Guarded Desire

by Christi Snow

  ELLE

  I rushed into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I turned on the water for the shower and then silently banged my head repeatedly against the wall. What the hell had I been thinking?

  I’d practically jumped the man, humped his hand until I orgasmed so hard that I couldn’t see straight, and then propositioned him.

  But to him, we couldn’t “waste anymore time.”

  Oh god, oh god, oh god. I am such an idiot.

  Obviously, an idiot who couldn’t see when he was just not that into me. I should have known when he didn’t want me to do anything to reciprocate. Could he tell I was a virgin? That I’d never had someone besides me induce an orgasm before this morning?

  He could see my inexperience, couldn’t he?

  Damn. Shit. Damn.

  No guy wanted a girl in the sack who didn’t know what she was doing. And god, Jonah was so incredibly sexy. He had that whole alpha-protector-male thing going on. Girls probably threw themselves at him all the time. Why would he want to mess with someone like me? Someone who didn’t have a clue.

  I’d been an idiot, throwing myself at him like that. I couldn’t—no, wouldn’t—do that again. I wasn’t a pity project.

  Determined anew, I turned the water on as hot as I could and stripped off the clothes that he hadn’t even managed to take off. That should have been my first clue. He didn’t even want to see me enough to remove my clothes.

  Scalding hot water poured over my body. The heat stung, but my humiliation was still worse. As I washed my still tender breasts and private areas, the jolts of sensitivity sent reminders about how good that orgasm had felt and that Jonah’s hands had been there last, making me feel better than I ever had before. A shudder rolled over me.

  I may not have any experience, but damn, that wasn’t an issue for Jonah. No, he’d known exactly how to play my body to the perfect release.

  And. It. Had. Been. So. Good.

  Chapter Eight

  Elle

  After spending the morning watching Jonah supervising the shutter installers, things hadn’t gotten any more relaxed between the two of us. I still felt awkward as hell, but now, instead of just wishing the Earth could swallow me whole, I had this new, buzzing awareness whenever Jonah was near.

  It was like him giving me an orgasm had ignited a GPS inside my chest tuned directly to his position whenever he was near me.

  We had to head back to class where my professors would expect me to listen to them like nothing had changed in my life in the last twelve hours. Like I could focus on anything besides Jonah.

  “Are you okay?”He asked as we turned into the parking lot. He’d been unusually quiet, too, so I jolted at the sound of his voice.

  I laid a hand over my racing heart. “Um, yeah.” I giggled like a junior high tween. “I’m fine. How are you?” I internally winced. How are you? God, I sounded like some sort of cliché dinner party chitchat.

  He just laughed off my awkwardness like it was something cute instead of socially inept as he turned off the car. After we got out of the car, he met me around front of it and immediately took my backpack and shrugged it onto his shoulder like it weighed nothing, not the thirty pounds I knew for a fact it weighed. I’d weighed it in August when classes started to prove to myself that I was acting like a pampered diva about the weight. Instead of talking me out of whining, that weight just proved I was a badass to carry that much weight all day, every day. But even I could confess that having his brawn around was nice for this fact alone.

  “I have to admit”—he winked at me—“I’m feeling pretty darn good today. I have a gorgeous woman on my arm.” He hooked his elbow through mine. “It’s a glorious fall day. Yeah, life is pretty good.”

  We exchanged small smiles, and my chest fluttered with the intimacy of the moment. Maybe he wasn’t regretting this morning as much as I’d assumed.

  But as we came around a building on the way to class, the peace was broken. A cluster of people stood at the periphery of the university quad, watching the comings and goings of the students with interest.

  Jonah recognized them before I did. “Reporters.” He stiffened and tugged me into a run, and we sprinted to the closest building. “Come on.”

  Someone shouted, “There she is. That was Illumination!”

  I glanced back to see the group rushing toward us with cameramen trailing behind. They were all yelling questions at me.

  “Illumination, when did you come back to college?”

  “Illumination, does this mean you don’t fear for your safety anymore?”

  “Illumination, how are you feeling after your ordeal?”

  “Illumination, who’s your new friend? Is he a bodyguard?”

  “Or a boyfriend?” someone else added.

  “Illumination, is it safe for you to be out in public like this?”

  With every question they yelled at us, my tension ratcheted higher. If they had found me so easily, that meant he could, too.

  We dove through a doorway, but the horde was closing in fast behind us. Their footsteps pounded, making my heart rate gallop in panic.

  I didn’t even know what building we were in. I’d never had a class in here, but Jonah seemed to know exactly where he was going as we raced through the building. He guided me though the turns of the rabbit warren of halls like a pro. I just tried to keep up.

  How had the reporters found me already? I’d only been on campus one day. Didn’t they have campus security for things like this?

  I was so glad Jonah was with me. If I’d had to face them by myself, I would have frozen.

  We burst through an exterior door, startling several smokers, who turned to us in surprise. Fortunately, Jonah appeared to have slipped by the reporters for the moment, because there weren’t any to be seen right now.

  But that didn’t slow Jonah down as he continued to hold tightly onto my hand, as he fumbled his phone out of his pocket and dialed. He lifted it to his ear as we dove through another doorway. This building was one I knew—economics, where my upcoming class was located.

  Inside the door, he pulled us to a halt and raised a finger to me when I started to speak. “Dillon, we’re on campus. Someone tipped off the press. Can you call campus security and follow protocol plan alpha?”

  Jonah nodded to something Dillon said as he scanned our surroundings. “Yeah, we’re headed to her class now. We’ll see you in ninety.”

  My eyes widened. “We’re still going to go to my class?” I asked after he ended the call. My breathing began to speed up, and I could feel the tendrils of an oncoming panic attack.

  If we stayed, they’d find me. I’d be trapped. “We can’t.”

  My breath came out in harsh, random panting sounds. Other students were beginning to stare at us as they walked by.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Jonah said, glancing around frantically. He tugged me into a dark doorway and closed the door behind us. I had no idea where we were. It looked like some sort of outdated lounge area filled with seventies-era chairs and couches. Jonah flipped on the light and practically carried me over to one of the couches, sitting down and pulling me onto his lap.

  He turned my face so I was staring into his concerned, deep blue eyes. “I need you to slow down and concentrate on your breathing. You’re safe. That’s why you have me here. I will keep you safe. Just breathe in and out slowly. Have I steered you wrong yet?”

  I shook my head, still not able to get enough air down my throat to form words, but the black spots that had been encroaching on my vision began to fade.

  Jonah gave me a sharp nod. “That’s it. You’re getting it. As a student of New Mexico Tech, you’re allowed to attend class free from outside distractions.”

  I huffed out a laugh that sounded more like a bark from a seal. “That sounds”—breathe—“like something out of a manual.”

  He smiled at me, letting me see his relief. “You bet your sweet ass it is. And more importantly...what it means is that campus secur
ity can escort the reporters off campus and keep them off, because they’re interfering with your ability to attend class. Don’t worry. We’ve been planning for this. We knew it would happen eventually.”

  “Okay.” Slowly, the pressure on my chest was easing.

  He lifted his eyebrows. “You okay now? I don’t want you to be late for class.”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  Jonah stood and set me on my feet, holding my elbow until he was sure that I truly was okay.

  But before we left the room, I had to know. “This means he’ll be able to find me now, doesn’t it?” I knew the answer, so it wasn’t really a question.

  But Jonah nodded. “Yeah, but I won’t let him get to you.”

  I nodded trying to trust that statement, to trust him. We exited the small room and jogged down the hall to my class with less than a minute to spare according to my phone.

  But I pulled Jonah to a halt outside the door. “After class today, could we go and learn how to use your weapons like you mentioned before?”

  “Abso-fucking-lutely,” he said with a firm nod. “I think that’s a great idea.”

  ALTHOUGH I ONLY HAD a couple of hours of school on Tuesdays, we weren’t planning on getting home until late that afternoon or early evening. After class, Dillon had picked us up in a different vehicle than my SUV.

  “What about my car?” I asked, knowing that campus security would tow it if it stayed in the parking lot overnight.

  “Already taken care of,” Dillon said. “There were a couple of reporters who had found it, so it’s been removed and taken in a very roundabout way to your apartment, where it’s parked in the parking garage. Also, we swept it for trackers before taking it home, so no one should be able to find where you live.”

  I hadn’t even thought of that. It was suddenly beginning to occur to me that I really hadn’t thought through coming back to college. While my life with ViviAnna had been chaos growing up, I’d been left in obscurity for my first three years at college. I’d taken that for granted and had been disgustingly ignorant in thinking that I could come back here now and have it be the same way.

  We were on our way to the gym and gun range where Jonah promised to run me through my paces. Who even knew they had that combination of skills available at fitness centers?

  Even in the midst of the chaos, Dillon’s presence had my mind preoccupied with other things. My phone had been suspiciously silent all day, and Trace had left today for New York. I’d sent him another message this morning, apologizing and wishing him luck with his tryout.

  I thought for sure he’d at least check in with me and tell me goodbye before he left. I couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. “Dillon, I know it’s none of my business, and I’m not asking to be nosy...but did you go home with Trace last night?”

  His gaze flashed to mine in the mirror. “Yes,” he said slowly like he really didn’t want to say anything more.

  That was good. I didn’t want Trace to have been alone as upset as he was. “Was he okay this morning when he left for New York?” I hated the idea that I might have thrown him off his groove at all. This tryout tomorrow meant everything to him and if I’d screwed that up somehow, I’d never forgive myself.

  “Um, well that’s not really an issue.”

  A sinking feeling settled low in my gut. “What do you mean?”

  Dillon winced. “He’s going to kill me for telling you this, but he cancelled his flight.”

  “He did what!” No, no, no. Trace couldn’t do that. “Where is he? Take me to him right now.”

  Dillon glanced over at Jonah, who nodded. “Go ahead. Is he still at your hotel room?”

  Still? Jonah had known about this and not told me. Anger boiled in my chest.

  Dillon nodded. “We know it’s secure, so it should be fine.”

  I grabbed my cell phone and hit the number for my travel agent. “Lindsey, this is Elle Wilcox. I need you to book a one-way ticket on the next available flight for tonight out of Albuquerque to New York City.”

  “Hi, Elle. Yes, I can do that.” I could hear the keyboard clacking in the background as Lindsey worked. “Okay, there’s a flight leaving in two hours and fifteen minutes, and yes, there is a first class seat available. Will that work?”

  “Yes, book it in Trace Andrews name, but charge it to the credit card I have on file. And can you send the e-ticket to this email address?” I rattled off Trace’s email and then ended the call.

  Jonah had turned around in the front seat to watch me with eyebrows raised. Dillon, on the other hand, looked distinctly uncomfortable as he squirmed in the driver’s seat.

  “Do you have something to say?” I asked Dillon.

  “No, ma’am,” he responded with a short shake of his head. “But I see why the two of you are friends. You’re just as stubborn as he is.” Then Dillon grinned at me in the mirror, and I felt like I could breathe a little bit easier. “And you should know that no matter what went down between the two of you yesterday, he didn’t even think twice about cancelling today when he heard that you were having problems.”

  Tears formed in my eyes, and I looked out the window. “Which is exactly why he can’t cancel this trip. It’s important. More important than this minor drama with me.”

  No one said anything else since we were pulling up in front of the hotel. Dillon parked under the carport. He turned the ignition off and stepped out of the car, shaking his head at the valet who approached. “We’re only going to be here about fifteen minutes, so is it okay if we leave the car parked here?”

  “Of course, Mr. Matthews. If you’ll leave the keys with me, just in case we have to move it, that should be fine.”

  Dillon nodded, tossed the keys to him, and then both men flanked me as we entered the swanky hotel filled with polished marble and brass surfaces. The décor was reminiscent of twenties-era elegance and Art Deco style.

  I whistled low. “Nice digs you have here, Dillon.”

  He shrugged and glanced around for a moment. “It’s on the corporate account, so it’s fine.” Then he went back to typing on his phone.

  I narrowed my eyes at him, suspicious that he probably was warning Trace that we were on our way up. My suspicions were confirmed when Trace met us outside the elevator.

  He wrapped me in a huge hug with those long, muscular arms. I allowed myself fifteen seconds to absorb his comfort before pulling away.

  I cupped his dark, worried face. “I’m so sorry about yesterday.”

  He shook his head. “No, I’m sorry for being a drama llama. I shouldn’t have taken it personally. Are you okay, though? Dillon told me a little bit about what happened this morning.”

  “I’m fine. I have a hunky new bodyguard, and he has a sidekick.” I waved my hand at Jonah and Dillon, who’d stayed back to allow us the modicum of privacy. “There’s no need for you to worry about me anymore, which is why you need to go grab your stuff.” I turned him around and shoved him down the hall toward the hotel room. “You have a flight to catch to New York. I’m not going to argue with you about this.”

  “Elle, I don’t want to leave you when—”

  “Nope.” I raised a hand to cover his mouth. “No arguments. This is your chance. You can’t throw those away. I’ll be fine, and you’ll only be a text or phone call away if I’m not. Stop worrying, Trace. It’s not your job anymore. I don’t know what I would have done the last six years without you, but you’ve raised me well. I can stand on my own now.”

  His eyes filled with tears. “My baby girl’s all grown up now?”

  I nodded. “I think so. Now, it’s time for you to put you first again.” I hadn’t really considered it until this moment, but from the time he’d discovered how lost I was at fifteen, he had always been there for me when I needed him, no matter what was happening in his life. I’d taken advantage of that. Shame gutted me. I had to friend better than that from here on out.

  I hugged him. “You’ve been my best friend for so long and that wil
l never change even when you get rich and famous. But you have to go grab your dream first. Do this for me. Do this for you. No one deserves a break more than you do.”

  “Dammit, Elle,” he hissed at me as tears slid down his cheeks. He glanced at Dillon behind me. “You’re not supposed to make me cry when I’m standing in front of hot guys.”

  I raised my eyebrows suggestively. “Which I think you owe me some dish on.”

  He cocked one side of his mouth up. “That works both ways, girlfriend.” He suggestively leered at Jonah behind me.

  Jonah cleared his throat, and I glanced back at him with a grin.

  “I’m feeling a little uncomfortable here,” Jonah said to Dillon. “But I’m not sure what’s worse, the idea that they think you’re hot or that he’s about to talk about your sex life.”

  “Wow, that’s a bit harsh, dude,” Dillon said, but he leered at Trace like he’d jump back into bed with him in a second.

  Interesting. I thought that had been a one-night stand, but Dillon looked at Trace like more than one night would be welcome.

  I clapped my hands. “No, no more gossip or anyone sexing anyone else up. Trace, go grab your bags or else you’re going to miss your flight. Chop, chop, people. This man needs to get to the airport.”

  JONAH

  Trace made his flight, and after a much less emotional scene at the end of the security line, Elle waved goodbye to her best friend.

  I wrapped my arm over her shoulder as we walked out of the airport. “Still up for hitting the gym today?”

  Her dark brown eyes glimmered with mischief. “Yeah, I could do with beating someone up. Let’s do this.”

  “Your girl is bloodthirsty,” Dillon said. “I think I like her even more now.”

  Elle laughed, a noise that sounded much better than the sad sniffles she’d had going on just a few minutes ago. “Aw, thanks, Dillon. You have my BFF’s approval, so I’m thinking you’re not so bad yourself.”

  Dillon tilted his head at her. “So, I need to know. How does a pop princess’s daughter end up friends with a big, black dancer at...” He drew the word out as he considered it. “Maybe age fourteen or fifteen?”