The Rock Star's Girls

by Tasha Taylor

  “No,” Leah whispered, as the icy cold chill from the girl’s gaze seemed to travel around her body. “No.” The word was ripped from Leah’s mouth, as the bright light of the hospital room faded.

  Leah sat up in bed, and her glance immediately flew to the corners of her bedroom. The weak winter sunlight was pouring through the window directly into her eyes. It took her a few seconds to adjust, to realize that she had been dreaming, but the sense of helplessness she had been feeling before had returned with a vengeance.

  Chiding herself for having slept so late, and trying to shake off the lingering effects of the disturbing dream, she went into the bathroom and took a shower. Feeling no better afterwards, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and did not like what she saw. It seemed as though she was in black and white. Her skin was ashen, her dark blue eyes were almost black, to match the circles under her eyes. With a sniff, she wrapped her wet hair in a towel, and belatedly remembered Pippa.

  “Pippa,” Leah went to her bedroom door and called aloud. Walking down the hallway, making no effort to pick up her feet that felt like they were made of clay, she knocked briefly at Pippa’s door before entering.

  The sight that met her eyes tore at her already aching heart. Pippa was asleep, surrounded by every single piece of Nathan Llewellyn memorabilia that she possessed. Nathan’s latest album was playing softly on the stereo, and Pippa was hugging a magazine, which had Nathan on its cover.

  “Oh Pip.” Leah’s voice was a whisper. The little girl had a smile on her face, she looked so happy. She had let her daughter do the one thing that she had sworn to herself that she never would; Pippa had fallen in love with Nathan, and it was too late for her to do anything about it. She plodded back to her bedroom, halfheartedly waving a hair dryer in the general direction of her head, before dressing in the clothes she had fallen asleep in earlier that morning.

  Entering the kitchen, she saw the signs of devastation that only a child could create whilst making breakfast. She set about cleaning the kitchen, glad to have something to occupy her mind. As she put the dirty crockery in the sink, Leah felt a shiver run down her neck, as if someone was behind her. Memories of the previous night came flooding back to her at once; the way she felt as she remembered Nathan about to kiss her.

  “Damn, damn, damn!” she exclaimed loudly, angry at Nathan for turning her life upside down, and as long as he was around she could think of no way to regain her equilibrium. She didn’t want him seven years ago, and she damn well didn’t want anything to do with him now. Why, he...

  “Hello Mum,”

  Leah whipped round to see Pippa, already dressed with a huge smile on her pretty face, her eyes shining. Leah could only stare, for she could see Nathan in every feature of Pippa’s face.

  “What’s wrong?” Pippa asked, taking Leah’s hand. “Are you poorly?”

  “I didn’t sleep too well that’s all. I’m fine,” Leah lied. She was using that excuse regularly these few days, and that was another black mark against Nathan Llewellyn. “What are you all dressed up for?” she asked, looking closely at Pippa. She had her shoes and coat on for some reason. “Where are you going?”

  “Shopping, remember?” Pippa chirped brightly, pulled her mother to the hallway, and got her coat down from the rack on the wall.

  Leah frowned again, and found it relieved some of the tension around her eyes. She had promised Pippa at the beginning of the week that they would go shopping for some new clothes. Leah had never felt less like walking around Newcastle in sub-zero temperatures with the crowds doing their Christmas shopping, but despite her bad mood, she could not bring herself to disappoint the little girl, who was in a disgustingly happy mood.

  ***

  Nathan looked up from his drink as a woman clattered loudly into the bar, greeting the staff and the few other customers, before dropping all her shopping bags in a heap.

  “Nathan,” Louise greeted, and he returned her smile. Louise took her coat off and took a seat on the stool next to him. One of his songs was playing.

  “Did you put this on?” She nodded to the jukebox behind her, and he grinned wryly.

  “Not sure I get royalties from a jukebox.”

  “What are you doing here? Obviously not drinking! What’s wrong?”

  “What do you mean?” Nathan looked at her warily. He’d enjoyed the peace and quiet so far, no one had bothered him.

  “Is there something wrong with my beer?”

  “No, not at all.” He picked up the glass and took a swig. “Lovely. I haven’t tasted such good beer in a long time. This place is really nice. Feels comfortable.”

  “Thank you.” Louise smiled. “That was what we intended when we opened it. I’m proud of it.”

  “And so you should be. It must be nice to go home at night and know you’ve made a success of something.”

  “You make it sound as though you never have. Don’t you feel like that? What about all your records that have gone to number one?”

  Nathan looked at her, and sighed. “It’s nothing physical though, Louise. I go home to an empty house. Yes, I’ve had hit records, and made lots of money, but it’s not the same. It’s nothing that I can actually see, or touch. I envy you that.” He picked up his drink.

  “What are you doing here, anyway?”

  “I’ve been rattling around the hotel all morning going crazy. I just felt like coming down to see what kind of place Leah worked in all those years. It’s a lot different from the record store she used to manage.”

  Louise grinned. “She had a hell of a time when she first came.”

  “Yeah?” Nathan sat up straighter, interested. “I’m sorry. Would you like a drink?”

  “I’ll have a gin and tonic, please.” The bartender poured the drink. “This is one drink that is practically impossible to mess up, but Leah managed to do it.”

  “I can imagine.” Nathan smiled. “She used to enjoy propping the bar up with a pint in her hand.”

  “She definitely had beer on her hands the first night she started. A customer came in and ordered a gin and tonic, a pint of Guinness and a bloody Mary. I thought Leah was going to ruin me that night. The gin and tonic had no ice, and a lime instead of lemon, she put the beer glass under the pump and forgot it was running whilst she tried to figure out what exactly went into a bloody Mary. She flooded the bar, used Tabasco instead of Worcestershire sauce, and lost me a few regulars.”

  Nathan joined Louise in her laughter, imagining Leah getting in more and more trouble.

  “To her credit though, she always remained calm, never got flustered if the customer gave her a hard time,” Louise added. “By the end of the first week, I knew I had a hard worker, and look where she is now, publicity manager at the biggest club in the North.”

  “She’s done well,” Nathan mused. “She has a lovely home. How long has she lived there?”

  “About four years. It was in a right state when they moved in, but she quickly knocked it into shape.”

  “They?” Nathan questioned, and then remembered. “Oh yes. What does he do?”

  “Who?”

  “Leah’s husband.” Nathan looked at Louise, wondering why she was frowning.

  “Leah’s what? She’s not married.”

  Nathan raised an eyebrow. “Boyfriend?”

  “Nope. She’s never shown any interest in men as long as I’ve known her. Not that she hasn’t had any offers. She’s a beautiful girl.” Nathan was not listening to Louise as he processed this new information. No husband, no boyfriend, and yet Leah had a daughter. This was confusing him. What about Leah’s belief in only having children in wedlock? How had she changed so much from the way she was?

  “Then what about Pippa’s father? Where’s he?”

  Louise shrugged, and picked up her drink. “She turned up here, and then five months later, along came Pippa. We’ve never asked her. It didn’t seem to matter.”

  “When did she get here?” He was wondering what kind of person Leah
had become. A child out of wedlock, a single mother, the father of her child gone. This was not the person he remembered, and it made him angry. He wanted to know many things, and, if Leah was unwilling to face him, then he would have to find another way to her.

  “The beginning of December, 1988. We were hiring extra staff for Christmas.”

  Nathan abruptly stood up.

  “Going already?” Louise asked.

  “Yes. Thanks for the chat.” Nathan took his jacket off the back of the stool and shrugged it on. “I’ve got somewhere to be.”

  ***

  At that moment, Leah was trying hard not to lose her temper with her daughter. Pippa had played merry hell with her mother’s nerves all afternoon, and Leah was wishing that she had never made the promise. It seemed the more shops they went into, the happier Pippa became and the tenser Leah became.

  “That’s it, Pip, I’ve had enough,” Leah exclaimed as Pippa tugged her into another shop. Pippa pouted.

  “But Mu-u-um...” Her whine turned a monosyllabic word into almost three syllables and Leah finally lost it. She pulled Pippa into the shop doorway and bent down to look at her.

  “I said enough. I really don’t enjoy traipsing around town on a Saturday, and I enjoy listening to your moaning even less. I’ve still got food shopping to do yet, button it, okay?”

  Leah insisted that Pippa sit in the little seat in the shopping trolley, despite the fact that she was far too big for it, telling her that she wanted to get around the supermarket as quickly as possible. Pippa was very uncomfortable, and spent the whole thirty minutes banging her feet against the metal. Each tinny noise grating on Leah’s already frayed nerves.

  By the time they got to the checkout, after being fifth in the queue, Leah’s patience with Pippa, and absolutely everything had worn thin. In fact, she was a hair’s breadth from spanking Pippa in public. That was something that she never did, because her mother had done it frequently to her as a child and Leah could well remember the humiliation that went along with it.

  When she saw the cashier’s nametag, declaring he was a trainee, her sigh of impatience and crossness could not have been any more verbal than if she’d have spoken. Leah’s cold, irritated stare throughout the whole check out procedure made the clerk so nervous he made more and more mistakes, until finally, Leah sarcastically offered to get behind the counter and do it herself, it would have been quicker.

  Pippa watched the scene quietly. It was only when her mother had finished loading the car with groceries, and they were both inside, that the little girl spoke.

  “You were rude to that man, Mummy.” Her indignant voice filled the silence in the car in between Leah doing up her seat belt and putting the key in the ignition. “You told me not to be rude.”

  “And?” Leah looked at her daughter briefly before starting the engine. It did not catch the first time, and successive tries were not fruitful. Leah began to swear under her breath.

  She heard her daughter take a breath, and a quick look confirmed that Pippa was holding her breath, trying not to cry.

  “Bloody car!” Leah shouted as she tried the ignition one more time. “Bloody stupid car!”

  Part of being a single parent was coping and she had taught herself just enough to cover the basics of car maintenance. She checked the water in the radiator reservoir, tried to see if the oil level was all right but it was too dark. Finally wriggled some wires in the region of the battery, and then slammed the bonnet shut.

  Getting back in the car, she was shivering from the frigid air outside. She turned the engine over and it started first time. Pippa flashed her a grin.

  “Well done, Mum.”

  “Thanks. Now, let’s go home.”

  Both Leah and Pippa were quiet on the drive home. From the dopey grin on her daughter’s face, Leah imagined her to be daydreaming about Nathan and all the new clothes she had bought. Her eyelids were drooping with the warmth from the heater. Leah was also thinking about Nathan, but not with the same feelings as her daughter.

  She had lost control of the situation with Nathan and Pippa, and now she was losing control of herself, of her emotions and it was down to him. He had almost turned her to putty in his hands with his closeness yesterday. He was so damn sure of himself, so secure with his whole self that she felt almost weak and pitiful next to him.

  Leah knew that she was not like that - she never had been. Except when it came to her love and trust for Nathan in the days when she'd clung to him because she had no one else. Now, it was different. She had Pippa, she had friends, and she had her pride. There was no way she was going to let him get to her. She was strong, she knew what she wanted for herself and her daughter, and Nathan did not figure in those plans at all.

  Then why was she falling to pieces inside? He was only as much to her as she let him be. Though there was still a part of her that responded to the past they had shared. Was that why she had been almost ready to accept his kiss last night? Was she that lonely? No, she told herself firmly. She had Pippa now, she had all she needed; but Nathan had awakened good memories of the physical closeness they had enjoyed.

  Her thoughts drifted to the remembrance of Nathan’s body pressing against hers, feeling his heat, and waiting for the moment when they would be joined. It was as if the car was in automatic pilot, because Leah found herself bringing the car to a halt in the driveway without being conscious of the journey home. Unconscious too, of the Land Rover that was parked out on the road.

  “We’re home, Pip.” Leah reached over and shook the sleeping Pippa gently. She woke up, stretching and yawning. Sleepily, she looked at her mother “Let’s get inside quickly. It’s too cold to stay out here.”

  Leah opened the boot and handed Pippa her goodies. Taking bags from car, she straightened up and turned to see Nathan stand up from sitting on the doorstep, with Pippa running to him, bags flying.

  “Mum, Nathan’s come for dinner.”

  Leah looked at Nathan’s face but couldn’t read his expression. His face was in the shadows.

  “You invited him for dinner?” She asked as she walked past the two of them to the front door.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Pippa said quietly.

  “Doesn’t look like your mum’s very pleased about it,” Nathan said. He tried to take some of the grocery bags from her as she tried to balance them on one hip whilst trying to get the key in the door. Nathan’s hand brushed hers, and she glanced at him nervously.

  “I can manage,” she muttered, and was sure she could feel Nathan smiling at her ineptitude. Opening the door, she entered and heard Pippa’s stage whisper to Nathan as they followed her in.

  “She’s in a bad mood.” And with that, she reeled off all the separate incidents as if they were crimes against humanity, ending with the supermarket cashier. Nathan laughed aloud at that one.

  Leah had been out to the car and had brought in the last of the bags, and was putting them away when she heard his laughter. She peeked around an open cupboard door and was momentarily transfixed by what she saw. Gone was any arrogance from his stance, as he leaned against the table, his grey eyes sparkled and Leah could see the image of the man she once knew. Their gazes collided, and the smile faded from his face. He held her gaze for a long moment before she looked away, unsettled by the image she had of him. She had been angry with him all day, because he was rude, arrogant and thought himself to be superior, and now, she had seen him as he had been when she last knew him, and her heart did not know what to believe.

  “Mum, I want to show Nathan my clothes,” Pippa announced, making Leah jump.

  “Hang on, Pippa. Before you start your fashion show, we’d better check with your mum to see if I can stay to dinner.” Two pairs of clear grey eyes were on her, and Leah realized for the first time exactly how alike the two of them looked.

  “We’re not having anything exciting. I hadn’t planned on company,” Leah looked helplessly at her daughter as if she might be able to help find a solution to c
lear her jumbled thoughts.

  If only Pippa had been older, not so devoted to her idol, then Leah might have been able to put a stop to this before it started, but she knew that was not going to happen. Unwittingly, the six year old had opened old wounds in Leah’s heart, and her only hope was that Pippa would not end up the same way, wishing she had never met Nathan Llewellyn, never fallen in love with him, and never let herself be hurt.

  “Sounds perfect.” Warning bells sounded in her head. He was being nice? But she could not find a single clue, no obvious evidence from Nathan as to what his intentions were.

  Pippa was eager to show off her new clothes, and feeling a sense of relief to resume her role of mother, Leah banished them both from the kitchen, shooing them out like a mother hen, whilst she finished putting the shopping away and set about preparing some kind of meal. Nathan turned to look at her just as she shut the door, and she closed her own eyes then, because she did not want him to see how unsure she was about her feelings for him. She was just going to have to shut him out, completely.

  ***

  Nathan settled himself in the cozy living room whilst Pippa coquettishly paraded up and down in her new clothes. In between outfit changes that would have made a supermodel proud, he had time to think back over his conversation with Louise earlier in the day. When he had discovered Pippa’s father was not around, together with the information that Leah had been pregnant upon her arrival in Newcastle, something had shifted inside him, and had left him feeling very uneasy.

  “She’s not married... she turned up here, and then five months later, along came Pippa.”

  There was something missing from the story of Leah’s life since she had left London, and he knew that when he found it, he would know exactly what was making him so crazy. It was the same thing that had led him to Leah’s house that urged him to wait in the cold on her doorstep until she returned. He knew he wanted to confront her about her desertion, but there was more to it than that. She might have changed, but not so completely, that Nathan could not tell that she was frightened of something, hiding something. He had seen it in her eyes.