Becoming Zara

by Lillianna Blake

“Yeah, I guess.” I laughed. “We’re dating now.” I suddenly felt a bit shy talking about it. It was all still a bit surreal. “He—he came over the other night and told me that he was falling in love with me.”

  “Oh, Zara, that’s wonderful news. From everything you’ve told me, he sounds really great. And of course I’ll want you to bring him over so that we can meet him.”

  I smiled, thinking that we’d hold off on meeting the family for a just a little while.

  “And I have another piece of news.” I mentally prepared myself for her disappointment in me.

  “Go on.”

  “I’ve quit my job at the bank.” I didn’t wait for her to say anything. “I’ve been hating it there for so long. It doesn’t make me happy at all, and Braden brought up this idea of coaching. I’ve been doing a lot of research and have even talked to a few life coaches and I know that it’s what I want to do with my life. I want to use that certification—I’m going to do one of the best online courses—to help women who want to make positive changes in their lives.”

  Finally I stopped to take a breath and look at Madison’s reaction.

  It was Madison’s turn to reach across the table and grab my hand.

  “I think that sounds amazing. I really do.” She was grinning at me. “You know, I really admire you, Zara. I always have and I know I should have told you that before now.” She looked down at the table.

  “Thank you.” I felt my own eyes tearing up a bit at Madison’s compliments. “You have no idea how much that means to me. Really. I thought you were going to think I was crazy.” I laughed.

  “Crazy for having the boldness to go after what you want in life? I should be taking notes. Heck, I should be your first client!”

  We smiled at one another.

  “Ya know, that’s not actually a bad idea. I mean, if you’re willing to let me practice with you.”

  So many things were happening—good things—and the fact that my sister and I seemed to be taking our relationship to another level—one that was more real, in my eyes—was really the icing on the cake.

  I smiled as I read the text from Braden while settling myself back into my car.

  Hey beautiful. When can I see you? Drinks tonight?

  I giggled and actually did pinch my left arm before I texted Braden back.

  Sorry. Have drinks scheduled with Danielle. Have to tell her all about my new boyfriend.

  And after? Can I come over? I think I need to.

  I laughed at our playful banter that felt so natural.

  Are you asking me in advance for a booty call?

  No. Never. Although I am quite taken with your booty. lol

  The thought of being with Braden—really being with him—made my knees go weak. Braden caused my sexual energy to go all kinds of crazy. But there’d be time for that later. I was sure of it. I brought my attention back to the text.

  My booty is quite pleased to know that.

  Seriously…I just want to kiss you goodnight. And good morning. But we’ll save that for another time—the right time. ;)

  Weak. In. The. Knees.

  I laughed and bit my lip. I was going to love this man for the rest of my life.

  Chapter 35

  Judy was grinning at me, not writing a thing down in her notebook today. It had been several weeks since I’d filled her in on all the news with Braden. I’d stopped seeing Dr. Reese for obvious reasons, although we’d agreed that it would be fun to get together for coffee once in awhile. I knew working on myself was a continuous process but for the first time in a long time, I felt nearly perfect peace every morning when I woke up.

  Life was good—more than good.

  “How’s the course going?”

  Judy had been a big cheerleader when it came to choosing and starting my certification program. She’d even put me in touch with a few life coaches who had been willing to sit and spend some time with me, talking about their businesses and things that they’d advise.

  “It’s going so great. I can’t believe how much I love it.”

  “That’s wonderful, Zara. And things with Braden are going well?”

  “More than well. He’s so great and our relationship just seems to be getting better and better. I think it’s really true what people say—about being friends with someone first. I mean, I couldn’t ask for more. He’s completely supportive and encouraging. And the free training sessions I now get from him are a nice perk.” We both laughed. “But nothing has changed in terms of how he makes me feel about my body—he’s always been so open and encouraging about my goals in that area. And I know he likes me just the way I am.” I felt my face grow hot.

  “You know I’m so happy for you, Zara.”

  “Oh, and I’ve finally got the date set for the first meeting for the women’s group I’m starting. That’s coming up in just a few weeks, and right now I have about six women who are interested.” I’d talked a lot about this idea I’d had with Judy, brainstorming the best ways to get started and exactly what I felt the meetings should be about. It felt good to finally be doing something that I really believed it—something that I thought could make a difference in people’s lives.

  “I’m really pleased to hear that. You’ll have to keep me posted about how everything goes.”

  Judy glanced at the clock on the table beside her. “So we’re nearing the end of our session. Did you make a decision in terms of how you’d like to move forward?”

  I’d mentioned in an email to Judy that I was thinking it might be time to cut down on my sessions with her. I didn’t want to stop therapy altogether—I was sold on the idea that it was a good tool to help me to continue to get to know myself, to keep working on improving myself—but I didn’t think I needed Judy every week any more.

  “Yes, I was thinking once a month? Do you think that’s enough?”

  Judy smiled at me. “I think if that feels right to you, then it’s what we should do. I couldn’t be more pleased with your progress, Zara. You’ve come a long way since that woman I met more than a year ago.”

  I felt tears stinging my eyes. I had come a long way. And I knew that there would be plenty of ups and downs in my future, but I was ready for everything.

  “Thank you.”

  Judy and I both stood up and she gave me one of her rare hugs, which made me smile. I was her client, but I knew that she also liked me—that if I weren’t her client, we’d be good friends. She gave me a card with our next appointment date written on it, and as I walked out into the parking lot, I felt perfect joy for everything that lay ahead.

  Chapter 36

  I felt Braden’s arms come around my shoulders from behind me at the same time as I felt his kiss near my ear.

  “What was that huge sigh I just heard? Relief? Or contentment?”

  I turned around to return the grin that I knew would be awaiting me. “A little bit of both, I suppose.”

  His hands came down to find mine, pulling me up from my chair so that we were standing face-to-face. “Do tell.”

  “I just submitted another exam.”

  The certification program I’d chosen to do for my coaching credential had been intense but I’d loved every minute of it so far. It was a combination of local and online training. It had been a busy month but I’d learned so much already, I felt excited to be stepping into the new career that I’d chosen for myself. The training, along with the mentoring I’d received from a few of the new friends I’d met, had left me feeling confident about every decision that I’d made over the past few months—not the least of which was this lovely man standing in front of me.

  I sighed again, thinking about how much my life had changed and how Braden had been right there with me the whole time.

  He pulled his head back to look at me, a question on his face.

  “Contentment.” I laughed, moving forward slightly for the deep kiss that I’d been wanting all morning. I felt Braden’s arms come around me, his hands resting just below my lower back in t
hat place that he now called “the danger zone.”

  Oh yes, Braden did, in fact, seem to have a non-weird thing for my booty.

  “I was gonna go for a run, but—”

  His lips found that place on my neck just above my collarbone and, as usual, I melted into his embrace, nearly having to shake myself to keep from getting lost in how he was making me feel.

  I laughed and disentangled myself from his embrace. “I think you better go. I gotta get ready for this meeting here today.”

  “Okay, okay. Back in an hour, and then a quick coffee before I leave?”

  “Deal.” I leaned over to give him a kiss on the lips before I returned to my computer and the things I still needed to do to prepare for the meeting.

  I looked around my living room at the women’s faces, my heart beating fast—not because I was nervous at all, but because in that moment I felt like I was doing exactly what I was put on this earth to do. I smiled at each woman, willing her to really get what we were going to be about—what I wanted this little group to come to mean to them and to myself.

  I saw their quick glances at one another as they looked at the pamphlets that I’d handed out. On each was the first mention of the name of the group, and I knew there might be some confusion for those who knew me and what I was all about.

  I closed my eyes for a second as I breathed in deeply, saying a silent mantra in my head.

  We are fearless women—born to be bold in our endeavors, inspired to always do our best, and genuine with our fears, faults, and praise of ourselves and one another.

  “Ladies, welcome to the first meeting of the B.I.G. Girls Club—where we will strive to be bold, inspired and genuine.”

  Introducing the B.I.G. Girls Club Book 1 - "The Rockstar’s Girlfriend"

  Hi, I’m Nicole. I met Zara—she’s my life coach—a few months ago when I became one of the first members of the B.I.G. Girls Club. I hadn’t even realized the bad space I was in until she showed me that there was another way to be living my life now—regardless of what the numbers on the scale tell me.

  And isn’t it crazy how much those numbers can effect our mood?

  Now, I’m fully onboard and determined to change my life, regardless of what Joe—he’s my boyfriend—says. He’ll either support the changes I’m making…or not. Zara’s promised to help me through that regardless of the outcome. (Okay, so I’ll admit…the idea of losing Joe terrifies me more than a little, but I’ve got to be honest with myself.)

  For now, I’m committed to being better and stronger every day—like all the members of the B.I.G Girls Club, I’m committed to being Bold, Inspired and Genuine with myself and with you.

  And for what I’m about to attempt, I can use more cheerleaders around me.

  Us girls need to stick together!

  Get “The Rockstar’s Girlfriend (B.I.G. Girls Club, Book 1)” here:

  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YOINI6W

  Coming Soon!

  B.I.G. Girls Club, Book 2 "The Former Model”

  Single Wide Female

  FUN FACT: “Becoming Zara” and the “B.I.G. Girls Club” series are books written by fictional character, Samantha Bradford, of the “Single Wide Female: The Bucket List” series.

  “Becoming Zara” is the book that Samantha publishes to complete her bucket list item #18 (Publish a Book).

  Note: You can download #1 Learn Pole Dancing of that series for free and here is a preview of that book.

  Please enjoy the following preview for Book 1

  of Single Wide Female:

  The Bucket List #1 Learn Pole Dancing

  Chapter 1

  I ran my fingertips over the well-worn piece of notebook paper. It had ridges from the amount of times I’d folded it up and tucked it away. I had written the list at a time when I didn’t really believe I would ever actually accomplish anything on it. But I had, and now it was time to look at the next item.

  I rolled over on my bed and stared down at it. When I had added it to my list, it was just a fun little whim, not something I thought I would actually do. But then again, I never would have thought I’d be able to lose so much weight either.

  “What was I thinking?” I said out loud as I gnawed on the pencil between my teeth. I was tempted to just erase the item and replace it with something else. No one would have to know. But I would know. I cringed at the idea of actually following through with it. But I had to do it. I had to. It was on the list. I groaned and rolled over on my bed. I stared up at the cracks in my ceiling for a moment. Then I sat up with a new determination.

  “Yes, I will do this,” I said, looking down at the item on the list. “Pole dancing class, here I come.” I was attempting to sound brave for myself, when I caught sight of the time on my alarm clock.

  I grabbed my jeans out of the laundry basket beside my bed, and slid the pants up over my hips with my eyes squeezed shut. With a sigh of relief, I let out the belly I had been struggling to hold in. I didn’t think the zipper would slide up so easily, but it did with one smooth zip. I smiled at my reflection in the tall mirror as I studied the way that my jeans hugged my hips and rear. All of my hard work, all of the passed-up snacks, had really paid off. My body looked different and I felt different.

  “Hey, you sexy lady,” I said to the shapely woman in the mirror, twisting my hips first one way and then the other. “Do you come here often?” I asked in the deepest voice I could muster and batted my long lashes at my own reflection.

  “Uh, Sam?” a voice said from the doorway of my bedroom.

  I froze and held my breath for another reason. It was Max. Max, my best friend. Max, with the deep green eyes and a body that would make any woman glance in his direction. I turned around slowly to face him, not wanting him to see what I knew would be sheer embarrassment on my face.

  “What?” I asked as innocently as I could.

  He stared at me with one quirked eyebrow, looking as sexy as ever. Max was not conventionally handsome, but a quirky kind of cute, like the kind of guy that got the lead in romantic movies. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but just goofy enough to grow on you and make you think he was adorable by the end of the movie.

  “I’ve heard of bisexual, but what would you call it if you try to pick yourself up?” He smiled and leaned against the doorway.

  God, but that smile made me want to snuggle right up to him.

  Friend, I reminded myself. Max, my friend. No matter what my fantasies wanted to believe, we had never been anything more than that. Of course, when my eyes were closed late at night he played a very active role in my life.

  “I don’t discriminate, Max. If I see something as hot and lovely as the lady in the mirror happens to be, I’ve got to give it a shot.” I grinned, hoping he would not notice that I was mortified.

  “Well, I’d have to agree with you there,” he said with a laugh, and shook his head as he walked into my room.

  We had spent hours snuggled up on this very bed on several occasions. Him thinking we were just watching a movie, me praying he would lean over and kiss me. He never did. At least, not in reality. The things that he had done in my mind…

  “What are you up to today?” he asked, perched on the end of my bed.

  “I’m going out,” I said, fluffing my newly bleached blonde hair with my fingers.

  He was smiling as he watched me.

  “Are you going out to break some man’s heart?” he asked, brushing his thick dark hair away from his eyes.

  He was studying me intently. It always unnerved me when he looked at me so closely. I could never tell if it was with approval, desire, or confusion.

  “Sure, of course,” I said and stuck my tongue out at him.

  He tilted his head to the side. “So you don’t have a date?”

  “Stop it, Max.” I sighed and shook my head as I turned away from him. Only then did I spot the black leotard and tights still lying on the bed. I felt a rush of horror flood me. If Max saw them, he’d be full of questions that I didn�
�t want to answer.

  “Stop what?” he asked as he leaned back on the bed. His hand came to rest just beside the tights. “I’m just curious. You haven’t had a date in a while.”

  “Thanks for pointing that out.” I reached past him to nudge the leotard away from where he was sitting. Sometimes having a man for a best friend was not ideal. “I’ve had plenty of dates. You don’t know everything there is to know about me.”

  Of course I hadn’t had any dates lately, but Max didn’t need to know that. As confident as I was in my beauty, it would appear that being big and beautiful hadn’t translated to a man tripping head-over-heels in love with me—not yet anyways—a fact that was beginning to make me slightly nervous. At thirty-two, my clock wasn’t quite ticking just yet, but I did feel that I was ready to fall in love.

  “Then tell me,” Max said, jolting me out of my thoughts. “Are you keeping secrets from me?”

  “Secrets?” I laughed a little at the idea. In the fourteen years that Max and I had been friends I had never been able to keep a secret from him. But this time I was determined to do it. My dignity depended on it.

  I sat down on the bed next to him and slid my hand casually back across the bedspread toward the tights and leotard, now behind him on the bed.

  “So are you saving yourself for me, is that it?” he asked and met my eyes.

  Chapter 2

  With Max sitting so close I could feel the heat of the outside of his thigh pressed against my jeans. I tried to keep my breathing steady as I looked into his eyes. I knew that he was joking. I’d seen the women he dated, and they did not look like me. But he was always lavishing me with praise, as if I was just as beautiful. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure if he was teasing me or being serious, but he never put me down.