Just Between Us

by Mrs Hayley Oakes

  I cried silently as the only person who could really soothe me did just that. He kissed me, held me, and let me sleep in his arms.

  The next morning he was gone. Mum made my breakfast and helped me pack my car. As I was leaving Kyle made his way through with some boxes of his own. I couldn’t look at him for fear of crying and wasn’t sure what the protocol was.

  “Good Luck, Soph,” he said, standing in the hallway, placing his box on the floor as he walked over and took me in a hug.

  “Thanks,” I gulped, emotion raw in my voice. Mum busied herself with some things walking back into the kitchen, not even registering our exchange. “You too,” I whispered.

  “I’ll never be sorry,” he whispered, and I smiled despite myself, it was a quote from Dirty Dancing, the film I made him watch a million times when we first started hanging out.

  I pulled back, looking into his eyes, wondering if he knew what he had said. They were shining with emotion, and his smile said it all.

  “Me either,” I said with a grin. He kissed my forehead just as Mum rounded the corner.

  “Ready?” she asked chirpily.

  I nodded and watched Kyle pick up his box and walk away.

  Twenty-Three – Just petrified

  Now

  It was Wednesday morning, the last week in August. Kyle and I had discussed our plans for after the summer, and we had agreed that the Saturday before I was due to start work he would drive me home. I would return to my life, and we would have dinner with our parents and tell them about us. It was going to be difficult and there was no doubt that they would be shocked, perhaps ask a lot of questions. It wasn’t going to be pretty, but once it was done, it was done.

  Each day for the past week I had got used to Kyle telling me he loved me, and I had said it a lot to him. It felt liberating to finally allow myself to feel that deeply for him. I had been so afraid of what everyone would think, so afraid of being judged, that I never allowed my heart to just take over. Now that I had, I realised how natural a relationship could be. Simon always made things such a struggle. He had his ways of doing things that seemed to take forever. I always found myself standing at the door like a jumping Labrador ready to bolt whilst he gathered his things. I bit my lip when he annoyed me, as I learnt early on that he wasn’t one for change. I also don’t remember laughing very much. Kyle and I were always laughing and always had.

  This summer had been an eye opener. It had made me realise that despite what my future had in store, I was so relieved that it wasn’t with Simon. He was a nice person, but he had never been for me and leaving me before the wedding had been a blessing in disguise.

  Kyle went to the studio as usual, and I made headway on my packing. I had lots of stuff, new and old, to squeeze into the cases I had brought. Since I had been sleeping in Kyle’s room these past few weeks, my old room had become a walk-in disaster area. There were clothes flung all over the place and I was now suffering for it. I started to get somewhere by lunch-time and could see light at the end of the tunnel when my mobile rang.

  I found it under a pile of jumpers, that I’m sure I didn’t actually need for a summer away, proving what a poor state of mind I was in when we left. It was Vinnie, I answered quickly.

  “Hello?” I said, something must be wrong for Vinnie to call.

  “Sophie?” He spoke hurriedly.

  “Vinnie, you Okay?” I asked.

  “Yes, well no, erm, I don’t know. It’s Ash, bloody hell.” He sighed. “I’m in a waiting room and …” He sighed, “I didn’t know who to call.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, instantly panicked. “What’s going on?”

  “Well, Ashley had this appointment yesterday, and they said her blood pressure was high, and so we came in,” he rambled, “then they decided to induce and then, then it all happened so quickly. We didn’t really get chance to let anyone know and …” His voice broke.

  “Oh my God!” I shouted. “Is she Okay? Vinnie?” I squeaked.

  “She’s in surgery.” His voice was muffled, he sounded tearful.

  “What the hell? Why didn’t she tell me? What the hell?”

  “It all happened so quick.” He said, “My mum is in bloody Cyprus, and Ashley’s mum is on some spa retreat, and you’re in London.” His voice broke again, “I’m all on my own here and …”

  “What’s happening? What’s happening right now?” I asked.

  “She started to haemorrhage, so she’s having a caesarean. They had to knock her out and now I’m just … waiting.” He sounded petrified.

  “Okay, I’ll come back. I’ll come home now,” I shrieked.

  “No, no Sophie, you can’t I … “

  “You need me, you both need me and I should be there, I’m coming home.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked quietly.

  “Couldn’t be surer.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’ll be there by dinner time, and I want you to call me when she comes out. I need to know she’s Okay.”

  “She has to be,” he said solemnly. “I can’t bear the thought of … God Sophie, I can’t lose her.”

  “You won’t!” I said firmly.

  I called Kyle straight away, “Hi gorgeous,” he answered.

  “I need to borrow your car,” I said hurriedly.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “I need to get home, now.”

  “What? Why?” he asked.

  “It’s Ashley,” my voice broke, “something has gone wrong, with the birth, it’s all gone wrong and she’s having a caesarean and …”

  “Women have caesareans every day,” he said calmly, “I think you need to calm down.”

  “No,” I said defiantly, “you didn’t hear Vinnie, he’s alone and scared and he sounds like he thinks she’s going to bloody die.”

  “Are you …”

  “Listen Kyle, I don’t have time to deliberate this on the phone, I need to get home, and I want to go home where my best friend is currently having her baby out cold whilst her husband cries on his own in a waiting room. Regardless of the outcome I want to be there, they need me.”

  “Right,” he said, “I’m on my way.”

  Kyle was home within half an hour, and we loaded the two cases I had packed into his car.

  “I can bring the rest of your stuff another time,” he said.

  “Are you coming, I mean are you coming with me now? You can stay and come at weekend.”

  He placed his hand in mine, “I’m coming now. If you’re being there for everyone else, I’ll be there for you.” He kissed me, and I accepted his strength. I smiled tightly to him and we hit the road. “I’ve told Geraldine that I’ll be back Monday.”

  “I bet she was chuffed.” I laughed sarcastically.

  “Ecstatic.” He rolled his eyes.

  We drove in companionable silence back home, as I anxiously awaited information from Vinnie. Kyle held my hand from time to time, and he could tell how anxious I was. The plans we had had for the weekend seemed so inconsequential now that Ashley’s life and that of her baby were held in the balance. It had been 1 pm when we managed to set off and despite a short stop for toilet breaks and to grab a sandwich, we could see Blackpool tower, the local landmark, by 6.30 pm. It had been a quick trip and Vinnie had called me twice. He called to say that she was out of surgery, he had seen baby Stanley as he was whisked off to special care, but he hadn’t seen Ashley. He said she was in recovery but still unconscious.

  At around 6 pm he called to say that they were sending him home, he had seen Stanley and touched his hand through the incubator. The baby was in shock and his heart rate had been low, he was jaundiced, and he needed to be monitored for the next twenty-four hours. He had seen Ashley, but she was being kept in a medically induced coma for the night as she had lost a lot of blood and needed to recover. I told him that we would be in Lytham within the hour and would meet him at his house.

  The tears began to fall as Kyle directed the car through Lytham to Ashle
y’s house. I had shouted out the address on the way off the motorway. “I need to man up,” I said, wiping my face with the back of my hand, “Vinnie can’t see me like this, I need to be strong.”

  “You will be.” Kyle patted my hand. “You’ll be fine when you see him.” Kyle pulled up outside of Vinnie and Ashley’s beautiful red brick semi. They had lovingly decorated it together and I knew there was a little blue nursery ready for baby Stanley: a room that headstrong Ashley had micromanaged Vinnie to produce. We parked behind Vinnie’s car and I flung the door open to get to the front door, Kyle followed calmly behind and held my hand as we waited for Vinnie to answer the door.

  He pulled the heavy black door open and stood there a crumpled man.

  “Oh Soph,” he said, looking completely forlorn. “What a shitty day.”

  I gave him a brave smile and engulfed him in a hug, “What a fuckin” understatement.” I sighed.

  Once we got inside, Kyle made three cups of tea, and I sat with Vinnie in the lounge, my hand on his whilst he recounted the day’s events and choked back tears. “It was like a bloody horror story,” he said glumly.

  “One minute she says she feels sick, I get her a drink, and then her words start slurring and her head falls back and I’ve never seen so much blood.” He stared blankly ahead.

  “Oh shit,” I said.

  “Then I’m pushed out the way, I mean like instantly, and of course they’re all trying to save her, but God I thought … she’s dead or dying … and our baby.” He sniffed and wiped away tears that didn’t quite fall. “It’s like you plan the baby, you plan everything, and then everything just goes to shit and … I might lose it all.”

  “You won’t, you’re going to be fine, it’s all going to be fine.”

  Kyle came into the lounge and placed three cups of tea on the coffee table. “All right mate.” He gave Vinnie a tight smile.

  “Hi mate,” Vinnie said quietly, jumping up and shaking Kyle’s hand. “Long time no see.”

  “Yeah.” Kyle nodded, “Sorry about Ashley.”

  Vinnie nodded and sat back down. “Don’t know about you two, but I could do with something stronger to take the edge off this.” He showed us his hands and they were shaking. “I won’t sleep tonight without something.”

  “Okay.” I sprung up. “What’ve you got?”

  “We’ve got some vodka, or sambuca? I think whiskey, too.”

  “Which do you want?” I asked, making my way out to the kitchen.

  “Get the whiskey,” he shouted as I made my way to their kitchen cupboard where the alcohol was stocked.

  We sat with him drinking until he almost fell asleep sat on the sofa. I had texted Mum earlier to tell her what had happened and called her with updates as I received them. Vinnie went to bed at around ten, I tidied up the lounge and washed up so he wouldn’t wake up to a mess, and then Kyle called us a taxi. He stood behind me and kissed me as we pulled the front door behind us and waited in the summer night for the cab.

  “Poor guy.” He sighed.

  “I know,” I said quietly, “I can’t imagine what he’s bloody been through and Ashley, it sounds bloody awful.”

  “I can’t imagine what it feels like to think your wife is going to die.”

  “Heartbreaking, I expect.” I said, my voice wavering again at the thought of Ashley alone in a hospital bed.

  “Love you,” he whispered, kissing my head.

  “Love you, too.”

  We arrived home to an illuminated house. Our parents were still up and sitting in the conservatory. They had a bottle of opened wine on the table and were staring intently at several playing cards in their hands.

  “Sophie.” Mum sprung up and threw her cards face down on the table. “Oh Sophie,” she crowed, walking briskly to me and embracing me. “You look.” She held me at arms length taking in my full appearance. “Tired.” She nodded. “You look good, but tired.”

  I shook my head, “Love you too, Mum.” She pulled me into a hug again and squeezed me tightly.

  Mick made his way over to us and shook Kyle’s hand. “Son.” He nodded.

  “Dad.” Kyle nodded.

  “Wine?” Mick asked us both.

  “Okay,” Kyle said, looking at me.

  “One glass,” I grimaced, “I’ve already had enough at Vinnie’s.”

  “Oh God how is he?” Mum asked.

  “All right.” I scrunched my nose up at the thought. “He’ll be fine, so long as Ashley is fine.”

  “She will be,” Mum soothed, throwing her arm around me and guiding me to the table in the conservatory. “Now deal again Mick and these two can help me beat you at Rummy, whilst they tell us about their summer.”

  Mick dealt us into their game, Kyle and I exchanged glances, but this just didn’t seem the right time to tell them about our relationship. We told them about some of the things we had done, where we had been, and Kyle told them that I had turned his spare room into a disaster zone. This wasn’t the time for the truth, and so we would stick to the plan and tell them another night. When we had rehearsed what to say and when we could be sure that we were ready for their reaction.

  An hour later we climbed the stairs as we had so many times over the years, filtering into our separate rooms. I went to my chest of drawers and grabbed some pyjamas, undressed, and slipped them on. I went to the bathroom and began brushing my teeth. Kyle appeared moments later, wearing only his boxer shorts and carrying his own toothbrush. He had managed to pack a small bag before we left. We brushed our teeth at our respective sinks and smiled when we caught each other’s eyes. I leaned into my room and turned the light switch off that sat on the other side of the bathroom door. There was no longer a question of me sleeping alone without Kyle. He held my hand in his and I followed him back into his bedroom that had barely changed in ten years.

  Even though I knew we could be caught, even though I knew my mum could go into my room looking for me, I didn’t care. She would most likely leave us to sleep in tomorrow morning when she set off for work, and so realistically it was unlikely, but if she did it would certainly save me the job of having to explain. I was exhausted, I was emotionally drained, and all I wanted tonight was to breathe Kyle in. He held me and I laid my head on his firm chest as we drifted into a peaceful sleep.

  Twenty-Four – Just history

  Now

  The following morning we slept until after ten. When I awoke the first thing I did was text Vinnie. He called me straight away to say that he was heading to the hospital for midday and had been told that Ashley would be conscious by the afternoon. They also told him that he would be able to hold baby Stanley when he got there. He sounded relieved. I asked him to let me know when I could visit and to come to our house for dinner later.

  “The nutter-in-law is back from her spa retreat early,” he sighed, “she kept going on about Ashley always having to do things dramatically and ruining her plans. She seems to think it’s all a bloody inconvenience,” he seethed.

  “Yeah, her mum is … flighty.”

  “Flighty?” he scoffed, “she makes Eddie from Ab Fab look like mother of the year.”

  I smiled at his comment, “Well I hope she doesn’t stress Ashley out.”

  “Trust me she won’t,” he said firmly, “or she’ll be out!”

  “Let me know how she is when she wakes up.”

  “I will,” he said, “I need to see for myself that she’s going to be Okay, then I’ll be shouting it from the bloody roof.”

  “Right, call me later,” I said.

  “Will do, thanks,” he said.

  Vinnie called later to say that Ashley was awake and may be ready for visitors that evening or certainly by the next day. She was being closely monitored for blood loss and any surgical complications, so I texted her, not expecting a response.

  You scared the shit out of me drama queen, love you and will be in as soon as I am allowed. xx

  An hour later I got a response, Battery had died, Vin just arr
ived with charger – feel horrendous, don’t ever do this, come soon! Xx

  Great to see you are texting, I’ll be in as soon as I hear that you can have visitors. xx

  I decided to try and get some things done now that I was suddenly home. There would be no point going back to London to return for work next week and so Kyle and I had to discuss how I was going to get the rest of my things and I needed to ring the estate agency about my house. I hadn’t heard much since myself and Simon had accepted an offer on the property a few weeks ago.

  I walked down to the kitchen and grabbed a drink from the fridge as I dialled the Estate Agents.

  “Hello,” a friendly voice answered, “Tower Estates, Kirsten speaking.”

  “Oh hello,” I began, “I’m ringing about my house that recently sold through you, and I wondered what the next steps were?”

  “Okay, can I take an address?”

  I gave my address and waited on the line for a few minutes whilst she did some digging around the computer system. Kyle wandered in at this point and sat beside me at the breakfast bar. “Estate Agents,” I whispered, and he nodded.

  “Okay,” Kirsten began, “I believe your partner has been dealing with the sale, a Simon …”

  “Ex,” I said quickly.

  “Oh right, okay, well erm he has instructed a solicitor and the paperwork is about to be exchanged. There should be some paperwork for you to sign, so I suggest you contact him and discuss what you need to do so things don’t get held up.”

  “Oh right, thanks,” I said.

  “No problem, call any time,” she finished chirpily whilst I suddenly dreaded what was to come. I groaned as I put the phone down.