“Fionna is great and I understand that it was easy for you to love her,” I said selfishly, wanting to hear him contradict me.
“But that's just it, Lilly. I didn't really love her. I did what I was told to do, what I was led to believe. It's you, Lilly. It's always been you and me. I could never love anyone the way I love you. I never want to love anyone the way I love you. I know I betrayed you and if I could change things, I would, but I can't. All I can do is prove my love to you every day for the rest of my life. Please, Lilly, please forgive me.” His words were coming fast, and I realized he was crying.
I stood and began walking. The nervous energy was overwhelming. I had to walk away from him, even for just a minute. Within seconds, he was behind me, keeping pace with my walk. We walked that way in silence until I could take no more.
“I loved you with my entire being, Shep! I carried your child alone! I gave birth to him without you! I made a life without you. I learned to live alone because you were gone, my parents were gone, and it was just me and James. It was hell, but I did it. The whole time you were living high on life here, screwing another woman! Do you know how I feel knowing you were inside of her? The circumstances are trivial to me! I don't know if I can ever get past that, Shep! How can I trust you? How will I know that you won't leave me again because you think it's the right thing to do? Tell me, damn it! Tell me how to forget the things that cling to my mind!” I was screaming at him. The tears were rushing down my face, and I was breathing heavily. I wanted to run. Run away from him, from Neveah.
I tried to turn and go, but he grabbed me. I fought him, but he held tighter. I was kicking and biting and screaming like an insane woman, but I didn't care. I wanted him to hurt as much as I had. The harder I fought the harder he held onto me. He took my beating with his own face wet with sorrow. I fought until I was exhausted and fell into him sobbing.
“Oh, Lilly, I am so sorry! I love you, baby, please, please know how much I love you! I never stopped loving you. You pushed through my blank mind. You brought me back! Please forgive me.” My arms wrapped around him against my will and held him tightly. He gently lifted me off the ground until we were eye to eye. “Lilly May Wagner, you are my wife, my love, my best friend, the mother of my child. I swear I’ll never leave you again. I will prove my loyalty to you until the end of our time. I love you more than you will ever know,” he whispered through sobs before letting his lips find mine.
I tried to push him away at first, not yet willing to give in to him. It was useless, though. This was my Shep. The Shep I had loved my entire life and missed with my entire heart and soul. He came back to me. He was here. He was real, and he was mine.
His lips crashed into mine, and I kissed him back with a passion I had never felt. He lifted me into his arms and carried me away from the garden, away from the house. We were a good distance from the house and completely alone. The sky was dark, but we didn't need light to rediscover each other. He laid me down gently on the soft ground before finding a spot beside me. We explored each other with our hands first, then with our mouths. I could taste the salty tears on his skin as I kissed his neck, making my way down his body.
He felt new to me, but I knew it was him. We took turns finding the other's spots of ecstasy and stopping just before we reached it. We teased. We kissed. We caressed until we laid there naked, glistening in the moonlight, covered in each other’s love. He sat up, pulling me into his lap, kissing and suckling my breast. My legs wrapped around his body as I gently lowered my body onto him. When he entered me, I felt my entire body heat up under his touch. I gently rocked back and forth, feeling him deep inside me. He lifted his face from my breast to look me in the eye. I held on to him, as though I was holding onto my life and his hands gripped my hips, holding me to him.
“Oh, how I love you, Lilly. You are my other half. Please don't stop, make love to me as though it was our first time,” he breathed, and I moved my hips slightly faster, harder. I rode him until I felt our souls reconnect and our sanity return. We stayed together, arms and legs tangled, naked and pleasured and elated to be together.
“I love you, Shep, don't ever leave me again,” I whispered, and he held me tighter in response.
I knew we had some time before we had to get back to James and the rest of the family, so we stayed in each other’s arms and talked.
“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you while you carried James. Will you tell me about our son?” he asked.
“Of course! He is a wonderful baby, you know. He is very mild mannered. Very happy and he only cries when he needs something. He is growing like a weed, especially since coming to Neveah. I don't know, maybe it's because I didn't see him for a little while, but he just looks so much bigger.”
“Was labor really hard?”
“I wouldn't know. You see, James was born early. It was Christmas Eve and I remember sitting by my little tree and missing my mom and you. Next thing I remember I was in the hospital and your mom was there.”
“My mom?”
“Yeah, I thought she was dead, and when I saw her, I thought I was too. Anyway, I guess Calista saw me lying on the floor, bleeding. She sent word to your mother’s Fey. Leah didn't hesitate coming to me. She drove me to the hospital. She saved my life, James' too.”
“Wow, I had no idea. I can't believe I wasn't there! I should have been there.”
“Yes, you should have been, but we are past that now. You are here now. I just want to stop Kelsha, restore balance in Neveah, and go home with you and our son.”
“Me too, Lilly, me too.”
“Will you tell me about your time with Kelsha?” I asked, unsure if he was ready to talk about that time.
“I followed Kelsha to the compound and she gave me a drink. I stupidly drank it, now I know it was drugged or magic or whatever. I woke in the same dungeon Jax held me in, only I wasn't there for long. The next thing I remember was waking up in bed and Fionna was there. I was made to believe we were married. I believed Kelsha was my only living relative and put all my trust in her. She instilled hate in me. She told me how terrible the Levannahs were and how they were trying to repress the Specials that couldn't conform. She is building an army, Lilly. An army that I trained,” he finished, and I could hear an odd tone in his voice.
“How bad is it, Shep? How strong is her army?”
“The army is really strong, Lilly. Some of the Specials have extraordinary powers and she has beasts that are truly frightening. I trained them how to fight using weapons as well as their powers. There are hundreds of them and they all look to her for guidance. It's like she is a goddess to them.”
“You know her secrets, though. You know how they have been trained. You know her plans. You can train us. She lost her element of surprise, Shep. Good will prevail,” I assured him and he held me tighter, kissing the top of my head.
“Come on, Shep. We should get back to the house. Vivianna has James, but I am sure he will be missing me by now. We need to meet with my family and decide our next move. Leah came here with you, right?”
“Uhh, yeah, and so did someone else.”
“Who?” I asked.
“Well, two people, actually. My dad is here, Lilly.”
“What! How? He made it through the portal safely?”
“Yeah, but we are not sure how Specials will feel about an Ordinary being in Neveah. I am worried about his safety, Lilly,” he said as he dressed himself.
“He will be welcomed, Shep. The people of Neveah are good and accepting. He will be safe here,” I said, trying to soothe his fears. We were both dressed and walking back to the house when a thought occurred to me. “You said two people, who is the other person?” I asked.
“My grandfather, Eldon Androni, apparently he and my father have become friends,” he was saying before I cut him off.
“I know. I met him at your father’s when I went back. He was working with my father as well. I am surprised he came back. He lived in shame after what his son has done. He
did what he could for Neveah from Earth, but swore he would never come back. Does my meme know he is here?”
“No, they are still in the portal room. The transport took a lot out of my father and he was too weak to move any further. Eldon was not ready to face his old friends yet and insisted on staying with my dad.”
I noticed Shep said 'friends' as in my grandfather as well. He must not know about his death. “So you haven't seen anyone since you arrived?”
“No, just you and Fionna. I don't know why, but I just had a feeling you would be in the garden. I didn't know you would be with Fionna, that was a shock, but I felt you there.”
“Well, it seems the evil imbalance here makes some of the residents rather ill, specifically the Fey. My grandfather is the great grandson of a Fey, so their blood runs through his veins. He was too weak to fight it and passed away a few days ago. We just had a small memorial. We will have a larger one after the war. I have been holed up in my room with James since then. I only came out today at Viv's insistence. I knew I would have to come out soon anyway, I have a fight to finish.”
“I'm sorry, Lilly. I had no idea.” I squeezed his hand this time, but said nothing in return. He followed me inside the dark, silent house, and we prepared to meet with our families.
~Chapter Thirty-Five~
Kelsha led Jax back to her palace, as he skin walked as Heren. She thought it was best that he took the form of Heren. Her people believed Jax was evil and wouldn't take kindly to having him suddenly reappear from the dead. They all loved and trusted Heren, though. This was the logical way according to Kelsha. Jax wasn't happy about it when she first told him, but relented, admitting she was right.
The sun was coming up when they returned, but the residents had yet to rise. Kelsha and Jax snuck up to her room where they made love again before falling asleep in each other’s arms. When she woke, reality settled in. She looked over at her man, her hybrid. She couldn’t fathom how Jax had done it. How he was able to infuse himself with Heren, but he had. She really did have the perfect man. She had the rough and sinister Jax and the soft and caring Heren. She was lucky, and she knew it.
He woke to her admiring him. “Well, hello, darling,” he said. His voice was husky with sleep.
“Hello,” she replied before kissing his lips and getting out of bed.
“What are you doing?” he asked, though he made no move to get out of bed himself.
“Get up. I want to show you around. Come on, there is a lot for you to see.” She was dressed now and urging him to get out of bed. He enjoyed seeing her excited. He really enjoyed listening to her beg. He stayed in bed a little longer.
“Come on, I’m serious. I need to check on the training and I want you to see everything here. Get up, please?” Her voice rose slightly when she said please, and she cocked her head to the right, attempting to look cute. He sighed deeply, unable to resist her, and got out of bed and dressed himself.
She gave him a tour of her massive fortress. They stopped in to check on the training, which was beyond her expectations. She felt Jax’s body tense when he saw Danu. She squeezed his hand slightly to warn him, to remind him. All of her followers had to believe he was Heren. She felt him relax in response. The tour of the interior was complete. “Come on, I will show you the grounds,” she whispered. She was careful to make it appear as though they were checking on progress not giving a tour.
Once they reached the gardens, Jax stopped her and kissed her deeply. “You're amazing, you know?”
Kelsha moaned quietly and kissed him back. She giggled a little and pulled away. “You are a flatterer still, aren't you?” she asked coyly. He smiled back, holding her tightly around the waist.
“I mean it, Kelsha. You have built an amazing fortress, an incredible army, all on your own. After seeing this and watching the training I think you may be able to defeat the Levannahs.”
“Well, thank you, I worked really hard to get this far.”
“How did you train all the Specials to fight and use their power as a weapon and not just a gift?”
“Shep,” she stated, bracing for his response. He didn't say anything at first. A thought occurred to her as she watched his face.
“Jax, if you have merged with Heren, so to say, don't you have his memories? Heren has been with me the entire time and knows all I have done to ready the people for war.” He was strolling slowly beside her, still lost in thought. Just when she thought she could no longer stand in silence, he spoke.
“I don't have his memories, but I can feel what he felt. I can't see what he saw as you built your army, I can only feel his deep love for you. I know only a few details of your rise to power,” he began, waving his hands in the air, indicating all that she had built.
“I know about Shep kidnapping his son, but how did you get him to do it? How did you come to possess him? How did you manipulate him into fighting the Levannah family?” he asked, and Kelsha could hear disbelief in his voice. She hadn't wanted to get into this with him, not when they were having such a lovely time together. She hated to bring up the day she coerced Shep into killing his father, although she was sure, he would have done it without much coaching at all. She knew there was no getting around the questions, so she explained it all up to the point of Shep leaving.
“Is he here then? Does he know the boy he kidnapped for you is his son?” He was chuckling through his words at the brilliancy of the woman. She was very intelligent in her own right. Getting Shep away from Lilly, erasing his memory, using his physical strength and natural instincts to train an army, and playing off his love of family. She made him vulnerable to her every whim.
Beyond that, she had convinced a small colony of Specials that the Levannahs were against them. They all trusted every word she spoke and watched her in complete admiration. He watched the way they watched her, men and women alike. They all stopped what they were doing when she entered a room as though a heavenly figure had been bestowed upon them. It was fascinating.
He could feel his own admiration for her growing from his own soul, without the help of Heren, although Heren's love for her would have bound Jax to Kelsha for life anyway. Heren was a weak sap in Jax's eyes, but without the glare of Annika Levannah, Jax could see the true beauty of Kelsha. He should have seen it before, maybe he would be his whole self now instead of sharing the soul with a weakling. He pushed the thoughts away. It was what it was. He would have to do with what he had.
He had been so lost in his own thoughts he missed her silence. She had yet answered his last question. He was going to repeat himself, but he didn't have to.
“It appears the wall Heren built around Shep's memories was not as strong as I had hoped it would be. He started to remember Lilly. When he returned with James, I could see the wall crumbling. I guess I could have had Heren reinforce the wall, but in all honesty I was done with Shep. He was always so doting, so worried about everything. He was smothering. He left, in search of 'himself' and I let him go. He served his purpose and he served it well.”
“Where is he now?”
“I don't know for sure, but from what Fionna said, he was going back to the Ordinary World.”
“My Fionna?” he asked, surprised.
“Yes, no, I mean, she posed as Shep's wife while he was with me. She was very convincing. She played her part perfectly. I worry about her, though. I suspect she developed real feelings for him. I don't doubt her loyalty, but I worry how she will fare if she has to face him in battle.”
“Hmm, interesting. Where is the boy?”
“I sent him away with Fionna. I didn't know what was going to happen when I returned for Heren. In all honesty I was frightened of you. I can't take chances with James.”
“I understand. Where have you sent them?” he asked, and she laughed. She may be satisfied with having the hybrid Jax/Heren in her bed, and believed he truly wanted to join forces with her but she didn't trust him with James. Not yet.
“Jax darling, I can't tell you that. Not y
et. I have to know you are here to stay and that you are loyal. I can't take chances with the boy. Only I know where they went, and for their safety, I will keep the information hidden.”
“I understand. You really are much more intelligent than I gave you credit for.”
“Thank you. Hopefully you learned never to underestimate me, Jax, and never to cross me.”
“Lesson learned, Kelsha, lesson learned,” he replied and they continued their walk.
~Chapter Thirty-Six~
The house was dark and quiet as we made our way to the portal room. I could hear baby giggles coming from the room at the front of the house and knew it was James. His giggles gave me comfort. I knew he was fine with Vivianna. We made it to the top floor.
We walked in to find Michael trying to stand and Leah urging him to sit. “Michael, sit down, regain your strength. There is no hurry,” she pleaded.
“To hell there's not! Your loony sister has my grandson! Didn't we come here to get him back and defeat her 'army'?” he replied, putting a sarcastic emphasis on army. I giggled as I watched them, the same Leah and Michael I grew up with, lovingly arguing. The sound of my voice caused them to look up as Shep and I walked in. Leah immediately stopped what she was doing with Michael and came to me, her arms encasing my body in a hug. I could see Michael over her shoulder lying back down, defeated, as his helper deserted him.
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