by Sable Hunter
“I take the nerve pill first, then I play solitaire until I think I’m calm enough to sleep. After about ten games I take the sleep aids.”
“This is enough to put a water buffalo to sleep,” Tanner worried.
His comment, though serious, made Desiree giggle. “I guess my body is fairly stubborn.”
Tanner raised one eyebrow. “Just your body?”
His teasing made her giggle even more and she realized she wasn’t as nervous as before. “I’ve been told I’m pretty hard-headed.”
“Let me see.” He placed a big hand at the nape of her neck, but instead of moving up to cup her head, he began to massage.
Desiree tried to relax. To any other woman, enjoying his touch would be enough to melt them into a puddle. More than anything, she wished she could be normal. Even now, the unreasonable anxiety that plagued her had her almost vibrating with unease. “Tanner…” she spoke in an apologetic tone.
He removed his hand. “The bathroom is down the hall to the right.”
Watching her almost run to escape his touch didn’t do a whole helluva lot for his ego. What was he thinking? This was Desiree Holt. She’d never be interested in a nobody like him. Rescuing her – and he’d do it a thousand times over – didn’t give him a right to expect anything more.
While she was getting ready for the night, he built a fire, then went back to snag an extra blanket from the couch.
In the restroom, Desiree trembled. She didn’t know if her nervousness was due to her nightly torture, or if some of it could be pure excitement at the idea of spending the night with Tanner Barron. When she’d finished in the bathroom and had on her night clothes, she went to find her host.
When Tanner finished the preparations, he’d gone to the extra bathroom to do his business. What to wear had him in a bit of a quandary. He couldn’t sleep in the buff as he usually did - for obvious reasons – the least of them being the chill in the air. Instead, he’d settled for a well-worn pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt in the familiar burnt orange color of the Texas Longhorns. Tonight he was determined that Desiree feel comfortable enough to get a good night’s rest. Stopping by the kitchen to get a drink of water, he returned to the living room just in time to meet Desiree. He hadn’t known what to expect – sexy lingerie, a sleep shirt – but what she wore was perfect. She was covered from head to toe in a snow white gown. The bodice had countless tiny tucks and delicate lace graced the neckline and cuffs. Somehow she looked both innocent and alluring at the same time. Tanner had to fight the instinct to take her in his arms and cuddle her close. “You look cute and cozy.”
Cute and cozy. Desiree blushed. He’d might as well have called it a granny gown like her drummer did. “I don’t have a lot of privacy on the tour bus.” Truthfully, she’d never had much need for sexy clothes. She’d always prided herself in her wholesome professional image and her private life was non-existent. Who wanted to date an ice queen? “I know…I know. I look like a nun.” Suddenly, she hoped that Tanner wasn’t one to pay attention to tabloid gossip.
Tanner stared, he couldn’t help it. The gentle swell of her breasts drew his eyes. “No, you look like an angel to me.”
Not knowing how to handle what he made her feel, she went to the table where her medicines were spread out. “I think I’ll try to cut down.” Frankly, she was embarrassed for him to see her go through the ritual of taking one, waiting for it to take hold, then taking another when it didn’t. She’d played so many rounds of solitaire in the past months that if it were an Olympic event, she’d be a shoo-in.
“You do what you need to do, I’ll just be here to watch over you.”
His deep, soothing voice gave her strength. What he said reminded her of the old song. Yes, if anyone needed someone to watch over them, it was her. “Okay.” She took the pills with a glass of water he’d brought from the kitchen.
“Ready, Sleeping Beauty?” He opened the door to the enclosed porch and waited until she walked through before closing it behind them.
“I love your house.” Desiree had to say it. She’d thought so the first time she’d stepped through the door with the cookies. The whole place had the warm rustic feeling of a woodland lodge, or a country haven.
“Thank you, I built it myself with some help from my friends,” he answered as he held up the covers, waiting for her to slip beneath it and nestle down in the soft mattress. This beautiful woman would never know what he’d give to join her in that bed.
“You’re so talented.”
Tanner laughed as he settled into the recliner and leaned it back. The light from the fire illuminated the room enough that he could still see her delicate features. “Talent? Nah, people have talent in your world. I just do what needs to be done.”
“You’re strong, capable and self-sufficient. Lost Pines is amazing and you did it all yourself.” Desiree turned on her side to face him. “Mrs. Foster gave me the lowdown on you.”
Groaning, Tanner covered his eyes. “Good grief, don’t believe half of what she says. That woman is prejudice and spends half her time trying to fix me up.”
The idea of someone playing matchmaker, trying to find him a wife, gave Desiree an uncomfortable feeling in her chest. “Has she been successful?”
“Nope.” Tanner answered, his eyes meeting hers. “I’m pretty much a confirmed bachelor.” What he said was a lie. The truth was – he’d been in love with the woman in front of him for half his life. No one else would do. And since she was unattainable… “Some people are just meant to be alone.”
Desiree sighed. “I know exactly what you mean.” Feeling he was sending her a message, she rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling. The Xanax was beginning to take effect. She closed her eyes, testing if she could relax enough to sleep. Keeping them closed about ten seconds before they sprung open was about the best she could do.
“Would music help?” he offered, seeing her struggle, trying to relax.
“Maybe,” she muttered, thinking he was about to turn on the radio or the TV.
Tanner let down the recliner and rose, going to the corner of the room. He picked up a guitar she hadn’t noticed before. “I know singing in front of a country star is presumptuous. But close your eyes and let me see if I can lull you to sleep.”
She didn’t want to close her eyes. Seeing him rest the guitar on his thigh and begin to strum made her heart skip a beat. And when he started softly singing Here You Come Again, she thought she’d melt. “You have a beautiful voice.”
He gave her a big grin, shaking his head in the negative, but he kept singing softly watching her face as she found a little peace. And sure enough, by the time he started Amarillo By Morning, Desiree was fast asleep.
Tanner laid his guitar down and let his eyes caress her small form. What was the Lord trying to do to him? Everything he’d ever dreamed about was right here at his fingertips and he wasn’t allowed to touch. Gently, he pushed the recliner back and just lay there in the dark while the fire popped, wondering if he’d survive till New Years with his heart and mind intact.
* * *
“No, no, no, please.” Desiree tried to fight the man off. He was too strong, he wouldn’t let her go. “You’re hurting me,” she protested. Struggling to get away, she gasped when he drew back his fist and hit her. Hard. Falling…Falling… “Tanner! Tanner!”
Tanner jerked awake. Desiree’s desperate voice had penetrated his sleep. Jumping up, he saw her tossing and turning on the pillows. She was shaking like a leaf.
“Tanner!”
“I’m here.” He went to the bed, sitting on the side and taking her in his arms. “I’m here, baby. Wake up, Desiree. It’s Tanner.” Stroking her hair, he pulled her close, warming her body with his. “You’re okay, I’ve got you.”
“Tanner,” she sobbed, clinging to him. “Hold me.”
Gladly, he would hold her gladly. “You were dreaming. Everything’s fine.” Rocking her back and forth, he tried to ignore how good she felt in his arms.
&nbs
p; But he couldn’t, it was too soon.
She buried her face in his chest. “I’m sorry. This happens a lot. I keep reliving the attack.”
Tanner understood. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you’re with me.” The fact that she’d called out his name in her panic had not escaped his notice.
“Will you stay over here with me?” Desiree asked in a shaky voice. She didn’t want to let him go.
“Abso-fuckin-lutely.” He shifted, never turning her loose, until he could ease under the covers with her. “Just lay your head on my shoulder and I’ll hold you tight. Nothing will bother you, it would have to go through me to get to you.” Giving into his own desire, he kissed her on the top of the head. “You just go to sleep and I’ll hold you as long as you want.”
Tanner stayed awake a long time, stroking Desiree’s back and kissing her temple. He measured every breath she took and when she’d tense up, he’d hum to her, cradling her in his arms as if she were the most precious thing in the world to him.
And when he joined her in slumber, it was to dream that he would be privileged to hold her for longer than just one night.
* * *
“Christmas Eve gift!” Tanner announced as he set a tray on the bed. “Wake up, sleepyhead. I’ve prepared you a feast.”
His voice penetrated Desiree’s psyche. She’d been having a warm, comforting dream of being cuddled close. When she opened one eye and saw the real dreamboat standing over her wearing a sexy smile – she almost invited him into her bed to make the fantasy come true. Sitting up, she saw the tray held a plate of pancakes and sausage. There was also butter, syrup and a glass of milk. “You cooked for me?”
“I did.” He placed the tray in her lap. You get started and I’ll get mine and join you.”
While he was gone, she adorned the fluffy pancakes with syrup, skipping the butter. One taste convinced her they were homemade. “These are scrumptious,” she murmured between bites when he returned with his own plate.
“Thanks, I learned how to cook for myself early on.”
“Really? Why?”
Tanner realized he’d brought up an uncomfortable topic. Should he open up? Lying wasn’t his style. Of course, when she learned the truth about his early life, that would blow any chance of… What the hell was he thinking? He’d never have a chance with this woman either way. She was musical royalty, a national treasure and he was the son of a convicted druggie and murderer.
Desiree could tell he was struggling with something. “What’s wrong?”
“The night you were attacked in Austin, do you remember how I skipped out of the alley once someone said the police were on their way?”
“Yes, that prompted me to write White Knight.”
Tanner ate another bite of pancakes, then took a swig of coffee. “I had drugs in my pocket.” When he heard her gasp, Tanner clarified. “They weren’t for me. My father was an addict and I was foolish enough to buy them for him.” Glancing up to see the dismay on her face, he sat his plate down. “My dad was mean. He was abusive. I either did what he said or he’d beat the crap out of me – or throw me out of the house, which in hindsight would probably have been the best thing.” Desiree didn’t say anything, so he just let the rest come out in a rush of words. “The day White Knight released was the day he was convicted of killing a cop.” Dead silence. “He was murdered in prison a few years ago.”
Tanner waited for her to say something. She’d probably leave now and not come back.
“Do you know what that says about you?”
He jerked his head up. “Piss-poor upbringing and bad genes?”
Desiree put aside her tray and sat up on the side of the bed facing him. “No, it only makes all you’ve accomplished even more amazing. You made something of yourself despite everything that was holding you back.” She smiled at him. “I admire the hell out of you.” When she saw a red tinge on his cheeks, Desiree realized she’d embarrassed him. God, could he get more fascinating? “So, what does ‘Christmas Eve gift’ mean?”
Seeing a way out of an uncomfortable topic, Tanner jumped on it. “Oh, it was something I picked up from the McCoy’s when I used to work at Tebow Ranch. The first one to wake up on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning would shout, ‘Christmas Eve Gift’ or ‘Christmas Gift’ and the others were supposed to fork over a present of some kind. I’m not sure it ever worked, but they all enjoyed doing it.”
“So, I owe you a gift?” She looked at him closely, her mind going places she hadn’t expected. What did she have to give that he’d want? A CD? Or maybe something a little more… Before he could respond, she gave in to her impulse. “Would you accept a kiss?”
Tanner felt as if someone had just offered him a winning lottery ticket. “I can’t think of anything I’d like more.” Well…he could…but there was no use pushing his luck.
She rose from her bed and strolled over to him. Was he just being nice? Or did he want her? Desiree hesitated when the taunts she’d received from Brad Atkins came back to haunt her. Cold. Passionless. Frigid.
Tanner saw her uncertainty. He had to know. “Do you want to kiss me, Des?”
The abbreviation of her name tugged at her heart. Her mom had called her Des or Desi, never Desiree. “Yes, but I’m unsure.”
“Unsure of what?” His gaze went to her lips. They looked so soft and kissable.
She licked her lips, imagining what his would feel like on hers. “I’ve been told…I’m…” Good grief, she was embarrassed.
“You’re what?”
“Unresponsive.” Desiree refused to say the word ‘frigid’ out loud.
Tanner had seen the stupid tabloids. He’d known the nasty things said about Desiree were rooted in jealousy. There was no way this woman was cold. “Impossible.” He tugged her down on his lap, sideways, her back leaning against his arm, his hand under her hair at the nape of her neck. He brought his face close, his lips poised over hers. “Your name is perfect because I desire you more than my next breath.”
Desiree gasped, her breathing ragged. Not only at his words but also because he had wound his fingers in her hair, giving it a little tug. He was so close, she parted her lips – waiting.
“I’m going to kiss you now, Miss Holt.”
“I thought this was supposed to be my gift to you,” she murmured, totally mesmerized by his nearness.
“I’m claiming my gift.” He didn’t ask permission, he just took. Covering her lips with his, Tanner didn’t give Desiree an option. He ate at her lips, soft rubs, gentle nips.
With tender persuasion, he coaxed that response she’d always found so hard to give. And give she did… This wasn’t the kiss she’d been planning on. This was so much more. A storm of sensation crashed over her senses. His lips caressed, his tongue teased and she felt all of her reticence being swept away on a wave of ecstasy.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, Desiree gave herself over to him. Need she hadn’t known she was capable of surged within her. His mouth was magic and being held in his arms felt like the safest place she’d been in many a day. Moaning, Desiree surrendered. There was no thought of resistance, he was giving her a glimpse at something she’d never had before.
Sexual self-confidence.
If she could believe his demanding hunger, he wanted her too. Tanner was finding pleasure in her kiss.
Men didn’t swoon, and Tanner knew this. But he’d fantasized about kissing this woman a million times. His excitement level went through the roof, and if he didn’t cum in his jeans it’d be a miracle. Drawing back to take a much needed breath, he gazed at her passion glazed eyes. The little witch wanted him, and when she tugged his head back toward her for more – he was certain.
With a possessive growl, his tongue pushed past her lips, mating with hers. Cradling the back of her head with one hand, he collared her delicate throat with the other, ravishing her mouth, showing her with his tongue what he longed to do with his cock. If this woman would give him half a chance, he’d show her what he
aven was like.
As he devoured her lips – teasing, tasting, consuming – Tanner realized she was his drug of choice. He could become intoxicated – addicted – high on the wonder of her kiss. She might be beyond his reach, but in this moment, she was in his arms and he was loving every forbidden second.
Soft whimpers came from deep in her throat. Damn, Desiree was purring for him. He wanted to run his hands over her body, explore the soft curves, divest her of the concealing garment she wore. Tanner longed to gaze on her beauty. He wanted to bow and worship at the altar of her femininity. He’d never dreamed of anyone else or craved any other woman more.
But…she was only here for two weeks. After that, she’d return to her life and he’d be left with only the memory of loving her. Could he survive?
Not knowing the answer, he raised his lips from hers, watching her face, listening to her breathe.
Why had he stopped? Desiree wanted more. Too shy to ask, she bent her head, hiding her eyes in the strength of his shoulder. “Was that okay for a Christmas Eve gift?”
“The best one I’ve ever received,” he whispered tenderly.
Desiree took a deep breath, leaning into him, cuddled close. “Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up first and claim your gift.” She smiled against the soft material of his shirt. “So, you’d best be prepared.”
He smiled, realizing she was willing to repeat their sleep-over. “Oh, I’m always ready, willing and able, honey.”
Funny, Desiree got the idea he was talking about something else. Feeling shy, she concentrated on finishing her pancakes. “So, what are your plans for the day?” Realizing how that sounded, she hastily added. “Not that I’m asking you to entertain me, I didn’t come here to monopolize your time.”
“You came here to get better, and if I can help you, that will be the best Christmas present I could ever receive.” Tanner was as serious as a heart attack.
Desiree was so touched. “Last night was good.” She’d had people sit with her while she slept before, but none she felt such a connection with. “I just hope I can repeat the process.”