Looking for Eagles

by Savannah Swan

  “Look!” Maggie pointed. “He’s got one.”

  “I think that one’s a she, actually, since she’s much bigger than the male,” said Jena. “But yeah, she caught a fish.”

  “The girls are bigger?”

  “Yep. Weird, huh? They’re up to one third bigger than the guys,” said Jena.

  Maggie loved when Jena started spouting facts like this. It was one of the things that made her love her girlfriend more.

  They sat and enjoyed the eagles for a little longer—after the male had caught his fish, both of the birds went to sit in the trees to eat. Maggie could just barely see the pinkish-gray meat of the fish as the eagles tore into them with their hooked beaks.

  “I guess we should head back,” said Jena, checking her watch. “It’s almost time for dinner. The counselors are gonna do their head count.”

  Maggie sighed. “We have to come back here.”

  “We can come back whenever we want,” said Jena, grinning.

  They held hands on the trail back to the main path, eventually letting go when they got too close to the camp. Maggie missed the feeling of warmth in her hand.

  It was a good thing they’d taken the precaution, because the other group of birdwatchers came out of the main trail shortly after they did.

  “Where did you guys go?” asked the counselor. She brushed her hair out of her face and wiped her face with her sleeve. It looked like the younger kids had taken a lot out of her.

  “We found eagles,” said Jena simply.

  Maggie stared at her in horror. Now the little kids would want to see the eagles, too.

  But Jena had been right. The counselor frowned. “There aren’t eagles here. I’ve been all over the forest and I’ve never seen any eagles. You guys probably just saw some hawks or something.”

  “Maybe.” Jena shrugged, but there was a subtle smile on her face.

  “Anyway, it’s time for dinner. Come on over and get in your cabin groups.” The counselor led the other kids away, and Maggie and Jena were left alone again.

  “See? I told you she wouldn’t believe me. The counselors think they know everything. They just think we’re stupid kids,” said Jena.

  “But she seemed to think you were knowledgeable about birds,” said Maggie. “She wanted you to show the way.”

  “She just didn’t like that we were going into the woods alone. She probably thought we’d get eaten by bears or something,” said Jena. “I’m sure it was a ploy.”

  “Oh.” Maggie felt a little stupid. But it didn’t matter—the secret world she shared with Jena had been preserved, and that was what mattered.

  “As if those were hawks,” scoffed Jena. “There isn’t any kind of hawk that’s that big and has a bright white head and hunts fish. Not around here, at least. Any idiot would recognize the eagles for what they were.”

  Maggie laughed at Jena’s pompous tone. “Now, when we go off on our own adventure, we’ll just say we’re looking for eagles.”

  “Good plan.” Jena nodded. “I like it. We’re not birdwatching, we’re looking for eagles. We’re not going to the woods to make out, we’re looking for eagles.”

  Maggie glanced around the camp; no one was looking at them, since they were still somewhat hidden in the opening to the forest. She chanced a peck on Jena’s lips, but Jena caught her and pulled her in for a proper kiss.

  “I love you, Jena, you know that?” said Maggie, when they’d pulled away.

  “I love you too,” said Jena, a serious expression painted on her face. “And I always will.”

  21

  Jena

  “You’re really, really sure about this?” asked Jena.

  “Yeah, obviously. I mean, I already told them you were coming, and hello, it’s Christmas Eve, so it’d be pretty awkward to back out now, wouldn’t it?” Maggie chuckled.

  They were on the road to Bryn Mawr, to the very same house where the Wilsons had lived all these years. Jena couldn’t believe they were going to the same place she’d gone so many years ago. How would it be different? Would she be hit by a wave of nostalgia?

  She was actually pretty anxious about it, especially since her life had changed so drastically in the past month or so, but then, the prospect of spending Christmas alone in Philadelphia was also cause for anxiety.

  Her heart pounded as Maggie pulled the car down an increasingly familiar street. Jena couldn’t believe how things were so similar, still. The houses were the same, obviously, and so were the trees. She didn’t remember the smaller details, anyway, but she remembered the overall shape of the place, and it was like she was stepping into the past.

  It was like she was stepping into a younger version of herself—and that was something she hadn’t revisited in a long time.

  When they stopped on the curb outside, Maggie took a moment to place a comforting hand on her nape. “It’s going to be just fine. They’re going to love you. Just let go… and bask in their hospitality. Okay?”

  “Okay.” Jena nodded.

  They opened the car doors and went around back to get their weekend bags. And then they walked up to the house.

  It was bizarre to cross over the same cobblestones again. They hadn’t changed much, except for a few new cracks, and a different configuration of weeds spilling around them. Jena hadn’t ever thought she’d return here again, but if things with Maggie went well, this could very well be a second home for her.

  What would it be like to have a warm nest-like place to call her own? A home with Maggie, a home with Maggie’s parents, a home with Maggie’s friends?

  Maggie knocked on the door and it opened immediately. A petite black woman with gray curls beamed up at them.

  Jena was shocked to see a prickle of tears in her eye—or was it just the reflection of light from her glasses? She bent down slightly to give Mrs. Wilson a hug, and took in something she realized she’d been missing for years: the warm, comforting touch of a mother’s love.

  “I can’t believe you’re here again, Jena,” said Mrs. Wilson. “We thought we’d lost you.”

  “I c-can’t believe I’m back either, ma’am,” said Jena.

  Mrs. Wilson flipped her hand dismissively. “Call me Jodi.”

  “Will do.”

  They followed her into the house. It was exactly like old times. Sure, the TV had been upgraded, and some of the furniture was different, and it looked more like a couple of old, retired people lived here, rather than a young family with a teenager, but the smell and the colors and the overall feeling…

  Jena felt inexplicably at home.

  “Can we get you anything to drink? Water? Lemonade?” asked Mrs. Wilson, hovering at the entrance to the kitchen.

  “No, Mom, we just drove half an hour from the city! It’s nothing,” said Maggie, coming over to give her an enormous hug as well. Jena couldn’t help but feel a little envious as she watched them embrace. She’d never get that with her own mother. But then, that was what found family was for.

  The more she looked around the house, the more Christian trappings she saw everywhere. Cross stitch psalms hanging on the walls, crucifix motifs here and there, religious pamphlets and books scattered on coffee tables and book shelves. Despite all that, the overwhelming aura of acceptance pervaded the space.

  It was, quite frankly, a mindfuck. Jena was going to have to get used to the concept of LGBT-accepting Christians all over again.

  But for now, she had Maggie to lead the way. “Wanna take our bags upstairs?” she asked, and Jena agreed, curious to see how the rest of the house had changed.

  Maggie’s bedroom had been converted into a guest room, but a lot of the original touches of the teenage girl who’d once lived there had remained—sports trophies on the shelves, a couple of posters of famous ‘00s musicians, and a collection of books from her childhood, including titles like The Giver and Bridge to Terabithia.

  “This is where I always stay when I come over,” said Maggie. “Then, of course, there’s the guest room—
let’s get you set up over there.”

  Even though nearly two decades had passed, Jena was overwhelmed with a sense of déjà vu as she entered the guest room. The linens were different, but the furniture and decorations were much the same. She placed her weekend bag down, sat on the bed, and instantly felt like a teenager again, uncertain of herself and how she should behave.

  It was ridiculous because she was a grown woman now, but that teenager was still inside her, still uncertain. She hadn’t given herself much of a chance to develop after all, since she’d left her parents’ house. She’d progressed in terms of her career, but internally… There was so much left to discover.

  “You ready to head back down?” asked Maggie.

  “Sure,” said Jena, standing up, still feeling bewildered by how familiar yet novel all of this was. She glanced out the window of the guest room; the backyard looked the same, still, though the trees were older and more robust.

  When they came downstairs, Mrs. Wilson was already getting started on Christmas Eve dinner, so they pitched in to help immediately, unwilling to let her do all the work on her own. Jena was quickly put to work chopping vegetables, and she was happy to have something occupy herself with while she processed the tumultuous feelings rolling through her brain.

  This could be her life, if she moved to Philadelphia. Christmas with the Wilsons, weekends with Ana and Reagan and Drew and the others. And nights and mornings with Maggie—lovely, kind, beautiful, funny Maggie, who she couldn’t imagine ever letting go of again. How could she? She’d found her home. After two decades, she’d found her home.

  The kitchen had a large window that looked out into the backyard. The Wilsons had set up a series of bird feeders, which warmed Jena’s heart—it was different from the set up her grandfather had had, since the habitat out on the ranch wasn’t like the deciduous forest here, but seeing all the feathered creatures flitting about gave her the same feeling of serenity.

  Every so often, she’d look up when she saw movement at the feeders, and she’d catch a woodpecker, with its checkered plumage, or a dark-eyed junco, round, small, and hopping on the ground. Cardinals flitted in and out as well, and mourning doves plodded along the ground, bobbing their necks back and forth.

  Jena could have stayed in that one spot forever.

  And she did. Mrs. Wilson kept checking in with her and giving her various other small tasks to complete, which she did gladly, and she immersed herself in the honest work of preparing food while watching the birds outside. She’d never felt this kind of inner peace before.

  Soon, it was time to place the dishes in the oven. The front door opened and Jena turned to see Mr. Wilson enter. His beard was much larger and whiter than Jena remembered it, and he had a woolen cap on. Combined with his tall stature and cheerful expression, he looked remarkably like Santa Claus.

  “Dad!” said Maggie. “Jena’s here with us for Christmas.”

  Mr. Wilson walked into the kitchen and shook Jena’s hand heartily, then pulled her in for a hug. “It’s good to have you here, Jena. My, you’ve grown… I want to hear all about what you’re doing here in Philadelphia.”

  “Of course, sir,” said Jena, feeling a little intimidated. Something about partners’ dads was intimidating.

  “Sir! No sir here. You call me Michael.”

  “Okay, then,” said Jena, returning the grin. She appreciated the effort the Wilsons were putting into making her feel at home.

  “Dinner will be ready in half an hour or so,” said Mrs. Wilson, “now that all the dishes have to bake. Maybe Maggie can show you what we’ve done with the backyard.”

  “Good idea,” said Maggie. “Come on.”

  Jena was glad to be in a situation where all she had to do was follow people around. It was relaxing to not have to make any decisions. She put her coat back on and followed Maggie to the backyard. The birds scattered.

  “They’ll be back soon,” said Maggie, reading her expression. “Actually, come here…”

  Maggie led the way to what looked like a shed. Jena hadn’t spent much time in the backyard the last time she’d been here, and she was surprised to see that it was huge—there was a forested portion that went far back, which was probably why there were so many different bird species. She wondered what else she’d see during her stay here.

  “My dad built this—or rather, had this built. It’s like a gazebo kind of thing,” said Maggie. “When it’s warmer, he and my mother hang out in here, but there’s a fireplace, and it’s not too cold inside, so we use it sometimes in colder weather.”

  “Wow,” said Jena. She was impressed. She’d heard of people having set ups like this, but she’d never actually seen one like it.

  Maggie unlocked the door and entered the building, flipping on a light. The building looked like a living room or sunroom, but disconnected from the house. But the best part was that it was close enough to the feeders that you could see the birds quite closely and they wouldn’t get spooked.

  “See? For whatever reason, when we’re in here, they don’t care at all. My dad’s gotten some great photographs from here,” said Maggie.

  Jena took a seat on a couch nearest the feeders. It really was the perfect place to sit and watch the birds—many of whom had come back already. She could easily imagine sitting and drinking coffee in the morning, here, and if the wifi from the house reached out here… It’d be perfect.

  “I’d never leave,” she said.

  “They do spend a lot of time in here,” said Maggie, “especially since they have that fireplace. It’s kind of a pain in the butt to get it going, but once you do…”

  “Amazing,” said Jena. “Maybe… maybe we can spend some time here.”

  “You’d like that, huh?” Maggie smiled a sly smile that sent a tingle down Jena’s spine, and sat down next to her.

  “Yeah, I would.”

  Maggie leaned over and gave her a brief, but steamy kiss on the lips. Jena knew she’d need to find release later that evening, somehow. If she didn’t, she was going to go crazy—she had no idea what the Wilsons had planned for Christmas Day.

  “I feel like we’re in an actual relationship now,” said Jena, thinking out loud. “Something about this makes it feel really real.”

  “Well, bringing your partner home to your parents is a pretty big step in any relationship,” said Maggie. “The funny thing is that we’ve already done it.”

  “True.” Jena smiled. “I guess… I guess I’m gradually gaining faith that this could work.”

  “Faith, huh?”

  “Yeah. Faith. I believe in us, Maggie.”

  Now it was her turn to lean over and kiss Maggie, running her hands down her girlfriend’s arms and enjoying the feeling of being here, in this enclosed, cozy, private space together.

  When they broke apart, they glanced at the feeders again—some chickadees were whizzing about, and a nuthatch darted to and fro, skittering up the pole in its eccentric way.

  “I think I can be happy,” said Jena quietly, mostly to himself.

  “Me too,” replied Maggie, who slid close to her and kissed her softly on the cheek.

  22

  Maggie

  “That was an amazing dinner, Mrs. Wilson, er, Jodi, thank you so much,” said Jena, leaning back in her seat and happily placing her hands on her stomach.

  “Thank you for helping, honey,” said Maggie’s mother.

  “Time to clean up,” said Maggie, standing up and starting to collect everyone’s plates. Jena immediately sat up and tried to help too, but Maggie’s mother told her to sit down.

  “Keep me company, Jena,” said Maggie’s dad. “Tell me about what you’re doing in Philly. How’d you run into Maggie again?”

  Jena quickly became engrossed in conversation with Maggie’s father, and Maggie followed her mother into the kitchen, helping to rinse off the dishes and load up the dishwasher.

  She was about to go back to the table to get the other dishes when her mom stopped her with a
hand on her arm.

  “Maggie, honey, how are you doing?” she said, looking at her intently.

  “How am I doing?”

  “About Callie,” she said, her voice quiet. “I know it still hasn’t been that long, and Jena obviously makes you happy, but…”

  “Oh, I blocked her number a while back,” said Maggie. “I mean, the pain is still there… But I think it’s obvious we weren’t meant to be.”

  “How so?”

  “She had problems,” said Maggie, shaking her head. “And I thought marriage would fix them, but of course, being engaged didn’t, and then she got with someone right after she broke it off with me… And she came crawling back soon after!”

  “Oh, honey!” said Maggie’s mother, her eyes wide. “That… that hussy!”

  The rare and old-fashioned vulgarity coming from Maggie’s mother made her laugh. “Thanks, Mom. But she’s really just a girl who has a lot of personal stuff to sort out. I’m still hurting, but I’m also moving on to bigger and better things.”

  “Like Jena?”

  “Yeah.” Maggie turned away, feeling a blush creep up her face. She was glad her dark skin would hide it.

  “I like her a lot, you know. She’s a good kid. Or, well, she was a good kid. And she’s grown into such a lovely and beautiful woman.”

  “So we have your blessing?” Maggie smirked.

  Her mother smirked right back. “We’ll see how she treats you. But I do like her. And you two were so close… What happened to her, anyway? She dropped off the face of the Earth!”

  Maggie hesitated, wondering if it was her place to tell her mother about Jena’s trauma. She thought it over, then decided Jena wouldn’t mind—as long as Jodi didn’t look at her with pity. She’d hate that.

  “Her parents kicked her out for being bi when she turned eighteen,” said Maggie.

  “Oh.” Her mother brought a hand to her mouth.

  “Yeah. So she lost her way of contacting me, and then, I guess, it just got too late… It’s really incredible we ran into each other here.”

  “Yes, it is. But the poor thing. Does she talk to her parents at all?” Maggie’s mother still seemed totally scandalized—as she should be—by the thought of parents kicking their child out for something as innocuous as liking the same gender.