Secret Love (The 4Ever Series Book 2)

by Isabella White

  Pausing for a moment, her eyes caught sight of the blonde woman she’d only seen once in a photo with Jake. She was speaking to whoever was at reception, and Holly could hear their laughter. Her eyes fell on the child in Jake’s arms. The son he’d mentioned. Well, that put an end to her rant session for now.

  The trio made their way to the exit. From where she was standing, Holly could see the boy was the spitting image of Kate. He looked nothing like Jake, and for some reason, Holly found a smidgen of comfort in that.

  Holly wanted to kick herself for ever wanting to confront him. She hadn’t been thinking straight. He would’ve discovered that Jamie existed, and she would’ve ruined everything. What had she been thinking? Her fantasy was ruined; Jamie would never understand that her father had a new child and a new wife.

  The following day, Rod was the one to do Ty’s checkup. His recovery was progressing reasonably well and he was moved from the ICU to his own private room back in the pediatrics ward.

  Holly wished the same could be said about Ellie. She was slowly deteriorating—everyone saw it, except Holly. Ellie was almost the same age as Jamie, and though Holly had experienced the loss of a child, she fervently believed children should not die. Holly kept Ellie in her prayers every night. There’s still reason to hope she’ll pull through.

  A week after Ty was moved into his own private room, he finally got the go-ahead to be discharged. It was a difficult day for Holly. She’d grown quite attached to Ty, but she was grateful his parents were able to take their son home. Mavis hugged her for a long time, as did George. Ty, on the other hand, looked like he’d won the lottery. He’d gotten a lot of spark back. He embraced Holly.

  “Make you a deal. If you are not married in five years, you’re mine.”

  Holly scoffed. She was glad Ty’s humor was back.

  “You’ll be twenty-one, Ty.”

  “Don’t care. Dr. Peters, as awesome as he is, is an idiot.”

  She just smiled. It should make her feel better, but it didn’t.

  “Thanks, Ty.” She gave him another hug. “Please, I never want to see you back here with another tumor.”

  “Doubt that will happen. But I can’t promise to never see you again. I might just break a leg, or an arm. I’m going to live, Holly. You only get one life.”

  She gave him a scolding look. “Your parents went through a lot, Ty. At least give them a multitude of years before you go and do something stupid and dangerous.”

  They all laughed. “Thank you, Holly. For a second my heart flopped down to my stomach.” Mavis smiled.

  “So, only radiation left.” It was more of a statement than a question.

  Ty nodded. “He wanted me to do it at P&E, said his sister is an oncologist, young one, too.”

  Holly laughed, since she knew where this was going. “Extremely gorgeous as well. Just do me one small favor. If you ever meet her, don’t mention my name.”

  Ty frowned at her.

  “I don’t want his family bothering me with questions as to why I left him.”

  “My lips are sealed,” he said with mock solemnity.

  Teresse walked in with his discharge papers and said her goodbyes. Holly decided to accompany the Bensons out. As much as she was going to miss Ty, she was glad that her nightmare of constantly seeing Jake was finally over.

  Wishing them well, she returned to the children’s ward. Just as she stepped out of the elevator, an alarm went off. She quickened her pace. It came from Ellie’s room. She was coding. Teresse had already left, and Holly knew she wouldn’t get back in time. Holly took matters into her own hands, immediately starting with CPR. When that failed to get any response, she yelled at the nurses to bring in the defibrillator.

  “C’mon, Ellie! This is not the time to die,” she begged as electrical currents jolted throughout Ellie’s body. Nothing happened. Holly ordered the nurses to up the voltage and after rubbing the paddles together, she jolted Ellie again.

  “Holly,” Aggie called softly.

  All she could hear was Connie’s crying, which was driving her insane. That was not what she needed, although to see one’s child on the verge of death was heartbreaking.

  “Sue, get her out of here!” Holly cried. She didn’t look up from Ellie, but she could hear Connie’s sobs anymore.

  Holly prepped the paddles again, administering a further two jolts—nothing. Desperate, she screamed at Ellie to fight, but she knew it was no use. Twenty minutes in, and the heart monitor’s loud, incessant beep still hadn’t changed. Holly refused to give up. Miracles happened all the time, and Ellie was entitled to one. Even as her mind told her she needed to stop, Holly’s heart urged her to carry on. She wouldn’t stop. If this had been Jamie, she wouldn’t want the doctor to stop.

  Aggie, on more than one occasion, attempted to stop Holly, but she ignored the older woman’s commands. If she were honest, she didn’t have a clue what the nurse was saying.

  A strong pair of arms wrapped around Holly’s waist, forcefully pulling her away from Ellie.

  “Enough. She’s gone, Holly,” Jake said loudly, taking the paddles from her hands.

  Rage boiled inside her. What the fuck was he still doing here?

  “You are insane!” Connie yelled at her. “I swear, I will sue this hospital.”

  Sue the hospital? Whatever for? She had tried her damnedest to save her little girl’s life. Pushing away from Jake, Holly barged out the door to the stairwell. She took the stairs two at a time until she reached the highest level, just under the generators. She and Rev had discovered this spot together. They went there whenever they needed to rid themselves of their frustration. She screamed at the top of her lungs until her throat burned, and when she couldn’t scream anymore she kicked at the wall so hard, her foot hurt.

  She was angry. Angry that Ellie had to die. Angry at Jake for having another child when he’d wanted her to abort theirs, angry at herself for wanting to become a doctor, angry that she’d miss an entire year of her little girl’s life to give her what, exactly? The life she should’ve had if Jake had never left?

  Now, she’d never have that. She would never get the chance to meet her father, not while Holly was still alive. How would she ever explain to Jamie about his other kid? Jamie would never understand. Hell, she didn’t understand.

  Tears of frustration streamed down Holly’s face as it all sank in. As far as Jamie was concerned, her father would always be stuck in a fucking rainbow. She let out another scream as she cried. Years of frustration had been cooped up inside her, and it needed to be released.

  She wasn’t sure if she was cut out for this doctor stuff, any of it. The oath she’d taken was to heal and save people, not allow them to die. Old people in their nineties were an altogether different matter. But children? Where was the justice in that?

  Holly didn’t know how much time had passed as she sat there sobbing—the ugly kind. Arms wrapped around her, hugging her tightly. By the smell, she knew it was Teresse. Someone must have phoned Teresse after Ellie died. Teresse said nothing, but simply continued to hold her tight.

  “I’m so sorry, Holly!” she yelled. The noise from the generators was horrific. But this wasn’t the place where one talked. The whole point was that one could scream bloody murder, and no one would be any the wiser.

  “Can we talk somewhere else? I can’t even hear myself think!” Teresse yelled again. She showed no signs of having cried.

  “Give me a minute,” Holly yelled back. Nodding, Teresse left.

  A minute went by before Holly finally managed to pull herself together, mostly, then went back to the stairs.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Everyone warned me she wasn’t going to make it. I just didn’t want to listen, didn’t want to believe it.”

  “You need to learn how to deal with death. You left marks on her body, you need to know when to let go.”

  “I left marks?” More tears welled up in her eyes. She hadn’t realized how far gone she’d
been.

  “If she had woken up, she wouldn’t have lived long.”

  Another sobbed racked through Holly’s body.

  Teresse hugged her tightly. “You tried to save her life, as is right. But you just didn’t know when to stop.”

  “I left marks on her body. Connie is going to sue the hospital.”

  “Jake handled it. He’s really good at handling things like that.”

  A sudden bubble of laughter rolled in Holly’s stomach, but she pushed it down. Surely, Teresse was joking. He handled shit? With her, he’d taken the easy way out—the coward’s way.

  “It’s going to be okay, Holly. I promise.”

  She nodded. It didn’t feel like anything was ever going to be okay, but she had nothing further to say.

  Sensing that, Teresse said, “Go home, come back tomorrow. You’ve had enough for one day.”

  “But—”

  “Go home. Doctor’s orders.” Teresse smiled, leaving Holly where she stood.

  Taking Teresse’s advice, Holly changed, grabbed her stuff, and left. When she got home, she crawled into bed as she was and cried until she passed out from exhaustion.

  Feeling movement, she woke up. Rod had climbed in bed next to her. He scooted closer and took her in his arms, cradling her.

  The floodgates opened once more. Her sobbing was uncontrollable.

  “I heard what happened today. I’m so, so sorry, Holls. You’re too close to your patients. You need to learn to distance yourself from them.”

  “But I’m not made that way!” she yelled at him. Why couldn’t he understand that?

  “Then you need to learn how to deal with death, Holls. C’mon, you need a break, let’s go have a drink.”

  “I don’t want a drink. I want to be alone.”

  “Holly?”

  “Please, Rod, give me time to digest and sort things out in my head.” She was desperate to tell him about Jake, but she couldn’t. She’d do Rod more harm than good if he knew Jake was the one who’d left her, and Jake was the one who’d turned his back on his children.

  Reluctantly, he nodded, kissed her on the head, and left.

  Holly was left to her misery until sleep claimed her.

  Holly was called into Teresse’s office the next day. “Have a seat, Holly. I must apologize for this, but Dr. Peters insisted on it.” She slid a piece of paper across the desk to Holly—a warning notice.

  Not even bothering to read what it said, she signed on the dotted line, and slid it back across to Teresse. “How many of these before I get sent home?”

  “Three,” Teresse answered.

  Nodding her understanding, Holly got up and left without another word.

  The asshole didn’t show his face for the next couple of weeks. Holly got a few opportunities to scrub in, but she doubted her capabilities constantly. However, she was grateful another patient hadn’t been lost.

  She would never forget Ellie. Ever.

  *******

  The hospital was extremely quiet this evening. If she was lucky, she could perhaps get a good five or six hours of sleep before the next emergency. But that was wishful thinking.

  Dr. Matthews had already left for the day. Holly had done her rounds twice already, making sure everyone was doing all right. Most patients were sound asleep.

  Her pager went off. She needed to get to the ER immediately. She took off running. When she reached the ER, a horrible scene awaited her. She froze on the spot when she saw a little girl with raven-black curls. For a second, she thought it was Jamie, but what would Jamie be doing there? When she rushed over to the girl’s side, she was relieved it wasn’t her daughter. This little one was slightly older. By the looks of things, it seemed she’d been in a car accident. It was also evident that the child hadn’t been strapped into a car seat from her quick assessment; she had minor wounds on her arms and legs, but the worst was the deep gash on her head, where congealed blood ascertained that she’d clearly gone through the windshield during the crash. Her pupils weren’t reacting to bright light, either.

  “Page neuro, now!” Holly yelled. She just wished Ollie would hurry up and get there already.

  “Move, Scallanger,” Desire demanded.

  “Like hell I will. This is a peds patient, and you are not the right doctor for this!” she yelled adamantly. She knew Desire had no experience when it came to children. She’d seen it around Ty.

  Desire gave her a scathing look, one that said she was going to regret this soon, but Holly let it go.

  “OR 2. There is already someone waiting, Holly.”

  “Thanks, Dave,” she said as the nurse helped her with the bed.

  “Where is my mommy?” the little girl cried.

  “Shit, she’s waking up,” said Dave.

  “It’s going to be okay, baby. What is your name?” Holly asked.

  “Maggie Davenport.”

  “Maggie, my name is Holly, and I’m going to be right here until your mommy comes for you, okay?” She smiled. “How old are you?” Holly kept the conversation going, gathering important information while she was at it. Dave gave her an injection for shock. She asked Maggie what her favorite TV show was, which made Holly smile when she replied; as it was Jamie’s, too—Paw Patrol. Holly chattered about the characters and Dave laughed.

  She hoped Ollie would be able to save her life. She couldn’t go through another child’s death. Especially this little girl, because she reminded Holly too much of Jamie.

  On the way to the OR, Holly had made up some fantasy that they were going into a ship that would take her off to Neverland, where she could play with Chase, Marshall, Sky—in fact, every Paw Patrol character. Even Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates made it in there. Such a stupid name for a character who looked like he’d been drawn from the Jake she knew. Speaking calmly, she managed to put Maggie at ease, saying that she’d only be in there for a little while as she pushed her into the OR. It helped children a lot if they weren’t scared of the OR.

  Holly was still chatting away with Maggie about how fun Neverland was, that she would have a ball with Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. The look on Maggie’s face was priceless, like she couldn’t wait to go there, when Dave interrupted.

  “Here’s her CT scan, Dr. Peters.”

  Holly clenched her jaw. She should’ve given this case to Desire when she’d wanted it, but she’d had no choice. The woman didn’t have a soft spot for children.

  “Where is Dr. Matthews?”

  “Clearly, she’s not here,” Holly said, sarcastically.

  Dave just looked at Holly as she stroked the little girl’s head. “Remember what I said. It’s time to sleep now, okay? Have fun,” she said softly, nodding at the anesthetist to hand her the gas mask, which she carefully put on Maggie’s face, pulling the elastic over her head. With another nod, she gave him the go-ahead. She could feel Jake’s eyes boring into her back, but she didn’t care. The child had been scared a moment ago, and now she was calm.

  As soon as Maggie went under, Jake moved in. Desire walked through the doors a second later. She could have the case, as far as Holly was concerned. Walking out of the OR and into the cleaning area, she removed her bandanna. Watching through the glass doors, she watched Jake and Desire work quickly. Abruptly, he stopped and stared at his hands.

  Panicking, Holly put her mask back on and went back inside. “What’s going on? Why are you stopping?” she demanded. All the nurses looked at her.

  Not Jake, though. “Don’t, Scallanger,” he said through clenched teeth. He stepped away from her.

  “What are you doing?” Holly yelled. An eerie silence filled the OR. All eyes were on Jake, whose back was to her.

  “I said don’t,” he repeated. “It’s too late.”

  “But… but…we were talking just a moment ago. Fix her!” Holly yelled. She was losing it again.

  Jake’s whipped around, his eyes angry, staring at her.

  “You’ve got to fix her!” she screeched. “She’s only
a little girl!”

  Fuming, Jake roared to no one in particular, “Get her out of my fucking OR!”

  Dave, who was closest, grabbed Holly by the arm and pulled her out.

  The fucking asshole! He’d just given up on a child. Just like that. She’d seen it with her own eyes—he’d stepped away. Just like he had with her two babies. Why was he doing this to her? Why was he torturing her like this?

  Holly escaped up the stairs once again, her blood boiling. Her outburst was going to lead to warning number two, she knew it. Speaking to a doctor in that manner, in the OR, in front of the staff, was wrong on so many levels. But she hadn’t cared. Jake was a coward for not trying.

  JAKE

  She’d fucking done it this time. He’d had enough. He didn’t give a shit, and Teresse wasn’t there to calm him down. If that infuriating woman thought that any of this was easy for him, she’d just made a fucking mistake.

  He went to the ER. Sue was working tonight’s shift. “You see Dr. Scallanger anywhere?” he barked.

  “No. Is everything okay?”

  He shook his head, and stomped off. He could hear Denise, one of the OR nurses, giving Sue a breakdown of what Holly had done. He went to pediatrics and found Dennis. “You see Holly anywhere?” He didn’t care about addressing her correctly anymore.

  “No. Try up by the generators. She goes there a lot.”

  The stairs.

  Jake made his way there, barging through the doors and running up the stairs two or three at a time. Why the fuck had she come back? Why was she so hostile? She had no fucking reason to be. He had the right to be pissed, not her. She was going to get a piece of his mind.

  HOLLY

  She sat there and vented. Then the asshole walked in.

  “You’re not welcome here, so get the hell out. I really do not want to see your face right now!” she yelled at him.

  “I am a fucking attending at this hospital, Dr. Scallanger. You will not speak to me like that ever again in front of any staff. Anyone at all. Period. Step out of line one more time, and you can go back to wherever the hell you came from!” he roared, loud and clear.