Colors of the Shadow

by Nava Dijkstra

  “Wow, I can’t believe it. I was sure that I already knew your taste. It’s not pleasant for me to tell him that you refuse him to take you back, so be nice and go with him; just insinuate that it doesn’t suit you.”

  “I don’t feel good doing that, either. You set this up, so you have to get me out of this.”

  Ronit looked at Sherry with held-back anger. “Okay, I’ll tell him that you refused, but you should know that it’s so insulting.”

  They reached the parking lot and Eyal asked Sherry if she wanted him to take her back to the base.

  “Thanks, but I’ll be going back with Ronit. I want to take advantage of every minute that I have with her. I have not seen her for a long time,” she apologized.

  Eyal smiled. “So, have a good night.”

  Sherry smiled back at him and hurried into Eran’s car.

  That same evening, Sherry left Ronit a message that she was sorry. Ronit didn’t reply. Sherry left her another message and Ronit again didn’t get back to her. A week later, the commander called Sherry to his office. She was surprised to find Ronit there. “Hey, what are you doing here?” Sherry went to hug Ronit.

  “I was transferred to your base.”

  “They kicked her off from her base, more appropriate to say,” the commander said.

  “No surprise,” Sherry murmured.

  They came out from the commander’s office and went to sit in the canteen.

  “I thought you were angry with me because of what happened that same Friday night,” Sherry said.

  “Is it not more logical to think that I was jailed than angry with you?”

  “No way!” Sherry was shocked.

  “So, why do you think that they kicked me out? That evening when we came back from the club, we thought that it would be nice to spend time inside the pilot chamber,” Ronit laughed.

  “I’m shocked─you have no boundaries; that’s how you were from the first day you arrived into the army.”

  “So they put us both in jail and then decided to separate us. Somehow, they preferred to give up on me rather than on Eran.”

  After two months, Sherry was already in love with the military life. She had no intention of giving up on it─the closed base, the challenging work, or bunches of friends that she met. She had a supportive and colorful environment. She saw in the army a blessed break from the difficult and stressful life. Now that Ronit was with her, Sherry could not ask for more.

  PART TWO

  Adulthood

  11

  After their release from the army, Sherry and Ronit rented an apartment near the Caramel market. It was a three-bedroom on the fourth floor with no elevator. From the living room, they could go out onto the huge roof. Sherry loved the apartment. It was her first “home” since she left Iran. She was happy for the money that she received from the army for another year that enabled her to rent this house. This was the first time that she thought about herself as an Israeli, to give validity to it, she went to the Interior Ministry the next morning and updated her new address on her identity card. From there, she went to King George Street and stopped at a restaurant where she saw an advertisement hanging in the glass window, “Waitress Wanted.” With hesitant steps, she went inside and presented herself. The restaurant was crowded and she waited until the owner turned to her. But instead of an interview, he threw her the uniform and told her to start working. After three hours, the pressure decreased and the owner, who introduced himself as Yaron, turned to her. “You’re hired. Come back tomorrow at 4:00.”

  She smiled happily and he smiled back.

  When she returned home, she noticed a suitcase in the living room. “What’s this?” she looked at Ronit and Eran.

  “We’re flying to Paris!” Ronit bounced beside her like a little girl.

  “Eran surprised me. Can you believe that we have been together for three years? If Eran didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t have remembered.”

  “The fact that you don’t remember really worries me, but being so brave to declare it worries me a lot more,” Eran commented.

  They went out, and Sherry was surprised to find her newfound privacy caused her happiness. She felt a tingling sensation that ran through her fingertips. It had been almost three years since she touched the paint and the paintbrush, even though she missed them all these years. Now that she was alone, she felt the desire to paint full blast. She went to the closet, where she put the painting equipment, and stared at them with disappointment. Hairs of some brushes had became hard, and some of the tubes were fully squeezed. Aside from the drawing paper, she didn’t have anything.

  The next morning, she went to her hiding place, took out the money that was left after paying the rent, and went to a painting shop. She grabbed a couple of paintbrushes and felt reunited with old acquaintances that she hadn’t met for many years. The salesman came close to her. “Can I help you?” His question brought her back to the fact that she couldn’t allow herself to buy an unusual purchase.

  “No, thanks.”

  “Are you looking for a gift for the holiday?” The seller insisted on reminding her that it was the month of September, the month of holidays.

  She headed to the beach, which was only a kilometer away. The beach was relatively empty during these hours of the morning. In the lifeguard’s tower, a red flag was flapping, warning of high sea waves. Sherry took off her shoes and sat on one of the chairs a bit away from the water. But, the water came up to where she sat and flooded her legs. She moved her chair a little, but still the waves touched her legs. The foam of the waves was soft and pleasant on her feet. Sherry smiled to herself. She knew that they were having a conversation with her. She raised her head towards the place where the waves broke on the rocks.

  Suddenly, out of the rocks, appeared a woman with long black hair in which the foams of the waves looked like a white and bloated wedding dress. It was the first time that Esther appeared on her own. Did she have a special message today? Perhaps, a visit for the holiday? Sherry did not know how long she stared at the image, but the sun came up to the center of the sky and the hologram disappeared into the strong light.

  After a week, Sherry missed Ronit. For a few days, she enjoyed the silence, but it started to weigh on her. When Ronit and Eran entered the door, they seemed to bring the joy back. Ronit embraced Sherry and then she spread the back of her hand in front of Sherry’s eyes. On her finger was a new and a beautiful ring.

  “He proposed?” Sherry asked excitedly.

  Ronit nodded happily. “You don’t have any idea how much he surprised me. We ate in a very nice restaurant. The waitress served me like a queen. In short, I drank and drank until my head became unclear, and then he proposed marriage.”

  “As if you have to be drunk to say ‘yes, I agree,’” Eran laughed.

  Ronit opened the large bag. “I don’t know much about painting, but I hope we made the right choice.” She took out oil paints. “I also bought acrylic paints, and brushes of various sizes, too.” She glanced at the bag.

  “That’s it? Why did it seem to me that I bought you more stuff?” Eran went out for a moment and came back with a large easel.

  Sherry looked at him with amazement. “I can’t believe this. You carried this all the way from Paris?”

  “I can’t believe it, either. Can’t you find yourself a smaller and lighter hobby?”

  She took off the wrapper and revealed the easel.

  “I carried this, so the first painting belongs to me,” Eran said.

  Sherry kept her eyes to the gift, amazed. Tomorrow she could already start painting.

  “C’mon, smile,” she heard Ronit giggling.

  “I’m speechless.”

  “I did not ask for words, I asked for a smile.”

  “You have no idea what you just did for me.”

  “Come here, give me a hug,” Eran said. “For someone who is speechless, you’re talking too much.” He hugged her.

  On Friday, Sherry came back from work at
2:00 in the morning. She turned on the light in her room and grimaced. In the bed was a guy lying in his underwear and a white shirt. She rubbed her eyes. Was she in a phantom world? Was she already asleep? She assumed that it was Eyal, the friend of Eran, the same officer that she met in the club three years ago. She vaguely remembered that Ronit said something about it, but she thought that he was supposed to sleep in the living room. She turned off the light and switched on the light table. The light was dim, and she groped around to look for the quilt. She pulled it out from the closet, dropping a few more sheets. She put them back and thought to arrange them tomorrow. She laid the quilt on the floor and lay down to sleep, trying to console herself that she was too tired to pay attention that she had to sleep on the floor, and so it was.

  When she woke up in the morning it was nearly 11. She left her room and went to the kitchen with tousled hair. Eyal was sitting at the table with Ronit and Eran. The three sent her amusing smiles.

  “Good morning.” She heard the soft voice of Eyal, as if he was afraid to upset her. “Let me make you a coffee. You deserve it.”

  She stared at him with a look of ‘Are you kidding me?’

  “Sorry I took control over your bed. I tried to sleep on the sofa in the living room, but it was so impossible. It’s not only narrow, but short. Maybe I’m just too long, I do not know, but it was too bad you didn’t wake me up.”

  “Consider it my small contribution to the Israeli Defense Forces─a one-time donation,” she said, busy making coffee. She didn’t understand what was in her answer that made everyone laugh.

  “By the way, this is Eyal. I’m sure you remember him.” Ronit said.

  “Yes,” Sherry replied and smiled. He looked so different than how she remembered him. He had a tan face from staying out too much in the sun, emphasizing the blue color of his eyes.

  “Do you want to sit with us?” Ronit asked.

  “I can’t, I need to get ready for my shift.” Sherry’s coffee spilled on the floor. “Do me a favor. Please, clean this. I need to get organized while drinking coffee,” she told Ronit.

  She dressed quickly, listening to Eyal talking on the phone with his girlfriend, a bit of an argumentative conversation that he tried to disguise with a soothing voice.

  In the evening when she returned from work, she found a pile of guys sitting in the living room. Sherry preferred to slip quietly into her room, but Ronit called her and introduced her to all the guests. Natalie, Eyal’s girlfriend, was there. Sherry sent her hand towards the beautiful woman who was leaning on Eyal’s shoulder, receiving a loose and casual handshake, accompanied with a hollow gaze.

  “Come sit with us,” Ronit invited Sherry when she followed her to the room and from there to the shower.

  “I can’t, Yaron will pick me up and we will go together to a show.”

  “Is there something developing that you are not telling me?”

  “No, it was just a compensation getaway.”

  “For what?”

  “Do you want me to tell you now?”

  “No, I have guests. Tell me when you get back,” Ronit said.

  Sherry wore the light brown airy dress with small white flowers. The dress complimented her just like Sherry’s body complimented the dress. She glanced at the clock and couldn’t believe that she was on time. She entered the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee to kill time and found Eyal chopping vegetables to put in a sandwich. His fingers were pretty, long and impressive as if they had their own expression. The preparation of the sandwich seemed a craft to her. Eyal grabbed the knife and spread mayonnaise on the cut bun. He did it slowly, while maintaining the proper and equal amount.

  Sherry followed his fingers. This time, they were not holding the knife, but rather the brush that he ran through the canvas, painting a meal for himself. She saw her hands holding his hands, instructing and teaching him the secret of the craft. Here he was, painting much better than a minute before. His hand released from her’s, in order to open the faucet. He cleaned off the rest of the paint and washed away her touch.

  “We invaded your house,” he said, noticing her gaze.

  She looked away to hide her eyes. “I do not mind,” she replied, and focused on preparing coffee. She knew that the smell of her body flooded the kitchen. She saw him looking at her from the side view, something flattering to her.

  She left the kitchen and headed to the open roof facing the interior of the house and watched the visitors who seemed so happy. Maybe her choice of Ronit as her best friend was not so random. Maybe she found in her the things that she lost in the death of Esther. Eyal crossed the room, and sat next to Natalie, one hand brushing her neck, and the other holding the sandwich.

  When she came back home at 10 in the evening, she found Ronit sitting with Eran in the living room. Eyal was standing with a bag ready to go to Haifa. Sherry sat beside them.

  “Look who had finally found time to sit with us,” Eran cracked.

  “Why did you suddenly go out with the boss?” he added sarcastically.

  “It was just a compensation getaway,” she said, noticing that Eyal sat back. It made her feel good and she did not understand why.

  “Well, let’s hear what misery you have been through that made your boss compensate you,” Eran said.

  “Do you really want to hear, or you are just kidding?”

  “No, really, I’m interested to hear about the stormy side of your life.”

  “Okay. Yesterday, a group of 30 people arrived to the restaurant to celebrate someone’s birthday. You won’t believe what they did to me. They spinned me at least 100 times, and their complaints didn’t stop for a moment. Everything I did was not good for them. I tried to hang on. I thought of carrying a little bit more so that at the end, I would get a nice tip.

  “They wanted dessert. It took them 45 minutes to decide.” The three burst out laughing. “Well, I see that my annoying story is funny for you, so I’ll end it. The moment to pay came. They left me a tip of 30 shekels.”

  The soft giggles of the three turned into a loud laughter that lasted for a long time. Sherry continued to be serious while looking at them with contempt.

  “So me and Yaron agreed that he would pay me for the percentage that they didn’t pay and would also invite me to a show,” Sherry ended her story.

  “As long as our forces returned safely,” Eyal joked and stood up. “Well, I have to go.” He looked at Sherry. “Is it okay for you if I sleep here again next Friday?”

  “No problem, but this time you will sleep on the floor.”

  Eran looked at her as if she was an alien. “What’s the problem if he sleeps next to you. Do not worry, he won’t try anything.”

  “Why do you always come in between?” Sherry asked.

  “Well, I’m going before I lose a place to sleep next week.” Eyal cut the conversation short.

  “Wait, I’ll walk you out to the car,” Eran said, and left with Eyal.

  Sherry was left alone with Ronit. “Eyal is nice, huh?” Ronit turned to Sherry.

  Sherry nodded.

  “I don’t understand what he was doing with that leech, Natalie. She knew that he was an officer in the army, and he sees this as his future. Yet, she can’t stop bothering him to leave the army. On Independence Day, he will receive his rank as a Major. So tell me, why does this Natalie want him to leave his career like this for someone like her?”

  “Everyone is ready to leave his career for someone like her,” Sherry said. “Anyway, why does it bother you that he is going out with her?”

  “You are touching a painful point here. When they were in high school, Eran was in love with her.”

  Sherry raised her eyebrows.

  “Eran lived in Haifa until the age of seventeen, in the same neighborhood in Carmel where Natalie and Eyal’s parents lived.” Ronit explained. “Anyway, two years ago, Natalie left her boyfriend for Eyal. Now, every time we meet together, Natalie makes sure to remind everyone that Eran was in love with
her.”

  “Annoying,” Sherry said.

  “Very annoying. It’s your fault. Do you remember that I tried to make a match between you and him, but you were busy with your American dream?”

  ‘Indeed, a kind of a mischance,’ Sherry thought to herself. She wouldn’t have minded knowing him now.

  “By the way, why won’t he sleep in her house?”

  “Her parents are conservative. They will not allow a man to sleep in their house, so I told Eran to tell him to sleep here,” Ronit smiled wickedly.

  “You must know that after the meeting in the club, three years ago, he seemed interested and asked about you even when you refused his ride.” Ronit gave her a meaningful look. Sherry only slightly smiled, trying to hide her interest.

  “Today when you went out with Yaron, everyone talked about how you looked. The dress really flattered you. You looked beautiful. We might try to arrange something between you and him.”

  Sherry narrowed her eyes in amazement. “Between me and who?”

  “Eyal.”

  “Don’t embarrass me, please. Don’t do anything that you’ll regret later. You know how Natalie looks. I have no chance.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re so sweet and unique, comfortable, gracious. If I were a man, I would marry you. Why would I be sorry?”

  “Because, I told you not to do it.” Sherry turned her face into a scary look.

  Ronit laughed. Sherry was the last person who could scare someone. She didn’t even know how to make a scary face.

  12

  On Friday, Sherry made her way from the restaurant to her apartment. The heat and humidity that prevailed during the day had dissolved. The streets were empty of people. Shops were shuttered. There were a few vehicles on the road, and only one kiosk that forgot to welcome the Sabbath, interfered the serenity of the Friday night.

  The stairs leading to the house were washed, and Sherry hoped that Ronit cleaned the apartment for a little bit, although she never did. She was disappointed to find a sink full of dishes and clothes dispersed in every corner of the living room. She gathered the clothes and put them in Ronit’s bed, then washed the dishes. When she sat down to drink her coffee, she smiled to herself. There were many similarities between Ronit and Esther. Esther also used to throw her clothes and belongings around, and Sherry was the one who organized them for her.