It Had to Be Him

by Tamra Baumann

  “It means thanks for the coffee this morning. Gotta go.”

  As she slid behind her steering wheel, he called out, “I don’t know. Nothing says love like a fruit cup, Meg.”

  She sent him an exaggerated eye-roll, but smiled all the way back to the house.

  As she and Ryan devoured their subs in silence at the kitchen table, Meg broke it by saying, “I ran into Dad at the diner.”

  Ryan raised a brow in a “go on” kind of way as he chewed.

  “He noticed my ring.” She held up her hand. “It was Mom’s. When I told him I found it in the attic, he got all bent out of shape. I’ve been meaning to tell you guys about the box of her things I found.”

  “What kind of things?”

  “You sound just like Dad. Normal high school things. Except for a couple of files I haven’t looked at yet.”

  “Files?” Ryan’s sub stopped halfway to his lips. “What kind of files?”

  “Legal-size official ones. They’re up in the attic. I can go get them after we finish if you’d like.”

  Ryan dropped his half-eaten sub and started for the attic. Still starving and reluctant to put her sandwich down, she sighed and followed him up the stairs. “What’s going on, Ry?”

  “Probably nothing. Where are they?”

  She pointed out the box. He sat down and tore the lid off, then dug the files out. Slapping the first one open, his face hardened like granite. He scanned the second one and said, “Dammit. He promised me no one would ever find these.”

  “Who promised you?” She sat beside him and reached for the file, but he held it out of reach.

  “Uncle Ray. You don’t want to see these, Meg. Nothing good can come of it.”

  That made her want to see what was in there even more. Especially because Uncle Ray was the former sheriff. Waggling her fingers at Ryan, she said, “Technically, this is my house. Everything in it belongs to me, and you know it, lawman. Hand it over.”

  Ryan took out his phone and hit a button. After a few seconds, he said, “Mom’s missing files were in Meg’s attic. You need to be here. Tell Ben too.” He hung up and slid the phone back into his pocket.

  What the heck? “If you’re trying to freak me out, it’s working. What’s going on, Ryan? How bad can it be?”

  “Bad. Can we wait for Casey, please?”

  “No! Tell me.”

  He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Because no one would ever talk about it, as soon as Uncle Ray retired and I became the sheriff, I looked into Mom’s car accident.”

  “And? For once would you please just string a few sentences together and spare me the misery of extracting them from you?”

  “Uncle Ray and the others covered up the details of the accident because Mom wasn’t alone that day her car slid off the road. You were in the car too, along with another person. You were the only one who survived.”

  “Oh. So I was in a car wreck with Mom when she died? Why would that be such a big secret?”

  “Because . . .” Ryan licked his lips, obviously struggling to say more. “Your father was in the car too.”

  “What?” That made no sense. But Ryan had said your father. They didn’t have the same father? How could that be? “So . . . Dad isn’t my father? Then who is?”

  Her heart pounded as Ryan slowly handed her the files. What the hell was going on? How could this happen? Possibilities buzzed like a hornet’s nest in her confused brain.

  Ryan said, “The second one has the results from the paternity test. Mom’s parents tried to take you away from Dad, but he wouldn’t let them. There was a court battle, but Dad had so many inside connections, Grandma and Grandpa finally gave up. I think that’s why they left the house to you. Probably because they didn’t know if Dad would leave you anything like the rest of us.”

  So her brothers and sister, the people she loved most in the world, were just half siblings? And her father wasn’t her father?

  She started to open the file, but stopped. She looked up at Ryan, and her aching heart nearly burst out of her chest. Maybe she didn’t want to know? Maybe if she never opened the file, things would just stay the same? “I’m afraid . . .”

  Ryan moved closer and threw his arm around her shoulder, drawing her against his side. “It’s just DNA. Family is about who cares for you.”

  Nodding, her eyes burned with tears as she slowly opened the file. She read the paternity results over and over until it finally sank in. How could it be true? She wasn’t who she thought she was at all. And how could everyone have lied to her like that?

  She wasn’t an Anderson.

  She looked up at Ryan for confirmation. “I’m a Grant? I’m Buddy Grant’s daughter?”

  When Ryan nodded, Meg’s stomach lurched.

  That made her Amber’s half sister.

  Visibly uncomfortable with Meg’s tears, Ryan had snuck out to work on the dock. Ben was in Denver checking on patients. When Casey walked into the kitchen, Meg tried to hold it together but failed. The dam burst.

  “I’m sorry, Meg.” Casey held Meg in a tight hug.

  Torn between betrayal and absolute love for her sister, she held on tight. “How could all of you lie to me like that? Does everyone in town know but me?”

  “No, only a few people outside the family know, but others may have suspected. It was a long time ago, no one even thinks about it anymore. Keeping it from you seemed the kindest thing to do.”

  “To think that Amber is as much a sister to me as you are makes me sick to my stomach.”

  “Okay, now you’re just pissing me off.” Casey squeezed tighter and whispered, “It makes no difference. We’re family. That’s all that counts.”

  Meg accepted the tissue that magically appeared and blew her nose. After a few more minutes of embarrassing blubbering, Meg pulled it together. “Do you think Amber knows?”

  “She found out when you guys were in high school.”

  “She talked to you about it and not me?”

  Casey crossed to the sink to pour a glass of water while she stalled. Meg didn’t think her sister was going to answer the question, but as Casey handed over the glass she said, “I’d cornered her to let her know how I felt about her sleeping with Randy and breaking you guys up. We exchanged a few . . . choice words. Eventually she admitted her mother had just told her the truth, so she stole Randy from you out of revenge.”

  The vision of her sister going after Amber on her behalf would have made her smile any other day. “But that doesn’t make any sense. What do I have to do with what our mom did with Amber’s father?”

  “Amber was hurting and wanted you to hurt too.”

  “It’s weird Amber never brought it up in all of our fights over the years.”

  “The affair, your father’s death, and having to see you around town destroyed Amber’s mother. She was never the same person after that. Amber knew it’d embarrass her mother even further if everyone knew.”

  “But now that I know her kids are my niece and nephew and Haley’s cousins, I should probably talk to her about it. God, this sucks!”

  Casey leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed her arms. “No one has to know you know. Including Dad.”

  Her father, who wasn’t her father. What was she going to say to him when she saw him next? “Ryan said Dad fought Grandma and Grandpa to keep me. Why would he do that? He doesn’t even like me.”

  Casey shrugged a shoulder. “Who knows with Dad? But he honestly loved Mom. He turned into a different person after she died.” Casey shook her head. “Do you have any idea how much you look and sound like Mom? Even some of your mannerisms are similar to hers. I think you remind him too much of her, and it’s painful for him to be around you sometimes.”

  Yeah, well, you’d think he’d have gotten over it by now.

  She recalled the picture Haley found in the attic. Even her own daughter had mistaken Meg for her mother. “I wish I’d never found those files. I’m not sure
what to do, Casey.” She slumped onto a kitchen chair.

  “Take some time and think it through. Ryan and Ben won’t say anything.” Casey crossed the kitchen and laid a kiss on the top of Meg’s head. “It’s up to you, but it can just be our secret.”

  People keeping secrets is what got her into the mess she was in now. In a blink of an eye, her whole identity had changed. She had an entire new half family. And Grandma wasn’t really her grandmother. Aunt Gloria and Uncle Brewster weren’t her family either. She’d been an orphan since the accident and didn’t even know it.

  But what killed her were the lies. Her whole freakin’ life. Being honest was the only thing that felt right.

  No. One thing felt right. That Zeke was her great uncle. That, she liked. A lot.

  Her sister whispered, “We’re still family, Meg. Nothing’s changed because you found those files.” Casey sat down in a chair across from Meg and took her hand. “Why don’t I pick Haley up from Grandma’s so you have some time to work through this? I’ll keep her all night, if you like.”

  “Yeah. That might be good. I’ll call and check on you guys later.”

  “Okay, if you’re sure you’ll be all right? Do you want me to tell Grandma you know?”

  “Yeah, you can tell her.” Meg sighed. “God, I hate this. It’s a little like waking up in an alternate universe. Same players, but you don’t really know anyone as well as you thought.”

  Later that afternoon, after Ryan and Casey left, Meg sat at the end of her new dock. Still numb from the paternity news, she let her feet dangle over the Jet Ski tied below while she processed her new identity. The importance of setting a good example because she was an Anderson had been drilled into her from the moment she could walk. Something she’d often deliberately failed at to get a reaction from her father. To prove he knew she existed. Nothing irritated him more than breaking one of the Anderson family rules.

  Andersons didn’t skip church. Andersons got good grades, paid their bills on time, volunteered for causes, and raised money for charities all because it was the right thing to do. They went to college and studied what Dad chose, resort management with a minor in computer science, not architecture like Meg had wanted. He’d only pay for a degree that would benefit their town. It was the Andersons’ duty to serve the town named after them so it could continue to thrive and be prosperous.

  Well, there was evidently one more thing Andersons were damned good at. Keeping huge secrets from her—the one about her being a Grant.

  She would never in a million years have seen that one coming. All those times she’d tried so hard to get her father to love her, to at least like her, were a big waste. He had little regard for Grants and it explained his lack of regard for her too.

  Josh’s voice drifted out from the open kitchen window. “Anyone home?”

  Her voice was croaky from crying and her eyes were probably swollen and red. She hated that he’d see her like that. But she wanted to talk to him.

  She cleared her throat and called out, “I’m outside.”

  After a few moments, heavy footsteps from Josh’s boots rang out as he approached from behind. “Hey there.” He sat down next to her and drew a deep breath as he gazed out over the lake. “I love the way it smells here. I’ll never get tired of it. Where’s Haley?”

  “Spending the night with my sister.”

  He tore his eyes from the water and inspected the wood beneath him. “The dock looks great. You and Ryan busted some butt today.”

  She finally turned and faced him. “Ryan more than me.”

  “You’ve been crying. What’s wrong?”

  “Turns out I’ve been lied to. For a very long time.”

  “Lied to?” Josh swallowed hard, suddenly looking as uncomfortable as she felt. “What do you mean?”

  The concern in his eyes made her slowly turn her attention back to the lake. She didn’t want to start crying again. “Seems my brothers and sister are half siblings. I have a different father.”

  After she told him about the files, he pulled her onto his lap and held her against his chest. Then he ran a big hand slowly up and down her arm in the familiar way he used to when they’d sit and watch television, or whenever they sat next to each other. “So you’re an orphan too, but one with a big family. And there are lots of people in town who think of you as their own. Zeke and Gloria, to name a few. You saw the way everyone at the bar happily missed at darts the other night.”

  She nodded and laid her head against his shoulder. Josh’s embrace used to always make her feel better after a bad day. “Well, they were mostly Andersons. But that was really nice of them.”

  She snuggled closer and closed her eyes. Warm memories flowed through her of the time before he’d left, when she’d felt completely happy and content being with him.

  He laid a soft kiss on the top of her head. “Maybe if you talked to your father—”

  “I don’t know what I’d even say to him right now. I can’t believe everyone I know has lied to me my whole life.” She sat up and turned to straddle him so she could lay a kiss on his lips. “Except for you. Thanks for that.”

  She circled her arms around his waist and tucked her face into the crook of his neck. Mostly, she missed the way he used to hold her after they made love, making her feel like she was the only woman on earth. Like she mattered more than anything else to him.

  He tilted her chin with his knuckle so she had to look him in the eye. “Sometimes a lie can be for someone’s own good.” He laid a gentle, lingering kiss on her lips that made her want to sigh.

  When Josh ended his sweet kiss, she leaned back and forced a smile. “I know. But it still hurts.”

  He nodded and wrapped her up tightly in his arms.

  After snuggling with him for a few minutes, her hands wandered under his T-shirt. She ran her palms against the hard ridges on his back while pressing her body closer to his. He had the best physique, all steely muscle covered by soft skin. She wasn’t quite ready to trust him again, but God, she wanted to feel that connection they used to have when they made love. What would it hurt?

  She nibbled on his neck, then made her way up to his earlobe and gave a gentle bite.

  Josh let out a groan that rumbled against her chest, still plastered so tightly against his. Because she was sitting on his lap, she could feel how much he wanted her too. She’d just be clear on the ground rules so there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings . . . after.

  She whispered, “I want you to take me to bed, Josh. But it doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you all the way. I just really miss being with you.” She had to keep up her defenses until she was sure about him again.

  “You don’t mean that—”

  “Yes, I do.” She hoped with all her soul she could do this. Just have casual sex, and not engage her heart any further.

  “Meg, the timing’s not—”

  She stood and pulled off her T-shirt. “Here? Or inside?”

  She gave him points for his obvious struggle to keep his focus on her face and not her chest, barely covered by scanty pink scraps of material.

  “Meg, don’t. You’ll hate me afterward for taking advantage of the situation.”

  She unbuttoned her jean shorts and let them pool around her feet. “It’ll be no-strings-attached sex. Isn’t that what every man dreams of?” Why wasn’t he sweeping her off her feet and hauling her to bed like he used to do at the slightest provocation?

  “Not with a woman who’s just had her life turned upside down.”

  She slapped her hands on her hips, feeling rejected by him all over again.

  Standing before him in her underwear, humiliated but pretending not to care, she said, “You don’t want to have sex with me? Your loss, pal. Maybe Toby will be interested.” She turned and retreated as fast as she could toward the house in her matching pink bra and panties, drowning in embarrassment.

  “Dammit, Meg.” Josh’s footsteps followed behind her. When he caught up he said, “I want to make
love to you, but not like this. I want it to mean something.”

  She couldn’t let it mean anything, couldn’t let him in all the way so he could hurt her again. She just wanted to be close to him for a few minutes. Was that too much to ask?

  When they reached the bedroom, she turned around and said, “What it’ll mean is that it’s been a helluva long time since I’ve had sex, so I’m overdue. That’s enough of a reason for me.” Wait. That hadn’t come out right.

  She was just about to correct herself when his jaw clenched, and Meg suddenly realized the seriousness of her mistake.

  Moving toe to toe with her, he towered over her and barked, “So I’m little more than a convenience for you? I have sex with you, then instead of leaving money on the nightstand, you just take it off my rent? No thanks!”

  Anger flashed in his eyes.

  Startled by the intensity of his outburst and feeling like a jerk, she whispered, “I’ve never seen you this mad, Josh.” She reached out to lay a hand on his arm, intending to soothe and apologize, but he jerked it away.

  “Damn straight. You want Toby? Go for it!”

  He turned and headed for the kitchen, grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter on his way out.

  She followed behind. “I’m sorry, Josh. I shouldn’t have said that about Toby. I was upset. I didn’t mean it.”

  He spun around and faced her. “You need to figure out what you want from me, Meg, because I won’t be THAT GUY you just use for sex!”

  She hadn’t meant it like that; she had feelings for him. She wasn’t the type to just sleep with any convenient guy.

  Before she could figure out what to say to make things right, he beeped the locks on his truck, got in, and tore out of her driveway.

  And maybe out of her life. But this time it was she who’d pushed him away.

  Way to go, Muck.

  Not sure where he’d go, Josh started his truck and took off.

  He’d been patient, hadn’t he? Making it clear he wanted more than just sex from her, but maybe Meg wasn’t ever going to wake up and realize how much he loved her. Maybe the woman wasn’t capable of forgiveness and trust. Look at the example her father, or whoever he was to her, had set for her.