Wives of War

by Soraya M. Lane

  Scarlet stroked her hair, fingers still holding it back from her face. She’d been there for her the entire time, rubbing her back, keeping her hair from her face, whispering soothing words. It had been embarrassing to start with, but now she was just grateful to have her friend by her side. Other nurses had got pregnant, it wasn’t like she was the only one, but she still felt ashamed that she was going to have to walk away from her duties.

  ‘I’m going to have to tell him,’ Ellie said, dabbing at her mouth, wishing she wasn’t in the disgusting toilet block. Being sick was bad enough, but being sick here was revolting. ‘I can’t keep hiding it.’

  ‘You’re certain?’ Scarlet asked, her eyes full of concern.

  ‘There ain’t no chance this is a stomach flu,’ Ellie said, rubbing in gentle circles across her belly. She couldn’t believe how unlucky she’d been, for this to happen after their one and only time together.

  Scarlet smiled. ‘Everything is going to be fine. I promise you. Spencer will be thrilled.’

  Scarlet looked so certain, as if she genuinely believed Spencer would be happy when she told him. Ellie herself wasn’t so certain, had no idea how she would tell him. Had he meant what he’d said? Would his mother really think she was good enough for him? The last thing she wanted was . . . She didn’t know what she wanted. But she was pregnant now; there was a tiny, beautiful baby growing inside of her, and there was nothing she could do about it other than be happy. Even if she was terrified.

  ‘Why don’t we go find him,’ Scarlet suggested, pushing open the door for Ellie to follow. ‘I can’t stay in here a moment longer; the smell is horrible.’

  They stepped out on to the timber planks, the weather still dreary, the mud still deep. There were plenty of horrible things here, and the fact she was pregnant wasn’t going to be one of them.

  ‘What will they do with me? I mean, will I have to return home immediately? Will I stay here until I’m showing?’ Ellie whispered, wishing she was pressed against Scarlet for warmth and comfort instead of following behind her.

  ‘I don’t know, but Spencer will.’ Scarlet’s smile was kind. ‘Look, it’s not like you’re the first, and you won’t be the last. It’s one of those things and there hasn’t been all that much fuss made about it when others have had to leave for the very same reason.’

  Ellie stopped, turned her face up, the gloomy grey sky drawing her in. It wasn’t sunny, it wasn’t warm, but the sky was still somewhere to escape to. It looked so peaceful today. If she stared at it for long enough, she could almost pretend she was back in England.

  ‘Ellie?’

  She straightened, sighed and started to put one foot in front of the other again. Soon she’d be gone. Soon she’d be heading back home, away from here, the place she’d grown to hate, the place she had dreamt of leaving. Only she’d never wanted to leave without her friends, or without Spencer. But the pain she’d felt, the struggle that had wound like a cord around her neck, threatening to strangle her . . . She pushed the thoughts away. She was better now, and she needed to stay positive for the baby, not dwell on the painful thoughts and the desperation she’d felt during much of her time here.

  She sighed again, something she had being doing constantly of late. She’d also dreamt of a life with Spencer, but it hadn’t involved her getting pregnant and being sent away, perhaps never to see him again, and to raise his child on her own, without a husband. Because she knew how easily something terrible could happen to him, that he might not make it back.

  She walked behind Scarlet until they were back at the hospital, wishing she could head back to their tent instead of going in to find Spencer.

  ‘He loves you, Ellie,’ Scarlet said as she linked arms with her. ‘He loves you, and he’ll love this baby.’

  Ellie looked at Scarlet, took strength from her, then headed straight towards the familiar silhouette of Spencer as Scarlet went to her patients. She’d spotted him straight away, and now that the hospital wasn’t as chaotic with so many patients arriving every hour, it was easier to approach him. She forced herself to smile, didn’t want to appear as nervous as she felt inside. It had been so busy since their afternoon together, with no more days of leave, and they’d only had a snatched few minutes here and there between patients.

  ‘Spencer?’ she said, pausing a few steps from him.

  He turned slowly, a smile breaking out on his face when he saw her.

  ‘Hello, Ellie,’ he said, his gaze somehow warming her and taking her nerves away at the same time.

  ‘Spencer, when you have a moment we need to talk,’ she said bravely.

  ‘Is everything all right?’ He turned back to his patient, said something that she didn’t hear and then put down the board he’d been holding.

  Ellie waited, not sure what to say. No, everything was not all right, but then she didn’t want to make a fuss and worry him, either.

  ‘Ellie, come this way,’ he said, taking her arm and leading her away from the patients and the prying eyes and ears of the other nurses. They moved to the far corner of their large tented hospital, his eyes searching her face.

  ‘Spencer, I’m sorry, I don’t even know how to tell you this, but . . .’

  ‘What is it, Ellie? What’s wrong? Tell me.’

  A fresh wave of nausea hit her but she forced it down, refused to give in to it right at this moment.

  ‘Ellie, you’re worrying me. Are you ill?’ He took her hand again, held them gently. ‘You know I can help you if you’re sick, don’t you? There’s no need to be embarrassed if you need me to treat you.’

  ‘Spencer,’ she said, eyes filling with tears that she tried so hard to fight, desperate to stay strong. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  He didn’t move, didn’t speak, simply stared at her as if she’d said nothing at all. Ellie opened her mouth, about to repeat her words, when he came back to life.

  ‘Ellie,’ he said, his mouth fixed in a line that was almost a smile. ‘I, well, I don’t know what to say.’

  He stood stock-still, his hands still holding hers.

  ‘Just say it’s not the worst news you’ve heard all day,’ she mumbled, trying so hard not to sob.

  ‘Oh, Ellie, don’t say that. It’s’ – he blew out a breath, smiling – ‘wonderful news. Or at least it would be wonderful if we weren’t here.’

  She nodded, wondering if he was only saying nice things to spare her feelings. ‘I know. I’ll be sent away, I don’t know when, but I wanted you to know before someone realised, or before I have to tell anyone about my’ – she hesitated – ‘condition. I know they have rules about this.’

  ‘We need to get married,’ he said, his face more serious again, tone deeper. ‘I will organise an army chaplain and we’ll be married immediately. It’s the only thing to do.’

  ‘No. No!’ she said. ‘This is not how it was supposed to happen. It’s not what I wanted.’

  ‘You don’t want to marry me?’ he asked, eyebrows drawing together. ‘Ellie, this is the right thing to do.’

  She gripped his hand tighter, hating how matter-of-fact he was being. ‘Of course I want to marry you,’ she said. ‘But not like this, because it’s the right thing to do.’

  ‘Ellie, I was never going to let you go,’ he said, leaning forward, stroking her face with the back of his fingers, sounding more like himself again and less like he was reading from a script with the right words to say. ‘I was going to wait, make sure we survived this wretched place, and ask you to marry me when we returned home. But what does it matter when? You’re the best thing to happen to me during this war.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Heck, you’re the best thing to happen in my life, Ellie.’

  She held on tight, hearing his words, wanting to believe that he’d honestly want to marry her if they hadn’t got a baby on the way. ‘Truly?’ she asked.

  ‘Truly.’ He kept hold of her hand as he lowered, bending to one knee. ‘And that was no way for me to propose before.’ Spencer cleared his throat. ‘Ellie,
will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’

  She burst into tears, frantically wiping them away. ‘Yes. Yes, Spencer, I will. Of course I will.’

  ‘We’ll be married tomorrow, or as soon as can be arranged. Then we’ll find out how to send you home,’ he said, dropping a kiss into her hair as she fell against him, exhausted and still feeling sick. ‘I’ll write to my mother. She’ll await your arrival in London, and you’ll have somewhere to stay and be looked after until I return.’

  Ellie froze. ‘Your mother?’ she mumbled against him. She’d imagined herself going back to her own home, to her own family.

  ‘We can discuss the arrangements later,’ he said, brushing hair from her eyes as she looked up at him. ‘My mother will adore you, and you’ll be safe and cared for with her. She can arrange anything you need, I promise.’ He grinned at her, looking more boy than man in that moment. ‘I’ve told her all about you, Ellie. Don’t look so surprised.’

  She touched his shoulder, wished it was the two of them somewhere private instead of here. Anywhere but here.

  ‘We’re moving at the end of the week,’ she said. ‘We can’t possibly do it then.’ In a few days’ time they were supposed to start packing up. They’d been told they would be working in a proper building this time, rather than under canvas, which would make a nice change.

  They’d already moved camp once, from their casualty clearance station to their field hospital, when the Allies had advanced further into France, and now they were moving again to be of more help. They were going to stop admitting new patients before the end of the day, which meant she had a long shift ahead of preparing patients to move to other hospitals. The army trucks would start arriving, patients would start being moved, and then somehow everything would be packed up and relocated within hours at the new site for them to be up and running, admitting patients immediately upon set-up. She could hardly stand the thought of what was ahead of them, just when things had become less frantic.

  Once she finished her Thursday shift, it would be a short rest before they started packing up, getting everything prepared for the orderlies to travel with all the equipment. Her stomach wasn’t likely to help her, and she hated the thought of vomiting around others, of not having any privacy. She could only imagine the gossip amongst the other nurses when they put two and two together, if they saw her being sick ahead of her wedding.

  ‘Ellie, my love, everything is going to be fine,’ Spencer told her, echoing what Scarlet had said only moments earlier as they’d walked in. ‘This baby, it’s a blessing, not a burden. One day, when we’re old and sitting in our rocking chairs, we’ll look back and smile about my hasty proposal. I promise. You’re not to worry about what anyone else thinks, either, because this has happened countless times at hospitals everywhere.’

  They were sweet words, but they weren’t enough to stop her from worrying.

  ‘I had better get to work before Matron comes looking for me and gives me a telling-off,’ Ellie murmured, lifting her face to look at Spencer.

  ‘We wouldn’t want that now, would we?’ Spencer chuckled and kissed the back of her hand, before leaving her.

  She was to be married. She was having a baby.

  The war didn’t look as if it was going to be over any time soon, and yet here she was with another life growing inside of her. Ellie placed a hand flat to her stomach, took in a few deep breaths, before heading out to do her job. She only hoped she could keep what little was left in her stomach down for the entirety of her shift.

  The others were going to bathe in the river later, or so they’d planned, despite the freezing cold. She’d do anything to freshen up, although the way she was feeling, she might be better off sitting it out and being the lookout for snipers.

  For some reason, the nausea Ellie had been feeling didn’t have its usual hold over her as she stood and waited for Spencer. She was so nervous, ridiculously nervous, about what was about to happen, but later that day they were moving to a new camp. Before then, she was to be married. Her hands were shaking, and even with Scarlet and Lucy to keep her calm, she was a nervous wreck.

  ‘You look beautiful,’ Scarlet said, looking so excited even though all that was about to happen was a hurried set of vows being recited before an army chaplain.

  Ellie looked down at her dress. For the first time since she’d arrived, she was wearing something other than her battledress uniform. It was simple, but it made her feel beautiful, even if she was freezing cold.

  ‘I can’t believe you found this for me,’ she said. ‘Thank you. A hundred times over.’

  ‘You were lucky there was another nurse who’d needed one before you,’ Scarlet said, reaching out to stroke the fabric. ‘Makes me miss all my lovely dresses back home all the more.’

  It was made from parachute silk, and even though it wasn’t much, Ellie felt special. She hoped Spencer would like it, and that this was how he’d remember her once she was gone. The next time he saw her, she could be as huge as a house. Ellie shuddered, another thought crossing her mind: or she might not be. She might already have a baby in her arms, a child that had grown up without a father for years. There was such uncertainty; she had no idea at all.

  ‘I still don’t know when I’m to go home,’ Ellie said, looking for Spencer.

  ‘You’ll find out soon. Don’t spend time worrying about it,’ Scarlet said, always full of practical advice. ‘Focus on you and Spencer and how lovely this will all be for you once the war is over.’

  Spencer appeared from behind one of the tents, his smile wide when he saw her. It was all so wrong, not at all what she’d imagined for her wedding day, but she was going to be with Spencer, and that was all she could think about.

  ‘Matron told me I have to go around sniffing wounds for gangrene after this,’ Lucy muttered. ‘Punishment, I’m sure, for taking an hour off.’

  Ellie ignored the chatter between Lucy and Scarlet, watching Spencer, hands extended when he reached her.

  ‘You look beautiful,’ he said, pressing a warm kiss to her cheek. ‘Absolutely beautiful.’ Spencer held her out at arm’s length, admiration in his gaze. ‘I’m the luckiest man here.’

  ‘You do realise you’re supposed to wait until after you’re married to kiss the bride?’ Lucy quipped.

  ‘Hey, it’s my wedding day,’ Ellie joked, laughing back at her over her shoulder. ‘The man can kiss me if he wants!’

  They were to meet the chaplain in the open, outside one of the tents, and Ellie was praying it didn’t rain. All they needed were a few moments, the two of them standing together, supported by Scarlet and Lucy, and the officer standing before them. Then perhaps being pregnant wouldn’t seem so scary.

  As they neared the spot, her hand still locked in Spencer’s, she saw a man in uniform rushing out of a tent. She knew instantly that it was the officer charged with marrying them, and her heart started to beat that little bit faster, her mouth dry.

  ‘Doctor Black, over here,’ the officer called. ‘We need to hurry this along.’

  Ellie glanced at Lucy and Scarlet one last time, before stepping up with Spencer and preparing to say the vows that would change her life for ever. They stood in front of the officer, with his straight back and immaculately trimmed moustache. It always amused her that, despite all the atrocities, the perfect keeping of one’s moustache and hair was so important.

  ‘The vows you are about to take are to be made in the presence of God, who is the judge of all and knows the secrets of your hearts; therefore, if either of you knows a reason why you may not lawfully marry, you must declare it now.’ The officer cleared his throat and Ellie looked up at Spencer. Less than two days ago she’d told him she was expecting, and now here they were, about to become man and wife.

  Ellie gripped Spencer’s hands even tighter, nervous for no good reason. The officer recited words she’d heard so many times before at other weddings, and as she answered she gazed into Spencer’s eyes. And then it was their turn to repea
t their vows.

  She listened while the officer said a short prayer, holding hands with Spencer still. She glanced beneath hooded lashes over to where her friends stood, side by side with their heads bent. Then suddenly it was Spencer’s turn to say his vows and she had a lump in her throat simply listening to him. Then it was her turn, and the words were so hard to force out even though she’d been practising them in her mind all night.

  ‘I, Ellie O’Sullivan, take thee, Spencer Black, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward.’ She took a breath, slowing down, smiling. ‘For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health; to love, cherish and obey, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance. And thereto I plight thee my troth.’

  They made their way through the ring ceremony, and when Ellie held out her finger, Spencer whispered to her, ‘When all this is over and we’re back in London, I promise I’ll have something nicer for you.’

  She shook her head, not caring what he was giving her. She hadn’t expected a ring at all, given the short time since Spencer had proposed.

  ‘I convinced an engineer to make it for me. It’s gold from my watch.’

  Ellie clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘You melted your watch to make me a ring?’ He couldn’t have, could he?

  ‘I got him to make one for me, too, so it wasn’t all for you,’ he said teasingly.

  If she hadn’t been sure about marrying Spencer hurriedly before, she certainly was now. She doubted she’d ever meet a better man in all her life. As the final words of the ceremony were said, there was only one sentence Ellie was waiting for.

  ‘I pronounce that they be man and wife. In Jesus’s name, amen.’

  Ellie let out a little squeal as Spencer leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips. She looped her arms around his neck and sighed into his mouth when he pulled back, drawing him back in for another, longer kiss. She could hear Lucy and Scarlet clapping and when they finally pulled apart, Ellie blushed as the officer stepped back and cleared his throat. She couldn’t believe that they were actually married.