Wives of War

by Soraya M. Lane

  She reached for it and tentatively passed it over. A smile broke out instantly on the soldier’s face, and she held her breath, waiting, hoping it wasn’t a wife.

  ‘This is Susie,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘We always hassle him about having a photo of his damn sister on him, but he didn’t have a sweetheart back home and he liked having her near. They’re twins.’ He paused. ‘Well, we don’t all make fun. Anyone lower than an officer would have been whipped for teasing him about her.’

  Lucy let out a swoosh of air so loud she had to plant her hand over her mouth. His sister? She couldn’t believe it hadn’t crossed her mind that it could be his sister! His wife, his fiancée, his sweetheart, someone he loved . . . but never his sister.

  ‘You’re certain?’ she asked.

  The soldier laughed. ‘Believe me, it’s his sister. I know that as surely as I know his name.’

  She stared down at Jack, smiling so hard she was almost ready to burst out laughing; a hysterical, ridiculous kind of laughter.

  ‘Well, now you have a name and a sister,’ she said, patting his hand.

  ‘We’d better figure out how to get you out of here,’ the soldier said, shaking his head and turning back in the direction they’d come from.

  Lucy hoped the soldier would disappear, that he’d go back to the others and have to talk it all out, because she needed more time with Jack. She couldn’t stand the thought of finally finding out who he was only to have him disappear straight away.

  ‘Does it make you remember anything?’ she asked in a hushed tone once they were alone, reaching for his hand, needing to make a connection with him.

  His eyes were fixed on hers. ‘The name made me smile, I guess. Things are hazy, but I think I’m starting to make some sense of my jumble of thoughts. Memories hit me like flashes, jigsaw puzzle pieces I have to piece back together.’

  Lucy was happy for him, she truly was. She only hoped that he wouldn’t forget her, which was silly since they were never likely to see one another again.

  ‘What about your sister? You’re a twin!’ she said, still excited about the fact that the man she’d been holding hands with and whispering to late each night as she told him stories from home and fed him his meals didn’t already belong to another woman. Her greatest fear had been that he was married with a family.

  ‘Can you pass me the photo please?’ Jack asked.

  Lucy reached for where she’d tucked it into his jacket, folded beneath the bed. ‘Here you go.’

  She stared at the woman as she passed it over, looking at her differently now, wanting to know more about her instead of pretending she didn’t exist. His face didn’t change, his expression the same as before.

  ‘Jack, my boy!’

  The soldiers appeared without warning from behind her, making her jump with their loud words. They crowded around his bed, only to be hushed by a much older nurse and a doctor working nearby. They didn’t seem to mind, but Lucy took a hesitant step back even as Jack’s eyes met hers again, one look telling her everything she needed to know.

  She was about to lose him, and she hated it. Of all the things she’d lost in this war, of all the things she’d wished for and wanted, Jack was the one thing she didn’t want taken from her. After each long shift, she’d been excited to go and talk to him, even when her eyes had been so blurry and weary that it had been almost impossible to keep them open. To sit and talk with him, to care for him, had given her something to smile about. Knowing that she’d done the right thing, helped to save a man who was so kind and funny, even though he couldn’t even remember his own name. And the way he looked at her, it softened her. Made her realise that personal connections were as important as her work.

  ‘We’ll get you out of here in no time,’ she heard one of the soldiers say, tuning back in. ‘We just need to check on the other Americans here and you’ll be our top priority, sir.’

  Lucy stared at him through a gap between two of the soldiers in their handsome uniforms. He was staring back at her still, seemingly ignoring everything they were saying, his eyes trained firmly on hers.

  ‘Give me a minute,’ he said, clearing his throat and interrupting whoever was talking.

  His voice, although hoarse, was full of more authority than she’d ever heard from him. This was the officer talking, no longer an unnamed patient.

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  Even the soldier who’d been joking earlier left him, and Lucy stood still, feet locked to the floor.

  ‘Lucy,’ he said, voice softer this time.

  She nodded, not trusting her voice, not ready to say goodbye to him, even though she’d said goodbye to hundreds of soldiers since they’d been in France, even though she knew that she had no claim over this man and that he needed to go soon.

  ‘Come here.’

  Lucy wrapped her arms around herself, cold, shivers taking over her body as she moved slowly to his side once more.

  ‘I don’t know how to say goodbye to the woman who helped to rescue me from a burning ambulance and has nursed me every day since,’ he said, taking her hand. He was sitting upright, staring at her, his fingers interlinked with hers. ‘Leaving you ain’t going to be easy, that’s for sure.’

  ‘You’ll forget all about me the moment they take you away from here,’ she said, trying to be brave even as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

  Jack reached up, gently wiping it away and taking her other hand in his, pressing a kiss to her skin. He never blinked once their eyes met again.

  ‘Lucy, there is no part of me that could ever forget you.’

  His words washed over her, made it almost impossible to breathe. Why did he have to be so nice? Why did he have to say things like this when they were never going to see one another again?

  ‘Don’t say that. You don’t even know . . .’

  ‘I don’t need to know anything more than I already know,’ he said. ‘I want you to write down your address, I want to know every detail about you and your family so that one day, when all this is over, I can find you.’ His smile was warm. ‘I will find you, Lucy, mark my words.’

  Lucy didn’t believe him, didn’t want to believe him, because it only made the hurt worse, the pain shooting through her chest already unbearable.

  ‘Don’t go making promises you can’t keep,’ she said.

  He squeezed her hand tighter. ‘Unless I die in a field out there or end up in another burning ambulance with no Lucy to rescue me, I promise that I will find you. One day, somehow, I will find you.’

  She folded forward, arms around him. She’d be scolded for this, for what she was doing in plain sight of every other person in the hospital, but she didn’t care. No one was going to take these last moments from her.

  ‘Goodbye, Lucy,’ he whispered into her hair.

  Lucy raised her head, found her face too close to his, her mouth too near his. When Jack leaned forward, only a touch, it was all it took for their lips to meet; the most gentle press of his lips on hers – a soft, sweet kiss that she’d never forget for as long as she lived.

  ‘Goodbye,’ she whispered against his mouth.

  The soldiers returned and she stood, holding Jack’s hand still until the very last moment, until their fingers slid from one another’s and her hand was left cold. She clutched it to her chest, a chill wrapping its icy touch around her.

  ‘Men, I need pen and paper.’

  She knew that even when she took the pen from one of them, hand shaking as she scrawled her address, she still wouldn’t believe that he’d ever come for her. She’d be a nurse he’d smile about, think of fondly, but there was no possible way that this handsome American officer was ever going to come to London in search of her. Every breath in her body hoped it was so, but she wasn’t stupid and she certainly wasn’t naive.

  She loved a man she’d never, ever lay eyes upon again, and it hurt.

  Lucy lay in her bed, the cold seeping into her bones as it always did now that the weather had become cooler. Liv
ing like this was something she’d never get used to, not to mention the rain, or the constant mud beneath the planks they had to walk upon. She’d always kept her complaints to herself, never wanting to make a fuss, but everything was starting to annoy her tonight. Previously, she’d cared about her work and doing her best and learning all she could. She’d seen things, but then so had everyone, and she got on with whatever task was at hand to keep things moving forward. But tonight, she didn’t want to do anything, and she certainly didn’t want to be part of any banter with the other nurses.

  The girls were all talking about moving camp at the end of the week. The last shift had been so much quieter than usual, meaning that they weren’t as bone-tired as on other nights. She had been starting to wonder how long they’d be here, when they’d be packing up to move to another location. They all knew the drill, how the patients were moved and the hospital slowly closed down until they were able to pack it up and move closer to the fighting that no longer terrified her as it once had. But this time they were moving further away, and no one knew what to expect. Tonight she felt numb, like she was watching the world go by from outside of her own body, listening to her friends talk without truly hearing what they were even saying.

  ‘Lucy?’

  She lifted her head, hearing her name. It pulled her back to the present. When she looked around, she saw that Scarlet and Ellie were both looking at her, waiting for her to say something.

  ‘Sorry, I wasn’t even listening,’ she admitted, seeing no point in pretending that she even knew what they’d been talking about.

  ‘One of the doctors said that you were responsible for setting up a convent hospital before you came to work with us.’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, I was.’ It was one of the reasons she’d been sent to help with the 75th, that and the fact she’d proven herself as a surgical nurse in the field. She liked to get on with her work and do her best, and the last thing she’d wanted was to be paraded around as if she were someone important when she felt anything but, most of the time.

  ‘So you save soldiers from fires and set up special hospitals?’ Scarlet’s eyebrows were drawn together, her mouth hovering between a frown and a smile. ‘Why have you never told us about it? Is there more about you that we don’t know?’

  Lucy wasn’t in a mood to talk about herself, and she certainly didn’t want her friends thinking she was anything other than ordinary. She tried to be brave and do her job well, nothing more, nothing less.

  ‘There’s not a lot to tell. I did my job,’ she said with a shrug, picking at the edge of the blanket resting over her knees. ‘I don’t need help from anyone, I don’t need special pats on the back, I simply do what I have to do.’

  Scarlet stared at her, frowning, and Lucy instantly regretted her words. There had been no need to be so blunt to the women who’d been so kind to her. She was taking it out on Scarlet when she was upset with herself. Letting her guard down with Jack had happened too easily, and the pain at trying to rebuild that wall around her heart was crippling.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she muttered.

  ‘It’s fine,’ Ellie said, her smile kind, and Lucy was certain they both understood how hard she’d found it, saying goodbye to Jack.

  ‘From what Spencer told me, it’s not me who should be going on this rescue mission to the hill convent,’ Scarlet said. ‘It’s you.’

  ‘What mission?’ asked Ellie.

  Scarlet looked at her, eyes wide, and Lucy forgot all about feeling sorry for herself.

  ‘You mean the, er, drive to the convent to do a routine patient check?’ Lucy asked, her voice at a higher pitch than usual, trying desperately to save Scarlet. She might have been snappy before, but she wasn’t going to let Scarlet be thrown under the bus.

  Ellie had been so fragile for so long, but the last month, after her day away with Spencer, she’d been smiling and so much happier. Lucy didn’t want to do anything to make her lose her smile again. She’d never cared about making friends with the other nurses before, but now she wanted to keep the ones she had.

  ‘Yes, that’s, ah, right,’ Scarlet said, her shoulders visibly rising then falling.

  ‘Is Spencer going on this trip? Are you?’ Ellie asked Scarlet. ‘Why is this the first I’ve heard of it, if you both know and Spencer knows?’

  Lucy stayed quiet, leaving it to Scarlet to decide what to tell her. She contemplated getting up to scoop a cup of Compo tea from the bucket being passed around, but thought better of it. Her stomach was starting to churn thinking about the wretched taste of it; she preferred the sick feeling of dread over her goodbye to Jack.

  ‘Ellie, we didn’t want to worry you, but I suppose we were going to have to tell you sooner or later,’ Scarlet admitted. ‘Spencer has had confirmation that we will be travelling to a convent that is at least a day’s drive away. In fact, it could take longer depending on the conditions.’

  ‘You’re going with him? Both you and Spencer are going?’ Ellie’s voice had raised to a higher pitch now.

  ‘Yes. I’m going because word has been received that they’ve been hiding and caring for a small number of soldiers. Convents everywhere have. There is a chance Thomas could be among them, although I’m not counting my chickens yet.’

  Lucy thought Scarlet sounded more and more as if she were trying to convince herself that she wanted to see Thomas, or maybe that was just her reading too much into it. The poor girl was probably terrified of what state he might be in after all this time.

  ‘Thomas? Thomas could be there and you kept this from me?’ Ellie shrilled.

  Lucy wished she could help Scarlet out, but she didn’t know what to say. She decided to try. ‘Spencer didn’t want to worry you, and neither did Scarlet. I only found out because Spencer had enquired about me joining them. He didn’t get permission to take another nurse, though, so I’m staying put.’

  ‘Which is why I now know more about Lucy’s time nursing before we met her,’ Scarlet finished.

  ‘You’re both leaving me?’ Ellie asked in a low voice.

  ‘I need to do everything I can to find Thomas,’ Scarlet said. ‘You know I do.’

  ‘I feel sick,’ Ellie complained, pulling her blanket up higher and lying down.

  ‘Ellie, please,’ Lucy said, reaching for her.

  ‘No, I mean I actually feel sick. I’ve been nauseous all day and it’s starting to get worse.’

  ‘I hope you aren’t getting the stomach flu or some awful virus,’ Lucy said, leaning over her to place a hand to her forehead. ‘You’re not burning up, though, which is good.’

  ‘I haven’t heard of anything going around,’ Scarlet said, before suddenly looking wide-eyed at Lucy.

  Lucy mouthed, What? She wasn’t sure what Scarlet was silently trying to tell her. Scarlet dropped a hand to her belly and patted it, but Lucy still had no clue.

  ‘Um, sweetheart, the afternoon you spent with Spencer . . .’

  Lucy sat bolt upright then, knowing exactly what Scarlet had been hinting at. If she hadn’t been so preoccupied with her own thoughts she’d have put two and two together herself.

  ‘Oh, that’ll make me forget the nasties,’ Ellie said with a giggle.

  ‘Ellie, I think what Scarlet is trying to say is that, well, you might be . . .’ She looked at Scarlet again. ‘Pregnant.’

  Ellie fell silent. She didn’t move. Then she sat up, staring down at her stomach.

  ‘No!’

  Lucy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry for her, so she kept a straight face. This had definitely taken her mind off Jack.

  ‘Don’t go worrying yet,’ she told her. ‘If you are, well then there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. And if you are?’ She grinned. ‘I’m godmother!’

  ‘No!’ Scarlet thumped her on the arm. ‘I’m the one who needs a little baby to cuddle and squish. I’m godmother for sure.’

  Ellie shook her head, but Lucy could see the little smile hiding on her lips. ‘You really think . . . ?’
r />   Lucy raised her brows and she grinned at Scarlet as they both looked back at Ellie.

  Ellie groaned. ‘I’ve been around pregnant women and babies my whole life. How did I not think about this when I started feeling sick this morning? I don’t want to be one of the women sent home for getting pregnant!’

  Lucy didn’t know what to say to make her feel better, so she decided to change the subject. ‘Did I tell you that Jack promised to find me after the war?’ It hurt her to even say it, but she knew Scarlet or Ellie would have done the same for her.

  A smile immediately broke out on Ellie’s face and Scarlet grinned. Saying those words out loud was like twisting a knife into her heart, but if it stopped Ellie worrying about being pregnant or being left alone for even an hour, she’d do anything. These girls had been her friends when she knew no one else, had shown her the importance of having her own family away from home, something she’d thought she didn’t need, which meant there was little she wouldn’t do for them.

  ‘Tell me everything he said,’ Ellie insisted. ‘I want word for word.’

  Lucy didn’t think for a moment that Ellie wasn’t still worrying about being left and bringing a baby into the world, but at least this would keep her smiling for a little longer. And if it meant she could think about Jack, even cry about him openly, instead of all on her own after dark, when no one could see her pain, then maybe it was for the best anyway.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Ellie

  Ellie groaned as she vomited, again. It felt like she’d been sick for hours, even though she knew that wasn’t true. Her body was heaving, stomach so empty, but the vomiting was better than the plain nausea. That had gone on for two days already, but at least vomiting meant she was doing something.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said as she slowly stood back up. ‘I can’t believe you’ve had to hear all that.’