Wings and Beyond

by Joy Redmond

  Once in her room, she pulled out drawers, and took out jeans, winter sweaters and pullover summer shells. She grabbed several pair of panties, bras and a nightgown. She dropped them into one sack. Then she went to her closet and picked up her penny loafers, a pair of flats and two pair of heels, one black, one white. She dropped them into the other sack. She lifted a tote bag from the top shelf of the closet, then went to the desk and crammed all her journals, ballpoint pens, her junior picture, and her old diary into it. Nikko urged her to go faster so they could leave this insane asylum.

  She walked over to the vanity, picked up the hairbrush, comb and a hand mirror. She opened the top vanity drawer and picked up her one tube of pink lipstick and the pressed powder in a compact. She managed to get them into the tote bag. She yanked the barrette from her hair and threw it on the floor.

  She looked at her reflection. “I guess we’re going to be free of the Hodges sooner than we thought. I have no idea what’s going to happen to us, but I reckon we’ll make it, somehow. Maybe Daddy will take us back.” She was headed out the door when she remembered a shoulder strap purse that Iris had bought for her 16th birthday. She went back to the closet and took the purse off the shelf.

  “This will hold my toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and night cream. That’s all I’ll need,” she mumbled.

  Mandy came back downstairs, holding two grocery sacks under her armpits, the purse strap over her left shoulder and the tote bag in her right hand. She eyed Iris, who was still sitting on the couch crying. She dropped everything on the floor, then headed to the bathroom with her purse. Her heart hurt to see Iris crying so hard, and then fear gripped her as she thought about going back to live in Indianapolis, that’s if Daddy would come get her. But a part of her was happy that she was finally leaving The Big House.

  She came back into the living room, and said, “I’m ready. I only took the necessities. Maybe you can find another girl to give my clothes to.” A knot formed in her throat, she was having a hard time leaving, but this is what she and Nikko had wanted, so why was she so upset?

  Iris wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “Okay, honey. I hate this more than you can possibly understand, but—”

  “Can we just get this over with?” Mandy interrupted, and she felt tears sting her eyes. Nikko growled inside Mandy’s head. Stop being a tittybaby, Mandy! You told me to take over and I did.

  Iris picked up her purse and headed for the back door, walking like an old woman. Mandy picked up her stuff and followed.

  Neither of them said a word on the drive to Bon Harbor. Mandy looked out the car window and stared up at the sky. Otis’s words echoed in her head—the sooner you’re out of our lives, the better off we’ll be. Her heart felt as if he had stuck an icepick through it.

  Her mind was spinning with other thoughts. He wants the adoption annulled. The way things were explained to me, was my new birth certificate would show that I was born to Otis and Iris Hodge. I wonder, if Iris was expecting a baby that he didn’t want, would he demand an abortion? He’s aborting me. It’s the same thing. I’ll never forgive you, Otis Hodge. I’ll hate you till the day I die! I did my best to be the perfect daughter that you and Iris wanted. But I could never please either of you, no matter how hard I tried. I haven’t done anything wrong. All I wanted was to be a teenager and do the things that teens do. I disobeyed, but you were being stupid. I don’t apologize for it. I never will.

  Iris parked the car in front of Uncle Carl and Aunt Lou’s house. She hung her head over the steering wheel and tears dripped off her chin and hit her lap. “I can’t bear this. I love you, Amanda. I love you as much as if I had given birth to you. I’m not sure—” her sobs cut off her words.

  Mandy patted Iris’s arm. “I love you too, Mother. Thank you for all you’ve done for me and for all you’ve taught me. I’ll always be grateful for all the good—I’ll do my best to forget the rest. You expected too much, but I know you did it out of love, so I forgive you.”

  Iris said, “I’m sorry if I was too hard. I just wanted to raise you to be a lady. Will you please give me a hug?”

  Mandy hugged Iris, and she fought her own tears. Iris kissed Mandy’s cheek. “You’ll always be my daughter. I’m sorry your father said such hurtful things to you.”

  Nikko bristled and pushed Mandy aside. “I will never refer to him as Father. From now on, he is Otis. He doesn’t want me and I don’t want him. I’ve been rejected for my last time!”

  Iris broke down again, her face red and screwed up as tears poured down her face.

  “Don’t bother to get out, Mother. I’ll explain things to Aunt Lou and Uncle Carl. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” She kissed Iris’s cheek, then quickly opened the car door, stepped out and grabbed her things. She pushed the car door closed with her foot, hurried toward the house and didn’t look back. Just as she set her bags down so she could knock on the front door, she heard Iris drive away.

  Nobody answered the knock, so Mandy opened the door, stepped inside and yelled, “Anybody home?” She saw Mickey, Ikey and Gail, sitting on the floor in front of the TV, watching cartoons. She figured that Barry was in his crib, maybe taking a nap.

  “Hi, kids,” she said. They didn’t seem to hear her. Mandy dropped her sacks and tote bag on the floor and dropped the purse from her shoulder.

  Mandy smiled as Aunt Lou hurried into the living room from the kitchen. “Well, what on earth? Did you come to spend a few days with me? It’s good to see you, honey.” Aunt Lou hugged Mandy, tightly.

  “I need to talk with you and Uncle Carl. Your Aunt Iris and Uncle Otis don’t want me anymore. I don’t know where I’m supposed to go. If you have a phone number for Daddy, I’ll call him and maybe he’ll come get me and take me off your hands.” Before Nikko could stop Mandy, she burst into tears. And she wasn’t sure why she was crying. Rejection? Fear? Confusion? All the above?

  Aunt Lou put her arms around Mandy. “I can’t believe this. What on earth did you do to make them bring you back to me?”

  Mandy took in a deep breath, noticing that Aunt Lou smelled clean, and of babies, and home cooking, and most of all, she loved her.

  “It’s a long and stupid story. I don’t guess Uncle Carl is home, is he?”

  “No, honey, he’s at work, but come on in the kitchen. I’m baking some pies. You can tell me what happened.” Aunt Lou shook her head as she headed into the kitchen. “I won’t let you go back to live with your no-good daddy, I can tell you that, right now!”

  Mandy sat down at the kitchen table, her head spinning, and her mouth as dry as a cotton ball.

  “Do you have any pop? I’m so thirsty. I seldom got to drink a pop since I went to live with—?”

  She stopped in midsentence. She wasn’t about to call them Mother and Father and she knew Aunt Lou would fuss at her if she called them Otis and Iris. She tucked her head. I don’t guess I’ll ever say or do anything right as long as I live. I should have died with Mama and Evan.

  Aunt Lou handed Mandy a Coke. “Drink up. We’ll wait until Carl comes home, then you can tell us what this is all about. Aunt Iris and Uncle Otis could have at least brought you into the house and explained things. This makes no sense at all.”

  Mandy quickly drank down the Coke. “I don’t guess there’s any way I can stay with you, huh?”

  Aunt Lou turned and faced Mandy. “Honey, I’ve got four kids and I’m pregnant again. I can’t—” Aunt Lou’s voice shut off as she looked at the girl in front of her. Mandy could feel Aunt Lou’s heart near burst with love for her, the waif, who’d had a hard life, and she knew that her aunt was frustrated because she couldn’t help her niece more.

  Mandy hung her head and wearily said, “It’s okay. I understand. I think I’ll go watch TV until Uncle Carl comes home. Watching TV was something I wasn’t allowed to do either.”

  Uncle Carl came home from work and he hugged Mandy tightly. “It’s so good to see you, honey. How’s life treating you?” he asked with a big smi
le, the smile that Mandy had missed so much. He and Daddy had the same smile and it was almost like looking at Daddy.

  “Life isn’t all that good right now. But after supper I’ll tell you all about it.”

  Mandy helped Aunt Lou set the table, then she gathered the children who were running through the house. She got them seated, then waited for Uncle Carl to say the blessing. She was anxious to eat Aunt Lou’s cooking. Aunt Lou was the best cook in the world, according to her taste buds.

  After they had eaten supper, they all went into the living room. Mandy wrung her hands as she told the story. She also let them know that she had been more miserable with Iris and Otis than she had been the three months she had spent with Daddy and her stepmom, Ellie. It was just a different kind of misery. She had told her story in halting words, and made herself not cry as she related what Otis had said to her.

  Uncle Carl hung his head. “I’m so sorry, honey. The whole family thought you were happy with them. We all thought that you finally had a good home with good parents and that you’d have a chance for a better life than any of us could give you. I’m with Lou about you not going back to live with Ted. He’s a good brother, but he doesn’t know how to be a daddy. Tomorrow, I’ll take you out to your grandpa and grandma Winston.”

  “Okay,” Mandy meekly answered. “I think I want to go to bed. Where do I sleep?” She was disappointed that she could not stay with them. Would she ever find a home where she could settle down and not be worried?

  “I’ll fix you a bed on the couch,” Aunt Lou said. “That’s the only place I’ve got to put you. Tomorrow, things will seem better. You’ve been through a big shock today.”

  Mandy helped Aunt Lou fix a sleeping spot on the couch. Then Aunt Lou went into the back bedroom and got the children ready for bed.

  Uncle Carl kissed Mandy’s cheek and said, “I’m going to turn in too. I’ve had a hard day. I’ll have to get you up early in the morning and get you out to your grandparents before I go to work. It’s a long way out there.”

  “I know. That’s fine.” Mandy kissed Uncle Carl, and she caught the scent of Old Spice. He smells just like Daddy, she thought.

  When the house was quiet, Mandy lay in darkness, her mind in a whirlwind. She didn’t relish the idea of living with Grandma and Grandpa, but it would be better than going back to Indianapolis, she was sure.

  Mandy’s mind returned to the three months that she had lived with Daddy and Ellie. It was winter and snow covered the grounds. After Daddy left for work, Ellie would shove her, Don, and Lee out the door, lock it, and they weren’t allowed back in until they had collected pop bottles and beer bottles, took them to the corner grocery store, sold them, then bought themselves something to eat.

  Since I’m sixteen, Ellie would probably make me stand on a street corner, sell my body and make my own living. Well, I can do that right here in Bon Harbor, if I have to.

  Chills ran down her spine. Tears rolled down her face. Suddenly, she heard the tinkling of wind chimes. Thank you, Mama. Play the beautiful music for me until I fall asleep.

  Chapter Ten

  Dawn was breaking when Mandy felt a gentle tapping on her shoulder. She flinched, and was ready to either run or stand and fight. She’d been dreaming of Otis and the way his face looked when he came after her, but then realized it was Uncle Carl. Her heart slowed and she rubbed eyes that didn’t want to stay open no matter how hard she tried.

  “Come on, honey. Get up and get dressed. You can eat breakfast when you get out to your grandpa and grandma’s. It’s a long drive out to the country and I’ve got to get to work on time. I hate to do this, but—”

  “I understand. I know you can’t keep me. I’m not crazy about living with Grandpa and Grandma, but I’ll be with Lee, and that’ll make me happy.” Mandy yawned a big wide open yawn and her uncle chuckled.

  “Oh you looked just like you did when you were a wee baby and I tried to wake you then,” he said, and then with a serious look on his face, continued, “Why don’t you want to stay with them? They love you. They wanted to take you when your daddy brought you back from Indianapolis.”

  Mandy rubbed her eyes. “I didn’t want to go live with them for the same reasons I’m not crazy about it now. Grandpa is high tempered and he hits people when he gets mad. He used to whack Don with a tobacco stick. Grandma is a sour puss and she’s not much fun to be around. The worst part is they only have one bedroom. They put up a curtain to divide the bed they sleep in and the one Lee sleeps in. I don’t know where they’re gonna put me. But I reckon they’ll work it out. And they live so far back in the sticks I don’t think it’s even considered civilization.” Mandy sighed and wanted to go back to sleep to try and dream of a good life full of love and laughter and brightness, but Nikko kept at her to get moving.

  Mandy swung her feet off the couch. “I’ll be dressed in a minute. I’ll just put on the clothes that I took off last night. They’re not dirty and I don’t want to dig through my sacks.” She thought of Iris and how she would have thrown a fit about her wearing the same clothes for two days. Iris was a stickler about being clean.

  “Okay. I’ll get a cup of coffee to go and we’ll be on our way.”

  Mandy dressed and just as she picked up her sacks, tote bag and shoulder strap purse, she heard a knock on the door. She was placing her belongings on the couch so she could answer the door when Uncle Carl walked into the living room.

  “Who is here at this hour of the morning?” Uncle Carl asked. “I’ll get the door. You just hold on a minute.”

  Mandy sat on the couch, still rubbing her stinging eyes, and yawning, and her stomach kept reminding her she was hungry. Her heart skipped two beats, and the breath caught in her throat when she saw Iris walk inside. “I need to talk to Amanda.” Iris sounded as if she were talking between sobs.

  What does she want? Mandy wondered as she sat still, barely breathing.

  Who knows and who cares? The way we were treated by them, she has a lot of nerve being here. Let me out, I’ll show her a thing or two about being mean. Nikko’s voice vibrated through Mandy’s mind, but she ignored it.

  “Come in,” Uncle Carl said. “I’ve got to hurry and get her out to her grandparents, then get to work, so —”

  Before Uncle Carl could finish his sentence, Iris said, “I’m taking her back home with me. I’ve cried myself sick all night, and Otis said if I want Amanda that badly, then I could come get her.” She hurried to Mandy’s side. She wrapped her arms around Mandy and said, “I want you back, honey. Please don’t give me a hard time. I’ve got things worked out.”

  Iris’s eyes were red and puffy but Mandy didn’t want to look at her, didn’t want to feel sorry for her and give in. She had both a love and hate relationship with her in her mind, and she couldn’t figure out which was which.

  “What if I don’t want to go?” Mandy said, and pulled away. She could barely stand to look at Iris, and when she did, she could still hear Otis’s voice and the words he had flung at her.

  Before Iris could answer, Aunt Lou came into the living room and sat on the couch beside Mandy. “Amanda, don’t be stubborn. Aunt Iris is your legal mother and you have to go back with her. Uncle Otis will calm down and he’ll be happy to have you back too.” Aunt Lou took a deep breath and said sternly, “I can’t understand for the life of me why you don’t want to go back with them. You’re just being a typical teenager and making issues larger than they really are.”

  Mandy didn’t answer, but Nikko was talking inside her head. So we can go home since Iris wants us that badly. Otis doesn’t want us. Don’t forget that. He always does what Iris wants. But they’re our legal parents, so I don’t guess we have any choice. Just buck up and let’s go, and besides, do we really want to live with our grandparents? You know it’ll be worse there, and we’ll get beat for sure.”

  ­Mandy took a long hard look at Iris, and for the first time she noticed the fine lines and wrinkles around Iris’s red swollen eyes and the tic
was getting worse. She looked ten years older than she did when she had dropped her off.

  “Fine,” Mandy answered as she picked up the tote bag, and Iris picked up the two sacks. She kissed Aunt Lou and Uncle Carl. “I love you. I’ll be back to see you when I can. Kiss my cousins for me.”

  Aunt Lou and Uncle Carl kissed Mandy’s cheek. “We love you too,” they both said.

  Mandy followed Iris to the car, remembering the first time she had carried two grocery sacks of cloths and went to live with strangers. Iris and Otis are still strangers and they always will be. And I’ll never forgive Otis for what he said. Never!

  A bitter taste of bile rose in Mandy’s throat as Iris drove back to Cross Pointe. Here we go again, Nikko.

  When they reached home, Otis didn’t speak to Mandy, and she was glad. And she had nothing to say to him. She spent her time in the house with Iris, read, and she and Nikko wrote in their journal. One more week and school will start. I’ll be a junior. I’ll make it until I graduate. I’ll just use my mind and travel to my special place. I sure wish Purple Angel would come back to me and guide the way, but if I concentrate real hard I can get there on my own.

  Three days after Mandy was back home, she had just walked into the kitchen when the phone rang. She reached for the receiver, but Iris yelled, “Don’t answer that! I’ll get the phone from now on, and if it’s a boy you won’t be talking! You go start washing dishes.”

  See, it starts again, just like before, nothing has changed, and she hasn’t changed. I told you she’s a witch, Nikko screamed in Mandy’s mind.

  Mandy realized for the first time since coming to live with Otis and Iris that there was something not quite right with Iris. One minute she could be sweet as pumpkin pie and the next minute she was jumping down her throat. She’s mental, whispered Nikko.

  Mandy had the urge to jerk up the phone before Iris made it across the floor, but anger paralyzed her. She gritted her teeth and Nikko wanted to cuss. Just as she headed across the kitchen floor, Iris said, “Well, hello, Lee. Yes, she is. Hang on just a minute.”