Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3)

by Stewart, Barbara

  Geni downloaded “Rock and Roll Never Forgets” to read about Andy’s former love. As hard as she tried not to, she wanted to know about her. This visit for Carlee meant a CT scan to monitor progress of the treatment so she’d be back in the treatment area a little longer.

  Andy had met Tom before he passed away. He knew him – they’d become friends. He knew what kind of man he was. But she only knew what she had heard about Andy’s past. She not only wanted to know, she needed to. Beth died when Carlee was only four years old. She’d shared many conversations about her, and Matthew told her he had read the book, so she decided she needed to in order to fully understand the past.

  She was just finishing a chapter about the passing of Beth’s grandmother, reading about the strain of their lifestyle and the turmoil it caused in her and Andy’s relationship. She was thinking, at that time, in that lifestyle, at that age, that had to be hard.

  She was reading, and when she looked up, Carlee was there. “Oh! There you are! The time got away from me.” She exclaimed with tears in her eyes.

  “Why are you crying?” Carlee joined her on the sofa, a resting place that they shared each morning before they left. “What’re you reading?”

  Geni turned the tablet for her to see. Carlee said nothing. When they were finally in the car and settled, Geni looked over at her.

  “You OK?” she asked.

  “Mmm hmm,” Carlee replied and closed her eyes.

  “Do you want to talk about me reading the book?”

  “Not now, but we will.” Carlee said, and then trying to reassure her said, “It’s good.”

  When they arrived, Andy met them to go upstairs with Carlee. “She’s exhausted,” Geni said. Carlee stretched out on the sofa and Andy tossed a quilt over her.

  “I just need to rest,” she said and curled up and fell asleep.

  ~ ~ ~

  Later when she woke, Geni was there. “Andy went to check out some rehearsal space. How are you feeling?”

  “Like one of those chocolate shakes would be good,” Carlee smiled. “What time is it?”

  “Just after two,” Geni replied and rose from where she’d been sitting.

  “Where are you?”

  Geni turned back, her brows scrunched together in question.

  “The book. Where are you in the book?”

  “Chicago,” Geni replied and looked away.

  Carlee sat quietly, waiting for her to return. Geni brought the shake; she’d slipped a straw in and sat beside her on the sofa.

  “That’s a hard part. When I read it the first time, I cried and cried.” Thoughtful a moment she added, “But I guess people change after all.”

  “Matthew told me he read it, and I was curious and then, well…”

  “I know. It’s a book full of lessons,” Carlee said as Andy came in the door.

  “All set!” he said excitedly.

  “You liked the space?” Geni asked, still watching Carlee.

  “It’s great. I called Nathan, and they are all planning to head over for a couple days. How’s my girl?”

  “On a happy-high from chocolate at the moment,” she smiled.

  The naps always seemed to lift her mood before Matthew came home, or maybe it was that Matthew would be there soon, Andy observed.

  ~ ~ ~

  A short time later, Matthew entered. He dropped his briefcase beside the door and stood before them with the biggest smile on his face that Carlee had ever seen.

  “What?” Carlee asked.

  “I have an appointment with the Esquire tomorrow,” he said with a playful laugh.

  “For what?” Carlee asked, and Matthew just stood there with a big grin on his face.

  “Will you just come on?” Carlee shouted with a big laugh, and Matthew couldn’t have been happier, this was a good night. He pulled something from his briefcase. Nervously fiddling with it, finally he placed it on the coffee table. It was the picture of Carlee in the field of poppies. Enhanced, the colors were more vibrant – and beautiful. Across the right side of the print in a beautiful font it read, Scarlett Poppies, with Diego Aceveda’s signature, and the words, The scent of longing and desire.

  “It’s gorgeous!” Carlee said in a happy voice.

  “Stunning,” Geni added.

  He turned to Andy, full of excitement as he joined Carlee on the sofa. “He has the revisions your attorney suggested and Carlo Romano, Mr. Aceveda’s attorney, is flying in to meet with us when I get off work!”

  “You look good, nice nap?” he went to Carlee and placed a hand on her cheek and a sweet kiss on her lips.

  “It was much-needed after my morning. It wasn’t a good one,” Carlee said. Matthew looked at Geni, and she nodded.

  “Would you like for me to go to the Esquire with you?” Andy asked.

  “I said ‘us,’” Matthew grinned.

  ~ ~ ~

  On Tuesday, after they left the Esquire’s office, Matthew told Andy he had a stop to make. He parked and ran into White’s, and Andy knew. When he returned, he carried two big bags and slipped them into the back seat. He turned to Andy and smiled, “Celebration time! I just hope she’ll eat a bite.”

  It was after six when they walked in. Carlee had just awakened from her nap, and when she saw the bags, a flash of excitement flashed across her face.

  Matthew set the table and Carlee went to wash her face. When she came to the table, they were all waiting. There were daisies in a vase and a meal that had Carlee’s senses on overload. She inhaled, and her mouth watered.

  “I like that look on your face,” Matthew smiled and wrapped her in a hug.

  “I haven’t felt hungry in a while, but this smells so good. What is it?” she asked.

  “You have Peter Cook on a mission. When I called him, he said to me, ‘If this has happened to her, what do others eat who are going through this treatment?’ So, now he has a collection of Grand Bland Entrees that Six is adding to the menu. He says they are dishes, that with a little tweak, anyone not on a bland diet would enjoy.”

  “I love him,” Carlee laughed. “But what is this one?” Matthew pulled her chair out as Andy and Geni joined them.

  Matthew grabbed wine glasses and poured sparkling water into them. “First, a toast…

  “Please, allow me,” Andy interrupted. “To your success,” he nodded to Matthew. “To your health,” he said as he turned to Carlee. “And to new roads…” he looked to Geni and winked.

  Matthew served their meal, “Broiled Parmesan Polenta with a roasted veggie blend. Cook thought the polenta would be easy for you to swallow and chopped the veggies in small bits so that they would be easy as well. ‘Have to keep our girl nourished, and I know what she likes’,” Matthew said in a voice to sound like Cook and they all laughed. “There’s roasted chicken too, if you think you can handle it.”

  Geni was taking notes and decided that she would make a visit to Cook.

  Carlee took a small bite, and then another as Matthew watched. She looked up at him and smiled. “It’s really good. I’ll call him tomorrow and thank him. Now why don’t you tell us about the Esquire.”

  He watched her take several more small bites, pleased that she was eating. “Well, it’s a done deal. The ad goes live on Valentine’s Day. TV and print…”

  “And one of the billboards at Time Square!” Andy added, barely able to contain his excitement.

  “Time Square?” Carlee asked in a shocked voice.

  “Time Square – BIG,” Matthew added. “HUGE!”

  “Oh my, who knew?” she said with a big smile.

  ~ ~ ~

  Later as they lay in bed, Matthew held Carlee close. “We need to make plans about all that money…”

  “Invest to save,” she said. “There’s nothing we need, and no where we can go until this is over.”

  “But then…”

  “Then we can talk and make plans.”

  “You have something in mind?” he asked.

  “I don’t want to talk
about it now – it’s too distant at this point,” she said as she curled closer. “Thanks for dinner; it was really good. Little bites made it easy.” She was quiet a moment and finally folded into the hollow of his body. “I love you, Matthew.”

  He kissed the top of her head and as he said, “You are my everything,” he noticed that she’d fallen asleep.

  Quietly, he lay in the dark holding her in his arms, and he knew. She wants to go home.

  ~ ~ ~

  On Saturday morning, eight days into the radiotherapy treatment, Carlee woke before Matthew. She sat up, but suddenly knew better than attempting a trip to the bathroom alone. She knew she wouldn’t make it. She was feeling nauseous.

  “Matthew?”

  “Yeah, baby,” he said, and rolled toward her. “You OK?”

  Shaking her head ever so slightly she replied, “No, I think I need the waste can.”

  Matthew jumped up and ran to get it. He made it back just in time. He sat beside her, holding the waste can, while she threw up.

  “I’ll get you something to drink and a cool cloth if you promise to sit right there,” he said.

  “Mouthwash, please,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere - promise,” she added and put the waste can between her legs and heaved again.

  He made a quick dash to the kitchen for a glass of water, and back, then to the bathroom for the mouthwash and a cool washcloth.

  She lay back on the bed while Matthew cleaned up.

  “I’m sorry,” she cried.

  “Stop, please. It’s nothing you can control, so there’s nothing to be sorry for. Rest a minute.”

  “I’ll be right here,” she said, feeling very weak.

  As he returned, her phone rang; it was Andy. “It’s Papa,” she said.

  Matthew answered, “Hey.”

  “How’s my girl?” he asked.

  “Today’s not starting out so great. She’s been sick at her stomach already this morning, throwing up…”

  “Do you need anything?”

  “No, I’ll call you when she’s settled.”

  ~ ~ ~

  An hour later, when Matthew was sure she was OK, he called Andy back.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Not so good this morning,” Andy said sadly.

  “No. No appetite, and she has sores in her mouth, so eating isn’t appealing, even if she was hungry,” Matthew said when he called back. “And she’s lost her dinner from last night.”

  After Geni realized what was going on she got on the internet, and made a list of suggested things for patients going through radiation. The shakes were good, but she would tire of those soon.

  “Your mom’s gonna run out. Do you want me to come sit with Carlee and you can go with her?” he said, thinking Matthew might need a break.

  “Would you mind?” Matthew asked, hating to even think of leaving her, but he realized, as well, that Andy needed time with her too.

  “I offered,” Andy said.

  ~ ~ ~

  “I have two prescriptions to drop off first,” Matthew said as he drove. “Tamara wrote one for the nausea and one for depression. We just hadn’t needed it before now.”

  He dropped them at the pharmacy, next door to the market, and then he and Geni started through the store.

  “She was bad sick this morning. And I didn’t say anything, but I picked a bunch of hair up off her pillow.”

  “We knew this was going to happen,” Geni said, and lovingly patted his back. “I don’t think any of us expected it to be this way, this quickly. But there’s no way to prepare for it, and when it finally happens, it takes us by surprise.”

  They grabbed soft things that they knew she liked, and Geni grabbed several flavors of frozen fruit juice pops. Matthew loaded up on pudding and more of the meal supplement shakes.

  “I read on the internet this morning that if you put the shakes in the freezer about an hour beforehand, they start to get slushy and it feels good in the mouth.”

  “Mom, she’s got like four more weeks.”

  “Tamara told us that everyone handles it differently. Carlee’s so little; maybe her system just can’t take it. Maybe we need to talk to Tamara,” Geni said.

  ~ ~ ~

  At the flat, Andy sat beside her on the bed. The TV was on, but the sound was down. He stretched his legs out, lovingly stroking her hair, and noticed some of it in his hand - it was coming out.

  “Papa, I know,” she said. “You don’t have to try to hide it. I saw Matthew grab a handful off my pillow this morning and when we showered yesterday,” she said and started crying.

  “What are you crying about?” he asked abruptly. “I remember a conversation in the hospital; ‘It’s just hair; my beauty is more than these reddish curls,’ you said.”

  “I’m not crying over the hair; really I’m not, Papa. I just can’t stop crying. It just pisses me off, all of it! The crying makes me feel weak, and that just pisses me off more!” she said and folded herself into his arms.

  ~ ~ ~

  An hour later, Geni and Matthew returned to find the two of them still sitting on the bed, just like that. Andy got up, and Matthew gave Carlee the medicines that he’d just picked up. She lay back down, and he slid down in the bed beside her, holding her in his arms. He stayed with her until she fell asleep and then joined Geni and Andy in the kitchen.

  Geni planned a dinner of mashed potatoes with beef and gravy. She shredded the beef to make it easier for Carlee to manage. She didn’t know if she would tolerate the beef, but she knew Carlee loved mashed potatoes and gravy. While they were together they talked about her toleration of the treatment, about her hair, her emotions. Andy shared what had happened with him while they were gone. And all of them found themselves sad.

  ~ ~ ~

  Later, Carlee called out to him, “Matthew!”

  “Everything OK?” he asked as he quickly entered the room. She’d slept almost three hours. He noticed that she looked remarkably better.

  “I feel much better. Can you sit with me a minute?”

  “Sure,” he said.

  “When I woke up I had an idea, and I wanted to share it with you,” she said excitedly.

  “Go,” he smiled at her.

  “Well, I was thinking about all those people who go through this same crap and how unnerving and frightening it is. I know my hair is coming out. I don’t want you to keep picking it up off the pillow. And I don’t want you trying to hide that you did - or Papa loving on me and ending up with it in his hands…”

  “OK?” Matthew waited.

  “I have a big idea for tomorrow. I want someone to shave my head, but it can’t be you.”

  “Why can’t it be me?” he asked with a big smile.

  “Because I want you to take pictures,” she explained. “Lots and lots of pictures.”

  “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

  “Positive… Don’t laugh, but I was thinking we could call Johanna, and she and Kyliejo could come over. You’ll have to go get a razor and stuff, and we could shave it funny and get some colored markers and y’all can draw on my head. But they would have to be the wash-off kind…” she smiled.

  “Are you delirious, high on those meds?” he asked, and smiled, but he knew – this was just Carlee. This was her way of dealing with her fear, and she was thinking of Kyliejo going through the same thing, knowing this would make it easier for her too.

  “Andy, Mom, come in here quick, she’s lost her mind!” he laughed.

  The two of them entered the room quickly.

  “What’s going on?” Geni asked. When they entered the room and saw the smile on Carlee’s face, she had no idea where this would go.

  “Matthew thinks I’m whooped up on drugs, but I’m not! I had an idea, and he’s not come around to it yet,” she laughed. “I want to shave my head, just get it over with. My hair is coming out, so I thought we could make it fun. I want to invite Kyliejo over, and I want Matthew to take pictures. Y’all can draw on my head,
and we can get Percy and Megs on the video app and let them watch, if you think that would be OK.”

  “And then Matthew, my sweet husband, we’ll tie some of the pretty scarves around my head, and you can take some beautiful shots, too,” she told him.

  “I told you, she’s lost it,” Matthew laughed. But the more they all processed what she was saying, the more therapeutic it felt.

  ~ ~ ~

  Matthew stayed with her while Geni and Andy went out. Carlee called Johanna Smithson to tell her of her idea. “I don’t know how far progressed Kyliejo’s treatment is; I mean I know when she started, but I don’t know if it’s hit her as hard as it’s hit me in the last few days. My hair is coming out in gobs, and I had a bad bout of vomiting this morning.”

  Johanna listened as Carlee told her what she was going to do. “Remarkable,” she said finally.

  “Hunh?” Carlee asked with that scrunched up nose expression that Matthew loved.

  “You. You are a remarkable young woman. You know, it’s just Kyliejo and I; her dad left us when she first started to get sick. Oh, he sends a check once a month, but it’s hard sometimes. His insurance takes care of most of her medical bills, but he’s not around to help me through this… and I’m off work so much. Oh, I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to tell you my troubles. We would love to join you, be around happy people. What time?”

  Matthew took the phone and gave her directions, and they agreed on three Sunday afternoon. As he talked to her, he saw Carlee out of the corner of his eye. She’d slid down in the bed and was crying. He knew what she was thinking; he’d heard the conversation. Carlee was thinking about her dad.

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy and Geni returned an hour later with the supplies Carlee requested. Geni also picked up a few more scarves, bigger than the ones she had gotten to cover the shaved area of missing hair. Carlee stayed in bed as Matthew went and told them the plan for the next day. And he told Andy about Carlee.