Starting from Scratch

by Kate Lloyd

  “We’ll see. You’re both teetering on the fence, but I’ll allow you to take classes if you’re serious. After you’ve finished, we’ll speak again. And then possibly of marriage if you two are set on it.”

  “Ach, so long to wait. And in the meantime?”

  “In the meantime, you work your father’s farm, and you both weigh the pros and cons. Too many young people dive into marriage. After the initial infatuation fades and the babies arrive, the couples come to the deacons and ministers with their complaints.” He placed his black hat atop his head. “Now, shall we visit your parents?”

  When we exited the car, I was the last one out. The bishop and I followed Jake up the back steps, through the utility room, and into the kitchen. Ruth welcomed us with an ample grin. “What a wonderful surprise. We’re so honored, Harvey, and it’s gut to see you, Evie.”

  “Hi there, everyone.” Brandy sashayed into the kitchen looking ready to burst, her abdomen extended even more than the last time I’d seen her. Wearing a long smock and leggings, she shook Harvey’s hand as naturally as could be. She had more moxie than I did. I couldn’t imagine being in her situation and acting so blasé. I’d hide out in Oregon or travel to Italy and stay in a quaint pensione in Florence for six months. Reading A Room with a View was having a bad influence on me. I could book passage on an ocean liner across the Pacific and into the Mediterranean Sea.

  No, even if I were unmarried and pregnant, I wouldn’t leave. Jake needed to support his parents, and I needed to prove I was stable. We’d stay here.

  I’d best keep my thoughts to myself or the bishop would never baptize either of us.

  “Brandy, I’d like you to meet Bishop Harvey,” Ruth said.

  “My goodness. A real bishop? Did you come over to give me a lecture?”

  “Nah. He didn’t even know you existed until ten minutes ago,” Jake said. “He’s here to visit my father.”

  “Nice to meet you, Brandy.” Harvey’s glance slid over to Ruth. “Where is Amos?”

  “In the living room. We weren’t expecting company…”

  I figured she was trying to warn Harvey of Amos’s wretched condition. We straggled into the living room toward his bed. A propane lamp illuminated the space and cast a yellow-white light across Amos’s gaunt face, giving him a ghostly appearance. The head of his bed was raised, and his wiry beard lay off the side of his pillow.

  “Amos, look who’s come to see ya.” Ruth lay her hand on his arm, and he blinked his eyes open and caught sight of me.

  “Eva.” His voice was faint, a mere whisper.

  “Look,” Ruth said, “Bishop Harvey’s come by specially to pay you a call.” But Amos kept his gaze glued to me.

  “Eva.”

  Wanting to defer to Harvey, I paused for a minute. Then I went to Amos’s side and greeted him. “You look gut, Amos. You must be eating.”

  “Yah, he is.” Ruth stood at my side.

  “We mush his food and feed him little bites,” Brandy said. “I’ll be an expert by the time my baby’s a toddler.”

  Ruth sidled up next to her. “Brandy’s been such a fine, gut help.”

  “We’re helping each other.” Brandy rested her head on Ruth’s shoulder. “I wish I’d had a mother like her.”

  “I hope we’re not breaking the Ordnung,” Ruth said to Harvey. “Brandy has nowhere else to go.”

  “Is that true?” Harvey asked, the full force of his attention on Brandy.

  “Yes. My parents are in the middle of an ugly divorce and turned their anger on me. They told me to leave and never come back.” She stroked her abdomen. “Not that I have any right to blame them.”

  “Are there homes for unwed mothers where you’re from?” he said.

  “But couldn’t we keep her here?” Ruth took Brandy’s hand. “She keeps me company. I was planning to ask a midwife to stop by next week.”

  “Yah, go ahead. Maybe a boppli will comfort Amos. Have you spoken to your deacon about it?”

  “Not yet. He’s been sick with a head cold and didn’t want to infect Amos by coming over. I don’t think Deacon Samuel knows anything about Brandy yet. I didn’t myself until Jake showed up. Ach, I hope Bishop Jonathon and our ministers don’t want me to turn Brandy out.”

  “I’ll speak to them on your behalf,” Harvey said. “Jonathon is a fair man, although more conservative than I am.”

  “Brandy has been a great help to me, yet the only thing Amos seems to care about is Eva.” Ruth’s head pivoted toward me. “But the doctors said he may not remember any of this time period when he recovers.”

  “If he recovers,” Jake said, bringing us back to harsh reality.

  THIRTY-SEVEN

  Chauffeuring Harvey to his home, Jake remained quiet. He and Harvey sat in the front, and I sat in the back. I snuggled under a lap blanket to ward off a case of the shivers.

  I speculated as to where Jake’s thoughts lay. On his near comatose father, who might never regain strength? On his stated decision to join the church and marry me? If we had to wait too long to get married, might both of us change our minds?

  Or was Jake still struggling between two monumental choices—staying Englisch or being baptized—and not sure which one was right for him?

  A buggy passed us coming from the other direction. I wondered if the metal clanking of the horse’s hooves sounded to Jake like chiming bells or keys to a prison cell where he’d serve a lifetime sentence. I was still unclear myself. Did I want to live under the stringent laws of the Ordnung for the rest of my life if neither Jake nor Stephen was at my side?

  “On the right.” Harvey pointed to an imposing stone home. Behind it stood a white barn, several outbuildings, and three silos.

  “Your house is elegant,” I said.

  Harvey pointed to a smaller home attached to the corner of the stone house. “Ever since my wife’s death two years ago, I’ve considered moving into the daadi haus, but I still have four dochders living at home. One adult son runs the dairy farm.”

  “This is a beautiful farm.”

  “Much too large for one man. I have my plate full as bishop, and I was grateful my son took over the milking business.”

  Jake drove around the house and rolled to a stop near the back steps to a wraparound porch.

  He unhooked his seat belt, but Harvey stayed put. “We have a bishop’s meeting next month. Both your names have come up many times over the last five or so years. Some of the other bishops may insist on a six-month waiting period after you’re baptized before you can marry.”

  My hand covered my mouth. I hadn’t been paranoid when I thought others were talking about me. “Do all the bishops in the county think I had a child out of wedlock?” I sounded like a squawking hen.

  “Nee. Your aendi’s deacon in Ohio wrote us and explained the situation. We knew you were innocent of that.”

  “You knew, but you never told anyone?” They should have defended me.

  “Your sin has been avoiding joining the church because you were pining over Jake.” He turned in his seat to face me. “Let’s say Jake had married another woman, and you knew he was never coming back. Would you or would you not have joined the church?”

  I felt as if I were on the witness stand under oath. “I’m not sure.”

  Jake shot me a snarly look. “But I didn’t marry. Evie and I are both free and will join the church.”

  “Not so fast. I want to hear from Eva’s lips that she will be obedient for life. When I’m satisfied with both of your commitments, we’ll speak again.”

  I’d waited years and years for this opportunity, but did I really want it?

  Harvey smoothed his beard. “Anything else you two wish to ask? If not, I’ll say farewell. My dochders are expecting me.” He got out of the car and positioned his hat atop his head as he waited for me to get in the front seat.

  “Denki for taking me to see Amos,” he told Jake before shutting my door.

  Jake sat gripping the steering wheel. “Why
did you have to say you weren’t sure?” Jake’s voice reminded me of a serrated knife cutting into a block of ice.

  “You mean, be honest? Are you being honest with me? Will you be content living on an Amish farm without electronic gizmos and a cell phone?”

  “My cell phone summoned the fire department. That fire could have spread to the house.”

  “Yah, I was there. But once you’re baptized, you’ll have to give it up, unless your parents’ deacon, ministers, and bishop suddenly turn ultraliberal.” I watched him work his lower lip. “Well, your bishop isn’t, is he? Not according to Harvey. To the best of my knowledge, your parents have a phone shanty like mine do.”

  I stared into his eyes until he looked away and then piloted the car back onto the road.

  “It all comes down to trust, doesn’t it?” I savored the heat blowing through the vent.

  “Are you trying to say you don’t trust me?” He jammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a deer darting across the road. The seat belt restrained me from flying forward, praise the Lord. A car honked. Jake muttered to the driver behind us and moved us forward.

  “Maybe Harvey’s right about us waiting,” I said.

  “You mean forever?” He took a hard right without using his turn indicator. The car behind us belted out an extended honk but fortunately remained going straight.

  “Please slow down. You’ll get a speeding ticket.”

  “Driving instructions coming from a woman who backed into a police car? You’d never make it in the Englisch world.”

  I realized I hadn’t thanked him for paying to have the squad car repaired, but I was too frazzled to do it now. If I opened my mouth, what might fly out? Something ugly, no doubt. Something final.

  He crunched into the nursery’s parking lot and stopped in the middle. “Good night, then,” he said.

  I let myself out and he sped away, his tires spitting up gravel.

  My ears filled with white noise. I covered them. I stood frozen, my mind replaying the last half hour in fast-forward. I expected Jake to return to his senses—to hang a U-turn and come back to apologize. But he didn’t. Maybe I didn’t really know him. Bishop Harvey was right about my not rushing into marriage with Jake.

  I lurched when a man cleared his throat. I turned to see Mark.

  “You and lover boy having a quarrel?” Sarcasm snaked through his voice. Ach, he’d seen Jake drop me off like a sack of fertilizer.

  “Hi, Mark. What are you doing here so late?” I pretended I hadn’t heard his cynical comment.

  “With such a low staff and fewer workers expected tomorrow, I needed to make sure all the nursery cash registers had been rung up and emptied, among other things. Stephen asked me to be in charge. He took off an hour ago.”

  “I’m sure you’re doing a fine job.” I felt like a bug under the magnified glass of his disapproving scrutiny.

  “You could have had me, you know.” Mark’s hands ran up and down his suspenders.

  “Mark, you’re a fine young man.” And arrogant, so it would seem. “But I didn’t wish to lead you on when I cared for another.”

  “Don’t think I’m going to come groveling after you now. I saw what just happened.”

  I felt mortified, but I decided I was done acting the guilty party. “I wouldn’t expect you to.” Or want it.

  “What would Bishop Harvey say if he saw you alone in a car with Jake?” Behind his benevolent youthful facade, Mark was apparently also judgmental.

  I stayed my voice, and forced my demeanor to act unscathed. I wanted to defend myself and rant about Jake’s uncouth behavior, but there was no need to gossip about myself and make matters worse.

  How I longed to be alone and have a good cry. I turned away from him. “I’m headed to the café to make sure we’re ready to open in the morning. And that the doors are locked properly.”

  “You haven’t done that yet?”

  “Yah, I did, but I want to double-check.” I shivered. “I’ve got to go.” I hurried to the cabin to grab my warm coat as Mark walked away. As I reached my door, Beatrice opened hers.

  “I’m going to check on the café,” I said before she could speak.

  “Eva, would you do me a huge favor and take Heath with you? Not only should you be careful with Ralph on the loose, but Heath is restless and keeps pacing. Stephen told me not to let him run free. He might sneak down to the sheep farm.” She cinched her chenille bathrobe. “Here. I’ll put him on leash.”

  Beatrice clipped on Heath’s leash and held it out. “Please? Otherwise I’ll have to go outside dressed like this.”

  Heath sat at her side until she transferred the leash to my hand. In a burst of energy, he bounded from the porch, pulling me off my feet.

  “Heath!” Beatrice stepped out onto the porch. “You behave, you naughty dog.”

  I knelt and then struggled to my feet as Heath continued tugging. I had the oddest notion he was beckoning me to follow him. Now I wished Mark hadn’t left, even if he chided me. Or Stephen. And Jake was long gone. Jake had shown me he didn’t really love me. I needed to accept the truth.

  I allowed Heath to lead me to the café. He whimpered. “No dogs allowed inside,” I told him as I tied the leash to a post by the door. I slid in the key, unlocked the door, and cracked it.

  An arm wearing a wool shirt slid around my neck, cutting off my air supply. I struggled as a man walked me inside and closed the door behind us. As he exhaled, the warm, foul odor of alcohol made me gag.

  He loosened his grip enough for me to see grubby Englisch clothes. “Ralph?” I gasped for air and coughed.

  “Yeah. It’s me, honey.”

  “How did you get away from the fire?” My voice was raspy.

  “A window in the loft in the nick of time, not that you really care.” He loosened his choke hold, but I was still his captive. No one would hear me scream if I could even get the sound out.

  As my heart beat triple time, I admonished myself to remain calm. “I’m glad you’re okay. Really, I am.”

  “Oh, yeah? Then let’s you and me have a little fun.” His grin exposed crooked yellow teeth. “How’s about a little smooch?”

  “Nee, I can’t.” I recoiled as he turned me toward him. He pulled off my kapp and tossed it to the floor.

  “Too good for me? I hate you Amish. Always think you’re too good for the rest of us. When I was young, I had the biggest crush on an Amish girl…” His words were garbled. “She wouldn’t even give me a second look, like I was beneath her. You’re all like that.”

  Outside, Heath barked, a muffled sound as if he were in a fish tank, confirming that no one would hear our voices. I prayed in my head to the Lord to save me.

  The door blew open, and Heath barged in, followed by Jake.

  His hackles raised, the dog growled and bared his teeth.

  Jake stopped dead in his tracks. “Hey, Ralph. You’re okay.” Jake seemed to be containing seething anger.

  “No thanks to you.” Ralph’s words were slurred. Heath rushed forward, menacing Ralph.

  “Get that mutt away from me.” Ralph reached out, grabbed a butcher knife off the counter, and held the blade to my neck. “Jake, control that animal or your girlfriend is dead meat.” The words bulleted into my brain, exploding. I wondered if I’d be in the newspaper again—in the obituaries. I thought of my parents.

  Heath rushed over and bit Ralph’s ankle. Ralph yowled, his knife-wielding arm swinging out. “Get that dog away from me!”

  Jake sprinted over and yanked me out of Ralph’s hold.

  With agility, Jake kicked the knife out of Ralph’s hand and allowed Heath to corner the man while he called 9-1-1.

  “I’m going to tell the police you lit the barn on fire,” Ralph said in slurred words. “I’ll tell them what really happened. How I barely got out with my life when you trapped me up in the loft.”

  “You’re drunk.” Jake pulled out a chair. “Sit down and shut up.”

  Ralph thudded onto the cha
ir and bent at the waist until his head rested on his hands.

  Jake turned to me. “Are you okay, Evie?”

  “Just shaken up.” My legs trembled.

  Hackles raised, the dog kept his gaze latched onto Ralph.

  “Evie, sorry about the way I acted,” Jake said. “Like a jerk.”

  “I’m glad you came back.” I was still trembling. “Denki.”

  By the time two officers arrived, Ralph had sobered up enough to give them an earful about how Jake and I had burned down the barn across the road and how we’d attempted to kill him just now. “Tried to slash me with a knife.” He pointed toward Heath. “Sicced that dog on me.”

  Jake crossed his arms and shook his head. “No way.”

  I stepped forward. “I’m the manager of the café. Ralph grabbed me when I opened the door, and then he held a knife to my neck. The fire chief will want to question him about that barn fire.”

  “They tried to burn me alive” were Ralph’s last words as an officer escorted him to his squad car.

  I took Heath’s leash from Jake. Heath knew I belonged here, and I trusted him. I wished I possessed complete trust in Jake.

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  The next morning the rumble of diesel engines woke me. My clock by the bed declared it was six o’clock. I arose and peeked out the window to see clear skies. The sunrise was turning the world golden. Soon its glorious warmth would dry the mud left over from the fire hoses.

  I hoped last night’s ghastly scene at the nursery would evaporate from my thoughts. My muddled mind flipped through the events as if reading a book. Jake leaving me in the parking lot, Mark’s negative remarks, meeting up with Ralph—who wanted to kiss me of all disgusting things. Then he threatened to kill me. I abhorred violence, but I could have been a victim of his drunken wrath.

  Jake had returned and saved me. Or would Ralph have eventually stumbled out the back door with Heath nipping his heels? My mind was muddled.

  I wasn’t ready to see Jake yet. I imagined the many activities I’d missed as I’d waited for his return. Years and years of my life wasted as if walking on a treadmill going nowhere. But I would not miss at least some of the barn raising on his account. He might not even show up.