Secret Love (The 4Ever Series Book 2)

by Isabella White

  “So be it. See if I care.”

  “Excellent!” With nothing else to say, Jake left.

  Her second warning would be on its way soon enough. He’d just made that crystal clear.

  Holly found a bed late into the evening and tried to sleep, but she couldn’t. She never thought she’d hate Jake more than she already did, and she was well on her way to doing just that. She’d thought keeping the babies would prevent her from hating him fully, but right then, she couldn’t stomach the sight of him.

  Maggie Davenport was now the second child to die and she wasn’t sure her heart could handle another loss. Perhaps switching over to pediatrics had been a bad idea.

  As she couldn’t sleep, she passed the time by going to the nursery. She went around to each baby to make sure they were okay. NICU was empty, and she was glad about that. Being amongst the babies calmed her down, so she made her way back to bed and fell asleep.

  The next morning, she was called into Teresse’s office before her shift ended.

  “You will never work with Dr. Peters in another OR ever again. Do you understand?”

  Holly nodded.

  “I know you two have history, Holly. I don’t know what he did, but you can’t…”

  “I know. He just makes me so angry. I spoke to that little girl, Teresse, for quite a while, until he started to operate.”

  “Her brain matter had lost color, which means that it wasn’t getting blood. That’s why he stopped, Holly. She was braindead.”

  “But… but… how come she was able to talk to me moments before he stopped? He heard us, I know he did.”

  “It happens. Dave, however, did tell me that you made her time in the OR extremely peaceful. That is the reason I wanted you to consider pediatrics. You’re a natural, Holly.”

  “I don’t think I’m cut out for this, Teresse.”

  “You are, but for some reason, you’re scared to step up to the task. You were made for this, Holly. I’m pretty sure pediatrics is your calling. Whatever you are holding on to, let it go. It’s getting in the way of you becoming one of the best pediatric surgeons there is. Few doctors are able to treat children the way you do.” She gave Holly a concerned look. “Here.” She slid another warning across the desk. “I begged him to reconsider, but there was no budging him. He was livid, and he had every reason to be.

  “It’s fine,” she said and signed.

  “It’s not fine. One more…”

  “He made it very clear last night, Teresse. I’m gone.”

  “Please don’t let that happen, Holly.”

  She nodded. She wouldn’t let it happen again, because she was going to do everything she could to avoid him from now on.

  JAKE

  What the fuck he was doing at Downsend, he didn’t know. It had been almost two weeks since the incident in the OR. He’d hoped that incident would have caused her to topple off that pedestal he still kept her on, but he was wrong. He’d never thought Holly could upset him so much.

  Walking past reception, he greeted Pam and Sue, then went to his office.

  “Sue!” he yelled, throwing his bag down onto the sofa. He poked his head out of his office door.

  “Yes, Dr. Peters?” She smiled.

  “Could you please be a darling and get me a cup of coffee from pediatrics? They have the best coffee there.”

  Nodding, Sue giggled.

  Jake sighed inwardly. Walking around his desk, he plopped down. Smack bang in the middle of his desk was the signed warning notice he’d issued for Holly—the one he’d given her for speaking to him in anger for not saving that little girl.

  Guilt, he knew, was obviously causing all of this. Because of it, she wanted him to save every kid’s life she came across.

  Why was she doing this to him? If she thought it was easy for him to see children die, because neither of them got to see what their baby would’ve looked like, she was so very wrong.

  He stopped his thoughts from going to a place he didn’t want them to visit. He refused to trudge through the events of his life five years ago. Yet it was all he could think about lately. Why the fuck did she have to come back and mess up his life again?

  All of a sudden, he was struggling with surgeries and losing more patients than he was accustomed to. She was messing him up again. The worst part was that he couldn’t talk to Blair about this. He knew whatever he said would somehow make its way back to his mother.

  The warning on his desk would end up where the first one ended up. He knew he’d do the exact same thing. Her third warning, should it come to that, meant that she would be sent packing if she fucked up again. Sighing, he sat back in his chair. Why the fuck had he not filed the first one, instead of shredding it? For some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t imagine not having her around. As much as she tore his heart to pieces and made him mad every time they fought, he couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving again.

  Every bit of stress she’d caused him, everything she’d put him through, not to mention the night when Teresse placed the baby in his arms, was driving him nuts. That night, she’d just left. Obviously, she couldn’t stand watching him hold a baby when she’d aborted theirs. He hoped the guilt ruined her. He’d tried to stay away from this fucking hospital. God knew he tried, but his anger always found a way to work itself out, and he’d returned in the hopes of seeing her again. Why was life so difficult?

  All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and remember what it felt like to have his lips on hers. But this couldn’t and wasn’t going to happen. He’d fight against it with everything he had. His family couldn’t go through that again. He looked down at the warning again. It’d taken him hours to type it up and now… Leaning forward, he snatched it off his desk, turned and fed it to the shredder. Rubbing his forehead, he sighed and leaned back. This wasn’t fair. Not to him, and not to Kate or Michael. He shouldn’t be at Downsend, and yet he didn’t want to be anywhere else.

  Jake finally worked out what having Holly around meant. She was his own brand of kryptonite.

  HOLLY

  FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, HOLLY did what she said she’d do. Every time she caught sight of Jake, she walked the other way. If she never spoke to him again, it would be too soon.

  As happened in the medical profession, not everyone could be saved. A third patient died, a boy named Bennie. Teresse had let her scrub in, and throughout the ordeal, Teresse had truly tried to do everything humanly possible to save the child, but nothing worked.

  Holly felt defeated. Derailed. Overthrown. It felt like every patient she encountered died. This loss made it the third in a row. It wasn’t a good sign. Although she was devastated, surprisingly she handled it better than Teresse. Holly found her on the stairs, crying. Bennie had been one of her favorites, that much she could tell. Holly hadn’t known him that well, only that he’d been twelve. Life sucked.

  The stairwell door opened. Holly’s heart dropped when she saw who it was, and she wanted to escape the sanctuary of the stairwell.

  Jake was silent for a while, and he handed them each a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. Only then did he say, “This is how we deal with losses at P&E, especially those closest to our hearts.” He looked down at Teresse, completely ignoring Holly, then turned on his heels and left.

  Both women sat there, staring at his retreating back until the door closed behind him. The guy was nuts.

  “Fucking ice cream,” Holly said.

  Teresse gave a hollow laugh, looking at her tub. “Why the hell not? Maybe it works.”

  Holly shrugged. They dug in, and while they ate, Teresse told her all about Bennie. Holly listened, understanding why she was taking this particular patient’s death so hard.

  “You see, even the attendings have favorites, and we still struggle from time to time.”

  “I’m never going to be able to deal with so much death.”

  “Holly, you are handling this one better than I am. I have to say, I was worried about you. I’ve seen so many bri
lliant doctors in the making quit because of it. We work against a higher power, and even though at times I have my doubts, I know He is there. I hate the fact that when He decides it is time, it’s time. It doesn’t matter how old the label around their neck is. That’s what I struggle with the most—the faith. He makes me feel so unimportant sometimes.”

  “I know the feeling all too well.”

  “We just need to find a way to get Him on our side and fix them.”

  “And you do, with most of them.” Holly took another spoonful of ice cream and pushed it into her mouth.

  “It doesn’t feel like that lately. We always remember the ones we couldn’t save, then wonder what they would have become if they’d made it. We shouldn’t fret over it, Holly. It will only bring hate to your heart. Thrive on the Tys of this world who get that second chance. That is what this job is all about. I meant what I said earlier. Whatever department you choose, you are just one of those doctors people will end up loving. Learn how to deal with the horrible side of this.” Sighing, she stood up. “I have to go and tell his mother he didn’t make it.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “No, you’re not ready for this yet.”

  “I’ll come with you, Teresse. The quicker I learn to deal with this, the better. I don’t want to quit.”

  Nodding, Teresse smiled.

  ********

  Over the next couple of weeks, things went well. Holly wasn’t going out of her way to avoid Jake like before, but she wasn’t speaking to him, either. He had no choice but to get used to her. She wasn’t going anywhere.

  Whenever she and Teresse lost a patient, the idiot would bring them Ben and Jerry’s if he was around. He was like the All-Knowing around the hospital, or so it seemed. The third time he brought them ice cream, Holly wanted to tell him exactly where he should shove it, because Ben and his good friend, fucking Jerry, didn’t help one bit. But she kept it to herself. She ended up eating it, anyway. Teresse, however, waxed lyrical about him, making him sound like an angel.

  The death count around her rose as the weeks ticked by—now standing at a total of six. For six months, all had gone well, but things had changed. Of course, Holly blamed it all on Jake. He was a bad omen. Yet another sign that she should avoid him completely. But then, after one surgery, both she and Teresse walked out of the OR relieved at finally having saved a life.

  Just outside the doors, they turned to see Jake exiting the OR next to theirs. He was in a bad mood, grunting as he removed his bandanna and threw it hard against the wall. He kicked the trash can next to him. Both of them flinched. He went down on his haunches, his head dropped into his hands, and his shoulders started to shake. Holly wondered if he was crying. She was just about to take a step in his direction, when Desire walked out and crouched next to him, her hand gently touching his shoulder.

  Seeing Jake like this broke Holly’s heart. She couldn’t stop looking at him. She jumped when Teresse put a hand on her arm.

  “Let’s give him some space,” she whispered.

  Sighing, she followed Teresse back to pediatrics, but she couldn’t get the image of Jake looking so broken out of her head. So he was human, after all. She felt sorry for him. Perhaps she should take him a tub of ice cream. She wouldn’t. Jake made her weak, and she refused to show him her weakness. For her daughter’s sake and well-being, she didn’t act on it.

  As her thoughts turned to Jamie, she realized she still had no clue how to tell her daughter that she had a brother. Why would she, anyway? It would only ruin Jamie’s fairytale. Jamie was far too young to comprehend the complexities. There was no way Holly could do that to Jamie.

  Parting ways with Teresse after they cleaned up, she took the stairs down to the first floor, then took the main stairs to reception. She needed to file the last patient’s chart. She was exhausted, not only from the surgery, but from the emotions Jake cause to swirl around inside her.

  Holly found an empty on-call room on the third level. When she fell onto the bed, she was numb. She didn’t want to cry about the what-ifs and the whys anymore, and she certainly didn’t want to scream, either. She’d been dealt a bad hand, which was pretty much how her life was going to be from now on.

  Jake’s son popped into her head. It amazed her that the little boy was the spitting image of his mother, whereas Jamie had been bestowed with the Peters genes. Why Rod still hadn’t picked up on Jamie’s paternity was beyond her. Questions filled her mind, questions she had no answers to.

  It wasn’t long before she fell into a blissful sleep.

  ******

  Holly’s birthday arrived. Rod and Bridgette had made plans to go to Downstairs, a bar, after work. They weren’t the least bit interested in her excuses. The name sounded familiar, and she wondered if it was the same bar Rod had, on numerous occasions, invited her to. She’d always declined.

  “Happy birthday to you,” Teresse, and a few members of staff, sang to her while they all stood around the reception desk, where everyone could hear them.

  Dr. Downsend stopped by to wish her a happy birthday and gave her a small hug. He wanted to send her home for the day, but Holly declined.

  Holly watched another surgery, which only finished around two. When she got back to reception, a huge bouquet of tiger lilies, her favorite flowers, sat on the counter.

  “These just came for you.”

  “What, the flowers?” Holly grinned when Aggie nodded.

  There was a card, too. She couldn’t stop smiling; this had Rod written all over it. Pulling the card out from the between the flowers, she opened it. It read:

  Happy B-day, Bee Puke.

  The lump in her throat made it hard to swallow. Only one man had ever called her that, and he was the last man on God’s green earth she’d expected to get anything from.

  As there was no signature, Holly sighed. She didn’t have the energy to decipher this one.

  “Are you okay?” Aggie asked.

  “Yes, sorry. I’m perfectly fine. Just don’t like birthdays very much.”

  “Holly, I love birthdays,” she said, bending over to retrieve something out of her bag. When sat up again, she handed Holly a gift.

  “Ugh, Aggie!”

  “Stop your whining and take it. It’s not much, but I did make it myself.”

  Smiling at Aggie, she took the gift, and unwrapped it. Inside, she found a yellow knitted beanie, the girly kind. Going around to Aggie, she gave the woman a huge hug. “It is perfect, thank you so much, Aggie.”

  “I’ve seen you on numerous occasions wearing one, but I’ve never seen a yellow one, and I told myself, that girl needs a bright yellow one.”

  Holly laughed. “Thank you, I actually have something it will match perfectly,” she said. She walked away to do her rounds, but not without a last backward glance at the flowers. Why on earth would Jake send her flowers?

  The end of her shift neared. Holly really wasn’t in the mood to go to the bar she was being dragged to. When she walked out of Downsend, Rod was waiting for her. He’d finally managed to get a day off and decided to pick her up.

  After a quick shower and change once they got home, they were soon off again. She wore a miniskirt, cowboy boots, and the cowboy hat Rod had bought for her, since that was the evening’s theme. Her stomach was in knots. She couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if she ran into Amelia. She wished in silence that time would stop as she thought about the other four Peterses who were still roaming Boston.

  She could handle Jake, she’d proved that, but Amelia was another story. She knew she would confront her. Knew she would ask her why. Why had she stood by her brother’s decision when she couldn’t have any children? She’d always thought if Amelia had just stayed, things would’ve been different. But she’d also broken Holly’s heart when it finally sank in that none of them wanted the babies.

  In the end, she knew she’d probably tell her about Romy and Jamie.

  Once Rod parked the car, he got out and ran to h
er door, opened it, then bent down to take her hand, as if she were a celebrity who needed to be helped out of a car. He was such a gentleman when it came to women. Pity he was gay.

  A large sign emblazoned with Downstairs, a set of zigzags, and a martini glass welcomed them. Ever the gentleman, Rod opened the door. Before Holly even managed to take one step, she noticed that the very first table her eyes went to was occupied by Jake, Kate, and two other people, one a male and the other a female with dark hair. Closing her eyes, she willed her heart to stop beating erratically. Her worst fear had just come true. How she’d had a feeling that this shit was bound to happen, she couldn’t fathom, but it always played out according to fate.

  Holly hid behind Rod, just as the girl at their table laughed. Thankfully, it wasn’t Amelia. She had prepared herself well for that eventuality. Holly was ready to tell her how she felt about her betrayal.

  Exhaling, she thanked her lucky stars she was home free when Rod led the way. She didn’t think Jake saw them enter, so she breathed easy again. All she needed was for Jake to notice them and then question Rod as to how he knew her. And Rod, not being any the wiser, would more than likely happily, tell Jake about their friendship, which would include mentioning Jamie.

  Without warning, Rod made a U-turn when a woman called his name.

  Shit, shit, shit!

  Rod was smiling from ear to ear, which could only mean he’d seen Jake. She tried desperately to pull her hands from his grip, but he only held on tighter, pulling her along with him to Jake’s table. Her stomach churned.

  “Hey, what the hell are you doing here Rod asked while she hid behind him, desperate not to be seen.

  Jake laughed. “The grownups needed a break.”