too, aren’t you?” Kim asked. All her frustration rose up in her once more. She’d held it down because she’d been so happy to have Sonja back, but now, again, she became aware of how precarious that happiness was. They existed on borrowed time, and how long that time would be, she couldn’t even guess. Nor did she want to. “Why shouldn’t he meet his son-in-law, then?” she asked bitterly. “Knowing me doesn’t do him any good, after all.”

  “Please, Kim . . .” Sonja turned away. “I was so glad that at least you –”

  “That at least I heel like a good little doggie?” Kim asked. “Yes, apparently I did. But at some point –” She took a deep breath. “I love you, Sonja. I love you so much, I can’t imagine how it will be when –”

  “It won’t –” Sonja faced her and examined her face slowly, questioningly, from top to bottom and back again, holding her gaze. “It won’t end,” she said softly. “I’m working on that. Really.”

  “You’re getting a divorce?”

  “I – I can’t do that,” Sonja said wearily. “But – but . . . maybe –”

  “I’m sorry about what my father said.” Sandra came up to them. She looked from Kim to Sonja and back. “It appears you’ve already discussed it.”

  “Yeah.” Kim’s lips were pinched.

  “Sonja, what is it with your husband?” Sandra asked. “Something’s not right. I can feel it. You’re not happy. And if things were good in your marriage, you wouldn’t be with Kim. And your husband would be here.”

  “Why don’t you ask him, if you all are so interested in him!” Sonja snarled and ran out the door.

  Sandra turned to look at Kim. “How do you stand this? Why –?”

  “Why don’t I just take you?” Kim said. “I’ve asked myself that many times already.”

  “There’s nothing I’d wish for more,” Sandra said.

  “I know.” Kim looked at her. “And it would be the simplest solution. Nothing much would change. From the outside, no one would see any difference. You look just like her. You’re like her in so many ways –”

  “But not completely.” Sandra sighed. “For example, I’ve never been heterosexual. I don’t understand why she is. She’s my twin sister, after all. But I don’t think she’s straight, she’s bi. And you know how it is with bi women. We all do.”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you know him? Her husband, I mean?”

  “Oh, no!” Kim laughed dryly. “How would I? I’m just her –”

  “Oh, come on, Kim, you’re not that.” Sandra came up and hugged her. “You know you aren’t. She – she feels the same about you as I do, you can be sure of that.”

  “Sandra . . . we . . . we can’t do this,” Kim whispered.

  “It’s not easy for me, either.” Sandra swallowed. “This morning . . . when you two came into the hotel breakfast room . . . I saw your eyes. You had just –”

  “I –” Kim swallowed. “What am I supposed to say to that?”

  “Nothing.” Sandra sighed. “It’s just – not easy.” She let go of Kim. “You’re right. We can’t do this. I can’t do it to Sonja, not to my own sister, even though theoretically, I hardly know her. And you certainly can’t.”

  “No, I can’t,” Kim said.

  “Ah, you two found each other?” Sonja came back in. “Well then, I can go.” She tried to walk past Kim to the exit.

  “Don’t, Sonja.” Sandra held her there. “It’s not what it looks like. Or yes – it is. From my end. You know it is. We like the same people, we love the same – it can’t be any other way. We’re going to have to come to terms with that. But you also know I would never do that to you. Or would you do it?”

  Sonja looked at her, her eyes flying over the face that was her own. “No.”

  “So please . . .” Sandra said. “Make up with each other. There’s no reason to spoil the wedding. It’s been so nice up to now.” She grinned. “We could put one over on a few more people. We could switch dresses again.”

  “Please, no!” Kim groaned.

  “Fine, then. For your sake, we won’t do it. But I’m keeping the option open. For another occasion.” Sandra looked at her sister.

  Sonja’s mouth curled upwards. “Certain occasions are out of the question. Even though you still like Kim so much.”

  “Do you think we should go outside and shoot each other?” Sandra suggested.

  “Will you stop it already?” Kim interrupted her.

  The two of them turned to face her simultaneously, in complete synchrony, and arched their eyebrows in the same gesture.

  Kim groaned again. “I can’t take this anymore!”

  A young man, someone Kim hadn’t seen before but who nevertheless looked oddly familiar, approached them cautiously. “Pardon me?” He looked at each of them in turn, as if he didn’t know whom to address.

  When neither Sandra nor Sonja answered, Kim took pity on him. “Yes?”

  “I’m looking for –” He swallowed. “I’m looking for Johnny. Johnny Mayrhofer.”

  “Johnny?” Kim repeated, confused. “Mayrhofer?”

  “My . . . my sister,” he said.

  All three stared at him.

  “You . . . you’re her brother?” Kim suddenly recalled what Jennifer had told her about Jo’s dream. “What do you want with her?” She wasn’t sure whether or not it was a good idea to tell this young man where his sister was, although he looked utterly harmless.

  “She . . . this is her wedding, isn’t it?” He swallowed once more. “A Mrs. Hermann called me. She said she was . . . her daughter was –”

  “Jennifer,” Kim said. “Jennifer Hermann. My best friend. She got married today.”

  “Then is she –” He looked around, unsure of himself. “Where is she? Where’s Johnny?”

  Kim didn’t know what to do. Jennifer’s mother had called Jo’s brother? How did she even know that he existed, or where he was? Not even Jennifer had known that.

  “Wait here a minute.” She didn’t see Jo and Jennifer. Maybe they were off making out in a quiet corner somewhere. Or they were otherwise occupied. In any case, it would probably be better not to let this strange brother go looking for them; that could go very badly.

  She looked at Sandra and Sonja. “Could you two take care of this young man for a minute? I have to find Jennifer.”

  Both of them nodded in unison. Kim refrained from imagining how that was going to work out; instead, she concentrated on the task before her.

  She went to Jennifer’s mother, who was eyeing the buffet skeptically. She was probably thinking it wouldn’t be enough. “Jo’s brother is here,” Kim said. “You called him?”

  “Oh . . . yes.” Mrs. Hermann didn’t seem to have her mind wholly on the subject. The buffet interested her much more than Kim’s question.

  “Why?” Kim asked. “What are we supposed to do now? What if Jo doesn’t want to see him? Does Jennifer know about this?”

  “No.” Mrs. Hermann now turned her full attention to Kim. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

  “We don’t know what happened between Jo and her brother. Jo has nightmares about him. Was it a good idea to call him?”

  “He’s her brother. And Jennifer gets the impression that Jo – that she misses her brother. And so I thought –”

  “Hopefully, that wasn’t the wrong thing to do,” Kim said. “Have you seen Jennifer?”

  “She’s upstairs,” Mrs. Hermann said. “Changing.”

  Kim nodded and ran up one flight of stairs to Jennifer’s room. She knocked.

  From inside she heard Jennifer’s voice. “Yes?”

  “Can I come in? It’s me, Kim.”

  “Yes, come in.”

  Kim opened the door. She’d been afraid that Jo would be in there t
oo, but she was in luck. Jennifer was alone. She’d taken off her wedding dress and now stood there in just her underwear. “Brides keep getting hotter and hotter,” Kim said with a grin.

  “Don’t you dare. I’m a married woman now.” Jennifer grinned back. “Oh, sorry,” she added quickly.

  “Forget it.” Kim waved it away. “We have other worries at the moment. Jo’s brother is here.”

  “What?” Jennifer gaped at her.

  “Your mother called him, and now he’s standing downstairs; Sonja and Sandra are loading him up with punch,” Kim explained.

  “My mother did what?” Jennifer looked stunned.

  “How did she even get his number?” Kim wondered.

  “She knew Jo’s last name and where she’s from. There probably aren’t that many Mayrhofers in the city,” Jennifer mused. She sighed. “This is so typical of her. She couldn’t bear not to have Jo’s family here. Without them, the wedding wouldn’t be complete.”

  “Yeah, and what are we going to do now?” Kim looked inquiringly at Jennifer.

  “Find Jo.” Jennifer reached for a pair of jeans that lay on a chair and pulled them on. “I hope she hasn’t run into him already.” Quickly, she slipped into a T-shirt, and they left the room together.

  They met Jo on the stairs. She was just coming up. “You look normal again.” She grinned at Jennifer. It didn’t look as though she’d seen her brother already; she seemed completely relaxed.

  Jennifer inhaled. “Sweetheart, I have to tell you something,” she began.

  “Already? We only just got married.” Jo grinned again. “I thought it’d be a while before you hit me with the rolling pin.”

  “No rolling pin,” Jennifer said. “Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.”

  Jo realized that they were talking about something serious. “What’s wrong?”

  Jennifer folded her hands. “I don’t know how to say this, but there’s someone –”

  “Someone?” Jo frowned deeply.

  “What’s the story with your brother?” Kim burst out. “Are you enemies? Did he do something to you?”

  “My . . . brother?” Jo stared at her and swayed a little.

  “My mother called him,” Jennifer explained. “I don’t know where she got that idea, but now – he’s here.”

  “My brother.” Jo sank down onto a step.

  “So you’re not denying his existence anymore?” Jennifer asked.

  Jo swallowed. Her breathing was heavy, as though it required a great effort. “No . . . I . . . no, I don’t deny it,” she whispered weakly.

  “Should I . . . should we send him away?” Kim asked. “Do you want to not see him?”

  Jo looked up. “He . . . if he’s here now . . .”

  “You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to, darling,” Jennifer said gently, sitting down next to Jo on the stairs. “I have a thing or two to tell my mother!”

  “No . . . I . . . if . . . I’d like to talk to him,” Jo breathed in an unsteady voice.

  “Really?” Jennifer looked worried. She clearly recalled more than one night in which Jo had woken from nightmares.

  “Yes.” Jo braced herself against the banister and rose slowly. “Where is he?” She looked at Kim.

  “It might be better not to do this in front of all those people –” Kim suggested.

  “Bring him up to my room,” Jennifer said. “We’ll be in there.” She took Jo’s arm and led her up the stairs.

  Slowly Kim walked back downstairs. She considered whether she really ought to get Jo’s brother. How would Jo react? Did she really mean what she said? What would he do when he saw her?

  There are three of us, she thought. He’s alone. And not a particularly muscular fellow, actually fairly small and delicate for a man. We ought to be able to handle it. She quickened her steps and headed toward the punchbowl.

  Sandra and Sonja were still standing side by side, annoying people. Some still hadn’t gotten used to the sight. Jo’s brother did indeed have a glass of punch in his hand, but he didn’t appear to have drunk any of it; it was still full to the brim.

  “Your sister is upstairs,” Kim told him when she’d reached him. “In Jennifer’s room. I’ll take you there.”

  “She –” He had violet-blue eyes, which looked at Kim in disbelief. “She really wants to see me?”

  Kim nodded. “Yes. She’s waiting for you.”

  He looked at Sandra and Sonja. “Thanks.” He set the glass of punch on the table. “When you start seeing double even without any alcohol, it’s probably time to leave the party.”

  “They are double,” Kim said. “It’s not a question of the alcohol.”

  “I know.” He smiled, and now Kim realized what had seemed so familiar about him. The family resemblance to Jo was unmistakable. They weren’t twins, but definitely related.

  “I’ll be right back,” she said to Sandra and Sonja. “I’m taking him to Jennifer and Jo.”

  “I suggest we go join Pops.” Sandra glanced at her sister. “Or would you rather not?”

  Sonja shook her head. “No, that’s fine.”

  “Good,” Sandra said. “See you later.”

  Kim nodded and pointed toward the door. “Come on, it’s this way.”

  Jo’s brother followed her up the stairs. Jennifer’s door stood open. Jo sat on the bed, Jennifer next to her.

  Kim tried to keep herself between Jo and her brother, in case anything were to happen.

  “Johnny . . .” Jo’s brother whispered tonelessly, stopping two steps inside the door. “Forgive me. I was so dumb. I’m so horribly sorry.”

  Jo raised her head, which she’d held low. She stood up, took a step, and stopped. “Frankie,” she whispered. “You came . . .”

  “Johnny . . .” Frankie breathed, once again weak.

  Jo leapt forward and crashed into him, throwing her arms around his neck. Tears coursed down her cheeks. “Frankie,” she whispered. “Frankie . . .”

  Jennifer and Kim stood in the room, rather helpless; they didn’t know what to do.

  Jo turned around, her face flooded with tears. “This is my brother,” she said, sobbing. “Frankie.”

  “Or just Frank,” her brother added. He looked likewise deeply shaken, and his eyes shone wetly. “But most people call me Frankie.”

  Kim and Jennifer breathed simultaneous sighs of relief. It didn’t seem as though Jo and her brother still had a problem with each other. On the contrary.

  “Jo . . . darling . . .” Jennifer looked at Jo, uncomprehending. “Why . . . why did you . . .?”

  “I . . . Frankie . . .” Jo staggered to the bed and let herself drop. “He . . . you . . .” She gulped heavily and looked at her brother. “Do Mama and Papa know –?”

  Frank Mayrhofer shook his head. “No. I’m here alone.”

  Jo’s head sank to her chest. Frank went over and sat down next to her. “They’ll never understand it,” he said gently. “Not about you, and – not about me, either.”

  “About . . . you?” Jo raised her head and looked at him, dumbfounded.

  “Yes. I fought it, I didn’t want to accept it, and everything I hated about myself, I saw in you. That’s why . . . that’s why – My God, Johnny, I am so sorry!” A tear loosed itself from the corner of his eye and ran down his cheek.

  Jo lifted her hand to wipe away the tear. “But . . . but . . . you . . .”

  “Yes, I know.” He laughed softly. “All those women I slept with . . .” He shook his head. “But it was never any fun. I never told anybody that.” He looked at his sister and smiled. “You probably wouldn’t understand it, either.”

  “No.” Jo started to smile as well. “I don’t understand that. It’s plenty of fun for me.” She looked up at Jennifer. “May I introduce my wife, Frankie? This is Jennifer.” She raised an arm. Jennifer grasped her hand and stood beside her. Jo smiled even more and sought Jennifer’s eyes. “The sweetest woman in the world,” she said tenderly.

  Frank
stood up. “Nice to meet you, Jennifer.”

  “Likewise, brother-in-law,” Jennifer replied with a grin. She sat down next to Jo. “I’m so happy for you, sweetheart. I thought . . . I never expected your brother to be so . . . nice.” She looked apologetically up at Frank. “I’m sorry, but Jo has nightmares, and she sometimes says your name. So naturally, I thought –”

  “You had every right to think that,” Frank said. “Oh, Johnny . . .” He moaned. “What have I done to you?”

  Jo looked at him. “It’s all better now. But Mama . . . Papa . . .”

  “If they throw me out, too, then they won’t have any children left,” Frank said. “They’ll stop and think before they do that. Mama needs to finally get it through her head that her effing church and the effing neighbors aren’t all that matters. And Papa – ah, it’s all the same to him anyway. He only does what Mama tells him to, always has. If she changed her mind, he would, too.”

  “She’s not going to change her mind,” Jo said sadly.

  “Just wait. When she sees that she’s all alone . . . At any rate, I’m not just going to let it lie anymore. I’ve done that far too long. I don’t even know what I can do to make it up to you.” He looked at her guiltily.

  “A couple of weeks ago, I was –” Jo swallowed. “I was home. I stood outside the door, all weekend. I wanted to invite all of you to the wedding, but –”

  “I understand,” Frank said. “I probably couldn’t have brought myself to do it, either, if it weren’t for –” He laughed out loud. “You won’t believe this, but it was actually the pastor who read me the whole of Leviticus. He’s gay. And recently had his coming-out in church. A couple of people left, of course, but most of them applauded when he announced it from the chancel. Good thing we’re not Catholic; then he probably wouldn’t have gotten away with it.”

  “No, probably not.” Jo looked bemused. “The pastor . . . Mama’s pastor . . . is gay?”

  “Yeah, and now of course the whole rumor mill is starting up, about what people are saying he might have done with the boys in confirmation class and all that. But he’s totally cool. I don’t think you know him at all. He first came after you . . . were gone.” He dropped his gaze. “Man, I was such a –”

  “You couldn’t help it.” Jo looked at Jennifer. “I think a glass of champagne wouldn’t hurt about now, don’t you? Today is turning out to be a day of celebration for me in more than one respect. First, you chose me . . . and now, my brother, too . . . I would never have dared to hope for all that.”