Becoming Zara
Page 10
“Zara. That’s such good news. I’m so proud of you, baby.”
His words jolted me a bit. Baby? He’d certainly never called me baby before, and I don’t think he even noticed. He was pulling me over to a corner of the gym where there was a lone table and a few chairs.
“Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
I loved his excitement. I owed a lot to him—after all, it was Braden who got me even thinking about coaching in the first place. Before I’d had time to get too emotional again about it all—I’d shed a few tears of happiness already in the car after work—Braden was sitting across from me, handing me a large envelope.
“What’s this?” I was confused but the look on his face was priceless. He was obviously happy about whatever it was that I was going to see when I opened the envelope.
“Open it.”
I pulled out a pamphlet and several pieces of paper that had what looked like catalogue pictures. I was still confused as to what I was looking at, and finally Braden took one of them out of my hand and pulled his chair up right next to mine, our heads together as we looked at the paper.
“It’s my present to you—to honor you on your new adventure.”
I’d never seen him with a bigger smile on his face and I still didn’t understand what the heck he was getting at.
“I want to convert your second bedroom into an office for you—for your coaching business. See, you can choose everything you like, but I’ve hired a designer to help you—we’ll get you a desk, a sofa, shelving—whatever you need, including a space where you can meet your clients.”
Braden’s eyes were shining and mine were blurry with tears as I flung my arms around his neck. I couldn’t talk for several minutes, and I must have scared him silly the way I was hanging on to his neck.
Finally I released him enough that I could create a little space between us.
“Braden. I can’t believe you did this—that you’re doing this for me. It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Truly.”
It wasn’t even that it was a ridiculously expensive gift—it was the fact that my best friend seemed as invested in my dream as I was. It was the fact that he was saying that he believed in me one hundred percent—no doubts, no questions asked.
“So what do you say? Do you wanna skip the workout today and look at some office ideas on my laptop instead?” He winked and I nodded my head. That was exactly what I wanted to do.
I spent a good hour with Braden poring over websites and images that he’d already gone through all of the trouble to pull up. I glanced at the time, knowing that I had to think about leaving soon.
“Hey, I don’t have another session scheduled until later tonight. Shall we go grab a celebratory drink?”
“Oh, sorry, Braden. I’m meeting Maneesh for a drink—very soon, actually.”
I saw the look on Braden’s face and instantly regretted telling him.
I should have just canceled with Maneesh. I should be celebrating with my best friend.
“You know what? I can cancel,” I said, pulling my phone out to send a quick text.
“No. Don’t do that. It’s okay. Really. I have stuff I can do here.”
Braden put on a smile, but I didn’t really believe it and now I felt bad.
“Are you sure? Rain check for tomorrow?”
“Yep.”
I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. “I love my present.” I looked him in the eye. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome, Zara. You deserve it. I’m proud of you.”
And I knew he meant every word of it.
Chapter 32
I snuggled down under the covers of my bed, taking deep breaths and trying to push the image of me as an old spinster out of my mind.
Five minutes. You can have five minutes to have a little breakdown, Zara, and then you’re going to log back into the dating site.
I had really thought that maybe Maneesh was going to be the one. We’d had great chemistry, he was interesting, and I knew that he was into me too. The tears came and I didn’t bother to wipe them away.
What was wrong with me? Was I ever going to be good enough for someone? Or did I need to settle for a guy who was only half the man that I felt I deserved? The image of George with his awful leer flitted through my mind. If it meant settling for a guy like George, I’d rather be single—no question about it. I appreciated my own company a lot more than having to put up with someone who only made me feel dirty.
I wasn’t really one for pity parties, though—not lengthy ones anyway. I had to be willing to look at the situation with Maneesh and recognize that I had seen the flag—the big red one—waving at me during date number one. He wasn’t a bad guy for having his beliefs. We just weren’t on the same wavelength.
I’d gone to meet him tonight with the great news about handing in my notice at work, and Maneesh had looked like I’d just told him that I was moving to a deserted island. He really couldn’t see beyond the fact that, as he thought, I was giving up too much—the wasted education, the financial gain and the prestige of the job I’d held. But no matter how hard I tried to explain it, I couldn’t seem to make him understand what I was gaining with the decision I’d made—or what I’d felt that I’d lost over the past few months being tied down to a job that wasn’t making me happy.
The ding of an incoming text interrupted my pity party for a few seconds. I smiled through my tears, seeing that it was from Braden.
Are you alone?
Sadly yes. Bad date.
What happened? Can I call you?
I felt a little calmer and I knew that talking to Braden would probably make me feel better. It always did.
Sure.
My phone rang almost the minute I sent the text.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself, wanna tell me what happened?”
“Not really, but I will.” I snuggled down into my bed. I tried to tell Braden everything without crying, but by the time I was telling him the mutual decision that Maneesh and I had made not to see one another again, the tears were flowing.
“Zara. It’s gonna be okay.”
“I know. I mean, I know I’ll get over it. It’s not as though we’d invested a lot of time into a relationship or anything. I dunno. I was just hoping that maybe I’d finally found someone—my someone, I mean.”
Braden was silent on the other end.
“Are you there?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
He sounded distant. I just wanted to get off the phone now.
“Anyway. I’m just gonna get back to it.”
“It meaning what?”
“The dating site. I’ve gotten matched with a few other guys that I haven’t really talked to yet and—well, it can’t hurt to keep trying. If I don’t put myself out there, I can hardly expect to meet my Mr. Right.” Silence again. “Braden?”
I was starting to feel irritated because he seemed too distracted to talk to me.
“Sorry.”
His voice was more quiet than usual.
“Just don’t settle, Zara. You know what you deserve.”
“Do I? I’m not so sure if I do anymore.”
“Yes. You do.”
“I know. You’re right. I’m just tired, I guess. I’m going to hop on the site—just to have a look. Starting a conversation with someone new will probably help. It might give me some hope anyways. Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Okay. Zara?”
“Yeah?”
“I am sorry that things didn’t work out with you and Maneesh.”
“Yeah, thanks. I’ll be okay.” I knew that I didn’t exactly sound okay, but Braden knew me well enough to know that I’d bounce back.
I clicked off the phone, took a deep breath, and made my way to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. I had the feeling that my upcoming evening with the dating profiles might require a little something to calm my nerves.
With my laptop in one hand and the glass of wine in the other, I
headed to where I could get comfortable on my sofa. Settling in with my computer at the coffee table made me think about Braden and the amazing gift that he’d surprised me with earlier. I smiled just thinking about how well he knew me. Leave it to him to get me something that was so completely supportive and perfectly in line with the things that I felt would bring me the most passion—he’d always been there for me in that way. I felt bad now, hoping I’d not said something to offend him on the phone when he was so quiet. I’d have to be sure to apologize to him tomorrow about getting off the phone so fast.
After a few minutes of scrolling through my current matches, I found a few that looked somewhat reasonable and worthy of some attention—I’d send a quick note to say hello.
I wasn’t ready to give up on finding my Mr. Right just yet.
Chapter 33
The ringing doorbell interrupted the creative flow that I had going while crafting my introduction note to forty-two-year-old Stan, the electrician. Stan was a little older than what I’d normally prefer but his picture was nice and in his profile he’d said that he loved to travel. I looked at my phone to check the time, wondering who the heck would be ringing my doorbell after ten o’clock. I debated not answering it, but when it rang a second time, I pulled myself up off the sofa.
I peered through the peephole, pulling my robe tighter around me and fully prepared to tell whomever it was to go away. But it was Braden.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I opened the door to let him in. “And why didn’t you text me first?” I laughed. Braden had promised me one time that he’d never stop by unannounced, although he’d already broken that promise on one other occasion. The memory of the horrible date with Anthony came flooding back followed by the memory of how wonderful it had been to have Braden’s support. I didn’t mind that he’d come unannounced, really.
Braden had an intense look on his face. Something was wrong. He took me by the hand and I followed him over to my sofa, sitting down next to him when he asked me to.
“What’s up? Are you okay?”
He was looking at me so intently.
“Do you want a glass of wine?” I didn’t know why, but I was feeling slightly nervous. I pulled my robe tighter around me, thinking that I didn’t usually sit and have long chats with Braden while in my bathrobe.
He shook his head, those piercing blue eyes continuing to stare into my mine. Okay, something was definitely up.
“Braden, what?”
Suddenly the whole night was getting to me; I didn’t know how much patience I’d have for playing guessing games right now. I was tired, and getting to bed early was sounding nice all of a sudden.
Braden reached over and took both of my hands in his as he stared more intently at me than I’d ever recalled before. For reasons unknown to me, my heart started beating wildly in my chest and I was intensely aware of our knees touching, his in faded blue jeans and mine naked under my bathrobe.
“Zara.” He leaned over to push a strand of my hair back behind my ear.
God, what is happening right now? Am I dreaming?
If I’d had control of my hands—they were firmly enclosed in Braden’s—I would have literally been pinching myself in this moment to be sure that I was awake.
I couldn’t speak. Instead I just watched his face and his lips as he licked them quickly—it seemed in preparation of some type of speech he was about to make.
“Zara. I’ve been thinking about this—about you and what I should do—all day. No, that’s not true. It’s been for weeks now.”
Thinking about what? Oh, God. I’ve got this all wrong. He’s going to tell me he’s dying—that he has a terminal illness.
Now my heart was beating fast for another reason.
“What? What is it, Braden? Are you alright? You’re scaring me.”
Braden laughed lightly and leaned forward.
I barely had a moment to take a breath—to recognize what was happening—when I felt his lips on mine, so gentle and sweet. I breathed in the scent of peppermint on his breath and just when I leaned in for more—God, I wanted more of that mouth covering my own—I’d wanted that for so long—Braden pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes again.
He squeezed my hands in his own and I felt my whole body relax, as if the very thing I’d been needing my whole life was now being given to me.
“Zara. I want to tell you something.”
It was the mischievous grin that I loved so much.
I nodded my head, but I couldn’t speak as I smiled back at him.
“I’m falling in love with you. I have been since the moment I first saw you. I don’t want you to waste another moment with another guy who is not the one for you—that is, if you feel the same way about me?”
My eyes were wet with tears. I couldn’t help it. This was really happening. Braden—my best friend Braden whom I’d loved since the moment I first met him—was sitting here telling me that he was in love with me too.
“Yes, I do. I do feel the same way.”
I reached up around his neck, pulling him towards me for the kiss that he’d only just teased me with earlier. I had never dared to dream of what it would be like to kiss Braden, but I knew that any kiss I would have dreamed of could not have compared to the one we were sharing in this moment. Our lips—our bodies—felt so right together. I didn’t want it to end.
Finally, after a few minutes, Braden pulled away to look me in the eyes again.
“Zara?”
“Yes?”
“About this crazy dating site…”
He gestured toward the coffee table and my laptop, which was open to the site.
I laughed, and scrolled to my account settings in the membership site.
“This”—I hovered the mouse over the delete account button and clicked it all in one fast motion—“is a non-issue.”
I shut my laptop and settled back into the sofa with Braden’s arms around me, any thoughts of going to sleep suddenly the last thing on my mind.
Chapter 34
I pulled out my phone while waiting in the restaurant for Madison. I hadn’t had a chance yet to let Dr. Reese know about the crazy turn of events in my dating life, and I knew she’d be very pleased to hear what had transpired between me and Braden. I sent off an email to her and then replied to a text from Madison, who was running a few minutes late.
It was unusual that my sister would come my way to get together and even more unusual that she’d attempt to get away for a few hours without the boys. But when I’d told her that I had a lot of news to share with her, she’d agreed right away, telling me that she had some news of her own. I could count on one hand the times that Madison had had news to share with me, and every time it had to do with her boyfriend—now husband—or another pregnancy. I suspected that I’d be getting news that I was going to be an auntie for a third time.
I was prepared to share the center stage at today’s lunch. She’d be very happy for me about Braden and less so, I suspected, about the job change. Much like Maneesh, Madison wasn’t really one for veering off a path once started down it. She’d always been very resolute and steadfast with her goals.
“Hi, Zara.”
I hadn’t noticed her come up behind me at the booth where I was sitting. I was, first of all, impressed that she’d called me by my new name without having to be reminded, and, second of all, curious as to why she still had her dark sunglasses on.
“Hi.”
I stood up to give her a big hug. “What’s with the sunglasses? Do you suddenly have a rock-star status that I’m unaware of?” I laughed but stopped just as quickly when Madison took her glasses off to tuck them into her purse. Her eyes were red and swollen. I reached across the table for her hand. “Madison. What’s wrong?”
She pulled out a tissue to wipe at the tears that were suddenly falling. “Oh, I’m sorry. I know you have great news to share with me and I’m going to be such a downer.”
“Madison.” I waited for her to look
at me across the table. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”
This was not going to be good.
“It’s Grant. He’s not happy in our marriage.” Her voice caught a bit as she tried to continue. “He actually used the D word this morning.”
My heart broke for my sister. I didn’t want be right about my stupid brother-in-law being a jerk. I wanted my sister to be happy. That was the most important thing, and I wasn’t so sure that not having Grant in her life—jerk or no jerk—was going to make her happy.
“He didn’t—he didn’t leave, did he?” I thought about my two nephews and willed it not to be true.
“No, no. I don’t think he’s at that stage yet. We’d have to be pretty sure to do that to the kids. Separate, I mean.” Madison’s tears seemed to increase in intensity.
“Okay, so how did you leave it with him?”
“Well, actually—if you can believe it—he agreed to see a marriage counselor.”
I did actually have a hard time believing that.
“That’s great. Really a good step, right?”
She nodded her head, wiping at her tears. “It’s certainly better than the alternative.” She smiled slightly. “I was hoping that maybe you could help me find someone? It seems like your therapist knows a lot of people, so I thought she might have a recommendation.”
“Absolutely. I’ll ask her about it when I see her Thursday.” I squeezed Madison’s hand. “Try not to worry. It sounds like you’re headed in the right direction, and I think therapy can do wonders for couples. If Grant is willing to work on your marriage, that says a lot, right?”
Madison nodded her head and dried up what looked like the last of her tears. “Yes. I think you’re right. I’m going to try to stay positive about everything.” She put a smile on. “Sorry for all that. Now I really want to hear your news—some good news.”
I knew there was no stopping the grin that I could feel on my face. “It’s Braden. You know? My trainer?”
“Oh, you mean the Braden that you talk about all the time?” Madison winked.