Between a Rock and a Hard Place

by Jenna Galicki

  She leaned over the railing, stared out into the horizon and wondered what Tommy and Angel were doing right now.

  The first two days back in New York were a nightmare, but the rest were pretty spectacular, even though Tommy and Angel weren’t there to share them with her. She imagined their faces when she explained about the changes at her store and about finally getting in touch with the journalist from Vogue Deutsche. She still couldn’t believe it, and a giddy smile spread across her face.

  She dreamed of becoming a fashion designer long before she met Tommy. When he introduced her to the rock and roll life, her dream was overshadowed by the excitement of it all. She jumped into the music scene with full force, much like everything else she did in her life. Nothing was a slow process for her. Everything she did was fast-paced, full speed ahead, without looking back: the music scene, marriage, threesomes, Angel, and now a retail store. Above it all, music and the band were always at the forefront of her life. It was her home, her life’s blood. It was the oxygen that she breathed.

  At first, she was enamored to be working for Falcon Records. She got to be directly involved with the band and she got to design for Angel and the dancers. She still had wanted her own store, but she couldn’t successfully fulfill that dream while working for Falcon.

  She never asked for the job with the label. Mr. Abelman didn’t offer it to her. He gave it to her. Her inability to say the word no always left her with too many projects to take on at once. She loved working for Immortal Angel, and she was thrilled with the idea of being employed by a record label, but it was tedious. She eventually realized that the stress from her position at Falcon, commingled with the stress of trying to launch a business from afar, had an impact on her relationship with Tommy and Angel, and she wasn’t going to let anything interfere with that.

  Jessi never accepted defeat. If she wanted something, she forged ahead full throttle until she wrapped her hands around whatever she was after. Nothing was out of reach. Life had no limits. But even for someone as strong-willed and determined as she was, she couldn’t juggle a full time job with Falcon, design a clothing line and run a business long distance. She needed the freedom to tend to unresolved issues at the store. She couldn’t do both successfully, and she refused to entertain the idea of failure. Once she was home and free from the demands of Falcon Records, even though she still had to deal with another level of problems at the store, she felt freed. She could concentrate on the most important things in her life. She needed to choose and she chose her store. It was a simple decision.

  She heard a noise from inside the house and she jumped. Whoever was inside obviously had the key. She took a few hesitant steps toward the sliding glass doors and peered into the shadowed kitchen. “Who’s there?”

  “It’s us.”

  Tommy! She ran inside to greet him. “What are you doing here?” She threw her arms around his neck and ran her hands across the round muscles of his shoulders. It reminded her just how much she missed him. His hold was tighter than usual and he buried his face into her shoulder. Before she had a chance to extend her arm to draw Angel into their embrace, he was behind her and circled his long arms around the two of them. Her lips found his arm and she planted a kiss on his warm skin. She loved when she was in the middle, shrouded by affection from the two men she loved.

  After a few seconds Tommy abruptly pulled away, but kept his hands on top of her shoulders. “Audra told us you resigned. What the hell’s going on?”

  “Oh.” She saw not only worry in his eyes, but a little bit of fear as well. He had tiny lines on his forehead, above his fair brows, accentuating his concern.

  Angel moved to Tommy’s side so he could face her, and they both waited for an answer. Angel was pensive and nervous. He kept scratching at the cuticle on his thumb with his index finger.

  She was overshadowed by guilt at abandoning the band and regret gnawed at her because she didn’t explain sooner. “I wanted to tell you in person. I really did. I know it was a shitty way to find out. I’m sorry.”

  They both watched her, barely blinking, as they waited for her to finish.

  “I need to be available for my store. I need time to sketch and concentrate without a thousand things to remember to do for the band. I need time for me, Jessi Blade, fashion designer.” She let out a long sigh. “I can’t do both. I tried and my store suffered. I’m not willing to compromise. It needs my full attention.”

  She watched Tommy’s face fall a little more with each sentence and Angel’s frown deepened. God, she thought it would be easier to tell them. She knew they relied on her. They depended on her. She dedicated all of her time to Immortal Angel. She fought for them and they won the prize. They made their way. They found the glory. It was her turn.

  She realized they hopped on a plane between shows and skipped studio time. They were supposed to be finishing an album. Angus would never have given them the go ahead. She suspected they were here without his knowledge. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the studio?”

  “Never mind that,” Tommy said. “We came as soon as we heard.”

  “We’re here to support you, sweetheart.” Angel rubbed her shoulder. “You shouldn’t have to do this alone. We want to help, in whatever way we can.”

  “That’s so sweet of you. You didn’t have to come all the way home just to turn around and fly back tomorrow. I don’t remember the schedule, but I know you don’t have more than two days off between shows.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Tommy said. “What’s been going on here? Why haven’t you taken my calls?”

  “I’m sorry, baby. I’ve had an incredible week and these last few days were insane.” She let out a small burst of excited and untimely laughter. “Insane, but fantastic! You should have been here when I first got home. After I fired the head dressmaker, it was a nightmare. I had to take charge. I worked closely with the team day and night. One dressmaker stood out. Isabella. She’s a star! I was so pleased with her work and commitment that I made her the new head dressmaker. It made sense.” Jessi nodded, confident in her decision. “I think she’s going to work out really well.”

  “I know how much trouble you were having with that other woman. I’m sorry I didn’t pay more attention and that I was self-absorbed.” Guilt echoed in Tommy’s words and he hung his head. “I should have been more involved with your work. That’s all going to change from now on. I’m taking a vested interest. I want you to design something for me.” Tommy smoothed his hand down the front of the Ramones T-shirt. “I should be wearing your clothes instead of these faded rock T-shirts.” A tiny smile snuck into the corner of his mouth. “Well, maybe one of your cool jackets to go over my T-shirts.”

  She laughed. Tommy and his T-shirts. She looked closer at the Ramones shirt he wore. It was skin tight. His biceps bulged from the sleeves and the white lettering pulled across his chest. “What a minute. That’s not yours. That’s Angel’s.”

  Tommy shrugged one shoulder, a little self-conscious. “I got to thinking about what Angus said. I don’t really fit into the image of a punk rock band.”

  Jessi rolled her eyes with a smile. Tommy was trying to be fashionable. “Don’t listen to him. If there was something wrong with your look, I’d be the first one to tell you. Long hair, jeans and hard rock T-shirts. That’s you. Your style is as unique as your music in the punk rock genre.” She turned to Angel for confirmation. “Am I right?”

  “Yes. He decided to invade my closet. I mean, my suitcase. I had nothing to do with this. I love Tommy’s look. What else has been going here since you’ve been home?”

  Jessi brought her hand to her forehead. There was so much she wanted to share, so many different opportunities that arose in the short time she’d been home. “I finally got in touch with that journalist from Vogue Deutsche and we did an interview over the phone.”

  “That’s wonderful, hon!” Tommy squeezed in a quick hug. “When’s it going to run?”

  “Let me finish. He had a phot
ographer come to the store and I did a photo shoot. It was amazing! The first half of the interview is going to run next month.”

  “First half?” Angel asked. “They’re doing a follow up?”

  “Vogue Paris wants to do the second half of the interview and they want to do a cover with the three of us. We’d only be on the cover of the Paris publication, but both halves of the article would run in the German and Paris issues of Vogue. I can’t believe it!” Laughter bubbled out of her throat and floated into the air. The cover of Vogue Paris would give her worldwide exposure and it was going to showcase some of the flashy stage outfits she made, modeled by none other than Angel Garcia!

  “There’s more. The accountant ran some preliminary numbers. The store already made a profit! Do you know what a big deal that is? It’s not a huge margin, but business is thriving!” She tried to speak slower. She was rambling from excitement, and she could tell Tommy and Angel were struggling to follow her. “If business keeps up at this level, I can pay back Ricardo in a year and then, maybe, start thinking about opening another location in the Village.” Her smile radiated across her face. She was euphoric.

  Both Angel and Tommy had an astonished wide-eyed look on their faces while they processed the profusion of information she shared with them.

  “Congratulations, hon!” Tommy kissed her and pulled her closer to him.

  He dropped everything to be with her and she was touched by his devotion. “I can’t believe that you’re here.”

  “This is where I belong. At your side.”

  Angel gently turned her chin with his fingertips so she faced him. He leaned down and kissed her. It was a strong close mouth kiss that progressed, at his initiation, into one of his full-on panty melting kisses that left her breathless.

  He held her chin in his hand and his dark eyes burned into her. “When I was faced with either proceeding with the tour or coming home to you, there was no question. You need me, I’m here. Familia primero. That means family first. My dad has instilled it in my head since I was a little boy.”

  She took a deep breath and her heart skipped. Angel was a man who took her heart and turned it inside out. Her love for Tommy was simple and pure, with no encumbrances. It was Angel who sent her heart reeling. She hugged them both at the same time. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I’ve had the most amazing week and you two showing up here to surprise me like this,” her voice cracked, “it may just push me over the edge. When is your flight back? Do you have time to stop by the store tomorrow? I’d love to show you some of the changes I made and some of the new garments that I . . .”

  She was cut short by the silent exchange between Tommy and Angel. They seemed to be waiting for the other to say something.

  “I’m not going back,” Tommy said. “I can’t be on stage, doing a show thousands of miles away, when you’re home struggling with your business. It’s selfish. You need me here. I can’t leave you to handle all the bullshit by yourself. I want to help you. It’s only fair. You’ve done so much for me.”

  “For us.” Angel corrected.

  Tommy cupped her face in his hands. A stubborn blond strand fell haphazardly across his forehead, and she brushed it behind his ear while she tried to understand where this conversation was headed.

  “None of it means anything to me if you’re not there. I love you, hon. You mean more to me than music.”

  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Tommy was giving up the chance of a lifetime to be with her. He was provoking an overbearing manager and toying with one of the most powerful men in the recording industry. She was so overwhelmed she could barely talk and squeaked out a sentence. “I . . . can’t believe you would jeopardize your contract.”

  “It doesn’t mean anything without you. You’re the reason I never gave up. Without you, I’d be stuck in a dead end band and probably would’ve stopped playing years ago. You encouraged me to keep going. You’re the reason I played my heart out every time I got up on that stage.”

  “You would do that for me? You would leave the tour? Are you crazy?”

  Tommy and Angel exchanged another awkward glance. There was obviously more that needed to be said and she waited with a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

  It took Tommy almost 10 seconds before he spoke. “I quit the band.”

  Her jaw flopped open. “What? Why? What happened?” She imagined a horrific fight with Damien or Jimmy or something horrendous to cause his departure.

  Tommy put his hands on her shoulders and his voice was low and intense. “We were happy when we were here, playing The Quadrangle and neighborhood bars. Fame complicated everything. It pulled us apart. I’m not going to choose touring and working on an album over my marriage. I’m not going to be away from you for months at a time. Nothing is worth ruining what we have. I’m not jeopardizing it for fame or a record deal, not for the world.”

  Leave Immortal Angel? Jessi’s head was spinning. She put her fingers through her hair and clamped her hands down on her head. Her eyes darted around the floor, followed by her erratic breaths. She would never let him go through with it.

  She snatched her cell phone off the table and started dialing Mr. Abelman’s personal number. “I’m not letting you do this, Tommy. You can’t throw away – ”

  “It’s not your decision.” He pulled the cell phone out of her hand and pressed the off button. “My place is by your side. You said I had no time for you. I’m making time for you.”

  She was frantic. Her heart was beating against the wall of her chest. Although she never fully admitted it to anyone, she always associated herself as being part of the band. She was attached, bonded. Addicted. Music fueled her body. The band wasn’t a hobby; it was sustenance. It called her to the stage. She couldn’t live without the rock and roll lifestyle any more than she could live without the blood in her veins. Music was her calling. Designing was her hobby.

  Leave the tour and the glamour and the fans? The adrenaline of the stage, the electricity of the crowd and the chant of the audience? Never! Tommy was giving it up for her, but it was the last thing she wanted. And where did that leave Angel? She looked into Angel’s eyes and at his face. He looked almost as distraught as she was. His brows hunkered down over dark eyes that bore pain and his face drooped with sadness. It broke her heart just to look at him. She had to summon the courage to ask him what his intentions were. “What about you?” she asked softly. “Immortal Angel is dead without you.” The words caused a fresh wave of nausea to roll through her belly.

  It took Angel a long time to answer. “Immortal Angel is dead without either one of us.”

  Jessi’s heart crumbled and fell into the nauseous pit of her stomach. It was crushed, pulverized, at the thought of the band’s dissolution. “No. No!” She threw her arms out to the sides, palms facing up to the ceiling. “Are you both crazy? I don’t want that! Immortal Angel is everything I worked for! It’s my heart and soul!”

  “But it took up all my time,” Tommy said. “This tour was the worst thing that ever happened to us. It’s not going to get any easier and I’m not losing you because of it.”

  “We’ll work it out. That’s why I quit my job at Falcon. I won’t get bogged down with meaningless tasks all day and we’ll have more time to spend together. Do you think I could stay away from the band and the stage? Don’t you remember the first time I saw you play at that little bar, when we first started dating? I was awkward and out of place. I was boring. I blended into the crowd. You called me on stage before the show started, and that’s when the sheer excitement of it hit me, and you hadn’t even start playing yet. Then when you played me your fist guitar solo, I felt like I was about to explode. You transformed me into the person I am today. I could no sooner stay away from the limelight of the stage than I could stop designing. It calls me. It feeds my soul. I need to be part of it. It’s my destiny. Resigning from Falcon Records will give me the freedom I need to work on my designs, and pick up and fly back to New York
if we’re on tour and there’s a problem. I could never do that while I worked for the label. Now I have everything I ever wanted. My dreams have found a way to co-exist.”

  Angel looked a little more hopeful, but Tommy was resilient. “I can’t go back to the way things were. It was too much pressure. And you shouldn’t have to give up your job with Falcon so we can have more time together. I needed to do something, for us, and I did. I walked away.”

  Jessi closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. Oh God, this couldn’t be happening. “Please, Tommy, find another way. I don’t want this. You’re breaking my heart.”

  His shoulders dropped and he sounded exhausted as he sighed. “I don’t want to break your heart, hon. I want to make you happy.”

  “Then please call Mr. Abelman and tell him you made a mistake. Tell him you were drunk. Tell him anything. Just tell him you didn’t mean to walk out on the tour.”

  He glanced at Angel and then back at Jessi, but he still had that same deadpan look on his face. “I didn’t want to leave the band. But I can’t have Angus breathing down my neck for song composition every free moment that I’m not on stage. I need time to spend with you. I need a life, too.”

  “Then tell Mr. Abelman that.” She tried to hand Tommy the phone, desperate for resolution, but he didn’t take it. She looked at Angel and her pleading eyes begged him to help her.

  “Actually,” Angel said, “Tommy never told Mr. Abelman directly. He told Audra.”

  Audra was the band’s salvation. Jessi knew that Audra loved Immortal Angel as much as she did and Audra would fight just as hard for its existence.

  Jessi shoved the phone into Angel’s chest. “Call Audra. Explain that it was a mistake.”

  Angel took the phone. It was clear that he wanted to make the call, but he looked at Tommy for the OK.