Heartless

by Vanessa Marie

  "Yeah, yeah whatevs."

  Charlie snapped her towel at Sarah who giggled when she missed.

  "I'm burning valuable swim time, I will argue with you when I'm done."

  "Go be fishy, I'll be here."

  Charlie didn't hesitate to dive into the water. It felt so good, it was like warm bath water. She took her time with slow steady strokes that sent her gliding through the water. Lap after lap she was in heaven and perfectly content. All was right in the world for that little while.

  ♥♥♥♥♥

  Sam got out of the shower and pulled a pair of gym shorts on. He turned his bed down and unpacked his bag. He'd just put his bag up when he swore he heard water splash like someone was in the pool. It had better not be anyone from his group or they were going to get their ass chewed. He didn't feel like putting on a shirt, screw it. The entrance to the pool was about four rooms down from his sliding glass door. He noticed the sign that read

  Pool hours 7am to 10pm. Pool is locked when closed.

  Whoever was in the pool was female and underwater. He couldn't tell if it was one of his students or not. He walked inside the pool area and to the edge of the pool. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest when she surfaced right in front of him. It was Charlie and she had a look of surprise on her face when she saw him. He knelt down in front of her.

  "Hi," he said trying to sound casual.

  "Uh — hi."

  "So, how'd you get in here? The gate is supposed to be locked."

  "I have an understanding with the security guard."

  "Oh is that right?" he asked with a raised brow. What could she possibly have worked out with the old timer? He'd noticed him on their way in.

  "Yeah."

  "So not only did you break curfew to go make this understanding with the guard, you broke again it by swimming."

  "Um—." she looked uncomfortable and Sam didn't really care that she was swimming, he knew it was how she wound down. He couldn't let her break the rules though or could he?"

  "Don't you think if you're going to be making deals and arrangements, you need to be making them with me?"

  "Sam— I." she dropped her eyes from him to the water. It was like she was at a loss for words. He didn't want her to clam up, he wanted her to talk to him.

  "What's up with the late night swim?"

  "You know why. I needed to stretch out and be alone with my thoughts."

  "What are you thinking about?"

  "Nothing."

  She pushed back from the wall and swam away from him. He sat down and put his feet in the water. It came up to the middle of his calves and it felt great. She turned at the opposite wall and came back toward him. She tread water in front of him.

  "Are you going to talk to me?"

  "No."

  "I don't think you should be out here alone."

  "Well, with you out here, I am no longer alone."

  "You wouldn't be alone if you hadn't pushed me away."

  "I don't want to talk about this."

  "I do. You know we need to talk." He leaned toward her. He wanted to slide down the wall into the water, pull her body against his and kiss her from ear to shoulder. He wanted to feel her lips against his again. She felt like home and he missed her more than he'd ever missed anything in his life. She brought him out of his daydream when she spoke.

  "I know, but not here and not now. I'm not ready."

  "All right. Don't stay out here too long," he said as he stood. He used her towel to dry his legs off.

  "I wont."

  He turned to look back at her one last time before he walked out of the pool area. She'd stopped swimming to look at him too. He caught her looking and then she disappeared under the water. Sam walked back to his room and laid across his bed feeling empty inside without her. He loved her and needed her in his life any way he could get her. Even if the student teacher relationship was all they'd ever have.

  Charlie surfaced after Sam left. He caught her looking at him and she wanted to kick herself. She couldn't let him know that she did truly love him. She wondered if he really knew she'd pushed him away for a reason or if that was just what he told himself. He looked gorgeous standing there in nothing but his gym shorts. The way the moonlight and pool lights hit his muscled torso, it made her melt. She remembered the way he felt under her touch, how hard his body was but how soft his skin was at the same time. She couldn't let him know that all she wanted was for him to slide in the water with her and kiss her the way he used to. The way he used to touch her would make her go weak at the knees. God, this is going to be the longest week of my life and this is only day one. She knew she was in trouble. She didn't want to think anymore, so she buried her head in the water and swam harder and faster than she should have.

  ♥♥♥♥♥

  Charlie and Sarah met their group for breakfast at eight thirty. They all sat at a few tables in the same section. Sam was sitting with a couple of the other male chaperone's. They glanced at each other at the same time before they quickly looked away.

  Everyone wanted to go to the beach for the day and she hated the beach. She preferred the pool any day. The sand is what ruined the beach for her, it always got every where and it was a giant pain in the ass. She didn't really hear anything Sarah was babbling about while they ate. She was trying to figure out what she was going to do about Sam.

  Charlie made herself comfortable in a chair underneath an oversized umbrella. There was a beach volleyball game going on in front of her and some guy she didn't know ate a mouthful of sand when he missed the ball he dove for.

  "Don't feel like joining in the fun? You feeling okay?" Sam asked, as he stood beside her.

  "I'm fine, beaches just aren't my thing."

  He motioned to the empty chair next to her. "May I?"

  "Sure." She never took her eyes off the volleyball game.

  "Why do girls do that shit?" he scoffed.

  Curious, she looked at him and followed his gaze. Girls were practically prancing up and down the beach. They were trying to make their already too small bathing suits even smaller, just begging for attention.

  She shrugged. "You're asking the wrong person. I'm the only woman out here with shorts and a t-shirt on."

  He gave her a fond smile.

  "Don't look at me like that." She frowned.

  "So are you going to fill me in on your little deal with the security guard?"

  "I gather he wouldn't tell you?"

  "Nope, I asked him this morning before he got off shift and he said it was between him and the young lady."

  She finally looked toward him and laughed.

  Jules and Grant ran toward them with the football under Jules' arm.

  "Hey Mr.G you want to play with us?"

  Charlie hoped deep down that he would tell them no and stay there with her. She enjoyed talking to him, even if it was just idle chit chat. He looked at her for a long pause and then turned his attention to the guys.

  "Sure."

  He stood up and then turned back to her.

  "You going to be okay sitting here by yourself?"

  "Yeah I'm good."

  He nodded to her and Grant tossed him the ball.

  "Why do you still have your shirt on Mr. G? It's hot as hell out here." Grant asked.

  "I'd rather keep it on," Sam said, as he glanced back at Charlie with a lazy smile. She liked that answer. She didn't want anyone else to see his beautiful body. It was obvious by the way the girls acted, they all had crushes on him.

  Charlie really watched the way they all pranced around him in their tiny bikinis, most of which had no business wearing them. Sarah must have caught his glance back at her, she looked like she was watching him watch Charlie when she walked up.

  "Hey, are you going to sit under this stupid umbrella all day or are you going to enjoy the sun?" Sarah asked, as she sat down.

  "I don't want to get stared at."

  "Speaking of getting stared at, did you two talk
? I saw the way you were looking at each other."

  "Not really, it was just small talk. Oh Shit, you don't think anyone else noticed did you? "

  "Sucks he's keeping his tank top on, and no, it looked like he felt sorry for you sitting over here by yourself." Sarah said, with a smirk on her face.

  "Shut up."

  "Hey, he is hot and I know he has to have one hell of a body. Look at those arms. I'm just sayin."

  Charlie laughed. Sarah was right, but she was glad she was the only one that had seen him without it on, or anything else for that matter.

  "I bet all the girls are thinking the same thing," Charlie said with a small laugh.

  "Oh hell yeah they are. You should hear them. They are like brewing these little plans with reasons to strut by him. It's hilarious how desperate they are. Like they'd have a chance in hell. I mean seriously, look at him."

  "I've seen him."

  "Yeah, I keep forgetting that, hah."

  Charlie just shook her head at Sarah, she knew what she meant, she wasn't trying to upset her.

  "You have your suit on, so strip down and lets walk the beach."

  "Umm that would be big fat no."

  "Come on, no one is going to notice your scars. They'll be too busy looking at your bangin' body and tattoos. Please."

  "Why the hell do you want me in my bathing suit?"

  "Uh hello? 'Cuz you're built like a Victoria secret model and I look like a twelve year old boy with boobs. Someone has to show up those bitches and make them jealous. Come on! Let them hate on you 'cuz they wish they looked like you."

  Charlie looked at Sarah with a raised brow and scrunched nose."Seriously? Have you hit your head or something?"

  "No thank you very much. Come on please, I don't want you to sit here all day."

  Charlie thought about it for a minute. She would love to have him look at her the way he used to but it took so much for her to show him her scars, she couldn't just walk around in the open. It made her very uncomfortable and vulnerable, which was not something she wanted to deal with.

  "Sarah, I can't."

  "Fine, at least walk around in your bottoms and just keep your tank on over your top. It'll hide your scars. At least make them jealous of your ass?"

  "How do you know I have a tank on under my shirt?"

  "Uhh— you always wear some sort of tank as an undershirt, besides I saw you get dressed this morning. Roommates remember?"

  "You are like borderline creeper right now." Charlie laughed.

  "Hey, I at least have a nice ass going for me. So if we have a pair of nice asses, we'll get all of the attention."

  Charlie didn't want any extra attention on her. She wanted to be a wall flower, but it was time for Sarah to shine and she didn't want to do it alone. So she slid her shorts off and pulled her shirt over her head. She adjusted her tank to make sure it came up high enough to cover what she needed it to, then kicked her sandals off and stood up.

  "I hate you," she said to Sarah, with a small grin.

  "Yeah, yeah, lets go" Sarah said and smacked Charlie on the ass. She let out a yelp and a giggle, and ran forward. Sarah laughed and caught up to her. Their laughter must have been loud because all of the guys stopped to look at them. Charlie suddenly regretted her decision, but Sarah wasn't about to let her turn back.

  She grabbed her hand and pulled her down the beach. When they walked past Sam, Charlie glanced up at him. It looked like he was doing his best to not get caught looking at her. He peeked, then looked away. They walked down the waters edge and Sarah kicked water at her, then took off in a sprint. She followed her and they got into a water fight. Charlie forgot about everything and enjoyed having a good time with her friend, something she hadn't done in so long she couldn't remember the last time.

  ♥♥♥♥♥

  Charlie met Henry, the security guard at the pool gate at eleven on the dot. She handed him a small brown paper bag that had two blueberry muffins inside. He looked inside and smiled at her.

  "Two? What did I do to deserve two?"

  "Hey, I figured one for snack tonight, and one for the morning."

  "Well thank ya' young lady."

  "Anytime."

  She dove in the water and swam a couple of laps. All she could think about was Sam wanting to talk. What the hell would I even say? She couldn't tell him the truth, but she didn't want to lie to him anymore. It tore her apart inside.

  As she swam lap after lap, she tried to play things out in her head. She couldn't clear her mind, and couldn't get herself into the frame of mind she usually did when she swam. There was no way to avoid what she needed to do any longer.

  Charlie got out of the pool and wrapped her towel around herself. She squeezed her hair out and tossed it into a messy bun on the top of her head. She walked down to his room and knocked on his sliding door. Oh shit, what did I just do? With her nerves a mess all of a sudden, she turned to run back to her room, but it was too late. He opened the door. All he had on was a pair of shorts and everything in her head disappeared as she stood there with a blank stare on her face.

  "Hey, you okay?" he asked, with a concerned look. Charlie just shrugged. How the hell was she supposed to concentrate when he looked like that? She regretted knocking on his door and had no idea what she was going to say.

  "Come in before someone sees you," he said, and stepped aside to let her in. She walked past him and he slid the door shut. Crossing the room, she leaned on the table against the wall as he sat on the coffee table across from her. The Civil Wars "The One That got away" was playing on his iPod. She'd listened to that song so many times since she'd broke things off that she couldn't keep count. They held each other's gaze but neither of them said a word. He leaned forward with his forearms on his knees. "Why'd you come here?"

  "I don't know." She shrugged.

  "Are you ready to talk to me?"

  "I don't know what you want to talk about?"

  "Us. What's going on with you for starters."

  "Nothing's going on with me," she said, and re-wrapped her towel around herself.

  "Cut the crap Charlie. You haven't been the same since your surgery. You totally shut me out."

  "You'll never understand what I've been through."

  "You're right I can't, but I can be there for you, if you let me. And yet you won't."

  "I'm just better off alone. I've always been on my own. I don't know how to be any other way."

  Sam stood and walked toward her. "Bullshit. We were great together. You let your guard down and you let me in. You can't sit here and tell me that you being alone is better than that."

  She looked at her feet and her heart raced faster the closer he got. She couldn't argue with him. He was right. The only time she'd ever felt whole was when they were together. Sam lifted her chin with his finger and his bare chest was just inches from her. Glancing up, she met his gaze. With the urge to reach out and touch him, she held onto her towel even tighter.

  "Look me in the eye and tell me you're better off alone," he said, as he cupped her cheek and tears streamed down her face. Wiping them away, he leaned against her, supporting his weight with each hand firmly planted on either side of her on the table. Just inches from her face, she stayed silent, but her eyes said it all.

  ♥♥♥♥♥

  Charlie closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against his. It seemed to be the only cue he needed. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him as her towel fell to the floor. She parted his lips with her tongue and lost herself in their kiss.

  Her bathing suit was cold and wet against his bare chest, but she didn't care as she ran her hands up into his hair. He broke away from her lips and kissed her down her jaw line to her neck.

  A shiver vibrated through through her and she wasn't sure if it was because she was cold, or if it was from his touch.

  She knew they shouldn't be doing what they were and needed to wait until she was no longer his student, but she pushed the thought out
of her mind. He pulled away and cupped her face with both hands. Not wanting it to end, she slowly opened her eyes and watched him.

  "We can't do this," he said, as he breathed heavily.

  "I know," she whispered and reached behind her back. She pulled on one of the strings, her top came untied. He reached back and grabbed the strings and tied them back into a bow behind her.

  Dumbfounded, she pushed against him. "What are you doing?"

  "Stopping this..."

  "You are the captain of mixed signals, you know that?" She picked up her towel and wrapped it around herself.

  "Me? You're the one telling me you're better off alone one minute and then taking your clothes off the next."

  "Seriously? You know what. You can go fuck yourself." She scowled and turned for the door.

  He stepped in front of her. "I didn't mean it like that. I love you, and I want to be with you but we can't do this here." He motioned around them.

  "What does it matter? We had sex at your house after we found out, did we not?" She crossed her arms over her chest and shifted her weight to one leg.

  "That was in the privacy of my own home, on our time. Not on the school's senior trip where I'm assigned to be your Goddamn chaperone, Charlie. Please don't make this harder on me than it already is."

  "It was a mistake coming here anyway. Sorry I came." She turned on her heel and walked out his door into the hallway.

  The second she was out in the open her stomach fluttered and she prayed no one would see her coming out of his room, in the middle of the night, in her bathing suit.

  ♥♥♥♥♥

  As soon as she got in her room, she got right into the shower. The more she thought about everything, the more pissed off she got. He was just as hot and cold as she was, and he was trying to put it all on her.

  She got out of the shower, not bothering to wrap a towel around herself and searched for a piece of paper.