by A. T Brennan
Are you sure?
Yeah. He had band practice, but he's home now. It'll be nice to see him before I have to go back into the lion’s den.
As long as you're sure.
Violet rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, effectively ending the conversation.
I watched her texting out of the corner of my eye, and when we hit the first red light, she looked up from the phone and gave me a thumbs-up.
We made it to the coffee shop right on time, and while Violet offered to wait outside, I insisted she come in with me. She'd said it would take Aaron at least twenty minutes to get there, and there was no way in hell she was waiting outside for him.
I fully expected the shocked look from Caleb as I saw him in the back corner of the cafe and headed toward him with Violet in tow.
Caleb, this is Violet. She's waiting for a ride. I hope it's okay she sits with us until then.
Of course. He gave me a strange look because I didn't bother talking as I signed. I was the only hearing person there, so it was pointless.
Your daughter? Caleb asked cautiously, his eyes darting between us.
Niece. I tried to hold in my laugh. It wouldn't be the first time someone had made that mistake. Violet, this is my friend Caleb.
Hi Caleb, it's nice to meet you.
You too.
Violet sat down and gave me a critical look. That's right. I hadn't told her Caleb was hearing impaired.
How about I go get some drinks? I asked. Caleb, what would you like?
I can get it-
Please, let me treat you this round.
Um, a hot chocolate?
You got it. V?
Same. With extra whipped cream.
Coming up.
I left the two of them at the table and went to get the drinks. It wasn't just etiquette or friendliness that had prompted me to get them. Violet never got a chance to talk with anyone who could sign unless it was me, and apparently her new beau. I didn't know how many people in Caleb's life could sign, but it would be nice to give them a chance to talk to someone who understood what they went through on a daily basis.
Chapter Six
Caleb
TO SAY I WAS SHOCKED to have Rhys's niece join us for part of the date was an understatement. But she was polite and bubbly, and within a few seconds, I found myself having a very animated conversation with her about being deaf in a hearing world.
It was true I still had some hearing, but even with my hearing aids, I still felt cut off most of the time. Sometimes I felt that being able to hear noise or sounds but not being able to identify them or hear details was almost worse than not being able to hear anything at all, and I shocked myself by saying as much to Violet just as Rhys came back with our drinks.
I get that. I was born this way, so I don't know any different. You can't miss what you never had, but I can understand how only having some of your hearing could make life harder. Like you're in between the hearing and the deaf world.
I nodded quickly. Violet had nailed exactly how I felt about it. I wasn't born this way. I lost my hearing when I was nine, so I remember how it felt to be able bodied.
I can't imagine how hard that was for you. Violet gave me a sympathetic look. I'm sorry.
My eyes darted over to Rhys as I wrapped my hands around the warm mug he'd put in front of me in an attempt to keep them occupied, so I'd stop talking and spilling the rest of my demons all over them.
What happened? If you don't mind me asking? Rhys asked after a moment.
I let go of the mug and sighed. I caught viral meningitis. My foster family thought it was the flu and didn't take me to the doctor until I was so sick I nearly died. I recovered, but my hearing was destroyed, and that's when the seizures started.
I'm so sorry, Caleb. Rhys reached out and put his hand over mine before pulling it back.
I could see he had a dozen more questions in his eyes, but thankfully he didn't ask any of them.
V, did Caleb tell you he was a programmer? He works on video games and plays too. You guys can geek out over that.
I had to smile at Rhys's tactic. Not only had he steered the conversation away from me and my illness, but he'd also brought Violet into it while giving me a slight ego boost. The way Rhys could read a situation was incredible.
Violet and I launched into another animated discussion about games and my job. She was mostly into MMORPGs but was familiar enough with world building games to be able to talk about my current project.
Rhys didn't have much to add or offer to the conversation, but every time I looked over at him, he was watching us with a smile on his face.
Just as we were finishing our drinks, Violet pulled her phone out of her pocket and glanced at the screen.
Aaron's here.
Is he going to come in so I can meet him? Rhys asked, a half-playful, half-serious look on his face. Whoever this Aaron guy was, Rhys obviously had mixed feelings about him.
Maybe next time. Violet grinned and leaned over to kiss Rhys on the cheek before standing up. Love you.
Love you too, sweetheart.
It was nice to meet you, Caleb.
You too, Violet.
With a final wave Violet bounded out of the coffee shop, and Rhys turned to me when the door had closed behind her.
I'm so sorry about that. She called and needed someone to talk to. I lost track of time.
Don't worry about it. I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring way. She's really sweet. And she adores you.
She's my favorite person. After I lost Sam, Violet became my world.
Sam? Her father?
Mother. Rhys shook his head.
Wow. Look at me assuming all sorts of things tonight.
Rhys grinned at my lame attempt at a joke. That was a good sign.
Sam was my older sister. It's short for Samantha.
You said you lost her? I asked cautiously.
Sam died three years ago. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, but they found it too late. It was terminal. They gave her a year with treatment and six months without. She went without and died eight months later. She always was a fighter.
I'm so sorry.
Rhys sighed, his shoulders lifting and dropping wearily.
Sam was the only person who knew the real me. My parents, who are now raising Violet, had certain expectations about us. Sam rebelled and did her own thing; I fell in line.
I hated the haunted look on Rhys’s face and wished I could do something to take it away and make him smile again. You don't have to tell me if it's too hard.
I want to. It's a lot to dump on you on our first date, but we've been getting to know each other, so I feel comfortable telling you.
I'm honored. Truly.
I wasn't allowed to be gay, or a democrat, or have any interests or opinions outside of what my parents thought was appropriate. Even if I hadn't hurt my shoulder, football was never in my future. It was only pushed into it because it looked good, and they could brag about me and my accomplishments.
After college, I went to work for my dad's firm and was being groomed to take over. When Sam got sick, my life went to hell, and it's been a mess ever since.
I didn't ask what else had happened, even though I really wanted to know. I figured Rhys would tell me when and if he was ready.
We sat in silence for a moment, and it was then I noticed we'd each finished our drinks.
Round two on me? I asked, motioning to our empty cups.
Thank you. Rhys smiled. Dark brew with three cream.
Coming right up.
I took our cups up to the counter near the kitchens and then went to stand in line. I had a feeling there was a lot more to Rhys's story, and life, that he kept closely guarded.
When I returned with new drinks, Rhys steered the conversation to more neutral and lighter topics. He was funny and had a sarcastic sense of humor, but he was still sweet and kind. It was the easiest conversation I'd had with someone new in a long time. In fact, outsi
de of Lizzie, I'd never felt so comfortable with someone before.
It wasn't until the cafe was closing for the night that we realized how late it was. As we left, Rhys nodded to the parking lot.
Do you drive?
Can't because of my seizures.
Do you want a ride home?
Sure. Thanks.
As I climbed into Rhys's car, a flutter of nerves went through me. Being in a confined space with anyone set my anxiety off, even if it was with someone I trusted.
The drive was thankfully silent outside of me giving Rhys directions to my building. When he pulled up in front of it, he put the car in part and turned to look at me.
I had a nice time.
Me too. I swallowed and tried to calm my racing heart.
Would you like to do it again sometime?
Yeah. That would be nice.
Caleb?
Yes?
Can I kiss you?
I almost asked him to repeat himself. Rhys wanted to kiss me? And he asked first?
A rush of fear moved through me, followed closely by one of desire. I wanted to kiss him, but being in the car like this, being confined, it was bringing back too much, and I could feel the start of a panic attack.
Caleb?
I can't. Not here.
I wasn't making any sense, but Rhys didn't push things, and instead, he nodded and gave me a gentle smile. It's okay. I already told you. We'll go at your pace. It doesn't matter how long it takes, if ever. Nothing happens unless you're completely comfortable and you want it as much as I do.
I'm sorry-
No, don't apologize for telling me the truth. Never apologize for standing up for yourself, okay?
Okay. And thank you.
You don't have to thank me for caring about you and your feelings.
Rhys reached out and gently ran the backs of his fingers over my cheek before tucking a wayward curl back behind my ear. I couldn't help noticing how he avoided touching my hearing aid, and his thoughtfulness hit something deep inside me.
Can I thank you for a really good night?
You can definitely thank me for that. But then I'll have to thank you for one.
I can live with that.
Text me when you have some time off? I'm working most of next week but really want to see you again.
What about tomorrow? I asked impulsively.
Tomorrow works for me. Rhys grinned. Dinner this time?
Sounds good.
How about I pick you up here at seven?
Sure. So it's a date?
It's a date.
I was at a loss as to how to end the conversation, so instead, I smiled and pushed the door open so I could step out. Rhys gave me another one of those way-too-charming smiles and waved when I'd closed the door and bent down to look through the window at him.
I waved back, smiling at the prospect that I was going to get to see Rhys again in less than twenty-four hours, and then headed into my building.
My first date in over four years had been a smashing success, and I had another date already lined up.
A part of me was still scared and waiting for Rhys to change his mind and to flip from sweet and considerate to demanding and impatient. I had no reason to think Rhys would ever be anything but kind and wonderful, but I couldn't shake my past, and the fear lingered. Even if it had nothing to do with Rhys and as much as I hated being held hostage by my feelings, the fear would always be there.
Chapter Seven
Rhys
“WHAT HAS YOU SO DISTRACTED?” Tristan asked as he stretched out his leg, wincing a bit as he did.
“Nothing. You okay?”
“Fine.” He waved off my concern and nodded to the weight bench. “I'll spot you.”
We quickly added some plates to the weight bar before I lay down on the bench and stretched out my chest. It was our heavy lifting day, and I was going to feel every one of those extra fifteen pounds.
Since I couldn't talk while I was lifting, it gave me a few extra seconds to think of an answer for Tristan. While it was true that most of my concentration was taken up trying to keep the weight bar balanced so I didn't kill myself or hurt Tristan, a part of me was free to think about Caleb.
We were going out again tonight, and I was excited. I wasn't used to the whole dating thing but found I was enjoying it. There was something to be said about getting to know someone as a person and having your attraction for them grow. Instant lust was fun, but this felt different.
Caleb was gorgeous, but now that I'd spent time with him, I was finding out he was also smart, kind, sweet, a little awkward, and very shy. All of that made him even more attractive to me, and then there were the little things I'd noticed. Like the way he was always biting his lip, almost as though he was silencing himself or holding back what he really thought about something. Then there was the way his eyes would shine with laughter as he teased me and the way his cheeks turned pink when he talked about himself.
I loved how his signs became big and almost overpronounced when he was excited about something or how he couldn't seem to hide what he was feeling because his eyes and his mouth gave him away.
I could tell he was afraid of something, and I had a feeling it was tied to someone from his past. When I'd asked if I could kiss him yesterday, he'd said he couldn't in the car. Not that he didn't want to, but that he couldn't.
I'd also noticed how he always seemed to be guarding himself, and while I could understand being nervous because of his hearing loss and how the world wasn't made for someone like him, it seemed to go deeper than that.
Most people knew me as a sarcastic ass who never lacked confidence. But what they didn't see was how I was still heartbroken about losing Sam and what happened after. How I really had no friends outside of Layla and the guys at the bar, and while they were family, they were the extent of my social circle. I spent most nights alone watching TV, and if Tristan weren't as into body sculpting as he was, I would be spending almost all of my free time either cruising or hiding in my apartment.
Tristan was actually the reason I got into body sculpting. I'd always been athletic and tried to keep in shape after my injury for health and ego reasons, but Tristan was the one who'd introduced me to the eight-a-week workouts and the sculpting diet that he followed way more stringently than I did. I'd started going to the gym with him as a way to get to know him better when I'd first started working at The Den, and now it was our thing.
Working out was Tristan's therapy. It was the one thing in his life he had complete control over, and it helped him feel grounded. I could give up sculpting and go back to just keeping in shape tomorrow, but I liked spending the time with Tristan. He was more than my best friend; he was my brother.
“So, what's up?” Tristan asked as he helped me put the bar back in its cradle.
“I have a date.”
“Like a date where you're actually planning to meet with a guy and not picking up some random to have some fun with?”
“Yeah, and it's a second date.” I got off the bench and wiped a thin sheen of sweat off my brow. It was hotter than usual in the gym, and I was sweating like nothing else.
“He must have been spectacular.”
“We haven't even kissed yet.”
“Whoa. That's new.” Tristan gave me a look as he took my vacated place on the bench.
“Yup. He's different from my usual type.”
“He's a cis dude, right? That's your usual type.”
“Shut up, dick.” I chuckled as I stood in the spotter position and Tristan lay down on the bench.
“Tell me more about him, after my reps.”
I counted out the reps as Tristan lifted to help motivate him, and when he was done and sitting up on the bench, he gave me a pointed look.
“He's sweet, like a cute sweetheart type, you know? He's quiet and a little socially awkward and shy.”
“Wow... wait. Is this that guy who had the seizure in front of you?”
I nodded
as we picked up our water bottles and headed over to the next machine.
“Wow. And he's deaf too, right?”
“He has profound hearing loss. He can hear some noises and sounds, but things like voices and music aren't at the right frequency for him.”
“Well, you already know how to sign, so that's a plus for both of you. But this is a pretty big change for you.”
“I know.” I sighed and sat on the leg press and waited as Tristan adjusted the weight for me. “But I like him.”
“Then that's all that matters. If you like him and you want to see him, I'm happy for you.”
“Really?” I could talk and press with this machine. My voice just came out a little gruntier than usual.
“You might have been acting like the gay Casanova, but that's not you.”
“It's not?”
“No. We both know why you jumped into hooking up like you did. After so many years of hiding who you were, denying it, and then having it blow up at you like it did? Of course you'd dive into casual sex.”
“You make me sound like some sort of whore.”
“You're comfortable with your sexuality, and you enjoy it. The whole idea of being a whore or a prude is a social construct. Sex is personal, and exploring it is human nature.”
“You're a pretty open-minded dude for someone who's decided to be celibate.”
“My not having sex is the same as you having enough for the both of us.” Tristan slapped my back playfully as we switched places and he sat on the press bench. “It's my way of expressing myself. Besides, I've always known you were a relationship guy.”
“What?”
“You crave the stability of having someone who you know won't betray or hurt you. You want the little things that a relationship brings, like having someone to cuddle with-”
“I am a cuddle whore.”
“You are, and thankfully so because you've saved my ass more than once with it.”
I tried not to let my mind flash back to that night almost four months ago and instead thought about what Tristan was saying.
“So you've known all along that I wanted to partner up over hooking up?”