Rock, Paper, Shivers

by Sara C. Roethle

  Seeing that I wasn’t coming back to his embrace, his arms dropped to his sides. “You seem different than you were the other morning,” he commented, voice void of emotion, though what I was sensing from him was hitting me like a tidal wave.

  “Being around that much power affected me more than I realized,” I admitted. I slumped into one of the nearby seats, too tired to stand any longer.

  Alaric resumed his seat next to me. The distance between us now felt like a dagger in my heart, but I couldn’t pull it out.

  “Yet you’ll put yourself back in that position?” he asked.

  “I have to,” I answered immediately. “You don’t understand what needs to be done.”

  “Then tell me.”

  “Not yet,” I answered, urging him to understand.

  I was shielding like a son of a bitch against the key. The Morrigan’s energy was helping me, but we could only shield so much. Anything I said out loud would be clearly conveyed. The key shielded from us as well, so we had no idea how much it actually knew.

  Alaric frowned. “At least stay here tonight. We can talk more about it in the morning.”

  I shook my head and looked down, fighting against the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

  “Have you eaten anything?” he asked, his voice suddenly cold.

  I shook my head. “I need to go.”

  “You won’t tell me what you plan, and you won’t let me help you. The least you can do is let me feed you. You may have taken on extra power, but your body is still mortal, as is our child. You need to eat.”

  I nodded, suddenly feeling like a horrible person.

  I thought he would leave the room to find food, but he only stood and went to a backpack I hadn’t noticed previously, sitting in one of the chairs next to the fire.

  He came back with two protein bars, an apple, a bag trail mix, and a bottle of water. He sat it all in front of me on the table, then resumed his seat.

  My eyebrows raised as I looked down at the food. “Am I supposed to eat all of that?”

  He nodded as I glanced over at him. “If you’re only staying long enough to eat, then I’m going to feed you till you pop.”

  I smiled in spite of myself, glad for the excuse to stay, if only for a little while. I opened a protein bar. While I ate, Alaric took my free hand in his, watching me as if memorizing my every movement.

  We gazed into each other’s eyes often, as an unspoken agreement formed between us. He would trust while I climbed whatever mountains I needed, and would be there should I happen to fall.

  “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” James said to Sophie, approaching her in the early morning light.

  It was true. After speaking with Alaric, he’d gone to his room to rest. He’d fallen asleep only to wake in the wee hours of the morning with a single thought nagging at him. Why was he alive?

  He didn’t mean the thought in a existential sort of way. Instead, he just didn’t understand why Sophie had insisted he come along after losing his memory. She’d been nothing but a bitch to him the entire time, yet here he was. He couldn’t understand it, and he needed to know why.

  Sophie turned, her face silhouetted by the barest hint of purple sunlight. He knew she’d smelled and heard him long before he reached her, but had only dignified him with acknowledgement once he’d made it clear he intended to speak with her.

  She was just as beautiful as ever, and just as fierce, with her long, black hair framing her narrow, toned body, clad in black as usual. She leaned against a scraggly tree as if the weight of the world was pushing her down. Her ethereal features still took his breath away, just like always, though he’d never admit it now. She was the only girl he’d ever loved, and she’d torn his heart out.

  “I have a question for you,” he stated when she didn’t speak.

  “Go on,” she said coldly.

  “Why didn’t you kill me? You’ve hated me since I killed Sammuel, and you had the perfect opportunity, so why didn’t you kill me?”

  She stared at him, and James suddenly felt like the vilest insect to have ever walked the face of the earth. She always made him feel like that. Like he wasn’t worth nearly as much as she was.

  “Well?” he growled, anger boiling in his stomach.

  “I had just been left by Maya,” she answered sadly, surprising him. “It left me feeling the slightest bit sentimental, but don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”

  He shook his head, tossing his golden hair forward to partially obscure his eyes. “I still don’t get it. Don’t you hate me?”

  She turned away from him to gaze out at the slowly rising sun. “I hate you, and I always will. I can never forgive you. Don’t get the wrong impression.”

  He took a step closer, wanting to reach out to her, but not wanting to lose a hand. “If your hatred is still that strong, then why not kill me?” he pressed, knowing he was taunting her, but unable to help himself.

  Suddenly Sophie turned on him. “Because I’m not you!” she shouted. Her voice echoed across the land, carried far by the thin, morning air. In a more calm voice, she continued, “Just because I was betrayed by a monster, doesn’t mean I have to become one.”

  James stepped back in shock. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it hadn’t been that. All this time, he’d thought Sophie would enact her vengeance as soon as he gave her the chance, but in reality she’d never planned on it. She’d never planned on turning herself into exactly what he was. He realized with a start he’d been waiting around, hoping she would try. If she was just like him, then she couldn’t hate him anymore.

  He exhaled, suddenly feeling like he might just turn to dust to blow away on the breeze. He began to turn away, then mumbled, “You’re a stronger person than I.”

  “What?” Sophie snapped, though James knew she’d heard him.

  He turned to fully face her. “I thought you were a monster for leaving me for another man,” he began, his anger threatening to spill over. His anger was always like that now, just below the surface, waiting to be unleashed. “So I became one in return,” he continued. “I became a monster, because that’s what I thought you were.”

  Sophie’s eyes narrowed. “You were always a monster, James. I simply gave you to courage to be what you truly were.”

  James stared into her honest eyes, and couldn’t quite handle what he saw there. It was easy to blame others for your actions. Accepting that you’d made your own choices was another thing entirely.

  He turned abruptly and walked away, leaving Sophie to her thoughts.

  Perhaps he had always been a monster. It didn’t matter, as long as that’s what he was now. Being a monster was a lot easier than feeling pain, and it was a hell of a lot less scary than experiencing heartbreak. Being a monster was the only thing that allowed him to walk away in that moment. It was the only thing that had allowed him to survive all this time around her. All this time being hated by her. A monster was all he would ever be, from that point forward.

  He thought he heard Sophie crying as he walked away, but he shut the sound out. Monsters didn’t care about the tears of others. They only cared about themselves.

  “I have to go,” I argued, rising to my feet as Alaric held onto my hand.

  I’d done my best to convince him, but it really was my fault as much as his that I hadn’t left yet. The Morrigan’s energy had started with subtle prodding, but her force had become almost overwhelming as I’d stalled the early morning away.

  Alaric’s face held so many unsaid things as his shoulders sagged in resignation. Suddenly he knelt in front of me, putting his face level with my belly.

  To my surprise, he started speaking to it. “Now daughter,” he began, then smiled, still gazing at my stomach, “It feels very weird saying that, but I need you to listen.” His eyes rolled up to me as he said the next part, “I trust your mother. I trust her not to listen to anyone’s opinions but her own.”

  My breath caught. Did he understand? Did he k
now I could shield my thoughts from the key, but not my words?

  He gave me solid eye contact as he continued, “I’ll be counting the hours until I can see both of you again. All I need is the slightest sign, and I’ll follow your mother to the ends of the earth. She and I will be together before you join us.”

  I held back tears as I used his hand to pull him to his feet. He hugged me hard enough it almost hurt, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “I’ll walk you out,” he whispered in my ear.

  I nodded, suddenly feeling afraid. Previously, I’d been so gung ho in my task, and so caught up in the energies that had surrounded me, I hadn’t felt fear. It was all catching up with me now, but I knew what I needed to do. I would just have to be careful not to lose myself again.

  We left the room and walked down the hall, hand in hand. I would have liked to thank Mikael, but I saw no sign of him, and I couldn’t hold off the energies within me forever. I didn’t want to risk riling them enough that they’d try to take over.

  We reached the Salr’s entrance with no obstacles, and ascended to the surface together.

  Morning had come, the cheery sunlight contrasting with my mood. I heard footsteps and turned to see James stomping toward us, his energy chaotic. My attention was drawn away from him as the screech of a banshee sounded near the coast. As I watched, the phantoms sped toward me, even though I hadn’t called for them. I’d kept them waiting too long, and they’d grown restless, ready to serve their purpose.

  “I see you’re both still pretending this can actually work out,” James sniped.

  Alaric and I turned back to see him scowling at our joined hands.

  “I see you’re still pretending we want to speak with you,” Alaric replied coldly.

  The banshees and other phantoms reached us, swirling around impatiently. Neither James nor Alaric seemed fazed, and I could sense some new tension between them that hadn’t been there before.

  I felt impatience welling up inside of me, but it wasn’t mine. I was the opposite of impatient. I didn’t want to go.

  A wave of angry energy hit me, making me lose my grip on Alaric’s hand. He snapped his head from James to me in surprise.

  “I felt that,” he gasped.

  James’ anger hit me a second later. I had no idea what he was so upset about, but I’d never felt his emotions like that. Usually, I hardly felt his emotions at all.

  I looked at James in shock.

  “Stop empathing me,” he growled.

  “I didn’t mean—” I began, but was cut off as someone came into sight from the direction of the road. A moment later I realized it was Mikael, along with Aila and Faas, though I had no idea when the latter two had arrived.

  Two of the banshees darted toward James, not liking the aim of his fury.

  “Call them off,” James demanded, his ire increasing.

  “Maddy,” Alaric said cautiously, grabbing my hand to give it a squeeze.

  I closed my eyes and tried to let Alaric’s calm seep in, but was met with the agitated energies of the key and the Morrigan. There was no calm to be found within me, and emotions were heightening all around me.

  I sensed Sophie’s approach without opening my eyes. She was angry, confused, and also scared. The more I sensed everyone’s emotions, the more the feeling increased. I wasn’t usually so easily overwhelmed, but my added power boost had increased my senses. It was becoming difficult to define where my feelings ended and everyone else’s began.

  Alaric was like a cool wind at my side, radiating calm because he knew that it helped me, but it wasn’t enough.

  The banshees darted at James again, trying to warn him away from me. I couldn’t tell if they were being protective, or if they were just affected by his emotions as an extension of me.

  “Stop it!” James shouted, not backing down, just as Mikael, Aila, and Faas reached us.

  “You need to calm down,” Faas said warily, looking at James, but James didn’t seem to hear him.

  James lashed out at the banshees whenever they came near, though mortal hands couldn’t harm them. The only thing that could harm them was either someone who could control the dead, or who could control energy.

  Suddenly panicked, I met Faas’ eyes. “Don’t,” I said, “it will only make it worse.”

  His brow creased with worry, he nodded. If he tried to drain the energy from the banshees, it would only turn them toward attacking him instead.

  I pulled away from Alaric and backed away from the group. It wasn’t the goodbye I had in mind, but if I left, the banshees would leave with me.

  Still, I felt like I was going to faint. The key’s energy suddenly washed through me, awakened by the chaos of the moment.

  “No,” I breathed, a moment before I lost control.

  My arm flung into the air, no longer controlled by my thoughts alone, sending the banshees forward. They swarmed their chosen target, James, knocking him to the ground. There was shouting all around, but I was too dizzy to make out what was happening.

  I felt it the moment Faas began draining energy from the banshees, but it was too late. There were too many of them.

  “Focus on me,” I screamed to Faas, knowing it was the only way to stop what was happening. Just as I gained energy from the banshees, they gained energy from me. Draining my power would weaken us all.

  At first I didn’t think Fass heard me, but a moment later I began to feel weak as my life force drained away. He was taking more energy than he ever had before, trying to stop what was happening to James. As he drained what felt like the last of my energy away, the Morrigan rushed forward, unwilling to give her power to anyone but me.

  I felt a flying sensation, right before I lost consciousness. The last thing I heard was Alaric shouting my name.

  16

  I came to as we landed, realizing Mara had turned us into a crow, though I hadn’t thought such a feat possible with my body as the host.

  I lay face up in the grass, panting as a voice in my head explained, Faas weakened us. I could not carry us far.

  Good, I thought in reply, wanting nothing more than to run back to make sure Alaric was okay. Now, if only I could stand.

  “Hello Madeline,” a voice said.

  I held my breath in panic as I realized the voice wasn’t in my head, but somewhere near my head. The panic wasn’t from the innocuous greeting itself, but the person who’d given it. I recognized that eerily calm voice. A voice I’d never hoped to hear again.

  “Estus,” I breathed.

  He came into view as he moved to stand over me. He was small, several inches shorter than me, but at the current angle he looked enormous. He smiled down at me, his lined face framed by his loose, silver hair flowing to his ankles.

  “I’ve been searching for you,” he explained, still smiling.

  A voice in my head whispered, Run, but I still felt unable to stand. I reached out metaphysically, searching for the banshees, but nothing answered my call. I felt somehow blocked off.

  Another person stepped into view, and if I had the energy, I would have screamed. Aislin.

  At her side stood her executioner. The only time I’d ever seen him had been by the light of the moon. His hair had looked pure white then, and now that I could see it in the daylight, I could tell that it really was that white, though his angular face was young. His eyes looked gray or hazel, and held little emotion as he looked down at me.

  “Marcos is a necromancer,” Aislin explained, fluffing the full skirts of her ornate white dress around her. “He is blocking your phantoms from finding you, as well as the spirit that seems to have taken up residence within you.”

  She had to mean the Morrigan, and come to think of it, I could no longer sense her. I could still sense the key, but it wasn’t offering me any help. I knew I should have been afraid, but my fear was secondary to a shocking realization that made sense of everything.

  James and I had escaped from Estus’ Salr so easily, and Alaric had no trouble
leaving to follow us. We’d found Diana, Aislin’s sister, who led us right to the key. As much as we’d tried to create conflict between the two clans, they had continued to come after us, only attacking Mikael’s people and not each other.

  “You’ve both been working together all this time,” I croaked, still feeling too weak to speak properly.

  Aislin and Estus both smiled, while Marcos’ face remained impassive.

  “Clever girl,” Aislin mocked. “You never stood a chance.”

  I glared at them. Even with the realization, I still had no idea why they were working together, or what they hoped to achieve if their goals weren’t to defeat one another. Aislin had wanted me dead, her people had said so themselves, so why weren’t they killing me now?

  “The charm truly is inside her,” Marcos remarked, “though I do not understand the other energy.”

  Aislin frowned. “I didn’t think it possible. I thought for sure her man was lying. The charm never entered any of its previous hosts.”

  “What do you want?” I whispered, feeling like a lab specimen.

  “We’re going to save our race, my dear,” Estus explained, “but first we need to find a way to separate you from the charm.” He crouched down, putting his face inches from mine. “Even if it means we must cut you open to scrape it from your very soul.”

  I mustered what little strength I had left to scoot away, wishing Faas hadn’t drained me so violently. We hadn’t flown far. Alaric and the others had to be somewhere near. There was still hope.

  “Hope is a funny thing,” Estus whispered, as if reading my mind. “It makes you strong in times of weakness, but leaves you when you truly need it most. This is a lesson you will learn very, very soon.”

  I struggled as Marcos crouched and lifted me up into his arms. I tried to lash out, to drain his energy, to do something, but he was like a brick wall to me. He began to carry me away, while I was still too weak to scream.