Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3)

by Stewart, Barbara

  “You OK?” he asked as they made their way into the store.

  “Yes, I promise I’ll tell you if I’m not,” she said. He put his arm around her shoulder, and they entered the market. They walked around the small market and grabbed a few things before they headed home. When they pulled in, they saw the delivery truck at the next building.

  “Must be their furniture,” Carlee smiled. “Maybe later we’ll go down there. I’d like to see it,” she said. “Right now, I’m just ready to lie down.” It seemed as though the fatigue was hitting her hard, sooner than they really expected.

  Matthew opened the door and had no idea what they would see. Carlee stepped in and stopped. “What the heck?”

  “They wanted to surprise you,” he told her. “They both thought this would be more comfortable for you. They took the old stuff to their place.”

  “It’s beautiful!” Carlee said. She ran her hands over the buttery-soft leather and sat down. She pulled the lever on one of the reclining seats to put her feet up. “Take my picture,” she smiled. She then took his phone and typed out a message:

  There are two more recliners, come sit with me!

  That evening Geni and Andy came with groceries to make dinner and cooked it together. Carlee loved watching them, but doing so made her want to cry. She was happy for them - happy that Andy had found someone to share himself with - and she could tell Geni was a good companion. She could see that she felt the same about him. She was glad it was Geni, but it made her very emotional, missing her mama.

  Later, as they sat visiting, Carlee was in the middle section with her feet up. She’d had Matthew get a sheet to go over the section she was sitting on and she had a lap blanket.

  “This was awfully nice of you, and I love you for it,” Carlee said, and started to cry. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me this evening,” she said, and Matthew scooted closer, pulling her close.

  “It’s the whole ordeal, finally sinking in,” Geni said.

  “It’s your butt sinking into that comfy recliner,” Andy laughed, so that his own emotions wouldn’t visibly surface.

  Carlee knew he was trying to keep it light, but the tears started, and she could feel that stopping them wasn’t going to be an easy task. Tamara told her that fatigue along with emotional highs and lows were two of the most common side effects of the radiotherapy. She just didn’t expect any of that so soon. Maybe Geni is right, it’s just everything combined.

  “I just keep thinking about what the two of you are giving up to be here with me, us through this,” Carlee said through her tears. “You should be home, enjoying the start of your life together,” she said and cried harder.

  “Matthew, trade me seats for a minute?” Andy asked.

  After he was in the seat beside her, Andy took her hand. “We’re here because we want to be, because we love you.” He told her as he hugged her. “We are enjoying our time together, but I think I speak for Geni too when I say that we want to help make this easy for the two of you. We’re able, so let us help, and you don’t worry about it.”

  “He’s right,” Geni added. “You couldn’t keep me away even if Andy wasn’t here.”

  Andy pulled her closer and held her. “Papa,” was all she could say.

  ~ ~ ~

  Carlee and Matthew had the weekend to themselves. Andy and Geni were out and about picking up things they wanted for their flat. No one back home seemed to have any thoughts about them being together. Kimmy called and talked to Carlee, because she was worried about her feelings.

  “He just seems happy,” Carlee said. “He deserves that. He’s waited a long time, and Geni is a wonderful woman. I love her and she seems happy, too. That’s what matters, isn’t it?”

  “It is,” Kimmy said. But she knew it had to be hard. She knew that Carlee had talked to Jenna about it some. She’d wait to see if Carlee needed to talk.

  ~ ~ ~

  Sunday evening Carlee was stretched out on the sofa, and Matthew watched. She seemed out of sorts, and he tried not to worry, but she’d become somewhat fragile the last day or so. He knew it was because she wasn’t feeling well. Before he had dinner ready to serve, he joined her on the sofa. After he sat down, she curled closer with her head in his lap.

  “You OK?” he asked gently stroking her hair.

  “I just feel tired. Let’s just eat and go to bed.” She just wanted to lie in his arms.

  He’d made chicken and noodles, and Carlee enjoyed it, but he noticed the tiny bites she took. “It’s really good,” she said when she saw him watching her. “I just don’t seem to have an appetite this evening.”

  “Feeling sick?”

  “No, just really tired,” she replied.

  After he was done eating, Carlee remained at the table while he cleaned up the kitchen. When he was done, she asked about a shower. Geni was taking her for radiation in the morning, and she didn’t want to have to deal with a shower beforehand.

  They got in the shower, and Matthew noticed that she could barely keep her eyes open. Afterward, they crawled into bed, and Carlee curled into his arms.

  “Are you sure you are OK? I’m worried about you. Can I get you something?”

  “I’m fine, just tired. Just hold me,” she said and was asleep in no time.

  ~ ~ ~

  Geni came early the next morning, and Carlee seemed better to Matthew than she had the evening before. While she finished getting ready, Matthew told Geni about the previous evening.

  “She was really puny, out of sorts,” he said in a sad voice.

  “They told us this, Matthew.”

  “I know; I guess I thought it would take a little longer,” he said sadly.

  “Our beautiful butterfly will emerge again soon. You just remember that!” Geni said.

  Carlee emerged from their bedroom. “Ready!” she said in a happy voice.

  “Well you sound much better this morning!” Matthew laughed.

  “I put my big-girl panties on, slapped on a happy-face, and thanked the Lord that I’m alive! Let’s go, Geni!”

  She stopped halfway out the door and went back to Matthew. Stretching up on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he lifted her off the floor. She wrapped her legs around his waist and whispered loud enough for Geni to hear, “I love you, husband! Go work!”

  ~ ~ ~

  Once they were in the car and on their way, Geni turned to her, saw her curled in the seat with her head leaned back and her eyes closed. “Faker.”

  “Our secret, OK? He was so upset last night worrying ‘cuz I didn’t feel good. I’m afraid it’s gonna get worse and he’s not gonna like me all pitiful.”

  Geni listened and wanted to cry. She made a mental note to talk to him.

  “Here we are,” Geni said.

  “Yay.” Carlee said sarcastically and got out of the car. She was happy to find Kyliejo and Johanna inside. “Good morning.”

  “Hey, Carlee!” the little girl said. As Carlee introduced Geni, she had a flashback of Ronnie from camp.

  “How are you this morning?” Carlee asked her.

  “I’m good,” she said in her thick accent. Carlee noticed the smile on her face as she spoke and slapped hers on. She didn’t want to look as miserable as she felt for Kyliejo.

  She feels better than me. Carlee thought, and dreaded the next few days for her. Kyliejo was two rounds of radiation behind her. She put her happy face forward and spoke to her for a few minutes until finally the door opened to the treatment area.

  “Carlee, good morning,” Tamara said. “Ready?”

  “I’ll see you later, rad buddy,” the little girl said and giggled like it was the funniest thing she’d ever said.

  “Kyliejo, Seth will be here in a few minutes for you.”

  “I’ll see you later,” Carlee said as she turned to go.

  “You look a little pale; are you OK this morning?” Tamara asked.

  “Felt kinda puny last night, not as bad this morning, but still not feel
ing swell,” she said with a light sarcastic laugh.

  “I’m sorry for that. It affects everyone differently and it seems as though you are reacting quickly to the side effects. I can give you something to make it easier. You can start taking it whenever you think you need it. One for mood, one for food,” she smiled.

  ~ ~ ~

  After Carlee was gone, Geni picked up her tablet and started to read. They came for Kyliejo a few minutes later, and she closed the tablet and decided to strike up a conversation with Johanna, and they talked about Kyliejo.

  “She seems like a happy little girl,” Geni smiled.

  “She’s a bright spirit, in spite of all she’s been through...” she trailed off a moment, deep in thought. Finally she looked up; Geni was watching her; “Four years is a long time going through something like this.”

  “I can’t imagine. Carlee is my first real experience with anything like this.”

  “And you are Matthew’s mom,” she said the words, but it came out more of a question.

  “I am. What a treasure she is to me in so many ways. I adore that beautiful young woman.”

  They talked a bit longer, and Geni noticed Johanna fighting back tears. She moved over to sit beside her and slipped her arm around the young woman’s shoulder. “I can’t say it will be alright, but I can say that I understand, somewhat.” She told Johanna a little about her experience at Butterfly Camp, and finally Carlee returned.

  She offered a weak smile to Johanna and sat down. “Just need a minute,” she said to Geni in a whisper of a voice. “Really not feeling so well.” Geni noticed how pale she was as she curled over with her head on the arm of the sofa and rested a moment.

  When Carlee finally heard the door rattle as someone began to open it, she sat up. Kyliejo emerged and went straight to Carlee and hugged her.

  “I’m glad you’re still here. Same time tomorrow,” she chirped in a happy voice.

  “I was waiting for you,” Carlee winked at Johanna. “I’ll be happy to see you tomorrow.”

  ~ ~ ~

  They left the center, and Carlee curled into the seat of the car, dozing most of the short trip home. Geni called on the way, and when they arrived at the flat, Andy was waiting to walk with Carlee to the elevator. She looked wiped out. He helped her settle in on the sofa while Geni made a bite of lunch that Carlee didn’t eat. Matthew called Geni between classes, to ask how she was doing.

  “She’s not feeling so well, resting just now. Listen, I have something I need your help with at our place. Can you meet me there before you go up to your place?”

  “Sure, sure,” he replied. “I gotta get back to class. I love you.”

  Andy tossed the small quilt over her, and Carlee napped awhile. He stayed there rubbing her back until she fell asleep. He tried to read, but watched her sleep instead. She looked so beautiful, and he remembered every time he’d watched her sleep, in her life with him. He loved her so much and hated that they were going through this.

  ~ ~ ~

  Matthew knocked on the door to the flat, and Geni answered. “Wow,” he said. “You are really settling in nicely.”

  “Andy’s staying with her and just sent a text that she was still asleep. Have a cup of coffee with me?”

  He said, “Sure,” but felt that she wanted to talk to him about something. He knew her ways.

  She poured them coffee and sat with him at the kitchen table. “Thanks for joining me,” she said and smiled.

  “What’s up? I know how you tick,” he laughed. “Are you pregnant or something?”

  “Oh, hell no! Don’t even have those parts anymore, remember?” she laughed. “I just wanted to share a conversation with you that Carlee shared with me on the way to treatment this morning.”

  “Everything OK?” he asked, suddenly concerned.

  “I think so; I just wanted to tell you a concern she expressed. When we got in the car and started on our way, she had a totally different demeanor than when we left you. I told her she was a big faker, and she said these words to me. “Our secret OK? He was so upset last night ‘cuz I didn’t feel good. I’m afraid it’s gonna get worse and he’s not gonna like me all pitiful.”

  She paused a moment to let Matthew process and then said, “She’s a good faker, Matthew. When she came out from treatment she sat down for a few minutes because she didn’t feel well, but as soon as Kyliejo came out, Carlee put a happy smile on her face. And as soon as we were in the car she was back to miserable.”

  “Oh Mom,” he said with a sad voice. “I was just worried about her. I don’t ever want her to feel like she has to put on a show for me. I hurt for her because I know it’s gonna get worse.” He ran his hand through his hair thinking. “I need to learn what to do to help her.”

  She rose from her seat and stood behind his chair. With her arms around his neck, she leaned to hug him. “We all do.”

  ~ ~ ~

  He went up to their flat, and Andy left them alone. Carlee was sitting up in the corner seat of the recliner. “Wow, you look good!” he said as he curled up beside her.

  “I slept all afternoon,” she told him. “I wanted to be awake and alert for you. I missed you today.” She curled into his arms. It was the first treatment that he didn’t go to with her.

  “I’m so glad for the early appointment so I can get home and be rested when you get in.”

  Matthew pulled her onto his lap. “Is this OK?” he asked holding her.

  “This is wonderful,” she said and curled tighter into his arms. “This is the best place in the whole world.”

  He thought a moment, kissed the top of her head, and she turned to look up at him. “I’m sorry we have to go through this, but I want you to know that I’m going to be here, highs, lows and all the in-betweens. You don’t need to put your ‘big girl panties and happy face’ on. I want you to be how you feel, however you feel, and I’ll do my very best to be whatever you need from me. I love you Carlee; you’re my everything – in sickness and health,” he reminded her and ran his fingers through her hair, pulling her close and they shared a passionate kiss.

  Quietly, she rested in his arms a moment and then whispered in his ear, “I love you, Matthew. How ‘bout a shower before dinner?”

  “Whatever you want,” he said.

  “Really?” she asked with a seductive laugh…

  “Let me fire off a text to Mom; you know she’s fixing something for dinner,” he smiled. Taking his phone he typed out four words:

  She wants a shower.

  ~ ~ ~

  An hour later, Geni and Andy joined them for dinner. Carlee picked at her plate, eating little bits of everything. They all watched her, but no one said anything. “It’s good,” she said as she noticed them watching her. “I just haven’t got much of an appetite.”

  After a while, Geni said, “Hey, you like chocolate, right?”

  Carlee looked up and nodded.

  “I think while you’re in treatment tomorrow, I’ll run and get some of those protein shakes for you.”

  “Chocolate shakes! Oh, that sounds so good!”

  Matthew looked at Geni and gave her a wink.

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy got a call from Nathan later that evening, and he stepped out on the balcony to take the call. “Have you thought anymore about us getting together for the cancer benefit? Roddy has something in the works.”

  “Do tell,” Andy said, laughing at the excitement in his friend’s voice.

  “He’s been working with PRI, and they have the Royal Albert Hall booked. It’s not carved in stone; they’re waiting on your OK.”

  “Can you let them know that I’ll do it, but I have a request?”

  “Milky Way candy bars, roses in your dressing room, Perrier, Mr. Rock Star?” Nathan laughed.

  “No, bigger. There’s a girl here who I want to be part of this. I’ll call the Cancer Foundation.”

  “Give me 24 and I’ll call you back,” Nathan said.

  “What’s the date?”
>
  “March 16.”

  “Later, my friend.” He returned to the living room and sat quietly a moment.

  “What’s going on in there?” Carlee asked, tapping the side of her head.

  “Music.”

  “Writing?” she asked as Matthew and Geni looked on.

  “Performing.”

  “What?” Carlee said excitedly.

  “With all that’s been going on, I forgot to tell you that Nathan called a while back to tell me about a telethon in the works for a cancer patient in Minnesota, and they requested Traveler to participate.”

  “Oh my goodness! How long since all of you have been on stage together at the same time?! You are gonna do it, right Papa?” Carlee asked her voice filled with excitement.

  “Not from Minnesota. I told Nathan that I couldn’t leave here…”

  “What, two days, maybe three? Papa you have to do this.”

  He explained about the little girl and about the Cancer Foundation’s involvement, and again Carlee said, “Papa, you have to do this.”

  “Not without you and Kyliejo,” he said, and Carlee knew that look.

  “‘Not from Minnesota,’ you said,” and he had a big smile on his face as she did.

  “Royal Albert Hall. Nathan’s calling everyone to get things in the works; guess I need to be looking for someplace to rehearse. It’s been a long time for us. We’ve all had some stage time, but last time for all of us together was that awards show back in 2008.”

  “It’ll be like you just walked off the stage yesterday,” Carlee smiled.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Carlee was in her second week of treatment and seemed to be more exhausted each time they left. Geni was taking her while Andy kept busy lining things up for the concert and Matthew worked. They all agreed not to say anything to Kyliejo until it was all in place.