If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1)

by Johnson, C. A.

  “Because Nia had it set up that way; open your eyes, Barry. After all the traps and schemes Nia's put you through, you need to finally wake up and see your wife's point of view. Because through her eyes, your actions were not only a betrayal to your marriage, it was a betrayal to Perri's very soul.”

  Barrington opened his mouth to say something, but quickly clamped it shut. “I just want my wife back, Ma,” he said after thinking about the things she said.

  “You're the head of the house, Barry. Be a man and get your house in order,” Linda firmly stated, refusing to give him any room for a pity party, lest he continue to focus on his own pain instead of his wife and what she needs from him. “By God's design, Perri is the weaker vessel, son. Be a husband to your wife.” She enfolded him in her loving, mother embrace, kissing both his cheeks. “Barry, Perri loves you; she's disappointed in you, but she loves you. For now that will have to be enough for you to go through this for as long Perri needs you to. It’s going to take as long as it takes, son. If you want your family back, you've got to realize your wife is worth the wait.”

  After seeing his mother off before Barrington could leave the house, his phone rang. He cursed and snatched it up. “Hello?”

  “Yes, may I please speak with Mr. Knight?”

  “Speaking,” he responded tersely to the female on the other end.

  “Oh, Mr. Knight, I'm Nurse Stevens, calling from Mercy Medical Center,” she stated.

  Barrington clutched the phone thinking Perri may've been admitted back in. “Is it my wife?” He hadn't seen or talked to Perri since she lost their son. Not because he hadn't tried to see her; on the contrary, he'd all but kidnapped her, trying to get a moment alone with her. But her sisters' weren't having it, refusing to let him within two feet of his own wife. And out of respect for Perri's emotional well-being Barrington hadn't fought like he wanted to. “Is Perri okay?”

  Confused, Nurse Stevens said, “Sir, I'm calling on behalf of Nia Eusebio.”

  Barrington rolled his eyes at the mention of her name. “What about her?” He glanced at his watch; he really needed to get over to Perri's parents' home and, hopefully his two sisters-in-law would be out, which would grant him access to Perri. He really hoped Mattie were there, that way, he'd be guaranteed an entrance to see his wife.

  “Mr. Knight, I don't know of any easy way to say this; but Ms. Eusebio was rushed into emergency surgery just under an hour ago.”

  Concerned for his daughter, he demanded, “What for?”

  “Well, she started to bleed internally and the doctor couldn't stop her from hemorrhaging. Already too late, we discovered one of her ovaries was punctured during labor and we apparently missed it.” Nurse Stevens sighed sympathetically, “I'm sorry, Mr. Knight, but Ms. Eusebio didn't make it.”

  “Oh, God . . .” Barrington released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

  “You were listed as her next of kin; we need to know how you want to handle the situation. Of course, we'll need to perform an autopsy,” she informed him. “Then, Mr. Knight, there's still you and Ms. Eusebio's daughter to consider. As you know, she's a breastfed baby; we're bottle feeding her for now, but since she has no other relatives to call, we thought you might like to—”

  “I'll be right there.” Barrington hung up and jetted to the door. Knowing his daughter needed him, he sped all the way back to Mercy Medical Center. He called his mother to meet him there. Then like clockwork, his mind settled on Perri once again; Barrington needed to be with his wife now more than ever and prayed it wasn't too late to reclaim his family. Jordy came to his mind and he prayed God would soften Perri's heart toward his youngest daughter. He had to.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Sometime later that day, Barrington finally made it to his wife's parents' home.

  “How's Perri?”

  “How do think she is?” Hunter glared at Barrington, mad because she hadn’t checked the peephole before opening the door.

  “I guess I'm mud in your eyes.” He frowned, but refused to give up.

  “You think?”

  “Hunter—”

  “No, Barrington, save your poor excuses for someone who cares. What I care about is my sister and the devastated state of mind she's now in because of you, Barrington. You did this to her!” she accused, pointing her finger.

  “I know,” he acknowledged so softly Hunter barely heard him. “I want to . . . I'm trying to make it up to her . . . .”

  “Barrington, please,” Hunter rolled her eyes. “Make it up to her?” She was disgusted with her brother-in-law. “Just how you think you gonna go about doing that? Really, Barrington, how?” she demanded, feeling anger spread throughout her body. “There is no making this up,” she announced not caring how much her words stung him.

  Ashamed of his actions, Barrington looked down then back at his sister-in-law. “I don't know what to tell you, Hunter. I honestly don't. All I can say is I love my wife and I don't mean to lose her if I can help it,” he vowed.

  “Well, you could help it, Barrington, by staying with my sister; being there for your wife, instead of off tending to the witch who set out to ruin your relationship with Perri from day one. And she didn't stop there; when she saw that failed, she set out to attack your marriage with Perri. And you,” her eyes raked him up and down, “you just let her do it, helped her do it.”

  An uncomfortable silence hovered over them.

  When Hunter could talk without feeling the need to spit in his face, she said, “So, dear brother-in-law, I don't know how you think you're gonna make it up to my sister, but I can tell you this. You're a long way from hitting the right spot to promote forgiveness in her heart.”

  Catching the tail-end of the conversation, Usher tried to rescue his brother-in-law from the lethal tongue that, even without being there to hear, he knew his wife had thrashed Barrington with. She didn't play when it came to her family. And Hunter being the most outspoken of the three sisters' had a way of using her tongue to back you in such a tight corner, you'll wish she'd just shoot you instead. “Hunter, baby, I wish you'd calm down.”

  Hunter turned on her husband, “Don't you tell me to calm down! I don't want to calm down! You need to be telling him to get out!”

  “Can't you see the man feels bad enough?”

  “No, I don't see that.” She looked at Barrington. “What I see is a pathetic man standing here spouting out poor excuses which are really just dumb reasons as to why he came down on Nia's side instead of his own wife's. My sister!”

  “He made a mistake, Hunter.”

  “And you're making one by defending his sorry butt to me.” She glared at her husband. “Don't you dare take his side in this crazy mess that he helped to create,” she said. Her clear blue eyes flashed an angry warning. “Don't you dare take his side!” She all but screamed and stormed out of the kitchen.

  For a moment, Usher stood shocked, staring at his wife's back as she made a hasty retreat from the kitchen. Then as if remembering Barrington was there, he turned and shrugged at his brother-in-law with sympathy. “I gotta live with her, man, you don't. If I were you, I'd leave before she comes back.”

  “No, man,” Barrington said. “I'm not gonna run from this. She's right; I made this mess, now it's up to me to fix it.”

  Usher looked down the hallway and back at Barrington, “You sure about that? She's mad as a queen bee right now. I know my wife, man. And to be honest, where you're concerned, I don't sense any understanding from her in sight.”

  Barrington hesitated then decided, “Hunter's bark is worse than her bite.”

  “Except when it comes to her sisters' then her bite is worse than your hide can stand.” Usher let out a low whistle. “You really don't know my wife, man.”

  “And your wife really don't know me when it comes to my determination to keep my family from falling apart permanently,” Barrington informed him. “No offense, man.”

  “None taken, man,” Usher said and grinned. “I ad
mire your spunk, you gonna need it.” He chuckled. “The only man I know with balls enough to take Hunter on is me.”

  “Man, I'm prepared for her to rake me over the coals.”

  “Huh?” Usher laughed out loud. “Is that what you think?” He shook his head. “Man, that's way too easy for her. She's gonna drag you over the railroad tracks by your balls. Trust, I know my wife inside and out. She aims to put you out.” He proffered his hand. “Welcome to Club Hunter, man. I hope you brought your own bat because I keep mine exclusively for my use.”

  They shared a brief laugh before Barrington went in search of his sister-in-law. Finding Hunter on the terrace, he joined her.

  “We need to clear the air.”

  Without looking at him, Hunter replied, “Yeah, well, it's not enough air out here for both of us to breathe, so . . .”

  Barrington folded his arms across his chest with a dogged expression on his face. “I'm not leaving, Hunter, until I talk to my wife,” he promised. “If that means going through you then that's what I'm here to do. But understand this: no one including you is gonna keep me away from my wife, and considering she's married to me, I have more rights to her than you do. Do the words leave and cleave sound familiar to you, Hunter?”

  Unable to help it, she smiled inwardly. He was good, Hunter thought, but I’m better. Like a well-versed professor, she flipped the script, using his words to ensnare him. “Oh, dear brother, you shouldn't have taken it there. But since you did, allow me to finish it. You see, the words leave and cleave do go together. And Perri did that. It wasn't easy for her, but she did it. But you better believe it took me and Madear staying on her case for her to even reconsider giving you the time of day. So if I were you, man, I wouldn't be standing there all cocky acting like you done put in a full day's work.

  “Your load was not that heavy that you couldn't have taken the same kind of vow and stuck with it for her. Perri said it wouldn't work, that you were too selfish, and I, fool that I was, took up lobbying your case. I told Perri that she was wrong for keeping you in the dark about Imani, and that still holds true. But now, I can kind of understand why she felt that way back then. And if given a chance to go back, while I'd still encourage her to let you be part of Imani's life, I would beg her to keep the door of her heart closed to you and the damage you could do.”

  “I tripped up, Hunter—”

  “No, you fucked up when you decided to say screw your marriage, and that's exactly what you said, Barrington, when you left your clinging wife's side; left her to take up with that nut case Nia.”

  Barrington resented her choice of words. “I did not take up with Nia,” he grated through clenched teeth. “And I did not leave my wife. I did not, could not, and would not roll out on my wife like that. Never!”

  “And yet when she needed you the most you weren't there, now were you, Barrington?” Hunter tapped his forehead hard with her right index finger.

  Scrambling to keep his temper in check, Barrington reminded himself that this was not only a woman, but it was Perri's sister. However, he did warn her, “Don't do that again, Hunter.”

  “Or what, Barrington?” she demanded. “What are you gonna do?” She pushed up the sleeves on her Cardigan. “You want a piece of me? Because right now, Barrington, I definitely wanna deck you.”

  Because he knew this was no time to step out of line, Barrington fought to keep a straight face. But something about seeing a big time top runway fashion model ready to throw down with her fist made him laugh out loud. And he continued to laugh until Hunter realized how ridiculous she looked as well, and started laughing, too.

  After about five minutes or so, Hunter playfully punched his shoulder, saying, “Don't be laughing at me when I'm trying to be mad with you, boy.”

  Catching his breath, Barrington said, “Feel better, sis?”

  “In a sense, yes; but in a bigger sense, no, and I won't feel completely better until my sister does,” she told him honestly. “Barrington, you really did a number on her this time. I mean, you hurt her more than the first time you guys were separated.” She shook her head. “I hate you broke Perri's heart like this, man.”

  “I hate it too, Hunter. I swear it wasn't my intention to do so. I was just trying to do the right thing and take responsibility for Nia being in our lives in the first place. Regardless of how Nia got herself pregnant, Hunter, she was carrying my child.” Barrington shook his head. “I couldn't just turn my back on that. I don't expect you to understand, Hunter, but I just couldn't make myself do it.”

  “Why not, Barrington?” she wanted to know because she didn't see the logic.

  “You don't know what it was like for me finding out about Imani the way I did. It took something out of me, Hunter, something I can't get back. I lost out on the time Perri was pregnant with my baby. I didn't get to go with her to doctor appointments, viewing ultrasounds to see my daughter in her embryo form. I didn't get to attend Lamaze classes with the woman I've loved since the first time I laid eyes on her.” Barrington couldn't and didn't try to disguise his emotions.

  “Hunter, I missed my own daughter's birth. I was supposed to be the first man my baby girl saw, the first man to welcome her into the world. I was supposed to be the one to cut the umbilical cord. I didn't get to hold my minute old squirming baby in my arms, hear her first cries, inhale and memorize her natural baby scent. Damn it, Hunter, Perri robbed me of all that, and more than any of you could ever know! There was no way I could miss out on another one of my kids being born into the world, Hunter. There was no way. It just wasn't . . . .”

  For the first time since he first found out he was Imani’s daddy, Barrington broke down, feeling the loss all over again.

  Without another word, Hunter embraced her brother-in-law and held him until his body stopped shaking from the tears that racked him. She cried with him and for him. She cried for Perri, for the birth and untimely death of her nephew. She cried for the poor baby girl who was innocent in all this, but looked guilty as sin. She cried for the bitterness she felt towards Nia and her hellish actions. Hunter cried for the rift that was finally repaired between her and her brother-in-law, whom she’d come to love with all her heart.

  ***

  Nails posed to strike her brother-in-law’s face, Tyler met Barrington at the bottom of the staircase landing. “Where do you think you're going?” she hissed at him.

  Hunter was right behind him. “It is okay this time, Tyler.”

  Her sister glared at her like she'd lost her mind.

  “Tyler, they really do need to talk, hon.”

  Raising her head defiantly, Tyler announced, “You hurt my sister.”

  Barrington nodded.

  She sucked in a breath that did nothing to calm her agitated nerves. “Don't do it again,” she warned with a single accusing finger.”

  “I'll try my best not to.”

  “No, Barrington, that's not good enough. It's not a request, it's a command.” Her honey-nut colored skin seemed to produce steam and her light gray eyes narrowed at him. “I said don't hurt my sister again, and that's exactly what I mean. So, if you don't think you can handle the assignment, don't even think about climbing our stairs and going into her room. If you're not here for the long haul this time, if you not gonna stand by her side from now until eternity, then you stay away from her, Barrington. I will not allow you to hurt my sister, break her heart a third time.” Coming closer, she stared up at him, “You hear me, man.”

  Only when Barrington acknowledged out loud, “I hear you, little sister, and I understand,” did Tyler step aside. He took the stairs two at a time.

  Perri could feel her husband’s presence before she heard him climbing the stairs and prayed for strength to deal with him, knowing he wouldn't leave without having his say.

  Barrington slowly turned the doorknob, stuck his head in the doorway. He was not prepared for the sight that his eyes met, as they examined Perri's body from head to toe. He had to remind himself to breathe, lo
oking at his sweet Perri, the lost faraway look in her eyes, he knew without a doubt he'd messed up big time. He cursed himself inwardly, at the same time praying he'd get through to her; hopefully she'd listen to him, though he didn't deserve it and could completely understand if she cursed him for all he was worth. And at the moment, in her eyes, he knew his value wasn't much. A distinct pain tore at his heart and he felt ripped apart.

  After a brief hesitation, Barrington said, “Hey, baby.” He swallowed hard.

  Unable to move, Perri stared at him. The sight of him made her sick to her stomach, and at the same time, she wanted to run into his arms for the comfort she knew only he could provide. She felt worse than hell, and at the time, she knew she looked a pure-d mess, and probably smelled worse since she hadn't bothered to bathe in two days.

  Barrington cautiously entered the bedroom, made his way to the bed where she lay. His heart broke watching his wife's body so limp . . . so lifeless. She was frail as any helpless elderly person he'd ever seen. Even in the queen size bed she looked small to him. He knelt before her.

  Chocolate brown eyes met and held the gaze of longing eyes the color of yellow-green. Through their eyes they were watching God. To Perri it seemed all hope was lost, and now they'd have to part. She wanted to turn her back on him like he'd done her. Her body betrayed her and she couldn't move . . . could barely breathe, without wanting to run to him. So much for a will of my own, she thought bitterly. But did she really have enough love to keep holding on?

  Barrington's hand shook as he gently laid it on Perri’s stomach, causing her to recoil like he was a rattle snake. She witnessed the hurt and fear in his eyes but didn't care. He deserved to feel bad and she hoped he felt worse. He placed his hand, which was now steady, back on her stomach. Perri didn't have the energy to shake him off a second time, so she tolerated the feel of his hand, as he gently rubbed her belly in soothing circles. She resented the fact that she wished he was trying to turn her on. Why did she even still want him after what he did? How could she even still melt underneath his touch, whether with his eyes or with his hands? She wanted to throw up, but all she could feel was his love for her and the son they'd lost. Unable to stop herself, she cried.