Becoming Zara

by Lillianna Blake

  Braden had seemed slightly surprised—and very complimentary—about the fact that I’d gotten up in front of the room to share some of my ideas when the group had been brainstorming about a few different topics. When I’d caught him looking at me after I’d sat back down, he’d reached over and squeezed my hand under the table, mouthing the words “you’re awesome” to me, which had made me grin.

  “Braden, that was amazing. Thanks so much for inviting me.”

  “You really seemed in your element in there. Would I be right if I assumed that you’ll be joining the group now on a regular basis?”

  “Definitely count me in. That’s exactly the kind of energy I need to surround myself with.” Saying the words out loud reminded me that I hadn’t yet told my sister about my plans. I was going to call her, but I had the suspicion that I’d do best to wait until after I’d actually quit my job. For sure Madison would try to talk me out of it and do her best to make me think I was losing my mind—not that she could talk me out of it—but I wanted to be sure that I was in a very strong place emotionally when I told her. I didn’t need anyone raining on my parade before I’d even left the start.

  I glance down at my phone; it had beeped with a new text. It was from Maneesh.

  Would it be too forward of me to say that I want to see you tonight? I can’t stop thinking about you.

  I was slightly surprised—but in a good way. I’d been thinking of him and our date throughout the morning also.

  “Hmm?”

  I was trying to listen to Braden, but not really hearing him as I thought about how to respond to Maneesh.

  “Must be something good.” Braden winked at me, but something about the way he looked reminded me that I was being slightly rude having my attention elsewhere.

  “It’s Maneesh. He says he wants to see me tonight.”

  I felt the heat on my face and noticed that I’d left out the part about him thinking about me—not normal when relaying important things to Braden, but he seemed to be acting kind of weird about my dating, so I’d keep that bit to myself.

  “Oh? And?”

  I hit send on the text I’d been working on, telling Maneesh that I’d love to have dinner with him again.

  I shrugged as I looked over at Braden behind the wheel. “Why not? I do like him. I guess we’re going to have dinner.”

  A few minutes passed in silence before Braden spoke.

  “So what are you going to do now? I don’t have a training appointment until later this afternoon. Shall we go grab a coffee?”

  “Sorry. Can’t. I’m supposed to meet Nicole in the park in an hour—for our weekly walk. Wanna join us?”

  I regretted extending the invitation as soon as the words left my mouth. Nicole had texted me to see if I was okay with another friend coming too—actually it was Maxine from the support group—so really, having male energy there might not be very appropriate now that I was thinking about it.

  “No. I think I should let you have your girl talk. It’s okay. We’ll catch up later. See you for coffee tomorrow? Regular time?”

  Braden had a funny look on his face when he asked me the question. “Braden, what? What’s that look for?”

  “Oh, nothing.” He glanced at me as he pulled up in front of my condo. “Just that if things keep going so well with your new man, you might not have time for your old one—especially not for Sunday morning coffee.” He laughed.

  I don’t know why I seemed to be blushing so much these days. It was just Braden. God, get it together, Zara. For some reason, I didn’t want Braden thinking about Maneesh spending the night with me—not that I was planning on having him spend the night any time soon. Was I? It felt wrong somehow.

  I leaned over to give Braden a quick kiss on the cheek before he got out to walk me to my door. “For the record…” I looked him in the eyes. “I will always have time for you. See you tomorrow at ten.”

  Chapter 28

  When I got to the park, Nicole and Maxine were already there. I grinned as I saw the two of them in a very nice downward dog pose. I liked Nicole and I was looking forward to getting to know more about Maxine. They stood up as I got closer and I was reminded of how gorgeous Maxine was. I could easily see why she’d been a model—she certainly had the look of one.

  “Hi, ladies. Nice pose.” I winked at Nicole as she made her way over to hug me, laughing.

  “I’ve been doing it ever since you showed me last week. In fact, you’ll be pleased to know that I actually signed up for the yoga class at my gym, and it wasn’t nearly as difficult for me as I’d imagined.”

  “Really? That’s so great. I’m impressed.”

  And I was impressed. Nicole was more of go-getter than I’d imagined. It was nice to see, really. I turned my attention toward Maxine.

  “Maxine, it’s nice to see you again. I’m glad you could join us.”

  She grinned, her perfect smile practically taking up her whole face. “Thank you guys for having me. I was delighted to be invited. Nicole’s been telling me how inspired she’s been by you and, well—just in the short time I was around you at that first meeting—I can see why. You seem very genuine.”

  I thought Maxine seemed a bit shy all of a sudden, and now I felt a little silly for all of the wonderful compliments coming my way.

  “Oh, I have my moments, you know—just as we all do.”

  “So, how was your week?” Nicole asked.

  Last time I’d seen Nicole, I’d confessed to her about the terrible time I was having with my work situation. She’d been a great listener and had had some good input to add as we’d brainstormed my ideas about becoming a life coach.

  “My week was actually pretty great, thanks.” I looked over at the two women as we started walking along the path together. “I’ve made the decision to quit my job and I’m doing it on Monday.”

  “Zara, that’s great!”

  Nicole was genuinely happy for me—I could see it on her face—and Maxine was nodding her head in agreement.

  “I hope you don’t mind that I filled Maxine in a little bit—on what we’d talked about regarding your idea about becoming a life coach,” Nicole said.

  “I think it’s really brave of you to just go for it like that. We both do.” Maxine glanced at Nicole, who was nodding her head in agreement.

  Nicole said, “I only wish I’d have the courage to quit my job and do something I really love.”

  I stopped walking and gently grabbed Nicole’s arm. “You can do it, you know, Nicole. I mean, I wouldn’t suggest quitting your job without some kind of a plan, but you have to figure out what truly makes you happy and then go for it. We only have this one life, right, ladies?”

  I saw the glance that Nicole and Maxine seemed to be sharing as we started down the path again.

  “What’s up with you two? Why do I get the feeling that there’s a secret here that I’m not a part of?”

  I laughed but I wasn’t quite sure if I should feel amused or annoyed.

  “Oh, sorry. It’s nothing bad at all.”

  “Okay. So spill it.” I laughed.

  “A group of us were talking—just Maxine and I and a few of the other women the other day after our regular meeting—about how inspiring you’d been to me.”

  “And really to all of us—even just that one day that you were at the group,” Maxine chimed in.

  I flashed back to that day and how passionate I’d felt about the women and what they were all doing there.

  “Okay, and…where are you two going with this?”

  “Well, we were just thinking that maybe if you didn’t want to be a part of Tammy’s group—” Nicole glanced at Maxine.

  “—And most of us—well, the ones of us that have been talking about it—totally get it now—what you were talking about that day.”

  “We were just wondering if maybe you’d want to start a group of your own?”

  “Well, we were hoping that you might consider it,” Maxine added.

  I st
opped walking and Nicole and Maxine stopped too.

  “Hmm. You know, that’s something I’ve actually been thinking about but now you’re giving me another idea.”

  My heart was racing at the thoughts that were swirling in my mind. Everything seemed to be coming together. I finally felt that I had all the parts of my life moving in a good direction. I had an exciting new career ahead of me, new friends who were super supportive, and a new dating relationship that I felt certain would be going to that next level shortly.

  Chapter 29

  I lay in bed, my thoughts and mind racing. My dinner date with Maneesh had gone so well. The conversation had seemed effortless and I found him quite interesting as we talked about where his family was from and his own dreams to go on a big trip one day. I had many of the same dreams myself. I’d always loved to travel internationally whenever I’d been able to take the time off work—which never seemed to be enough, of course. I’d been to a few places in Mexico, and a few years ago, Danielle and I had traveled by train around Italy for two weeks.

  I thought about how much more time I’d have to travel now that I was going to be my own boss. I’d also been reading a lot online about people who had made their coaching businesses one hundred percent virtual, utilizing the many different technological tools that we had these days to do video conferencing and everything online. I knew that I wouldn’t start out that way—I wanted my interactions with my first clients to be face-to-face—but it was nice to know that it could be considered as a possibility.

  I felt something in the pit of my stomach as I realized that I’d purposely held back from talking to Maneesh further about my job. I’d decided to wait until Monday when I was fully moving forward into this next phase of my work life. I was confident that once he’d seen how much research I’d done and how prepared I was to turn my ideas into a real business, he’d be on board and celebrating with me.

  I pushed any doubts aside as I let myself lie in bed and remember the kiss. God, the kiss.

  This time Maneesh had picked me up for our dinner date and when he walked me to the door later, we both knew it was going to happen.

  His lips had been very gentle and sweet on mine. I hadn’t been kissed in awhile, so the mere surprise of it stirred a lot in me—so much that I’d considered—and may have actually invited him in. Okay, I did invite him in, and I may have thought about having him spend the night; but really, I wasn’t that kind of girl and Maneesh needed to be up early. So our night ended at the door with a promise to see one another for drinks Monday after work.

  My phone dinged with a surprising late-night text.

  Hey you. How was your date?

  Braden. I smiled as I tapped out my reply.

  Date was VERY good. I have a good feeling about this!

  VERY good as in…is he there NOW?

  Lol No, not that good. See you tomorrow at ten? I’ll tell you everything then.

  I can’t wait! Night. xo

  Braden was acting weird.

  We’d ordered our coffees and were settled at our usual table. Everything was the same as it was any other ordinary Sunday morning like the ones we’d been sharing for months now—except everything felt different.

  I’d always been able to share everything with Braden. Whenever I had even the slightest crush on a new guy at the gym, Braden was the first to know about it and also the first to encourage me to actually do something about it—which I never had. Likewise, I’d always encouraged him to tell me everything about all of the many dates that he’d been going on lately. Well, maybe everything was stretching it a bit. I really didn’t want to know every detail, but so far he’d claimed not to have anything so personal to share.

  When I’d shared with him how great my date had gone with Maneesh last night, he got all fidgety in his seat and even though he was listening intently, I got the distinct impression that he didn’t want to hear about it, which did hurt a little bit. I powered through, telling him how amazing our first kiss had been—and Braden had gotten up to use the bathroom right in the middle of it.

  I sighed, waiting for him to return. Some things were just better shared with girlfriends. I should know better, really. My ex had constantly gotten after me about that—saying that guys didn’t really want to discuss feelings—theirs or the women’s in their life. I’d hoped he wasn’t right; I sure thought that Braden was different.

  I tried not to glare at him now as he sat back down across from me.

  “What was that all about?”

  “What?”

  Why is he acting so weird?

  “Am I boring you talking about my excitement about the first guy I’ve actually liked in ages? I laughed, pretty desperate to get things back to normal all of a sudden. I didn’t like this uncomfortableness between us. Not at all.

  Braden sighed and looked at me the way he did sometimes when he really wanted to get a point across. “No. I’m sorry, Zara. I guess I’m just a little jealous.”

  I knew that the confusion I was feeling had to be apparent on my face.

  “I just—I guess I don’t want this to end. For someone to come between us and our coffee dates—our friendship. And I can tell that you really like this guy. Does that make sense?”

  I smiled and reached across the table to grab his hand—something I didn’t often do with Braden because it tended to send my mind in the wrong direction about my best friend, something I tried so hard to avoid these days. He really was a sensitive soul, though, and I wanted to understand and put his mind at ease.

  “Hey, that’s not gonna happen. We won’t let it, right?”

  Our conversation got back on track, mostly with me monopolizing it to talk about the excitement I felt about handing in my notice at work the next day. It felt good to have Braden’s support about something that was so important to me.

  We were lucky to have one another. That was for sure.

  Chapter 30

  Dr. Reese was jotting a few notes down on her pad of paper while I filled her in on the latest with Maneesh. She seemed pleased about the kiss when I’d told her about it. She felt very strongly that it was important to test the potential sexual energy of a relationship as soon as possible and that a first kiss was one of the best ways to do that. Dr. Reese seemed to be slightly obsessed with the sexual energy of the relationship and after the kiss I’d shared with Maneesh, I wouldn’t have disagreed.

  If I was being honest, though, I didn’t know if our chemistry was a perfect match. The kiss was fine—even great, as far as first kisses go, but I felt slightly off about it. I couldn’t explain it, though, and I wouldn’t try now. I needed to give our relationship more time.

  “I’m so pleased to hear that things are going well for you, Zara. Do you believe that you and Maneesh will be taking your relationship to the next level in time—that stage of exclusivity that you told me was important to you with this dating journey you’re on?”

  I was nodding my head but I couldn’t help thinking about the conversation I’d had earlier with Braden. Something about it was still bothering me.

  “What is it? You look confused.”

  I’d already told Dr. Reese all about Braden. It had actually taken more than a bit of work on my part to convince her that he and I were only best friends. She’d asked me a lot of questions about our friendship, and in the end I felt she still believed that there was something else to our relationship. I was a little reluctant to tell her what was on my mind now, for fear of getting into the same circular battle.

  I’d promised myself that I was going to be genuine throughout this process, so there was no sense holding back from the one person who I knew was there to help me find true love.

  “Oh, I had a conversion with Braden today—just a little while ago, actually. He’d wanted to know how my date went last night and when I told him about the kiss, he got very weird—as in much more weird than I’d ever seen him.”

  Dr. Reese was eyeing me with that knowing look I’d become accustomed t
o.

  “What? It’s nothing. We’ve worked it out, anyway.”

  “Zara?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t you think it’s possible that Braden is jealous? That maybe he has feelings for you?”

  I was shaking my head, probably harder than was necessary to get my point across. “No. No way. Braden and I are just friends. Believe me, I’ve been over and over the potential feelings that I have for him and I know that it’s not good for me to even think anything else. Our friendship is too important and—”

  “And what?”

  “I just—I really can’t imagine that I’d ever be his type.” I looked across the table at her. “I’m not being down on myself. I just know the kinds of girls he usually dates and they don’t look like me.”

  “Okay, Zara. I may be wrong, but from everything that you’ve told me about him—about the two of you—it certainly seems that there could be a little something there. That’s all I’m saying.”

  I had to give her credit for her persistence in the matter. I nodded my head.

  “Noted.” I winked at her. “For now, I think I should just focus on this blossoming relationship with Maneesh—the potential man of my dreams—something that actually seems to really be happening.”

  Chapter 31

  I could hardly contain my excitement as I headed into the gym to meet Braden. He’d texted me earlier to confirm our appointment and also to apologize again for his weird reaction the day before. As soon as I walked in the door he was by my side with a big question on his face.

  “I did it! Braden, I gave my notice today!” I knew my smile was contagious, and I’d only just gotten the words out before Braden’s arms were around me in the biggest hug, his smile matching my own.