The Rock Star's Girls

by Tasha Taylor

  Her eyes, those same dark blue eyes had been haunting his dreams of late. He had seen that darkness since, in her eyes, each time she looked at him. He could see other things too, different, darker emotions from the ones he remembered. Pippa had finished her show by then; her own shining eyes and bright smile had pleased him, and it showed in his appreciative smile. He wondered, if all little girls loved showing off like that, and it bothered him that he had no experience with children to answer his question. Lots of things bothered him; what he had seen last night, Leah crying.

  ***

  Leah concluded that she had been angry with herself for letting Nathan see her vulnerability. She had been so strong over the years, bringing Pippa up thus far on her own, and she knew how to deal with unwanted attention from admiring men, but Nathan had unsettled her in a matter of minutes. She needed to be stronger than that, to stop him from having an effect on her, but as Nathan entered the kitchen and she met his long look, her heart skipped a beat and she knew it was going to be an uphill battle.

  “She’s finished her fashion show?’ Leah kept her tone even, not wanting to give Nathan any chance to latch on to her sense of helplessness in his presence.

  “Yes. She’s upstairs changing now. I don’t remember you liking clothes that much.”

  “I don’t!” Leah looked across the table at him as she set the places.

  “She must get it from her father, then.” It was an innocent comment, but one that sent ice through Leah’s veins. “Where is he, anyway?”

  Leah dropped the cutlery on the table. What was he doing? She had not expected an attack like this. As far as she knew, his only interest was in her, not Pippa, but it was far too close to home for her to be able to fend off his questions casually. Her heart was pounding, in her chest, and in her ears as the blood tumbled around her body.

  “He’s not around,” she mumbled and carried on with her task.

  “I haven’t seen any pictures of him around.”

  Look in the mirror, Leah’s inner voice screamed at him. “There aren’t any.”

  “Why not?”

  “What’s this got to do with you? I thought you came here to hassle me, not Pippa.” Leah turned to him, angry now by his questions. She had no idea why he wanted to know, but it made her extremely uncomfortable and she did not want to feel that way in her own home. They were on her turf now and she did not want him here.

  “I’m not hassling you. I haven’t mentioned anything about you and me, have I?” Why did he have to sound so patronizing?

  “Then say what you have to and be done with it. I told you I don’t want you here, Nathan. The only reason you are here at all is because of my daughter. For some reason, she adores you, and I do not want to hurt her.”

  “What about hurting me?”

  “What?” Leah gave him an incredulous look. He sounded so hurt, as if he had been a victim in all of this, and needed the compassion and support of everyone. “Hurting you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Bullshit. It’s your pride that was hurt. How could anyone possible leave Nathan Llewellyn, the superstar?” Her sarcastic tone was not lost on him.

  “That’s not what I meant. For whatever reason, you’re making me out to be the bad guy, and I think I have a right to know why.” Leah could see in his stance exactly how much he measured his worth. He fully expected her to tell him everything, as if it was his God-given right.

  “You just don’t know do you?”

  “Know what? If I knew, do you think I’d be here? Don’t you think I have better things to do than watch a fashion show by a little girl?” His barely contained frustration at Leah’s petulance showed on his face.

  “Don’t you ever talk about my daughter like that!. You were the one who came here. I didn’t ask you, so do not involve her in your power trips. Does it make you feel good, knowing that you’ve made a child’s day just by your very presence? I’m just glad I got out when I did. There is no way on this earth I would have stayed with you.

  “Look at you. You honestly think that you’re better than me, don’t you, because you have more money, and the adulation of millions. I hope that keeps you happy because you have nothing else. One day, when it’s all over, you’ll look back and know that you messed up when it came to you and me. I know you think it was my fault, and you can think that. I really don’t give a damn. I don’t even care anymore. There was always someone or something else between us, but you couldn’t see that. You have changed, and I really don’t want to have anything to do with you.” Leah had hardly taken a breath, and her chest was heaving with the force of the emotions behind her words.

  “You think I’ve changed?” He looked surprised. “You’re the one who has changed. I don’t understand you. I don’t understand why you left, and I certainly don’t understand why you had Pippa outside of marriage.”

  Leah stared at him, open-mouthed. Where in the hell had that come from? They had not been talking about that, and she could see from the expression on his face that the words had slipped out unconsciously.

  “I... I don’t see what that’s got to do with anything,” Leah stammered, stopped dead in her tracks. She had been ready to deal with his questions on her leaving him, but this had come out of the blue. It was a full-on attack, it went straight to the center of her, and she immediately wondered then, if Nathan had overheard her conversation with Louise the night before.

  The wind had gone out of Leah’s sails following her gusty speech, and she drifted, clinging tightly to something of which she was terrified to let go.

  “I want to know how you managed to turn up in Newcastle just a few weeks after you left, pregnant. And how you had Pippa only five months later.”

  Leah sank onto a chair and tried to calm her thoughts. As she sat down, she felt as if Nathan was towering above her now. Letting her know that he was the one who had control. He was getting to her, but any anger she might have had was replaced by an urgent sense of fear. Nathan was getting close to her secret, and she had never planned on it happening.

  A thought struck her then as funny, and she sort of smiled. She could manage to plan publicity operations and Joe’s business like clockwork, but when it came to the machinations of her own life, and her heart, she was clueless. Nathan saw her slight smile, and thought instantly of her words:

  “There was always someone or something else between us, but you couldn’t see that.”

  Always someone else. Anger coursed through him, as he made the connection that he thought he had been searching for all afternoon.

  “You were sleeping with someone else. How could you do that to me? I loved you.” Nathan leaned across the table, raging inches from her face, and Leah drew some of his strength.

  “Don’t you dare. Like you never had anyone else in your life. What about Justin, the band, your bloody career?” She came halfway out of her seat until their faces were almost touching. She could see the stubble on his chin, the jet flecks in his eyes, and the dark circles beneath. She wanted to yell and scream at him, but seeing him look so tired, and spent, the remaining spirit left her. She sank back into the chair, and put her head in her hands.

  “I never slept with anyone else, Nathan. There’s never been anyone else.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, yet she shouted her honesty.

  “Then...” She’d done it, she’d given him all he needed and it hurt more than she could have imagined.

  The pan on the stove behind her was boiling over, water hissing as it hit the hot surface. Every part of her ached as she hauled herself out of the chair, her limbs felt like lead. He had to know, and she felt as if she had sold the last piece of her soul to the devil. The pain in her heart was incredible, but she had no words to describe it. She had surrendered all control to Nathan now and she wondered if this torture would ever end.

  “I’m hungry,” Pippa chirped, taking her seat at the table.

  Leah turned from her task slowly, and saw Pippa. She looked at Nathan then and watch
ed as his gaze lifted to Pippa. And, for the first time, he looked into the eyes of his daughter.

  Chapter Four

  Pippa seemed completely unaware of the dour faces of the two adults as she laughed and joked her way through the meal of spaghetti that her mother had served up. As far as she was concerned, everyone was as happy as she herself was. She was eating her favorite food, with her mum and her favorite rock star, and had lots of new clothes to boot. Pippa was having a great time.

  What was happening? The look of utter shock on Nathan’s face when he had made the final connection just a few minutes earlier had told Leah that he had not previously known about Pippa. Watching him now, she was sure he was having a hard time dealing with it. His gaze had met Leah’s own just once since. There was nothing there that could have given her a clue as to what he was feeling. Her heart contracted at the thought of his confusion and then she gave herself a mental kick.

  What did she care how he felt? She hadn’t wanted to tell him about it, hadn’t wanted him to know, but he had to keep pushing, as stubborn and as arrogant as he was, he felt like he had the right to know. Well, now he did, and he was going to have to deal with it in his own way. The only thing that Leah had to worry about was Pippa. She wasn’t going to let her be hurt.

  Dinner finished after what seemed an eternity in an interminably long day, and Leah saw even Pippa’s eyes looked tired.

  “How about an early night for once, Pip?” Leah asked, as Pippa came to lollop against her, resting her head on her shoulder.

  “Can Nathan read to me?”

  Leah looked at him washing the dishes, and he raised an eyebrow. There seemed to be so much that small movement asked, but she simply nodded.

  “Yes, sweetheart. Go and get ready for bed, and then come and kiss me goodnight.”

  “Night, Mum.” Pippa kissed her mum resoundingly on the cheek and then looked expectantly at Nathan. Leah watched as a slight frown creased the little girl’s brow, and turning, she looked questioningly at Nathan.

  He was still busy washing up, acting as if he was not aware of Pippa’s presence. Leah felt a surge of anger rush through her, sure that he was now trying to figure out a way to get out of the situation, and she was not going to let him upset Pippa.

  “Nathan.” Her tone was sharp, and he turned his head quickly.

  “Sorry,” he smiled at Pippa, as he turned and dried his hands on a towel. The creases disappeared from Pippa’s brow, and she returned his smile. “I was miles away!”

  I bet you were, Leah thought acidly, wishing you were nowhere near this house.

  “Thank you for washing up,” she said, her cheeks coloring slightly, as if the look he had just leveled her told her that he knew what she was thinking.

  Nathan shrugged. “You might have to do it again. It’s been a long time since I actually washed up anything.”

  “Well, we can’t all have a maid do all the housework.”

  Pippa did not notice the caustic tone of her mother’s voice and looked intrigued with the thought of having someone do everything for you.

  “You have a maid?” She looked up at Nathan.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “So do you, Pippa. Me. Now, go to bed. Nathan doesn’t want to hang around here all night.” She wasn’t being considerate to Nathan. It was just a statement letting him know that she didn’t want him here.

  Leah sat in an armchair in the living room, and tried to make herself relax. Usually, she enjoyed the silence and the stillness at this time of night, after a long day at work and the hectic hours with Pippa before she went to bed. But tonight, she could not bear to sit still, could not stand the silence, when she knew that Nathan was upstairs, maybe working on her daughter. Making her fall even more in love with him, plotting to take her away where Leah would have nothing to do with her.

  That thought scared Leah into movement. Not once in this had she considered the possibility that Nathan might want Pippa for himself. Climbing the stairs two at a time, she tried to tell herself that she was being silly, but the thought had planted a seed of distrust in her mind, and it was growing rapidly. Hearing no sound coming from Pippa’s bedroom, Leah opened the door, very quietly and very slowly, hoping not to disturb them. Luckily, Pippa’s bed was on the wall opposite the door, and Nathan was seated on the edge of the bed with his back turned, blocking any view of the doorway. Leah watched with her breath held through the crack in the door as Nathan leaned into kiss Pippa. Leah knew from her daughter’s voice that she was almost asleep.

  “Night-night, Nathan.”

  “Goodnight, Pippa.”

  Nathan moved as if to straighten up, when Leah heard Pippa’s voice again.

  “I wish you were my daddy.”

  With a barely stifled sob, Leah pulled the door to, and covered her mouth with her hand, as she leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths, trying to stop herself from crying. Pippa’s softly spoken words had torn a hole so wide in Leah’s heart. She knew that Pippa’s six year old mind did not fully comprehend why she should be so different from all her other friends who had two parents. Even the ones whose parents were divorced had some kind of contact with their fathers, whereas Pippa had none.

  Leah had told Pippa a long time ago, that just because she only had a mummy, it didn’t mean that she wasn’t normal, just that her mummy loved her twice as much, and Leah had honestly believed that it was enough. But Pippa was now at an age when comments made by her peers were beginning to hurt and that material possessions, including fathers, counted greatly.

  Trying hard to forget those feelings now, Leah walked to her own bedroom, and entered the bathroom. There she rinsed her face in cold water, and spoke harshly to herself in the mirror, urging herself to have the strength to deal with this in a way that would not hurt Pippa.

  Checking herself in the mirror, her outward appearance one of normality, even if her insides were still churning at the prospect of having to face Nathan, Leah once more went to check on Pippa, only to find that Nathan was still there as she opened the door. He was by then seated on a chair at the end of the bed, staring at the sleeping figure in the bed. Leah couldn’t help but draw a parallel to the time she had been in hospital, and remembered that he spent time in a chair looking at her too. She also remembered the dream she had the night before, and hardened her heart. Nathan turned his gaze to the doorway, and saw Leah, watching him with a cold expression. They looked at each other for a moment, and then he rose, and went to the door.

  Leah stood back to let him pass and then closed the door behind him. He had not moved much further than a foot from the door, and she found herself rather closer to him than she would have liked. She moved away from him, hoping that he would follow her downstairs, not wanting to have any confrontation where Pippa may awaken and hear. The creak of the stairs behind her told him that he had indeed followed her lead, and she wondered whether she should take him into the living room or into the kitchen, where at least she could put the large table between them, and there were weapons at hand if he got violent.

  The last thought shocked her, as Nathan had never once raised a hand to her in all the time they had known each other, in fact, they had hardly ever argued at all. Their relationship had been one of harmony, completely different to the one she was experiencing with him now.

  “Tea or coffee?”

  Nathan pulled out a chair and sat down heavily. “I don’t suppose you have anything stronger?”

  “I’ve got some beer, or wine.”

  “Whatever you’re having.”

  Nathan looked tired, older somehow, and he was quiet for a long time, twisting the wine glass by the stem watching the pink liquid dance near the rim, without spilling over. As Leah watched him, she dared the wine to spill over onto the table. Not that she would then have something to do, other than watch and wait for him to speak, but more so she could feel that he did not have total control. Control over the liquid in the glass, control over the way the conversation would g
o, control over her whole future. She had drained her own glass by the time he had even taken a sip from his, and as she stood to refill her it, she found his gaze on her.

  “Were you ever going to tell me?” His question seemed to fill the entire room, it was so silent, and Leah felt it echoing in her head.

  “Tell you what?”

  “Tell me that Pippa is my daughter. She is mine, isn’t she?” Nathan’s eyes narrowed watching her closely, and she realized that this was probably her last chance to get out of this with her heart in one piece...

  “No Nathan, she isn’t yours. She’s the product of a one night-stand.” If she wanted to hurt him, then that’s all she had to say. But she couldn’t bring herself to say those words. She was too worried about Pippa getting hurt to attack anyone else. She could only defend what she had.

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what, Nathan? Why didn’t I tell you I was pregnant?”

  “Yes! Leah, I have a daughter. How do you think that makes me feel? My child has been walking this earth for the past six years and I didn’t know.” Leah watched entranced, and found herself enjoying his discomfort with the situation. She knew it was getting to him, and she was pleased. His frustration and annoyance with her would let him know just a little bit how she felt upon his betrayal of her, of the long nights she had to deal with Pippa as a baby when she had gas, colic and the other hundreds of things that ail newborns. She watched him and found that everything about him suddenly irritated her; his tan, his carefully cut hair, his expensive watch which was reflecting light onto the wine glass he was holding.

  “I imagine it’s a bit of a surprise.”

  “Surprise,” he thundered, pushing back his chair and leaning across the table towards her. “Stop playing games with me, Leah. You won’t win.”

  The threat in his voice was unmistakable, and a chill ran through Leah briefly, knowing that he meant business. But she too meant business and she had too much to lose not to fight him.