Uncle John’s Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  In Lawrence, Kansas, it’s against the law to carry bees around in your hat on city streets.

  In Washington, D.C., you’re breaking the law if you paint lemons all over your car to let people know you were taken advantage of by a specific car dealer.

  If you complain about the condition of the street in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, you can be forced to fix it yourself.

  Oregon prohibits citizens from wiping their dishes. You must let them drip-dry.

  It’s illegal to swim on dry land in Santa Ana, California.

  If you mispronounce “Arkansas” when you’re in that state, you’re breaking the law.

  It’s illegal in Hartford, Connecticut, to educate your dog.

  You can’t go barefoot in Austin, Texas, without a $5 permit.

  It’s illegal to play cards in the road in Somerset County, Md.

  British anatomist Richard Owen invented the word “dinosaur” in 1841.

  OH, WHAT A TANGLED WEB

  Some cultures consider the spider a sign of good luck: “If you wish to live and thrive, let a spider run alive.” This old English rhyme may be a recognition of the important role spiders play in insect control. In fact, that’s what webs—those amazingly beautiful tapestries strung between branches, leaves, doorways, etc.—are for. They’re deadly traps. Here’s some info on the spider webs to make them even more interesting.

  WEB CONSTRUCTION

  • Only about half of all spiders spin webs.

  • All spider webs are made of silk.

  • Although it’s only about .00012” in diameter, a spider’s silk is stronger than steel of equal diameter. It is more elastic than nylon, more difficult to break than rubber, and is bacteria and fungi resistant.

  • These qualities explain why at one time web was used to pack wounds to help mend them and stop bleeding.

  • Spiders have 1-6 kinds of spinning glands, each producing a different type of silk. For instance, the cylindrical gland produces silk used for egg sacs (males often lack this) and the aciniform gland produces silk used for wrapping prey. Some spiders have glands that produce very fine silk. They comb and tease the fine strands until it’s like velcro—tiny loops and hooks which entrap insect feet.

  • Silk is extruded through special pores called spinneretes which consist of different sized “spigots.” Silk starts out as a liquid. As the liquid silk contacts the air, it hardens. The spider may need different silk for different purposes. By changing how fast the liquid is extruded or by using a different silk gland, it can control the strength and quality of the silk.

  • Why doesn’t a spider get stuck on its own web? The spider weaves in non-sticky silk strands and only walks on those. Also, spiders have a special oil on their legs which keeps them from sticking.

  The world’s first ski chair lift was modeled after a device that loaded bananas onto cargo ships.

  THE WELL-BRED SPIDER

  • A spider can often be identified by the type of web it weaves. The ability to weave is inherited, so specific types of spiders build specific types of webs. In addition, individual spiders sometimes develop a personal style; sort of like a signature.

  • The spider is a hunter and its web is a snare, designed to hold its prey. So the design of its web and the place where the spider builds it depends on the kind of insects it is trying to catch.

  • The determining factor: There are more insects, especially crawling ones, closer to the ground. Strong flying insects are usually higher, so the web is stronger.

  WEB-SPINNERS

  There are five different types of webspinners.

  Cobweb spiders: (example: black widows),

  • Use “trip lines” to snare prey. From their web, several vertical lines are drawn down and secured tautly to a surface with globs of “glue.”

  • Some unfortunate insect becomes stuck to the glue and breaks the line. The tension of the elastic trip lines, once released, flings the victim up to the spider waiting in its web.

  • Cobweb weavers usually build only one web and so, with time, the web becomes tattered and littered with bits of debris.

  Sheet-builders:

  • Construct a horizontal mat beneath a horizontal trip line, much like a trampoline under an invisible wire.

  • Flying or jumping insects that are stopped midair by the line are flung to the net below.

  • As the prey struggles to regain its balance, the agile spider pounces and inflicts a deadly bite.

  Web-casting spiders: (example: ogre-faced spiders)

  • Use “web snares” much differently than others: Instead of attaching the web to a bush or wall, the spider carries it.

  • The spider uses it much like a fishing net and casts it on passing prey. Each night it hunts. Afterward, it may either tuck the web away until the next day’s hunt, or spin a new one.

  Food for thought: “Caribbean” is derived from the same root as the word “cannibal.”

  Angle lines: (example: the bola spider)

  • It first suspends itself from a trapeze line and hangs there upside down. Then it sends down a single line baited with a glob of glue.

  • When an insect moves by, the bola takes careful aim and casts the line toward the moving insect. If successful, it will reel in its prize.

  Orb weavers: (the most familiar webs)

  • Spin the largest and strongest webs. Some span more than 1 meter. Natives of New Guinea and the Solomon Islands used the webs of the orb weaving spiders as fishing nets. They were reportedly strong enough to hold a fish weighing as much as a pound.

  • These webs are especially tailored to capture flying insects—which is why they’re vertically suspended.

  • Many orb weavers meticulously take down their webs each day, and build a new one at night.

  • Orb weavers weave such intricate webs that they are often the focus of behavioral studies. For example: two orb weavers went along on Sky Lab II on July 28, 1973. Researchers were interested to know the effects of zero gravity on weaving. After some adjustments, the spiders were able to weave fairly normal webs. One curious difference: the space webs were symmetrical while earth webs tend to be asymmetrical.

  WEBFACTS

  Experimenters have covered the eyes of web-spinning spiders and discovered that it did not keep them from finding their prey in the web. The secret: a web spinner uses its web as a giant feeler. Based on vibrations it feels in the web, a spider can determine the size and energy of prey, environmental conditions, and even the presence of another spider.

  • Male spiders of some species use vibrations to communicate to the female. They strum the female’s web—and must send just the right vibration to convince the female that they are mates…and not dinner.

  F.Y.I.: In old English, the word “cob” meant spider.

  240 of the world’s 450 different types of cheese come from France.

  OOPS—FALSE ALARM!

  With people so nervous about bomb threats these days, it’s inevitable that there are going to be some pretty bizarre false alarms. At the BRI, we’ve been keeping a file on them. Here’s what we’ve collected so far.

  ALIQUOR PROBLEM

  Background: In 1978, security personnel at Pan American Airlines suspected that either maintenance crews or flight attendants were stealing miniature liquor bottles, which cost 35¢ apiece, from airplanes. So they attached a clock device to the liquor cabinet to record the times of the alleged thefts.

  False Alarm: “While airborne,” write Nash and Zullo in The Mis-Fortune 500, “a flight attendant heard the ticking and thought it was a bomb. She alerted the captain, who rerouted the plane to the nearest airport, where passengers were quickly evacuated by emergency exits. The unscheduled landing cost Pan Am $15,000.”

  DIAL B FOR BOMB

  Background: In November 1995, a Royal Jordanian Airlines plane en route to Chicago was forced to land in Iceland when it received a bomb threat.

  False Alarm: It turned out that the culprit was a
Chicago woman who was trying to keep her mother-in-law, a passenger on the plane, from visiting her.

  HIT OR MISSILE

  Background: On October 17, 1995, Joanna Ashworth heard a thud outside her Level Plains, Alabama, home. “She opened the door,” reported the local Daleville News Ledger, “and saw a white object sticking out from the roof of the shed behind her home.” It was an 18-inch missile. She called the police.

  Level Plains officer Lt. Ralph Reed arrived shortly after 6 a.m. and climbed a ladder to look at the missile….He saw markings that could have been military, so he decided to leave it where it was. “My mother didn’t raise no fool,” Reed said. “I wasn’t gonna touch it.”

  “Ska pash’wee,” a Native American name for rosebushes, translates “mean old lady sticks you.”

  Reed contacted officials at nearby Fort Rucker, who decided to evacuate people from the area. They closed the roads nearby and called the bomb squad from Fort Benning in Georgia.

  False Alarm: Fort Benning’s Ordnance Explosive Detachment (OED) arrived four hours later. For about half an hour, they carefully worked on getting the object out of Ashworth’s roof. Then they announced to the press that it was a cardboard model that could be purchased at any toy store.

  Local police vowed to get to the bottom of things. “The investigation is not closed,” Lt. Reed said, as the story made national news. A few days later a 14-year-old dropped by the police station to let them know it was his rocket. He’d shot it off at a nearby play-ground and had been wondering what happened to it.

  BRITISH FARCE

  Background: According to the Fortean Times: “A suspicious-looking cardboard box was found outside a Territorial Army centre in Bristol (England) in 1993.”

  False Alarm: “The TA called the police, who in turn called an Army bomb-disposal unit, who blew up the box—to find it full of leaflets on how to deal with suspicious-looking packages.”

  ANIMAL CRACKERS

  Background: On May 28,1996, an employee at the Wal-Mart Superstore in Enterprise, Alabama, found a suspicious-looking box in the parking lot. Police were called. Taking no chances, they roped off the area, then called the bomb squad at Fort Benning, Georgia.

  False Alarm: A few hours later, their Ordnance Explosive Detachment (the same ones who showed up in Level Plains) arrived by helicopter. They X-rayed the package and determined that it contained suspicious-looking wires. The store and surrounding area were evacuated. Then the package was blown up. It turned out to contain a dead armadillo.

  ***

  “My license plate says PMS. Nobody cuts me off.”

  —Wendy Liebman

  Ratio of adult bookstores to McDonald’s restaurants in the U.S.: 3-to-l.

  RUMORS: BASED ON A TRUE STORY

  Some rumors are straight fiction, but some have a kernel of truth at the core—which makes them a little more believable. Have you heard any of these?

  Rumor: The baby face on Gerber baby food belongs to Humphrey Bogart, who modeled for the label as an infant.

  Hidden fact: Bogart’s mother was a commercial illustrator, and may have done some work for Gerber.

  The truth: The Gerber company credits artist Dorothy Hope Smith with designing the Gerber baby. Besides: Bogart was already 29 when Gerber baby food hit store shelves in 1928.

  Rumor: After World War II the Japanese renamed one of their cities Usa, so products manufactured there could be exported with labels that read, “made in USA.” (We reported this in BR #5.)

  Hidden fact: There really is a town in Japan called Usa, just as there are Usas in Russia, Tanzania, and Mozambique.

  The truth: Usa predates the war. The town is very small, so it doesn’t show up on every map of the country—which may contribute to the notion that it suddenly “popped up” out of nowhere. But even if a country wanted to pull such a stunt, U.S. Customs regulations wouldn’t allow it: Imported goods must be stamped with the country of origin, not the city.

  Rumor: If you write to the H.J. Heinz company in advance of your 57th birthday, they’ll send you a free case of Heinz products. They do it to plug their “57 Varieties” slogan.

  Hidden fact: The company actually did at one time send free cases of food to people who wrote in to say they were turning 57.

  The truth: They stopped in the 1950s. Now they won’t send you anything, except maybe a form letter.

  Rumor: “Mama” Cass Elliot of the Mamas and the Papas choked to death on a ham sandwich in 1974.

  Hidden fact: When Cass died in 1974, it took a week for the autopsy reports to be released. In the meantime, her personal physician did speculate in newspaper interviews that she could have choked on a sandwich.

  Some breeds of vultures can fly at altitudes as high as 36,900 feet.

  The truth: The autopsy showed that the cause of death was actually a heart attack caused by her obesity, not choking.

  Rumor: Recently, a man somewhere in the South was chomping on an unusually hard plug of chewing tobacco. He took it out of his mouth…and discovered he’d been chewing on a human thumb.

  Hidden fact: There was a real lawsuit filed in Mississippi in 1918 that resembles this rumor. Plaintiff Bryson Pillars bought some Brown Mule chewing tobacco, chewed the first plug without incident, then started chewing the second plug. According to court records, “when the appellant tackled the second plug it made him sick, but not suspecting the tobacco, he tried another chew, and still another…while he was getting ‘sicker and sicker.’ Finally, his teeth struck something hard. On examination, he discovered a human toe.” The Supreme Court of Mississippi ruled against the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company, owner of the Brown Mule brand, arguing “We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not be left out of tobacco. If toes are found in chewing tobacco, it seems to us that somebody has been very careless.”

  The truth: The rumor has been circulating for more than 50 years.

  Rumor: In the 1960s the U.S. military forced the recall of U.S.S. Nautilus plastic submarine models. The models were so accurate that the government feared Soviet spies would buy them and learn our submarine secrets.

  Hidden fact: In 1961 Vice Admiral Hyman Rickover did complain that a model kit of the Polaris nuclear submarine, made by the Revell Toy Company, revealed too much—including detailed floor plans of the engine and missile compartments. (Defense contractors that made the real submarine’s missiles even used the models to demonstrate how their weapons systems worked.)

  The truth: The military complained…but the model was never recalled. Super-accurate models annoy the military even today: In 1986 the Testor Model Company offered a surprisingly accurate model of the F-19 Stealth fighter—even before the U.S. Air Force acknowledged the plane existed.

  Stilts were invented by French shepherds who herded sheep in marshes near the Bay of Biscay.

  WHAT’S A RUDNER?

  You may not have heard of Rita Rudner before, but Uncle John thinks she’s pretty funny. See what you think

  “I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”

  “I’m going home next week. It’s a kind of family emergency—my family is coming here.”

  “My mother used to tell me she had natural childbirth. I recently found out it was her version of natural childbirth—she took off her makeup.”

  “When I meet a man, I ask myself: ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’”

  “My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married, and I didn’t want him to.”

  “I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle, even though it wasn’t mine.”

  “In Hollywood, a marriage is successful if it outlasts milk.” “Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love…though I’d stepped in it a few times.”

  “My cousin married a man for money. She wasn’t real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.”

  “All I have t
o say about men and bathrooms: They’re not real specific. It seems if they hit ‘something’ they’re happy.”

  On marathons: “What would make 17,000 people want to run 26 miles? Maybe there was a Hare Krishena in back of them going, ‘Excuse me? Could I talk to you for just a second?’”

  “In high school, I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun. That may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.”

  “Whale harassment” is a federal offense. It’s punishable by up to $10,000 in fines.

  A HISTORY OF THE YO-YO

  What’s it like being in the yo-yo business? They say it has its ups and downs. Here’s a brief history of one of the world’s most enduring toys.

  WHODUNNIT?

  • The Yo-yo is believed to be the second-oldest toy in the world, after dolls. No one knows for sure when or where it was invented: some think China, others the Philippines.

  • Most yo-yo experts agree that a version of the yo-yo was used as a weapon in the Philippines as far back as prehistoric times. Hunters wrapped 20-foot leather straps around heavy pieces of flint and hurled the rock at prey. If a hunter missed, he could pull the rock back and try again. (The name “yo-yo” comes from a Filipino expression that means “come come” or “come back.”)

  • Even when it fell into disuse as a weapon, the yo-yo retained an important role in Filipino culture: people used yo-yo contests to settle disputes. Yo-yoing became the national pastime of the islands. “To this day,” says one game historian, “young, rural Filipinos spend weeks creating their own custom yo-yos out of rare wood or a piece of buffalo horn.”

  YO-YOS IN EUROPE

  • The ancient Greeks played with yo-yos as far back as 500 B.C. They even portrayed yo-yoers in their art. In World on a Stringy Heliane Zeiger writes that terra-cotta yo-yos and “a piece of decorated pottery showing a youngster in a headband and tunic, playing with a yo-yo—both from the classical period in Greece—are currently on display in the Museum of Athens.”