Chasing Logan

by Tracy Lorraine

  When I’m toe to toe with him he looks up. The sadness is back in his eyes. I can see that he really doesn’t want to read her letter and I understand; it’s the last thing he has of her. Her last words to him. That’s the reason he needs to do this alone.

  I lean down and press my lips to his. Logan reaches up and holds on to my neck. His hold tightens as I go to pull away, trying to keep me there with him. But I can’t. I give him one last kiss before breaking from his hold and leaving him alone to do what he needs to do.

  It isn’t just Logan that needs a little quiet thinking time. When I come across a little seating area by the lift I stop and sit for a few minutes to try to gather my thoughts.

  What Logan said about how he feels about me runs through my mind. It makes my heart beat faster at the thought of him falling for me but it’s tinged with a sadness that I can’t brush off. I can hope as much as I want but something tells me that he’s never going to be brave enough to come out. I’m scared that he’s going to always want to keep me as his dirty little secret. Is what happened recently going to be a regular thing? As soon as someone gets suspicious is he going to go and shove his tongue down some woman’s throat to try to convince them they’re wrong?

  I can’t live like that.

  I want a man who is going to be my other half, who is going to stand there next to me and be proud to do it. Not someone who can’t admit who they are and how they feel about me publicly.

  This would be so much easier if we weren’t in this weird situation. If this were normal life I’d be able to distance myself from him but here I am sleeping in the same bloody hotel as him every night and sharing the same stage with him every evening. It doesn’t make trying to move on and forget him very easy. Not that I want to move on and forget him of course but my head is telling me that it’s the best thing. It’s a shame my heart doesn’t agree. Unfortunately my heart is doing the opposite and pulling me deeper and deeper into whatever this is with Logan.

  I can’t lie to myself, I know that the more time I spend with him the more I’m falling for him. It doesn’t seem to matter how much of a dick he can be, it doesn’t lessen my feelings for him.

  My time alone does nothing for my messed up thoughts. So after ten minutes or so I continue my journey back to my room to see if Bella’s back.

  The room is in darkness when I open the door and I can hear multiple snores. There’s just enough light coming through the crack in the curtains to see that not only is Bella asleep in her bed but Mia is in mine and Drew is curled up on the very small sofa over by the window.

  I shut the door as quietly as I can thinking I’ll see if I can squeeze my arse in bed with Bella. I can’t go back to Logan, he needs time alone and so it’s either this or sleep in the corridor, which I’m not really up for. I don’t even take two steps towards Bella’s bed before she sits up.

  “Cole?” she asks in a sleepy, gravelly voice.

  “Yeah.” I don’t get to say anymore because she is up out of bed and dragging me to the bathroom in a flash. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her get out of bed so fast.

  “I’m so sorry, Cole. Is Chase okay?” It still makes me smile that she can’t call him Logan.

  “Yeah, he’s going to be fine. We talked, although more is needed. I left him to read the letter Drew mentioned from Annie because just like he said Logan hadn’t read it. He’s just been carrying it around in his bag.”

  “Shit, Cole, I feel awful. He shouldn’t have seen that.” She pulls her hair back from her face as she says this and looks up to the heavens. “I just can’t stay away from him. I don’t know what it is, I’ve never felt anything like it.”

  “Bella, really? All the men that have chased you over the years and the one that gets your knickers in a twist is probably the one with the most complicated life of them all. Trust you!”

  “I know. That was the first time anything had happened though, I swear. I promise I would have told you if something had happened before.”

  “I know. What are you going to do?”

  “I’ve already told him that it can’t happen. He agrees, obviously, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Fuck sake,” she complains, “I didn’t want this, I didn’t want to feel this for someone, especially someone I can’t have, but I guess that’s the point of it all. We don’t get to choose. I mean look at you and Chase. That’s just about as much as a disaster waiting to happen as Drew and me would be.”

  “Thanks, B,” I say sarcastically.

  “Sorry, I just mean with the closet gay thing.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  “Are you going back to Chase tonight?”

  “I told him to text me if he needs me but I thought it best that he does it alone.”

  Bella agrees and after I’ve brushed my teeth and she’s been to the loo we squeeze ourselves into her single bed and try to get some sleep.

  A loud bang wakes me up. My eyelids fly open and like most mornings these days I have to look around for a few seconds to work out where the fuck I am.

  “Shit.”

  “Language, Mia,” Drew mumbles sounding like he’s just been woken as well.

  “Sorry, Dad. I stubbed but toe and it really bl…blimming hurts.”

  “Do you need help?”

  “No, I’m fine,” she replies before hobbling into the bathroom.

  I lean over and turn the light on seeing as we’re all awake after that.

  “Cole,” Drew states looking surprised, and dare I say jealous, when he sees me in bed with Bella.

  “Ugh, Cole, get that off my arse,” Bella groans, I presume referring to my morning wood.

  “Sorry, can’t help it.”

  “Just keep it the other side of the bed, you randy fucker.”

  I hear a weird noise come from Drew, which reminds me he’s here because I was about to announce what or should I say who I was dreaming about. Logan wouldn’t thank me for that any time soon, although I’d put money on Drew knowing the truth. When I look up Drew is staring at me, his face a little red and his lips pursed. Whoa, jealous much!

  “He’s a marmite muncher, don’t worry,” Bella announces helpfully which calms him down a little. He stares right at me as if he’s waiting for me to disagree with her but he must believe her because he doesn’t say anything.

  After a few more seconds he opens his mouth. “Right. Cole, I’m sorry for last night. Is Logan okay?”

  “He will be, it was just a shock.”

  “You’re telling me.” It’s only when he moves into the light more that I see his black eye.

  “Shit, Dad, what happened?” Mia asks when she reappears. Fuck knows how they kept her from seeing it last night, it must have swollen up pretty fast.

  “Language, young lady. It’s…um…nothing.”

  “You’ve got a black eye, that’s not nothing.”

  Drew is about to answer when there’s a knock at the door. Mia spins around and pulls the door open.

  “Wow, you look rough,” she says, not hiding her shock at all.

  “Morning, sweetheart,” Logan replies, obviously choosing to ignore her comment. I watch him mesmerised as he lifts his hand up to tuck some loose hair behind her ear. He’s so sweet with her. This is the real Logan, not the person he is made out to be in the media or even the Logan I first met on this tour. Apart from the obvious secret he’s hiding he’s totally himself when he’s with his family, especially Mia.

  “You hit my dad?” Mia suddenly asks distracting me from Logan. She grabs his hand and holds it in front of her as she studies his knuckles. “Why?”

  “It’s nothing. Drew, could we talk, please?” Logan asks looking over Mia’s head at his brother in law.

  “Sure.”

  We sit in silence as we watch Drew and Logan disappear out into the corridor.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Mia asks. Both Bella and I snap our heads towards her, both shocked by her language. “Oh come on, like you two didn’t swear when you were m
y age.”

  Bella looks at me and I can’t help but agree. We were probably a million times worse than Mia with our childhoods. Mia’s had a relatively stable life so far.

  “It’s nothing,” I say repeating what everyone else has already said to her this morning.

  “Stop it,” Mia says sounding a little angry. “Just bloody stop it. I am not a child, I can handle whatever it is.”

  She’s right of course, Mia may be only fourteen but she is much more mature than her age. Everything that has happened over the last few years has made her grow up fast. Faster than she should.

  “We know you’re not, Mia. They’ve just had a disagreement. It’s not our place to tell you. If your dad wants you to know then that’s up to him,” I say hoping it’s enough to calm her down.

  “Ugh, is this because of you?” Mia asks looking at Bella.

  “Uh…um…why would you say that?”

  “Like I said, I’m not a child. I can see what is going on around me. My dad hasn’t been himself for months, maybe even years. I don’t know, but it’s been a long time. But when you’re around he smiles, like really smiles. Like he used to before all this shit happened.”

  Bella’s mouth drops open at Mia’s statement and she turns to look at me obviously at a loss for words. She doesn’t need to say anything though because Mia continues.

  “After all this time I love seeing him happy, after everything he’s done for my mum, and me, he more than deserves it. But I won’t allow anyone to replace her, she was one of a kind and will always be his number one.”

  Mia can’t hide her wobbling chin as she says that last bit and Bella is up with her arms around Mia before she’s even finished talking.

  “No one could ever replace your mum, darling, no one.”

  Bella is still holding Mia when the door opens and Drew and Logan walk in.

  “Is everything okay?” Drew asks sounding concerned about his daughter.

  “Yeah,” Bella replies before letting go of Mia and allowing Drew to take over the hugging.

  “I love you, dad,” Mia mutters quietly when Drew has her in his arms.

  “I love you too, kiddo.”

  When I look up Logan is staring right at me over Drew’s shoulder.

  “You okay?” I mouth to him and I’m more than relieved when he smiles back at me. That smile knocks me on my arse every time. Fucking dimples!

  “Chase, don’t forget you’ve got that VIP appearance at a club opening in town after the show tonight,” Victoria says after finding us all having breakfast in the hotel restaurant later that morning. “You guys are all welcome as well,” she adds gesturing to the whole table. “Enjoy your day.”

  “Great,” Logan mumbles.

  “Can we stay tonight as well?” Mia asks Drew.

  “We can stay for the show but then we need to get back. I’ve got work that needs doing.”

  “Ow,” Mia pouts, making me laugh.

  “What do you want to do today, Mia? Do you want to go shopping again or just chill out here?”

  “Um…maybe just stay here and chill. I’m tired and my ankle is aching a bit.”

  “I’ve got the perfect idea,” Bella exclaims. “Drew, can I borrow Mia for the day?”

  “Of course, you two do what you’ve got to do,” Drew says while Mia sits there looking excited but confused about what Bella is scheming.

  I hadn’t paid much attention to the hotel we’d been staying in the last two nights but apparently it has a gym and a spa in the basement. I’ve been in so many bloody hotels over the past month or so that I stopped looking at what each one offered a while back. All I wanted was a comfortable bed and a shower really.

  “Right, we’re all booked in,” Bella states excitedly when she reappears.

  “All?” Logan asks

  “Yep, you guys are all having massages, because…well…after everything I think you could probably do with them, and Mia and I are having the works. Plus the pool will be good for Mia’s ankle now she’s got a removable cast.”

  So after a visit to the hotel shop for swimsuits we all head down to the spa. I must give Bella some credit because this was a great idea. Not only am I going to get to spend the afternoon staring at Logan in just a pair of shorts, we also get some much needed relaxation time.

  “I’ll see you guys in a bit,” Drew says when he checks the clock outside the steam room door before heading off for his massage appointment. He wasn’t as thrilled by the idea as the rest of us and spent quite a long time complaining about not wanting some random woman with her hands all over him, much to Bella’s delight, but we wore him down in the end. Like Bella said earlier, I think after everything he’s been through it’s well deserved.

  The second the door shuts behind him the atmosphere in the room changes. Although there was still a little tension between Logan and Drew this morning generally the mood is light, we are all joking and laughing together now. It’s just changed dramatically though. Suddenly the room is filled with sexual tension. I can hear every sound Logan makes and with each second that passes it becomes more and more torturous. The room is already hot and intense without being left alone with him.

  We both sit still. As much as I want to do something I’m aware that Logan might not agree. Anyone could walk in this steam room and see something he’s going to freak out over.

  The longer we sit here the heavier his breathing gets. It’s driving me insane. My fingers grip on to the tiled bench in an attempt to stay put and my teeth grind together.

  It doesn’t work though, I’m just about to do something, pounce on him, leave, I’m not sure really when I hear him move. I breathe a sigh of relief and rest my head back against the wall because I think he’s going to put an end to this torture. What I don’t expect is to feel his hand run up my thigh before I feel his heat against my chest and then his lips against mine.

  “Fuck,” I mumble against his lips allowing his tongue to slide in against mine.

  “Need. You.”

  He kisses me deeper than I’m sure he has before. His hands come up to wrap around my neck. Mine stay limply at my sides, I’m too lost to him to do anything other than return his kiss.

  “Good God, get a room,” a voice says from the doorway that makes Logan jump back and spin around so fast that I can’t help but laugh. “Calm down, it’s just us,” Mia says as she appears through the steam.

  Both Mia and Bella are glowing after their massages and facials. Plus they have huge smiles on their faces as they look between us. Logan has gone as white as a sheet from being caught although his chest is still heaving up and down. I watch as he falls back on to the bench and puts his head in his hands.

  “Shall we leave you to it?” Bella asks sounding amused.

  I just open my mouth to speak when Logan grunts a no and storms out of the steam room.

  “Uh…shit. I’m sorry,” Bella says sheepishly as she sits down next to me.

  I don’t know why I’m surprised. I mean Bella and Mia might know the truth but Logan is so good at keeping it locked up that having anyone catch him in the act must be weird. It once again reminds me of what I don’t want to be, his dirty secret.

  We say goodbye to Mia and Drew after the show. Mia is desperate to stay and I can’t say that Drew looks too thrilled about leaving, I presume Bella, but he sticks to his plans. They might have agreed last night that nothing can happen between them but I don’t think it’s what either of them actually wants.

  As soon as we’re changed we are rushed towards a limo with Logan and the band ready for the club opening.

  The place is already swarming with people when we pull up outside. The queue wraps around the building and then some. The minute they saw the limo start to slow down they started going nuts.

  I’ve seen fans go crazy for Logan at his shows but I’ve never seen this level of chaos. It’s pretty unbelievable. There are girls and woman screaming and shouting. I’m sure I even saw some tears and he’s not even out of the l
imo yet.

  When the limo draws to a stop and Pip opens the door the noise is mind blowing.

  Pip jumps out followed by CJ and Owen and that’s when the noise hits all new levels because they know who’s next.

  Logan looks over at Bella and me. “Ready?” he asks and I nod although I’m not really sure if I am.

  I watch as Logan slides across the bench seat before stepping out of the limo. The way he moves is so cool and elegant. As predicted the noise hits all new heights. His name is being chanted and screamed. I can see though the blacked out windows that the women are all reaching out over the barrier, that is holding them in, trying to touch him. I watch as he takes it all in for a second or two before he acknowledges some of the women closest to him. He gives them his swoon worthy dimpled smile and kisses some of their outstretched hands.

  “Wow, I’m a little embarrassed to be a woman right now watching their crazy behaviour,” Bella comments from next to me as she also watches the show.

  Once Logan has had his fill he turns back to the car and sticks his head in. “Come on then,” he says before holding his hand out so he can help Bella.

  She reaches out and takes his hand before exiting the car. The noise lessens a bit, I can only presume that it’s because there’s currently a huge wave of jealously washing through the women as they look at their rock star god holding Bella’s hand.

  If they only knew the truth!

  I take a breath and follow behind them. Security guards usher us up the stairs and let us into the VIP section where we are almost immediately handed glasses filled with some sort of blue liquid. I’ve no idea what it is but that doesn’t matter. I knock it straight back and can’t help the face I pull at the sour taste.

  “Uh,” I hear Bella groan as she hands her empty glass back.

  I glance up at Logan to see him sniff the offending drink before putting it back down on the tray he picked it up from.

  Logan and the others get whisked off to do some promotional stuff while Bella and I find ourselves seats at the bar.