Breathless

by Cheryl Douglas

  A flush of pride came over her. Jamie knew Brent wasn’t an easy man to impress. She was glad she had. “It’s my pleasure. I hope you and Ava enjoy living there.”

  He led her toward one of the guest chairs and he sat on the corner of his burled walnut desk. “I know we will. I’d like to pay you for your work.”

  “That’s not necessary. It was a labor of love.” She smiled. “Besides, it earned me high praise from my professors. That was the only reward I’d been hoping for.”

  “But you need to let Ava and I do something to thank you for--”

  She held up her hand. “There is something you can do for me. That’s why I’m here.”

  “Just name it.”

  “I’m going through a difficult time right now, trying to make sense of a lot of things.” Confiding in Brent wasn’t easy, but she couldn’t move on until she’d faced her mistakes.

  “How can I help you with that?” he asked, crossing his arms.

  “When you and I were together, you didn’t want to set a wedding date. Why?” Her pride made it difficult to ask that question, especially since he’d been so eager to set a date with Ava.

  A smile tipped his lips. “I guess I knew it wouldn’t work out between us. I wanted it to, because I knew you were perfect for me on so many levels. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. I don’t mean to, it’s just…” He sighed. “The first time I met Rea, I knew there was something between you two.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah. I tried to be mature about it, tell myself it was over, that you weren’t in love with him, you were in love with me. But I couldn’t deny the chemistry between y’all. He was a part of your life, your family, and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I guess that’s why I instigated so many fights toward the end, because I was frustrated with the whole situation.”

  “I wish you’d told me how you felt.” If he had, maybe she could have seen the situation more clearly years ago.

  “I tried. I told you I wasn’t comfortable with y’all being friends. But it was like you couldn’t help yourself. You couldn’t stay away from him.”

  Brent was right. She’d told herself to put some distance between her and Eli because their friendship bothered her fiancé, but she couldn’t do it. In spite of her guilt, Eli, not Brent, was always her first call when she had a problem or exciting news to share. That should have told her what she needed to know, but she’d been too blind to see it. And it was too late.

  “I’m sorry.” She looked Brent in the eye. “I’m sorry I didn’t take your feelings into account. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  “I have a lot to be sorry for too, Jamie. I certainly wasn’t a saint during our relationship.”

  “I let myself believe I was in love with you for a long time after our break up,” she said quietly, admiring the city skyline just over his shoulder. “It was easier than admitting the truth.”

  “That you were really in love with Eli.”

  “Yes.” She tried to find the words to explain, but they didn’t come. “I thought if he and I tried again and our relationship fell apart, I’d lose him for good.”

  Brent sat down next to her. “No offense, but judging by the puffy eyes I see behind that concealer, can I assume that’s already happened?”

  “Yes.” She stared out the window, refusing to look at him. If she saw sympathy in his eyes, she would crumble. “How is it even possible the perfect person is right there all along and you ignore it until it’s too late?”

  “I don’t think it’s ever too late, Jamie. Especially where you and Eli are concerned.” He smiled. “I ran into him at Jimmy’s and we had a beer together.” He laughed at her shocked expression. “It seems you’re not the only one who’s grown up. We have too.”

  “What did he say?” She knew she shouldn’t ask.

  “It’s not what he said, it’s how he said it. When I asked about you, he got that look in his eye, the same one that used to make me crazy. I knew he was still in love with you.”

  “You’re wrong,” she said, determined to stay strong. Maybe in the privacy of her car she’d give in to the tears again, but not in front of Brent. “He told me it’s time for him to move on.”

  “Take it from someone who knows, Jamie. You can tell yourself to move on and forget about someone, but the heart is rarely willing to let you do that. Especially when the person you’re trying to forget is the one you were meant to be with. Forever.” He covered her trembling hand with his, giving her an anchor, giving her hope.

  “You’re talking about you and Ava now, aren’t you?”

  “I guess I am, but I’m also talking about you and Eli.”

  Jamie stood and opened her arms to Brent. She lay her head on his shoulder. “I had no idea why I was even coming here today. I sensed I needed closure. Maybe I hoped you had some of the answers I was looking for.”

  “And did I?”

  She pulled back to look at him, smiling. “You did.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m so glad you and Ava found your way back to each other, Brent. I mean that.”

  He squeezed her tight once more. “Thank you. I have complete faith that you and Eli will too, Jamie. Don’t even question that.”

  Jamie knew she had to give Eli time and space, but if he loved her even half as much as she loved him, they would find their way back to each other. Someday.

  Chapter Seven

  Two weeks after his last conversation with Jamie, Eli sat at Jimmy’s bar eating a burger and watching sports highlights, and Den walked in. His old friend had left a couple of voice mail messages for him, but Eli couldn’t find the courage to call him back. Den reminded him of Jamie, and he couldn’t think of her without feeling miserable.

  The morning after their argument, he’d picked up the phone and dialed her number. He’d planned on apologizing, but as it clicked over to her to cheerful greeting, he realized he couldn’t go back. He didn’t want to be just her friend. If he couldn’t be her lover, maybe it was time to let her go.

  “Hey, I thought that was your truck outside,” Den said, slapping Eli’s back as he straddled a stool. “You’re a hard man to get a hold of.”

  “I’m sorry about that, man,” Eli said, reaching for his soft drink. “I was going to call…”

  Den grinned. He’d known Eli too long to believe his half-truths. “When? A year from now, maybe two? Just ‘cause you and Jamie are on the outs doesn’t mean you and I have to be, does it?”

  Eli felt like a coward for turning his back on Den. He didn’t deserve that. Den had always had his back and Eli knew he always would. “I’m sorry, man. I haven’t got a good excuse, so I won’t even pretend I do.”

  The bartender stopped by, and Den ordered the same as Eli: a quarter pound burger with fries and a Coke. “It’s all good, buddy. I know this thing with Jamie has to be taking its toll on you.” Den nodded his thanks when the bartender placed his soft drink down on the bar.

  “So she told you what happened, huh?” Eli couldn’t say he was surprised. Jamie and her brother had always been close.

  “Yeah, she told me, but I had to pry it out of her. She knows we’re tight. She didn’t want what was goin’ on between y’all to affect our friendship.”

  God, Eli loved that woman. He would until he took his last breath. No amount of space or distance would change that. “That sounds like Jamie.”

  “Yeah.” Den reached for the ketchup when the bartender set his plate down. “So, how are things goin’ with you and your new lady?”

  “Okay, I guess.” Eli pretended to watch sports highlights, hoping he wouldn’t have to discuss his relationship with Belinda. Things weren’t going well, and he knew that was his fault. He couldn’t get Jamie out of his head.

  “Jamie didn’t tell me about her, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Den took a bite of his burger.

  Eli waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. “Who told you I was seeing her then?”

  “Her ex-husband. We work together.”
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  Eli knew Den had more to say, but he couldn’t figure out why Den seemed so reluctant to share. He’d brought Belinda up, so he must have a reason. “He mentioned me? Why? Has he got a problem with my dating his ex-wife?” Den continued eating. “Damn it, if there’s something I need to know, you owe it to me to tell me.”

  Den swallowed. “Her ex came in one night pissed ‘cause he found out his ex-wife was bangin’ some professional hockey player. I was blown away when he told me it was you.”

  “I’m not--” Eli was going to say he’d never been intimate with Belinda, but he sensed that didn’t matter. “Why was he mad? He still have a thing for her, or what?”

  “He’s been sleeping with her ever since the divorce, man.”

  Eli closed his eyes. Given the choice, the women in his life always chose some other guy. What the hell was wrong with him? “You believe him?”

  “Yeah, I do.” Den sighed. “When I left the station, he was on his way over to her house for a nooner. If you went by now, you’d probably catch them in the act.”

  “Son of a bitch,” Eli whispered, pushing his plate aside and bracing his elbows on the bar.

  “I’m sorry, E,” Den said. “I know this has gotta sting, but better you find out now, right?”

  “Yeah, better I find out now.” The only thing that stung was that he’d believed Belinda. What did that say about his judgement?

  “What does this mean for you and Jamie?” Den asked. “You gonna call her, or what?”

  “This doesn’t change anything between me and Jamie.” Eli was frustrated that his friend couldn’t see his love for Jamie was slowly killing him, not Belinda’s betrayal.

  “What are you talking about? I just told you--”

  “I heard what you said.” Eli threw some bills on the bar. “Now you need to hear what I’m saying, Den. If you and I are gonna go on bein’ friends, I don’t wanna hear Jamie’s name again. Consider her off limits.”

  ***

  Eli drove by Belinda’s house half an hour later, and sure enough, she was making out with her ex-husband. They were standing beside the driver’s door of his pick-up truck, obviously saying their good-byes. At least for the moment.

  Eli threw his SUV into park and hopped out with the vehicle still running. He wouldn’t take long to say his piece.

  “Oh my God, Eli,” Belinda said, stepping out of the other man’s arms. “What are you doing you here?”

  In spite of Eli’s attempts to convince himself their relationship was going somewhere, he’d just been fooling himself. He felt nothing when he saw Belinda in another man’s arms. Seeing Jamie with Brent all those years ago had felt like alcohol being poured into an open wound.

  “I came to see you.” He touched the brim of his baseball cap. “Hey, buddy.” Her ex was obviously trying to decide whether Eli was intent on fighting for Belinda.

  “Uh… Sam was just leaving,” she said, giving her ex a look that told him to make himself scarce.

  “Don’t leave on my account.” Eli grinned, enjoying that they were waiting for his next move. He loved using the element of surprise in his favor, on and off the ice. “You know, a thought occurred to me as I pulled up and saw y’all together.”

  “What’s that?” Belinda narrowed her eyes. She was obviously trying to make sense of Eli’s calm demeanor.

  Eli understood their concern. He had a reputation for mixing it up on the ice and drawing too many penalty minutes. When he was emotionally invested, he often reacted without thinking about the consequences. In front of Belinda and her ex, Eli was as calm as he’d ever been because what he needed to do was so obvious. “Why’d y’all split up?” Eli asked Sam.

  “We, uh--” Sam glanced at Belinda “--were arguing a lot. Things changed when she went back to school. She didn’t have time for me anymore.”

  “But you obviously still love her. Why can’t you find a way to make it work?”

  Belinda’s mouth fell open. “Eli, what--”

  “And you’re still in love with him. You accused me of letting Jamie get in the way, and maybe I was letting my feelings for her prevent me from moving on.” He chuckled. “Who the hell am I kidding? Jamie was always on my mind. She probably always will be. But can’t you say the same of Sam?”

  Belinda looked at her ex-husband, who was staring at her intently, awaiting her response. “I’ll always have feelings for him, but we couldn’t make it work the first time. What makes you think it could work this time?”

  Sam reached for her hand. “People change. I’ve changed. I realized how much I missed you.” He inclined his head toward Eli. “The thought of you being with someone else, especially someone who could give you all the things I can’t, made me crazy.”

  “I’m gonna leave y’all alone to work this out,” Eli said, “but can I give you a piece of advice?”

  “Sure,” Sam said, never taking his eyes off Belinda.

  “Don’t take each other for granted. You’re right. People do change, and so do circumstances. Just because you gave up on each other years ago doesn’t mean you’d make the same mistake now.”

  Belinda tore her eyes from Sam long enough to give Eli a wry smile. “You plan on taking your own advice with Jamie?”

  Sam and Belinda were obviously still in love, but things were different between him and Jamie. Jamie had never given him any indication she wanted to be more than his friend. “I don’t think it’s in the cards for us,” Eli said, walking backward down the driveway. “But I hope y’all find a way to work things out.”

  Sam looked at Eli over his shoulder. “Thanks, man. I think we just might.”

  ***

  Jamie had only been home from work for a few minutes when someone knocked on her door. She checked the peephole and saw her brother with a bag of her favorite Chinese take-out. Pulling the door open, she reached for the paper bag. “Bless you.”

  Den laughed. “You know I hate eating alone.”

  “What? No date tonight?” Jamie asked, leading him into the kitchen. She handed Den plates and utensils before they went to the coffee table to set out their feast.

  “No. I was working earlier, covering for a buddy for a few hours. I’m kind of tired.”

  Jamie scooped shrimp fried rice onto her plate before settling back against the cushions. Den pulled a pair of chopsticks from the bag, and she felt a sharp pang of sadness. Eli always teased her about eating Chinese with a fork. Whenever they ate it together, he fed her with chopsticks and teased her mercilessly by holding the food just out of her reach. She still missed him so much it felt like a physical ache most days.

  “You got any plans tonight?” Den asked, piling food on his plate.

  He’d been blessed with a metabolism Jamie would have killed for. He could eat and eat and never gain a pound. Of course, he also worked out more than any man she knew. Except Eli. It always came back to Eli. “No, I was just gonna turn in early. I’m kind of tired too.”

  “Been out with anyone interesting lately?”

  “No. Why?” Her brother didn’t usually grill her about her personal life. He subscribed to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, claiming it creeped him out to think about her hooking up with random guys. Not that she’d ever been into hooking up with random guys. She thought she’d loved two men in her life, but after her conversation with Brent, she realized it had always been Eli. Too bad she couldn’t have realized that sooner.

  “Just curious.” They settled into a comfortable silence, enjoying their food. Den said, “I ran into Eli today.”

  So Den did have another reason for his visit and the questions about her personal life. “That’s nice.” She was dying to ask about Eli. If she did, Den would know being apart from Eli was killing her, and she didn’t want to worry her family.

  “I don’t think he’s gonna be seeing that Belinda chick anymore.”

  She tried to concentrate on chewing and swallowing without choking, but it wasn’t easy. “What makes you think that?”<
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  “She was hooking up with her ex-husband.”

  “How do you know that?” Jamie felt her heartbeat accelerating, but she was determined to maintain a calm façade in front of her brother.

  “We work together.” Den grinned. “Small world, huh?”

  “Yeah, small world.” Jamie continued taking small bites of food. When her brother didn’t elaborate, she had to ask, “You told Eli about Belinda seeing her ex?”

  “Someone had to. He’s my friend. I felt I owed it to him.”

  Jamie didn’t know if Den thought he was doing her a favor by telling Eli the truth, perhaps paving the way for her, but nothing had changed. Eli hadn’t called her, and even if he did, what would she say? She didn’t want to be a second choice, the woman he called just because things didn’t work out with Belinda. Jamie loved Eli, but she couldn’t live with knowing he’d rather be with someone else. The little voice in her head reminded her she’d sort of done the same thing with Brent. That felt like a lifetime ago.

  “You were right to tell him,” Jamie said quietly. “How did he take it?”

  “It was kind of hard to tell. He left shortly after. I had a feeling he was headed to see her. I think her ex was still at her place.” Den chuckled. “I didn’t get a call to bail E out of jail, so I guess he didn’t beat the hell out of the guy.”

  “It’s not funny, Den.” She hated seeing Eli fight, though it was a common occurrence on the ice. She always held her breath and watched through her fingers, hoping he would come out on top, or at least skate away unharmed.

  “So, you gonna call him now?”

  “No.”

  Den scowled. “Why the hell not?”

  “We tried being friends, but Eli was right. It’s just too hard. We need to figure out how to move on, and we can’t do that if we’re in each other’s lives. If it’s not Belinda, it’ll just be someone else. He was pretty clear last time we talked. He doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.” Saying it hurt, but Den needed to know the truth so he’d stop pushing for a reconciliation that wouldn’t happen.