by A. T Brennan
“Yup.” Tristan stood up and gave me a crooked grin. “It's the one thing that helped me keep my celibacy this long.”
“Wait, what?” I stopped in the middle of the gym and stared at my best friend.
When we'd first met, I'd been attracted to Tristan. All of the guys at the bar were handsome in their own right, but there had been something about Tristan that had drawn me in. After spending time together, I'd quickly realized that he was an amazing person and I wanted him as a friend, so I pushed the attraction aside, and now the sexual energy between us burned about as bright as a power-saving LED nightlight.
“You came on pretty strong, and you're hot as fuck.” Tristan shrugged. “I was tempted to give in to have a little stress release with you, but I could tell you were looking for more. I wasn't the right guy to give it to you, and I wanted to be around to see who was.”
“Well, fuck me swinging. For real?”
Tristan nodded and gave me a conspiratorial smile. “Kinda glad I held back, and you went from hot to cold. Kinda like you, brother.”
“Yeah, I kinda like you too, bro.”
As I followed Tristan to the free weights, I had to shake my head. I'd just found out that my best friend had almost broken his self-imposed celibacy for me and had known for over a year that I wanted more in my life. Now I had a second date for the first time since my mother used to play matchmaker with her debutante Rolodex in hopes of finding me a wife. I kind of hoped that was the last of the revelations because I didn't know how many more I could take in one day.
I WASN'T NERVOUS AS I pulled in front of Caleb's building, but I was a little apprehensive. I was worried about pushing Caleb and asking too much of him. I had absolutely no problem going as slow as he wanted, but I could tell he was the type of guy who would need me to initiate anything physical. I was glad he'd told me no when he wasn't comfortable kissing me in the car, but it made me a little hesitant to ask again because I didn't want him to feel pressured.
I was just about to get out of my car to go get him when the doors to the building opened and Caleb stepped out. He looked amazing. His straight leg jeans were a little loose around his legs but perfectly tight around his ass, and his black Henley fit him like a second skin.
I didn't have a preference when it came to body types. I was a sucker for a nice ass, but for me, those came in lots of forms from bubble to flat. I'd never been with a guy who was more than a few inches taller than me, but at six foot two that wasn't unexpected. Short, tall, athletic, lean, husky, chubby, I liked them all.
Caleb's body was lean and tall, and his slightly lanky limbs worked for him. It was true he didn't have much muscle mass, and he'd made a few flippant remarks about being too skinny or out of shape, but to me, he was perfect just as he was.
You look great. I greeted as he climbed into my car.
Thanks, so do you.
Do you have a preference for dinner?
Not really.
Any allergies or sensitivities?
Just alcohol, and I try to stay away from foods that contain a lot of fillers, sweeteners, or dyes because they can trigger seizures.
I thought for a second before the perfect place came to mind. Ever tried hot pot?
No, I don't even know what that is.
Do you trust me?
Caleb didn't even hesitate before he nodded, and that made me smile.
The restaurant I wanted to take him to was about forty minutes away. There were closer ones, but this was my favorite. Sam and I used to take Violet there, and Violet and I still considered it “our place” and would meet for dinner there once a month.
We didn't talk much as I drove us to the restaurant, but our silences were comfortable. I understood how hard it was for him to communicate while I was driving, so I didn't mind.
When we were inside the restaurant, I turned to Caleb before the hostess could ask us if we were a party of two.
Is there anywhere you'd prefer to sit?
The far corner? He asked after scanning the restaurant.
The floor plan was open, and most of the tables near the windows and the door were filled, so it was pretty loud where we were. The back corner was empty and would be much quieter.
“Two?” the hostess asked as she looked between us.
“Yes, but could we sit in the back corner away from the crowd, please?”
“Of course.”
I saw her grab two menus and rolled my eyes. This happened with Violet so often it was ridiculous.
“We don't need a braille menu.” I stopped the hostess before she could start showing us to our table.
“I'm sorry, sir?”
“The braille menu. We don't need one.”
Her eyes flashed to Caleb and back to me.
“He's hearing impaired, not visually impaired. He can read a normal menu just fine.”
“Of course, my mistake.”
With her cheeks flushing scarlet, the hostess switched out the menu and led us to a table in the far back corner.
“How did you know to check the menus like that?” Caleb asked, using his voice instead of his hands.
“It happens with Violet all the time. People see us signing, and they either give her the braille menu or talk to her through me, even when she uses her voice and talks right to them.”
“People see a disability and lump us all in together.” Caleb shrugged. “You get used to it.”
“We can sign if that's easier.” I offered, hoping the incident with the hostess hadn't made him self-conscious.
“Eating and talking with my hands is about as easy as doing it while you drive. I can read your lips here, so talking is fine.” He grinned and nodded to the center of the table. “Now, want to tell me why there's a sunken bowl between us?”
“Hot pot is a make-it-yourself kind of meal.”
“So we're doing the work. Interesting concept.” He winked teasingly and leaned forward slightly. “Okay, explain it to me.”
“They'll bring us the broth and turn the hotplate on. Then we order what we want to cook in it, and they bring the raw ingredients and sauce.”
“That's really cool and sounds healthy.”
“It is. Most of the stuff on the menu are things like dumplings, thinly sliced meat, and some vegetables. The sauces add flavor, but you don't have to use them.”
“This is really cool. I don't do stuff like this very often.”
“Go out to dinner?”
“That too.” Caleb laughed softly. “But I was talking about trying new things.”
“Well, I'm glad I can introduce you to something different.”
“Going out must be old hat to you.”
Caleb was trying to be casual, but I could almost feel the wave of insecurity that came over him, and I hated that he felt that way.
“Actually no.” I toyed with the edge of my menu. “I haven't been out on a date in almost five years. And never with a man.”
“What?” Caleb's look of shock was almost comical. “Are you bi?”
“No, I'm gay. I was in the closet until a few years ago, and my mother used to set me up with women trying to get me to settle down.”
“Wow.”
“Are you bisexual?” I asked after a pause. There was something about the way he'd asked that made me wonder if he was seeing if I was like him.
“Yeah.” He blushed and bit his lip. “I'm mostly attracted to men, but I've been with women, well, one woman, before.”
“Sexuality is whatever we want it to be.” I reached out and put my hand on his, hoping to reassure him. “You like what you like. As long as you like me, then that's all that matters to me.”
“I like you.”
“Good, because I like you too.”
Just then our waiter came up with glasses of water. We hadn't even talked about what we were going to order.
I'll eat anything, so you can order whatever you want for us.
I nodded to Caleb and looked back at the waiter and put in m
y usual order. There was a wide variety of things, so Caleb should be able to find enough that he liked.
“So, you don't date?” Caleb asked hesitantly after the waiter had left.
“No. I'm going to be honest with you. I spent a lot of time hiding who I was, and when I came out, I kind of went overboard with hooking up. That's not what I want now, but before, it was.” I hoped my admission wouldn't scare him off, but I believed in full disclosure and honesty, so I wasn't going to hide my past from him. He deserved to know all of me.
“I'm the opposite.” He let out a slightly bitter laugh. “I've been with one woman, who's my best friend, and two guys. Pretty pathetic, I know.”
“Do you judge me for having a lot of partners?”
“No.”
“I'm glad because I don't judge you for having only a few. Your past, my past, isn't relevant to our present.”
Caleb nodded, but I could tell something was still bothering him.
“What is it?”
“I worry.”
“About what?”
“That I'm broken.”
“Caleb, you're not broken.”
“I wanted to kiss you last night, but I couldn't. Being with me isn't easy. Even being friends with me is a huge commitment because I can't do normal things. I can't go to the movies because I miss too much. Clubs, concerts, any sort of crowd? Nope, can't do them. Between my hearing and my anxiety, they're a hard pass.
“Caleb, stop.” I laced my fingers with his, hoping he would take comfort in the touch. “Being with you is not a commitment. It's not a chore or a hardship. It's a pleasure. If you can't see movies or go to clubs, then we won't do that. I want to spend time with you, no matter what that looks like, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And I'll gladly wait as long as I have to for you to feel comfortable enough to kiss me. There's no pressure here, no expectations.”
Caleb smiled and licked his bottom lip, and I was glad there was a table between us because that simple move caused my cock to swell and thicken. I'd just finished telling him I'd wait until he was ready for a kiss. Then five seconds later I popped wood. That wasn't a contradiction or anything.
Our food arrived a moment later, and after a quick demonstration on how to use the utensils and pointing out what different things were, we dug in.
It was fun to watch Caleb try everything, and see his reactions. He really had no poker face. If he didn't like something he would grimace in the most adorable way, and when he did, he got this blissed-out look on his face and almost purred. It was sexy as hell, and I had to fight to keep my thoughts out of the gutter and on the meal.
We ate until the plates were empty and our bellies were full, and when everything was cleared away, the waiter brought the check.
“My treat.” I reached for it a moment before Caleb did.
“I don't mind splitting it.”
“How about I get this one, you get the next one?”
Caleb grinned and nodded, his cheeks pinking as he blushed.
I didn't even need to look at the bill to know how much it was and pulled enough to cover the meal and a good tip out of my wallet.
“So, are you hungry for dessert at all?” Caleb asked after we'd left the restaurant and were settled in my car.
“I'm always up for dessert.” I grinned. “You have a place in mind?”
“I have ice cream at my apartment.” Caleb's voice was soft and hesitant, and he looked down at his hands instead of at me as he said it.
I touched his hand and waited until he looked up at me. “Ice cream sounds wonderful.”
I COULD TELL CALEB was nervous as he led me into his apartment, and I hoped it was about me being in his space for the first time, and not about me.
Is this place retrofitted? I asked as I looked around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but that didn't mean he hadn't put in sensory devices to make living in the space easier.
It is. He looked surprised as he gestured to the living room. The lights are rigged to the building buzzer, and the floors have a bell system for the fire alarm. There's a strobe light attached to receivers in every room for carbon monoxide, and I have a bed shaker that I can use as an alarm that's also rigged to everything.
A strobe light? Don't those cause seizures?
I don't have photosensitive epilepsy, so flashing lights don't affect me. It's one of the reasons I can game with no issues.
I didn't know that. For some reason, I thought all people with epilepsy had to stay away from flashing lights.
It's better if I don't expose myself to constant flashes, like being in a club for hours, but a strobe light in an emergency or playing video games and watching TV are fine for me.
That's interesting. My sister used to have a visual system where a receiver would shake and light up, and it would say ”door,” “fire,” “phone,” that kind of thing. There was one in every room of the house.
I've seen that system. Caleb motioned for me to follow him into the living room. I looked into it, but this one makes me feel safer.
I sat on one end of the loveseat and waited as Caleb sat on the other side, his hand rubbing against his pant leg almost convulsively.
Are you nervous because I'm here?
“No.” Caleb looked at me and dropped his hand from his leg. “I'm just nervous.”
“Why?”
“Because I don't have any ice cream.”
I laughed at not only his statement but also the impish grin on his face.
“Well, as disappointing as that is, I'm okay without it.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
Caleb looked away and lifted his hands. Violet did the same thing when she was embarrassed, and I wondered if that's what Caleb was feeling.
I want to kiss you, but I'm afraid.
I waited until he was looking at me before answering. His cheeks were flushed, and he was visibly uncomfortable, but he held my eye as I raised my hands to answer him.
Why?
Because I'm not good at it, and I really like you.
The pain that flashed through his eyes broke my heart. Someone had hurt him, and I knew I had to tread carefully.
“Caleb.” I switched to my voice and looked deep into his eyes, trying to give him some confidence and let him see just how much I wanted him. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.”
I waited for a few seconds, letting my eyes rake over his body. I hoped the appreciation I felt was visible on my face because just the thought of kissing Caleb was sending my nerve endings on edge.
I saw him swallow, and when he wet his plump bottom lip with his tongue, I slid toward him.
I stopped when my knees were brushing his and reached up with one hand so I could gently run my fingers over his jawline before sliding it into his thick hair so I could cup the back of his head.
Caleb's lips were parted, and his eyes were wide, his pupils blown with what looked like desire. My heart was pounding in my chest, and by his erratic breathing and the jumping pulse point on his neck, he was just as affected as I was.
“Rhys...”
I felt more than heard him say my name, his warm breath ghosting over my face as he leaned closer.
I'm not sure which of us closed the gap between us, but a moment later, his warm lips were pressed against mine. They were soft and full and utterly perfect, and it took every ounce of self-control I had to pull away.
Caleb's hand grasped my wrist, holding it in place as I gripped his hair. I stopped when there were a few inches of space between us, my eyes searching his for any sign that he wasn't comfortable.
Before I could ask him if that was okay, Caleb was leaning toward me. His lips caught mine, and I couldn't stop the groan that escaped my throat. Every particle of my being wanted to devour his mouth, to tease and taste every crevice until we were both gasping for breath, but I held back.
His kiss was gentle and a little hesitant, but it was perfect.
His lips were soft and warm but still insistent enough to deepen the kiss. My heart was racing, I could hear the blood pounding in my ears with every beat, and my dick was so hard I was low-key worried about getting a zipper imprint on my shaft from the angle it was at.
My other hand slid around Caleb's slender waist, not pulling him closer but needing more contact. His grip on my wrist was bordering on painful, and his free hand was digging into my thigh.
“Fuck,” I couldn't help groaning as Caleb's tongue ran over the seal of my lips, then dipped into my mouth as I opened to him.
I wanted him. Fuck, I wanted him, but it was too much too fast. I needed to pull away now before I went to far.
Giving him one last nipping kiss, I sat back, my hands still anchoring me to him. We were both panting, and his eyes were shining the same way I expected mine were.
I'd had plenty of kisses in my life, from men and women, and I'd never felt as much as I did right then. It wasn't just desire or lust that I felt. There was a connection between us that went beyond physical pleasure and right into emotional intimacy.
“Wow.” Caleb blinked and released my thigh. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow.” I agreed, pulling my hands from him. As much as I wanted to keep the contact, we both needed a little space to recover. “And I don't know what asshole told you that you weren't good at kissing, but they were dead wrong.”
“Really?”
“Really. You rocked my world. I know it's a cheesy line, but that's what it felt like. That was amazing. The best kiss I've ever had.”
“Mine too, by far.”
“You look like there's still something on your mind.”
“I feel like it's so cliché to say, but I can't believe I met someone I can talk to. You know? Not many people know ASL. What are the odds that I'd meet someone who did?”
“I don't know. I've never met anyone not connected to Violet who could sign. I don't believe in fate, per se. But I do believe some things happen for a reason. Somehow our paths crossed at the exact second where we'd meet, even if the circumstances weren't ideal. Does that make sense?”
“It does. For a long time, I kind of wished that wasn't true because it would mean I was meant to get hurt. I wish I hadn't gone through what I did, but it did bring me to where I am now.”