Breathless

by Cheryl Douglas

  “You are two of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met.” Den set his empty plate on the coffee table. “Why can’t you see what’s right in front of you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you do.” Den sighed. “He loves you, Jamie. And I know you love him.”

  “You don’t know anything for sure.” She wanted to believe her brother was right, but she was afraid to put herself out there again.

  “Fine.” Den stood up, glowering at her with his hands on his hips. “You think I don’t know shit?” He threw his hands up in the air. “Y’all know it all. See if you smartasses can figure out a way to be happy apart. I’m outta here!”

  ***

  Eli lay in bed staring at his iPhone. Hers was the first name in his contact list. Within a few seconds, he could be talking to her, saying all the things he’d been dying to say. Before he could decide whether to take the leap of faith, his phone rang. Den.

  “Hey, buddy,” Eli said.

  “How’d things go with Belinda this afternoon? I assume that’s where you were headed when you left Jimmy’s.”

  “Yeah, that’s where I went.” Eli closed his eyes and let the darkness surround him. He was tired, but he couldn’t sleep without dreaming of Jamie. “You were right. Her ex was there.”

  “You two didn’t get into it, did you?”

  “No, we kept it civil. In fact, I suggested they give it another go, see if they can find a way to make it work.”

  Den chuckled. “That doesn’t sound like a guy who’s too broken up about losing his girlfriend.”

  “Belinda was never really my girlfriend.” Eli rolled over and stared at the picture on his bedside table. With the moonlight filtering in through the sheer curtains, he saw it clearly. It was a candid of him and Jamie just outside his dressing room a few years ago. His team had just advanced to the next round of the playoffs. He was happy and excited. So was she. They’d shared an intimate kiss, and one of his teammates captured it. Eli’d always told his teammates Jamie was just a friend, but if they made a play for her, he’d kill them.

  “I had dinner with my sister tonight,” Den said.

  In spite of his earlier warnings, Eli knew Den too well to think he’d let it end there. He understood why Den felt compelled to help. He’d have felt the same way if his sister was hurting. Assuming Jamie was hurting. He had no idea.

  “How is she?” Eli had to know. The wondering was driving him crazy.

  “She’s okay. Same as you, I guess. Just getting by, one day at a time.”

  That’s how it felt. Eli had to give himself a pep talk just to get out of bed. “I didn’t want to hurt her, Den. I hope you know that.”

  “I just have one question for you, man. Are you still in love with her?”

  Eli’s gut clenched. After living without her for a few weeks, he loved her more than ever. “Yeah.”

  “If I can get her to agree to meet for dinner tomorrow night at the Hermitage Hotel, will you show?”

  Hermitage was an upscale hotel and restaurant in the downtown core. With its romantic ambience, it could be the perfect place for him and Jamie to reconnect. Assuming she was open to the possibility…

  “Just tell me what time. I’ll be there.”

  Chapter Eight

  Jamie didn’t really feel like breaking bread with her brother again, but he hadn’t given her much choice. He said their parents wanted them both there, though he wouldn’t tell her why.

  The Hermitage Hotel was an architectural masterpiece with ornate moldings, high ceilings, and expansive windows. It was rich with history, and many famous people had dined and stayed there. Jamie usually took the time to appreciate the surroundings, but she wasn’t in the mood.

  Walking into the dimly lit restaurant, Jamie looked for her family. Her eyes fell on Eli instead. Oh God. He looked incredible in a black suit with gray shirt and silk tie. His head was bowed and he appeared to be reading the wine list. Oh no. He was waiting for a date. She couldn’t dine in the same restaurant as Eli and his date.

  As though he sensed her eyes, he looked up and smiled. He walked toward her, taking in her slim black dress and high heels. “You look incredible, Jamie.” He brushed a kiss across her cheek. “It’s so good to see you.”

  The familiar scent of his cologne made her want to weep, but she forced a wobbly smile. “It’s good to see you too, Eli.” Looking around, she prayed her family would appear. “Um, I’m supposed to be meeting my parents and Den. You haven’t seen them, have you?”

  “They’re not coming.”

  “Excuse me?” Her heart hammered. How could her brother do that to her?

  “Den thought we should talk.”

  She looked over Eli’s shoulder to his table. “You mean you’re not meeting a date?”

  He offered his arm with a disarming smile that made her heart do a little tap dance. “I hope I am, if she’ll have me?”

  “Um…” She wanted to jump up and down and scream yes, but she needed to make sure they were on the same page. “As friends? Or…”

  “Tonight can be whatever you want it to be, Jamie. I just want to talk, spend some time with you, and apologize for my behavior that night--”

  She silenced him with a soft kiss. He hadn’t expected the gesture, but she couldn’t help herself. When she thought of all of the time she’d wasted holding back, it made her sad. But Eli was there, and he wanted to share a meal with her. That was more than she’d dared hope for a day ago. “You have nothing to apologize for. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me.”

  He surrounded her face with his hands, staring into her eyes. “I’ve missed you so goddamn much.”

  “Me too,” she whispered. She didn’t trust herself to say another word without bursting into tears in the middle of the crowded restaurant.

  As though he sensed her need for privacy, he led her toward their secluded corner table. Holding out her chair, he waited for her to sit before sliding onto the upholstered bench seat across from her. “I’m so glad you came,” he said, reaching for her hand.

  “I didn’t want to.” She couldn’t take her eyes off his. Something was different about him, almost hypnotic. “Den insisted. If I’d known you would be here, I wouldn’t have given him such a hard time.”

  He brushed his lips over her fingertips as he closed his eyes. He’d never been like that with her before. In high school, they’d been too young and destitute to enjoy a romantic, fancy dinner, and in the years since then, they’d been boxed into their “friends” roles, fearing to step outside of them.

  “I was sorry to hear about what happened with Belinda,” Jamie said. She wasn’t really, but she needed to know how he felt.

  He lowered her hand and sat back, regarding her carefully before smiling. “You’re not sorry it didn’t work out with her.”

  “You’re right, I’m not.” Being honest with him felt so good. “She wasn’t good enough for you, you know.”

  “Really?” He tried and failed to keep a straight face. “Know anyone who might be? Good enough for me, that is.”

  “Maybe.” Jamie set a white linen napkin in her lap and studied the menu as Eli ordered her favorite bottle of wine. He knew everything about her, yet he still didn’t know what was in her heart. She would have to rectify that.

  ***

  Eli felt as though he had his best friend back. He and Jamie talked and laughed, reminiscing about people they hadn’t seen or thought of in years. He felt as though they needed to remember the good times before they could claim the future he believed they may both want. Being with her felt so right. He had to believe she felt it too.

  “Remember when your truck broke down by old man Bell’s farmhouse?” Jamie covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes sparkled with amusement.

  How could Eli forget being held at gunpoint with his jeans around his ankles? Since they were stuck out in the middle of nowhere, he and Jamie had decided to make the most of it by hopping in
the bed of his truck with a blanket. When the dogs started barking, Mr. Bell ran down the driveway with his gun over his shoulder, but Eli and Jamie were already too far gone to stop.

  “The look on his face…” Eli shook his head, grinning. “I thought the poor old guy was gonna have a heart attack.”

  “My mama couldn’t look Mrs. Bell in the eye for months after that,” Jamie laughed. “It seemed like it was all over town by the next morning.”

  “Maybe not all over town, but definitely all over the church. We were moralless kids--”

  “You may have been,” Jamie said, winking. “I was the innocent victim taken in by the bad boy intent on corrupting me.”

  Eli threw back his head and laughed until a few people stared. He’d already been approached for a dozen autographs. He didn’t want any more interruptions. “You ever wish we could start over?” The waiter placed the black leather folder containing their check on the table. Eli slipped his platinum credit card inside and handed it back as he waited for Jamie’s response. Everything hinged on her answer.

  “Sure.” She took a sip of wine and set the glass down. “Don’t you?”

  “All the time.”

  “What would you do if you could rewrite history?” she asked, smiling.

  “I would have asked you to marry me right out of high school.” Jamie smiled. He knew she thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t. They may have been young and inexperienced, but they were in love. “Would you have said yes?”

  “No, I’m afraid not.” She set her napkin on the table and leaned forward. “Not because I didn’t love you. I still had so much growing up to do, E. I had to live and make mistakes before I realized you were the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  Eli couldn’t breathe by the time the waiter returned. Adding the tip and scribbling his name at the bottom of the bill was a blur. For all he knew, he could have tipped the guy a month’s salary. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Jamie’s words echoing in his head.

  Eli couldn’t even believe what he was about to propose. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I don’t want this night to end.”

  “What does that mean?” Her small smile told him she was open to suggestions.

  “Why don’t we grab a room upstairs? Just to talk…”

  Before he could explain, she was standing. “What are you waiting for?”

  He was waiting for his heart to start pounding again. They hadn’t made love in years. Not since the night she turned to him because her relationship with Brent was falling apart. Was that what she was doing? Was she still feeling bad about Brent’s engagement and she wanted to use Eli to take the edge off the pain? He didn’t want to overanalyze, but he couldn’t afford to be her rebound guy, not again.

  Jamie waited in an armchair near the reception desk, admiring the stunning architecture, while Eli got a room key. Eli knew he should question her motives, but his mouth wouldn’t form the words. That’s how much he wanted her. Tomorrow would take care of itself. For that night, she was all his.

  They rode the elevator in silence, standing close enough to touch, but he was afraid to bridge the gap. With any other woman, he wouldn’t have hesitated, but he had to tread lightly with Jamie. He followed her down the hall, silently cursing as he watched the gentle sway of her hips. A voice in his head screamed for him to take her up against the wall, but the other part of him, the part that had let himself hope too many times, couldn’t take the risk.

  When they were inside the room, she stepped out of her high heels and faced him. “I’m so glad I came tonight.” She placed her hands on the lapels of his jacket and tipped her head back.

  Her dress was strapless and her hair was secured in a loose twist, baring her neck and shoulders. Taking what he wanted, what his body craved would be so easy, but he wouldn’t until she’d promised it wouldn’t be the last time.

  “Would you like me to order another bottle of wine?” He let his hands rest on her hips. He knew his tension was obvious. Hiding it from her seemed impossible.

  “I don’t need another drink,” she whispered, looping her arms around his neck.

  Her breasts crushed against his chest, and his tie suddenly felt as if it was choking him. “So… Brent and Ava are getting married, huh?” What the hell was he thinking bringing him up?

  “They are.” Jamie stepped out of his arms and walked to the foot of the bed. “I’ve offered them both my congratulations. I’m happy for them. I think they’re perfect for each other.”

  He looked for a hint of regret or sadness in her eyes, but he couldn’t see any. “Yeah, I think they’re great together too.”

  “She’s so much better for him than I ever was.” Jamie lowered her eyes before bringing them back up to meet his. “I can see that now.”

  “You can?” Eli wanted to believe her, but not that long ago, he’d found her at Jimmy’s drowning her sorrows over Brent’s impending marriage.

  “Yes.” She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Sometimes we have to lose something before we realize we can’t live without it.”

  Eli loosened his tie and the top button of his shirt when he feared they were cutting off his oxygen supply. Years he’d waited for that moment, and it had finally come. He couldn’t believe it was real.

  “I can’t live without you, E.” Her eyes flooded with tears when she looked at him. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  He wanted to say something, to tell her she’d had his heart forever and she always would, but he couldn’t get the words out. He simply stood there staring, waiting for her to continue talking, praying she was finally ready to love him the way he needed her to.

  “You’ve been the person I turned to for so long, I guess I took our relationship for granted. I hate that I did that to you. I’m so ashamed of myself for treating you that way.” Her voice broke when she asked, “Can you forgive me?”

  His first impulse was to drop to his knees and tell her he could forgive her for almost anything. But he didn’t do that. “It killed me to watch you fall in love with him,” Eli said when the silence was deafening. “I hated you. I hated him. I hated my life.” Admitting that was painful. He’d deserved better, and he needed to know that she realized that before he could give her his heart again.

  “I’m sorry.” She looked down at the sapphire and diamond ring Eli had given her for her twenty-fifth birthday. “I’m so sorry.”

  The ring was sparkly and expensive. He’d wanted to give her something that said what he couldn’t: he loved her. “Why?” A thousand times he’d wanted to ask her why she’d fallen in love with Brent when he’d been right there, waiting for her to realize they belonged together. “Why did you choose him?”

  “I guess I was afraid,” she said quietly. “My parents got married right out of high school. Neither one of them had ever dated anyone else.”

  “So? Is that so terrible?” He sat beside her, reaching for her hand.

  “I thought so at the time.” She sighed. “Come on, Eli. As teenagers, ending up like our parents seems like a fate worse than death. It’s not until we get older that we appreciate that kind of stability.”

  He couldn’t argue with that. Jamie was a bit of a wild child. She’d wanted to live in a big city, see her face splashed across glossy magazine covers, and make her mark in the world. “Is that why you chose Brent? You thought he could give you the glamorous lifestyle I couldn’t?” Eli didn’t live like a pauper, most people considered his life privileged, but he’d never aspired to Brent’s level of wealth.

  “No, it was never about that.” She let go of his hand and walked toward the window. Pushing the sheers aside, she admired the bustling city. “It had nothing to do with money or power. Brent represented the unknown, and I guess that seemed exciting.”

  “And I represented the same-old, same-old, huh?”

  “Please don’t say it like that.” She faced him. “I was just a kid then. I made mistakes.”

  “You’re not a k
id anymore. And neither am I.” He stared at her, knowing it was their moment of truth. Either they moved forward together or apart. “I can’t go on loving a woman who can’t be my everything.”

  “Your everything?” she whispered. “What does that mean?”

  They hadn’t dated for years. Even suggesting forever would seem ludicrous if he hadn’t known her more than half his life. “I want you to be my best friend, my lover…”

  “I already am your best friend… I hope. And I do want to be your lover again.”

  “That’s not enough for me, sweetheart. I may have been satisfied with that before, but I’m not that guy anymore.” Pushing her back to the wall was risky, but there was no other alternative. It was all or nothing. “If you can’t see yourself being my wife someday, the mother of my babies, you need to let me go.”

  Jamie sucked in a sharp breath as tears slid down her cheeks. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Chapter Nine

  Everything had come into sharp focus for Jamie in the past weeks. Sacrificing her pride didn’t seem a big price to pay. She lay down on the bed, hoping Eli would join her.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, still sitting on the bed, facing the wall instead of her.

  “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  “This isn’t about sex. It’s so much more than that.”

  Jamie knew barriers between them would have to crumble before they could come together again sexually. Earning his trust, making him believe she was finally ready to see him as her anchor, even when her fears threatened to carry her away, would take time.

  She slid forward and rested her hand on his back. “I don’t blame you for having doubts about me.”

  “It’s not you I’m questioning, Jamie. It’s us. What if we’re--”

  “Sssh.” She pushed him back and straddled him. That was one sure-fire way to get his attention. “You thought we were right for each other once.” She pulled the pins out of her hair and tossed them on the bedside table. “What can I say or do to convince you you were right? I was wrong.”