My Soul Laid Bare: Book 4 (The Soul Keeper Series)

by Solis, Melissa

  Sam may not be the other half of my soul, but I do love him. I could no more hurt him again than chop off my own arm.

  Chapter 8 ~ Choices ~

  It's a week before the wedding, and I have been living in Sam's guest house while he stays at the main house. The fact that Sam was de-flowered here is not lost on me. I wonder how Catarina is holding up after all this time. It’s been two months since Sam proposed, and I’ve been a nervous wreck ever since trying to get everything organized. We planned a simple ceremony and reception in the beautiful open barn on Sam’s ranch.

  It’s helped distract me from the fact that Malphas is gone now. I learned it was Elijah that captured him. The last hour of the sand had drained from our hourglass as he pulled a Hail Mary. But he was too late. I said yes, and today is the day I have to face him for the first time in eight years.

  I begin to pack a small bag to take with me hoping I can stay overnight with my mother. It's been so long since I've seen her, but I'm sure she knows how busy my life has gotten since graduation and now with the DA's office. That’s the excuse I keep telling myself. We both know the real reason I’ve stayed away.

  I ease into the kitchen chair and try to steady my nerves. I rub my temples dreading the impending moment as if I were going to the oral surgeon's chair. With resolve, I straighten my back and take a deep breath.

  “Elijah? Can you take me to the In-Between? I need to see my mother.” I lean down and grip my bag. A few moments later I am standing on the platform in Amorous with Elijah's blazing skin scorching my own. The room is filled with a hurried crowd of Keepers coming and going, but when they see us, everyone stops dead in their tracks. Elijah glances down at our still combined hands and hitches his breath. I know he feels whatever this feeling is right now too. It's like our souls are feeding off one another, replenishing the energy that physically being apart took from us. Almost instantly, I feel more alive than I ever have in my life.

  He's wrapped around me in the next instant. His body is rock hard. He becomes my steel cage, and I begin to feel dizzy locked in his arms. I have to stay strong for Sam, and I’m only holding on by a hair.

  “Elijah please,” I finally manage to say breathlessly. He takes my hand up again and leads me through the crowd quickly. He shuts the door behind us in a small room off the main hallway.

  “I'm sorry Brennen. I couldn't help myself. It's been so long since I've touched you, held you in my arms. You’re my wife. We're bonded. I can't help the way that I feel. You can't go through with this marriage.” He pleads with me. His eyes search mine for a glimmer of submission.

  A thousand thoughts run through my mind all at once, but his oceanic eyes pull me in like a rip tide. He hasn't aged a day. His dimples quiver slightly waiting anxiously for my next words.

  I take a step back before I give in to him. God, I want to give in to him. I smooth my brow and try to appear indifferent. “I'm asking my mother to replace you as my guard. It's not fair to you Elijah. You shouldn't have to bear witness to me marrying Sam.” My words pierce his heart like a flaming arrow. He winces, and the wave of his heartache washes over me – fuses with my own, he the tide and I the river, saltwater and fresh, just brackish enough to sustain a semblance of life in this eternal hell I’m living.

  “So you think it better to just rip me out of your life completely?”

  “What else can I do Elijah? Every time I am alone with Sam, I think about how it's killing you. It's killing me. I know you felt the surge when we held hands just now. I think our separation has physically weakened me somehow.”

  “It will only get worse if we are apart. Malphas is gone. Yes, you would break Sam's heart, but he will get over it. I've seen humans recover from bad break-ups all the time. At least we can finally be together.”

  “You know it’s about the principal of the matter for me, not just sparing Sam’s heartache.”

  I see the small v form between Elijah’s brow and I know he’s about to put his foot down.

  “You will not take me off of your guard. I'll take a short break during your wedding day and honeymoon, if it makes you feel better, but you are mine to protect.”

  His passion rolls inside of me like a turbulent blast of air. It causes my breaths to come in short bursts. Slowly his face softens and his fingers cup my chin as he gazes into my eyes. “I have told you, seeing you happy is all I need to be happy. I need you to believe me.”

  “Alright. I can't bear to lose you either even though I can’t help but feel guilty.”

  “Just remember whose wife you really are.” Elijah slowly presses his body to mine backing us against the door. He hovers over my lips asking for any sign I'll deny his kiss. I crash over his lips instead, and let him know that he'll always me my spirit husband. He moans softly into my touch and hungrily takes my lips on a kiss reminiscent of our good-bye kiss all those years ago.

  He pulls away after slowing the kiss down. His smile pulls up on one side and his dimple ignites, knocking my senses loose for a moment. “I know you’re getting married in a week, but do you want to go back to my place?”

  I'm torn between right and wrong. Making love to my husband is wrong? My subconscious pleads, and the thought shocks me. I thought I had stronger morals than that. Marrying Sam even though you’re still in love with Elijah is wrong, but you're doing that. It taunts back.

  God, it sounds so wrong when you put it that way, I tell myself, feeling like an utter moron for having a whole conversation in my mind. I should have never come here. Elijah's hold over me hasn't faded with time like I had convinced myself it would. How do I always get myself in these impossible situations?

  “No Elijah, this is wrong.” I push him away and run down the hall to my mother's office, whipping on my sunglasses as I do. Why the heck does it have to be so bright here? Only more proof that Elijah is from a world I don't belong in. I burst through the streamlined doors to my mother's office.

  “Brennen what a lovely surprise! Come here. I need to hug you for a whole day.” My mother opens her arms as she comes around her desk. She hasn't aged either. I don't know why I expect them all to change when they're thousands of years old. I wonder if I will age any differently.

  “It's so good to see you too. I'm sorry I haven’t been in touch more. Sam and I are getting married next week.”

  “That's wonderful news. You will be the most exquisite bride in all the world.” All over again, my sub conscious blares again.

  I give her a sideways glance. Our wedding is going to be simple, no bells and whistles, no extravagant gown.

  “Tell me all of the plans you've made. I want to hear every detail.”

  I gaze off and my mind finds a memory of mine and Elijah's ceremony.

  “Darling, what's wrong?”

  “I still love Elijah so much. I thought over time I could get over him. I need someone to tell me that I'm doing the right thing.”

  “Why don't I read the oracle? Maybe we can see the outcome of each scenario.”

  The ever shifting ball of images hovers over her desk, and we move in front of it. My mother uses both of her hands to manipulate it around. What can she show me that I don’t already know deep down inside?

  “This is the only scene I get when I pull up your marriage to Sam.” Her delicate hand raises over the orb like a graceful lily. I'm in the presidential living quarters with two children clamoring on top of me vying for a spot on my lap. I look so happy to see them.

  She waves her hand and the image is gone. She moves her hands through the air again, and after a few moments she pauses over another image. “If you leave Sam and stay with Elijah, this is what the oracle sees.”

  I turn my back to it all of a sudden. I changed my mind and now, I don't want to know. I don't want to see, because my mind is made up. I can't break Sam's heart. Those two little children won't be born if I chose Elijah. How am I already so in love with their little hearts, when I haven't even seen their faces? They must be twins. That would also expl
ain the previous vision the oracle gave me. I was sunning myself on a blanket and I was roughly the size of a barge.

  “I don't understand. So much has changed since the last time I was here. How can I still have the same outcome?”

  “Haven't you always known you were going to marry Sam?”

  “Yes, but if Elijah is my soul mate then why hasn't our love ever had a fighting chance? Why the hell did it take them eight years to catch Malphas? If God does have a sense of humor, I'm sure He gained a bowl of laughter when I got the news an hour after agreeing to marry Sam.” I ease down in the chaise lounge across the room.

  “He never takes joy in your misery darling. I know it’s confusing, but it’s only because you can't see the larger plan. Perhaps things haven't worked out with you and Elijah because you have all of eternity with him as his spirit wife. With your being half Seraphim, you can spend your after life here or in heaven. Your life with Sam is miniscule compared to the time you'll get with Elijah. Earthly marriages are absolved after death.”

  Till death do us part…? I always wondered about that. My mother hugs me good-bye and tells me she'll see me at home later. Elijah is waiting just outside the building. The sun has almost set, and the air is thick with the smell of roses from the nearby garden.

  I take up his hand, and we walk through the floral masterpiece. The moment I step onto the crushed gravel, I remember walking towards him standing at the altar, my father's arm linked with mine as he gives me away. Our wedding was perfect. My mother even arranged for Emily to be my bridesmaid and my Grandmother to be there. I got the chance to tell them both how sorry I was and the chance to say good-bye.

  Elijah and I stand on the very spot we said our vows, and he recreates the kiss. He weaves a spell of love over me that has me intoxicated by his every move. His soft breath on my neck, his gentle caress of my back, each pulls me under like a cement block tied to my ankle. I bask in the knowledge that one day this will be our forever. He's known this all along. Maybe it's how he's had the strength to watch me love another man. He knows that in the blink of an eye, I'll be here with him, and we'll have our happily ever after.

  “I can’t see you again Elijah, not for a very long time.” My soft spoken words spread worry across his face. The sadness inside of him ebbs and flows like the spinning lighthouse lamp. I need him to be okay with my choice. I won’t be able to live with my decision for one hour if he’s against me.

  His cool forehead presses against my own as he takes my hands in his. “I know love. You have no idea what a gift it is to me to see you living a happy full life. I’ve always told you that is all I want for you, to be happy. Sam does love you and I can tell he will spend his life trying to show you just how much. But if he ever — ever, forgets to cherish you...” Elijah pulls my wrist to his lips and kisses it. “Forgets to comfort you in your time of need…” He leans in close so that his words caress my ears. “Fails to care for you in any standard other than sublime…” His lips trail soft kisses down my neck to my shoulder as I fall under his spell. “If he ever makes you feel insignificant or less than exquisitely beautiful… You won’t have far to look for me.” He nuzzles my hair and pulls me in close for one last hug.

  “Thank you for loving me the way you do.” We press our lips together for the last time, and draw out the moment for as long as we can. Then Elijah takes my hand, and we walk back to the transfer platform. Before we leave, I gaze over his features. I burn the image of his stratospheric blue eyes into my memory hoping I won’t forget their beauty, or the love that lives inside of them. I know he loves me to unfathomable depths. Leaving this place, leaving him, is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

  When I land in my small kitchen, the house is cold and empty and it sends a chill straight up my spine. He’s still here. He’s still holding me, I chant like a mantra over and over again in my head. I mouth the words, I miss you. I feel a wave of his love roll through me. It feels warm and secure and I know it’s a feeling that’s never going to fade.

  Chapter 9 ~ Something Blue ~

  The wood floors creak under my feet as I gaze at my reflection in the mirror. I don't recognize the person in the glass staring back at me. She’s happy and beautiful, two things I’m not. Elena comes up behind me and tucks a stray lock of hair back into my up-swept hair style.

  “How is he?”

  “Stop torturing yourself and live for today, Brennen. You love Sam. Elijah only wants you to be happy, so the only way you can hurt him is by being miserable.”

  My head spins and my body physically aches.

  “I don’t feel well Elena.”

  “It will come and go in waves the longer you’re apart. Your soul is protesting his absence. Let’s get this show on the road. The quicker Elijah gets back, the less likely you are to go into full blown withdrawal.” She tightens her grip around my arm, and a brilliant light begins to emanate from her palm. “Yes, I’m healing you, but the effect won’t last,” she answers my unspoken question. As she releases her death grip on me I notice I do feel pretty much normal now.

  She tosses the bouquet in my arms and hurries me out the door. Lexi bounds up next to me and slips a hug in around my waist. “Oh my God! You look amazing. I knew this was the dress the moment you put it on.”

  “Thanks Lex.” I force a convincible enough smile to subdue her for now. This dress is nothing like the masterpiece my mother concocted from thin air. Other than it too being white, nothing is remotely the same. A simple strapless ball gown with layers of tulle graces my body. The rustic barn outside has been transformed into a palace of country elegance. Mia and Maci greet me at the bottom of the stairs. I take them in, all grown up. Their long locks cascade down in waves nearly brushing their waists.

  My three bridesmaids are dressed in shades of blush, gray, and robin’s egg. They all wrap their arms around me, and Mia leads us in a quick prayer. That moment freezes in time for me. Huddled in the warmth of my sisters’ arms, I let it all go. In that one glorious second, I ask Him to take away my doubts, my fears– my guilt. I give God my problems and ask Him to deal with it. I feel the weight lift from me. It’s as if I can finally inhale a full breath. It’s a blissful respite from the pain that floods into my veins and trickles into my toes. I bask in the serenity which may only last a few seconds, or potentially years. However long it may be, I accept the relief, and I squeeze the girls with all my strength like my father used to do to me before he’d leave.

  This is my life. It took me eight years of fighting fate to realize that there is no fighting fate. The course had been laid even before my life began, back when I was just a name written on His hand.

  Before I realize it, I’m standing at the end of the aisle waiting for Sam to turn and see me. He hears the hush come over the crowd, and his amber eyes melt me on the spot, gluing my worn out boots right to the dust covered ground.

  I squash the memory of Elijah standing in the very spot Sam is now, looking at me with the exact same spellbound wonder. Sam looks so handsome in his gray vest and tie. I can’t help but want to draw closer to him. He’s my center, my ground, when I’m adrift. The soft glow of the sinking sun gives off its final splash of color before retiring for the night. The candle lit barn glows warmly against the navy sky. This is home, Sam, his sisters, and his exorbitantly large family who have grown to adore me. They’ve all come to love and accept me over these last eight years. It’s time I do too.

  Soon I’m standing beside him, and his broad hand takes up mine. “You look so beautiful,” he whispers into my ear. I smile up at him, and the Pastor of our local church begins the ceremony. A few minutes into it and Elena’s healing trick has worn off. I feel a sharp pain welling up deep from inside. It feels as if someone is slicing pieces of my soul off by the pound. I clench my teeth and try to bare it. If I’m feeling this, I wonder what Elijah must be enduring.

  I need something to take my mind off of it. I glance at Elena trying to plead for help. I blink back tears and try to k
eep my face pointed toward the Pastor, so Sam can’t tell that something is wrong. Elena finally purses her lips letting me know there’s nothing she can do with a room full of witnesses.

  My eyes search the heavens for some sort of divine relief. The moon catches my gaze, and my thoughts escape to another world, to the night Elijah and I got married. The moon light washed his tan chest a shade of pewter. My hands traced the faint lines of his scars visible through his half buttoned shirt. His hands pulled me in tighter and he brushed his lips over mine for a moment.

  “You are so precious to me,” he admits in a sensual voice next to my ear.

  I peel away from him just to see his expression. His lips hold a ghost of a smile and I could see he was just as nervous as I was.

  He led me to the music room and invited me to share the piano bench while he played a Bruno Mars song, Talking to the Moon. I loved listening to the sound of his voice. It calmed my nerves to the point where I was no longer nervous. I wanted him. I wanted to share myself with him in a very real and tangible way. He read the longing in my eyes and in the next instant, he scooped me up with a smile and carried me to our bedroom. A playful laugh escapes us both, but the second he eased me onto the bed, a look of desire heated his stare. My breath hitched as he unzipped my bridal gown. His touch was slow and calculated, seducing me with only glimpses of what was to come.

  “You are so soft. I could touch you like this all night.” He runs his hand from my knee going north. My stomach hitches as he passes over the hem of my garter and doesn’t stop until his hand is in my own above my head. “Do you remember the night that all we could do was this?”

  God, do I remember that night! It still plays in reruns in my best dreams some nights. Back when we were forbidden from each other, Elijah and I shared a vivid dream where he and I made love. Only now we get to make that dream come true.

  I nod with a smile playing on my lips, inviting him to continue. His body covers mine and Elijah fulfills my every waking dream. What came next felt so natural and so utterly right and good that I couldn’t believe we had waited for that night for so long.