Chasing Logan

by Tracy Lorraine

  “It’s pretty fitting,” he says with a laugh.

  “The guys don’t seem too bad but what is up with the girls? Do either of them own any proper clothes?”

  “Don’t think so. They seem to think that is what guys want, and by guys I mean you, by the way!”

  “You’re fucking joking, that’s for my benefit?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Wow. They’re pretty far off the mark with that,” he states but is looking down at his lap as he says it so I can’t read more into it.

  “Yeah we got that idea when Chantelle tried it on with you that first night, you didn’t look too excited by her.”

  “No, not at all,” he answers as he heads towards the door to get our drinks. “Here,” he says passing my pint over. I sit myself up a bit then reach out to grab it. My fingers brush his in the process and my eyes snap up to his only to find him already staring down at me.

  “T-thanks,” I stutter.

  I pull my legs up and he accepts the invitation to sit himself back on my bed, only he moves himself so he’s leant against the wall this time. He clutches his glass of whiskey in his hand but makes no move to have a sip of it. He crosses his legs and rests his elbows on his knees with his glass hanging in the middle.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” he says quietly.

  I’m not sure which bit exactly he’s apologising for but I accept it anyway.

  “I’ve got a lot going on back home,” he starts but I cut him off.

  “It’s okay you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

  He looks up at me and the sadness in his eyes is clear, it makes me hurt for him.

  “Thank you,” he whispers with pain laced in his voice.

  I sit up and place my hand on his forearm, I’m not sure why, in support I guess. Just like earlier a zap of electric rushes through me at our contact. It can’t just be me that feels it because his head snaps up and his eyes instantly find mine.

  I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out, instead I watch Chase’s eyes drop to my lips and his tongue comes out to wet his as if he’s preparing to use them. My heart starts to race and I feel my temperature increase.

  I swear he leans forward slightly, but then just like every time I’ve been with him, his phone pings. He sits himself up straight and stretches his leg out so he can pull his phone from his pocket. I watch as he lets out a huge breath before he unlocks it and reads whatever message he’s been sent.

  I watch everything drain out of him the longer he stares at his phone. His head and shoulders drop and he lets out the longest breath. I sit in silence unsure what of to do.

  Minutes pass and I really feel like I need to do something, anything. My thoughts are brought to an abrupt halt though when Chase moves suddenly. Before I know what’s happening I’m on my back and he’s hovering above me, staring right into my eyes as if he’s waiting for me to stop him.

  He’s got to be joking if that’s what’s waiting for.

  He starts to look like he’s questioning himself so I make the move for him. I stretch up slightly until our lips touch. The rush I get is insane and without knowing I’m really doing it, my arm reaches up until I’ve got my hand wrapped around the back of his neck and I’m pulling him down so he’s led on top of me.

  When his lips part I don’t waste anytime, my tongue is in and tangling with his instantly. I groan when I feel him caress my tongue back.

  He shifts so he’s resting one elbow next to my head. I feel his other hand at my waist before it slides up and under my shirt. My muscles clench as his hand moves.

  We kiss like it’s the last chance we’ll ever get. It goes on and on and I fucking love it.

  My hands find their way under his t-shirt so I can feel all the tense muscles of his back as he holds himself above me.

  When he starts grinding his hips into me it feels so insanely good that I start to worry it’s going to be over before it’s really started.

  Unfortunately I don’t get to the chance for that to be a real problem because almost predictably his phone rings.

  “FUUUUUCK,” he roars as he pulls back from me.

  I perch myself up on my elbows and watch as he gets up, grabs his phone from the bed and practically runs for the door without so much as a glance back in my direction.

  Four

  What the fuck?

  I stare at the closed hotel room door that Chase just disappeared through like nothing had happened.

  I can still smell his aftershave filling the air and I can still taste him on my tongue, so it can’t have been my imagination.

  Chase really did just kiss me.

  Chase…uh…I don’t know his surname…kissed me.

  Me!

  And then he ran away, yeah that sounds more like it.

  I give it thirty minutes. One, because hopefully it’ll give him chance to speak to whoever it was on the phone and two, it’ll give my body a chance to calm itself down. I can hardly go running around the hotel sporting a massive boner from kissing the star of the show that everyone is convinced is straight.

  It’s the longest thirty minutes of my life. Waiting for the time to change on the screen of my phone is physically painful. Okay, so I don’t actually manage to wait thirty minutes, I’m pulling the door open after only twenty. I take off jogging down the corridor then up the stairs until I hit the top floor and then Chase’s hotel room door.

  Lifting my fist I hammer on it as hard as I can because he is not getting away with not answering.

  After only a couple of seconds I hear a click and then the door is opening. Once again Victoria is stood there staring at me. Only this time she doesn’t just look her usual pissed off self she looks murderous.

  “What?” she snaps, and it sounds harsh even for her.

  “I’m looking for Chase, is he here?”

  “NO! No he’s not here because he’s gone. Gone, fuck only knows, where.”

  “What do you mean he’s gone?”

  “What do you think I mean? He just stormed in, grabbed some stuff and left. We’ve got a show tomorrow night, I have no idea if he’s coming back or where he’s gone. He’s just fucking gone, okay?” And with that she slams the door in my face.

  Fuck.

  I’m trudging back to our room when a very familiar voice calls out to me.

  “I thought you were having an early night,” Bella shouts from the other end of the corridor.

  I wait for her to get closer before replying just in case any of the crew members did actually manage to get an early night. “Yeah me, too.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’ll explain once we’re in our room.”

  “Oh, mystical. I like it!” Bella says with a laugh. If only it was funny.

  “You’re telling me that he kissed you then ran away?” Bella looks at me with amusement dancing in her eyes. “That’s a new one even for you, Cole.”

  “It’s not funny, B. He’s since disappeared. Victoria is doing her nut upstairs. She has no idea where he’s gone and if he’ll be back before tomorrow nights show.”

  “Shit, you’re serious.”

  “Yes, I’m not making it up, B. It really happened and he’s really disappeared.”

  I sit and look at her as she allows her slightly tipsy brain take this information on board. All of a sudden she perks up like she’s had some big epiphany.

  “Was he a good kisser?”

  The urge to say ‘I told you so’ is big but I resist. I’m aware that she’d be shouting it from the rooftops if it turned out she was right but I like to think I’m the more mature one of the two of us. Instead I just answer her question.

  “Fucking insane.”

  “I can’t believe you were right and he’s a marmite muncher. He is hot enough though I guess.” There it is again, the presumptions by women that gay men are more attractive than straight. I guess she is right this time though because Chase is seriously hot, and apparently playing for my team. “The
plastics are gonna be gutted.”

  A huge wave of panic suddenly washes through me. “You can’t tell them,” I say in a rush.

  “Of course I won’t tell them. I meant when this all comes out, because it will. If that is who he really is then he can’t hide it forever, if that is what he’s doing.”

  It’s the first time I’ve thought about him actually hiding the fact he’s gay. It comes across on social media that he’s always with women making people presume he’s straight. Why hide it in this day and age though, it’s widely accepted by most people now. My mind flashes with an image of one person who was never going to accept me for who I am but I lock it back down where it came from almost as fast as it surfaces.

  “So do you think he’s run away because of you?”

  I shrug my shoulders at her because I’ve been wondering the same this since I discovered he’s gone.

  After a fitful nights sleep it’s like the entire hotel is in panic. It turns out that by morning Chase hasn’t been in touch and Victoria is looking like she could blow at any minute. Anyone that is brave enough to attempt to talk to her gets chewed out instantly.

  Everyone is trawling social media in the hope that he’ll be spotted but the only stories that seem to be doing the rounds about Chase are those of his disappearance. As predicted some people on this tour can’t help but spread the gossip. It is like he has literally disappeared.

  “He’ll turn up, right?” Bella asks me when we’re getting ready to head to the venue for the nights show. “I mean it’s his tour, he cares about his music. He’ll come.”

  I’m not sure who she’s trying to convince because it’s not really helping me see the positive side of all this. Yes it seems like his music is important to him. He said himself last night that he loves the music but hates all the fuss that goes with it. Maybe he’s had enough.

  Fuck, if this is all my fault then I’m not sure how I’m going to live with myself. No this is on him, not me. He kissed me and now he’s the one that’s run away.

  “He’s literally got two minutes,” Connor says from behind me as we stand backstage waiting the support act to finish their set.

  I glance over at Victoria who is shouting at someone down the phone. She refused point blank to cancel tonight, she was holding out hope that he would be here but with every minute that passes I think she’s regretting that decision more and more.

  “Dancers,” she calls over. “On stage now, let’s do this.”

  She either knows something we don’t or she’s holding on to her last thread of hope.

  The intro music to his first song starts and we begin a little apprehensively. Bella and I share a concerned look when we come together. What the hell are we going to do if he doesn’t appear, just keep going and hope the audience doesn’t notice!

  Then, as flawlessly as ever, I hear his voice and seconds later he walks out on to the stage with a mic in his hand. I can practically hear the huge sighs of relief that are sounded out around the arena.

  He absolutely smashes it. You would never know there was any question about him turning up tonight watching him perform. Mind you he is a born performer. He has the crowd eating out of the palm of him hand. They laugh and sing along with him on the upbeat songs and then they cry to his sad songs because of the raw emotion he pours into them.

  Everything is perfect until he goes back for his encore. Instead of singing them one final song like he usually does he just thanks the crowd for coming and then bolts. Literally.

  Everyone immediately starts running around like blue arsed flies because somehow Chase managed to give security the slip. Their one main job for the night was to not let Chase out of their sight. Victoria is going to string them up by their balls.

  Luckily the fans don’t seem too bothered about his early departure because they are still cheering, screaming and calling his name as everyone backstage frantically runs around shouting and screaming for a very different reason.

  On the way back to the hotel it suddenly hits me that we’ve got a three day break in shows now. So no matter what, I’m not going to see Chase until the end of the week, as we’re all allowed to do our own thing for a few days. For Bella and me that means heading home to see her sister and niece.

  Bella has brought up her little sister from the age of eighteen when their mum died. Bella did everything she could to make sure Darcy didn’t end up in care. They’d already had a pretty shit life and Bella was adamant she was going to be the one to show Darcy what life should be like. Bella’s an amazing mother figure to Darcy. She makes sure that everyday she does something to make up for their actual mother, who after years of an addiction eventually overdosed eight years ago.

  Bella felt like she had failed just over three years ago she found Darcy in floods of tears on the bathroom floor in the house we all share clutching a positive pregnancy test. It hasn’t been the disaster that Bella was expecting though. It’s been the making of Darcy. She was a right brat as a child, I love her like my own sister but she was an epic pain in the arse as she rebelled against the hand life had thrown at her. Suddenly though she gave birth to Ella and she turned into the most incredible young mum.

  “Is that thing super glued to your hand or something?” Bella asks as she brings dinner in for the four of us.

  “I’m just looking to see if he’s surfaced.”

  “And?”

  “Nothing,” I reply sadly.

  Bella’s right, my phone might as well be glued to my palm because I’ve spent the last three days constantly on it, looking for any signs of life from Chase. But still nothing.

  “I can’t believe you kissed Chase. That is fucking epic,” Darcy comments.

  “Language, D,” Bella chastises. I hold my tongue from reminding Bella that Darcy is a mature-ish adult now and it’s perfectly acceptable for her to swear. But I don’t want another Bella tongue lashing for speaking out of turn again.

  “I can’t believe you eavesdropped our conversation, you little brat,” I say to Darcy.

  “You were both sat in the living room openly discussing it while I was making Ella’s lunch, I don’t think it can really be described as eavesdropping,” she says with a smart arse smirk on her face.

  I stick my tongue out at her. “Just remember the deal we have,” I remind her.

  “Yeah, yeah, you’ll ask him to do anything I want if I keep my gob shut about it,” she says repeating the deal we made.

  Darcy, now eighteen, is a huge Chase fan, she nearly lost her shit when Bella and I came home to tell her that we were going on tour with him a few months ago. She did have his posters all over her walls until Ella started paying attention to them and we all agreed they probably weren’t the most child friendly images for her to be looking at. Having said that though, I could do with sitting in a room full of Chase posters right about now.

  “I’m just worried about him, I wish I knew what made him run.”

  “What, other than kissing you, you mean?”

  I shoot Darcy a death stare and start shovelling Bella’s stir-fry into my mouth to try to distract myself.

  “We’re heading out in the morning to the next venue. I’m sure he’ll be at the hotel waiting for you,” Bella says trying to make me feel better. It doesn’t work though.

  “What’s that?” Bella asks bending down to pick something up as we head into yet another hotel room the next afternoon.

  I turn around to see what she’s talking about as she stands back up with a familiar piece of folded paper in her hand.

  “Here, it’s for you.”

  I take it from her and open it. I already know who it’s from, if the paper wasn’t enough of a clue the fact it says Dancer on the front is a dead giveaway.

  Inside are two simple words.

  I’m sorry.

  Great, that makes things better. Sorry for what exactly? Sorry for kissing me? Sorry for running? Sorry for causing us all stress and making me worry?

  I’m desperate to see him
and find out what the hell is going on but I know he’s not here. The sound of his deep husky voice was filling the air of the taxi Bella and I were just in.

  “What does it say?” Bella asks and I pass the note over.

  “Sorry for which bit exactly?”

  “That’s exactly what I thought.”

  Bella and I spend the day chilling out in our room watching awful daytime TV and ordering room service. Before we know it it’s time to get ready and head out for tonight’s show.

  We’re at a huge venue tonight in Birmingham, it’s way bigger than anywhere we’ve performed so far and everyone’s nerves and excitement are clear from the moment we step backstage. Everyone is buzzing.

  We go through our usual routine hair, makeup, costumes but I’m not really paying much attention to any of it. I’m constantly on the look out for him. He’s nowhere to be seen though. He’s probably locked away in his own private dressing room somewhere.

  Once we’re ready, the six of us go and sit in the backstage bar as we wait for the support act to do their thing.

  We’re just getting ready to move and prepare to get started when one of Victoria’s minions walks over to our table.

  “Cole, you’ve got a phone call,” he states.

  “Me? I’ve got a phone call?” I question as I look to Bella, she and I both know that the only person who would be ringing me is her and she’s sat here next to me. I haven’t got anyone else in my life that would want to get in contact.

  “Yes, come with me.”

  I do as he says because I have a suspicion that there is no phone call. Well I say it’s a suspicion but really it could just be wishful thinking.

  I follow him to a closed door then step through when he opens it and gestures for me to do so. When I look up I see that I’m in an empty office. The music from the stage is playing quietly on the speakers and there is a desk with a chair behind it but other than that nothing.

  I’m just about to turn to leave when I hear something.

  A click.

  I turn to look at where the noise came from and I see him.