Starting from Scratch

by Kate Lloyd

  Brandy spoke to me over her shoulder. “She’s got a full tummy, so I hope she sleeps the whole way home. Maybe we can come back next month. Or you can visit us. Jake could drive you.”

  “Where will you be living?” I asked.

  “At our oldest sister’s,” Jeff said, buckling his seat belt. “Cindy’s been lamenting that her four kids—ages twelve to nineteen—are growing up too quickly. One’s away at college, leaving a spare bedroom. Their house is a rambler that goes on forever. Plenty of room and a built-in babysitter.”

  “Cindy kept her crib and all her kids’ clothing for when she’s a grandma. She’s spending today getting everything ready for us.”

  “She’s real excited,” Jeff said. “Says she can’t wait.”

  I imagined Brandy’s little one crying in the middle of the night and wondered how long her enthusiasm would last.

  “Is she married?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Brandy said. “Her husband’s a big old teddy bear. He said he don’t mind. The more the merrier. He’ll go along with the program as long as his wife’s happy.”

  I gave little Eva one last looking over. “Brandy, please keep in touch.” I dreaded shortening the visit, but I didn’t want the baby to get cold. And Jeff seemed ready to leave.

  “Of course,” Brandy said.

  “Please wait just a moment.” I got out, dashed into the retail store, and grabbed a piece of stationery and an envelope. Coming around to Brandy’s window I handed her the paper. “You can write me at this address. The café’s telephone number is printed on here too. And please do call me anytime.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “And send me a photo, okay?”

  “I thought Amish can’t have photographs.”

  “She’s not Amish, now is she?”

  “No. I assure you, neither of her parents is Amish.”

  I stood for a few minutes, watching them leave the parking lot. I wanted to help Brandy, but maybe I’d done all I could. I tried to recall the baby’s sweet scent, but already the aroma was being replaced by the exhaust of a nearby SUV, its back hatch full of shrubs.

  When I returned to the café, the phone was ringing. Sadie swiped up the receiver and then held it out to me.

  “A call for you, Evie. I think it’s Jake,” she whispered as she handed it to me.

  “Did you see little Eva?” Jake asked me the instant I answered.

  “Yes. She’s adorable.” I missed her already.

  “The most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen,” he said. “But then we haven’t seen ours yet.”

  “Ours? You mean yours and mine?”

  “You don’t hope to marry Stephen, do you, Evie?”

  “Nee, I suppose not.”

  “Gut, because you and I should get married and start our own family immediately. I can’t wait. How about you?”

  “Hold on. You mean get baptized first, don’t you?”

  “I don’t want to wait six or more months the way Bishop Harvey insists. He isn’t even a bishop in my district. Let’s get married by a justice of the peace tonight and then get baptized later.” His voice was exuberant, full of self-assurance.

  “Are you sure we can do that?” I’d never heard of it. And did I really want to embark on a merry-go-round marriage?

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “For one thing, I’m going to Bishop Harvey’s house for supper later today.”

  “What? Are you pulling my leg?”

  “Nee. He wants me to meet his family.”

  “You know what that means, don’t you?” Jake sputtered. “He wants to court you. Right under my nose, that dear, kindly bishop is trying to steal you away.”

  “I have no idea what he wants. I think his dochders talked him into the invitation.”

  “But finally, we can be together. Forever. And live right here with my parents, who already love you like their own dochder.”

  “I’ll think about it. But not this evening because I have other plans.”

  “I forbid you to go.”

  “Ha, that’s a laugh. You are not my husband, nor my minister, deacon, or bishop, and you have no say over how I spend my time or with whom.”

  “But Harvey’s an old man. Probably too old to have or want more children. He’s a fine man, but no doubt set in his ways. And you’re too young to throw in the towel.”

  I wasn’t going to make things easy for Jake anymore. I cupped my mouth with my hand. “Jake, if you really want to marry me so much, you’ll have to wait.”

  “Please promise me you won’t commit yourself to Harvey or Stephen. I know you won’t because you don’t love either of them. Am I right?”

  Sadie was emptying the cases and storing the leftover food in the refrigerator. She rolled her eyes at me.

  “Jake, I need to get back to work. I told Sadie she could leave early.”

  “If you don’t promise me, I’m going to drive over there right now.” I could hear exasperation expanding Jake’s voice, like bubbles rising to the surface.

  Two Englisch couples entered carrying bags from the retail shop, followed by two Amish women.

  “Customers are arriving, and it’s almost three,” I told Jake. “I need to show them how to serve themselves coffee and tea. And how to pay.” My patience with his demands were vaporizing like drops of water in a hot skillet. “Please don’t come here” were my final words to him.

  The two Amish women were already pouring themselves tea and leaving money, while Beatrice gave the Englisch couple directions as they begged for pastries. She broke down and sold them each a muffin. Then she covered the glass case from view.

  “When will I learn to say no in a way that people believe me?” I asked Beatrice as she and I finally closed the café’s kitchen. Sadie and Annie bustled around straightening and washing.

  “I could have put Harvey’s dinner invitation off for a week, and I should have.” Stress was invading me.

  She glanced back at me and batted her eyes. “So what are you going to do?”

  “I can’t not go with Harvey when he comes to fetch me.”

  “Why not? Tell him you have a headache.”

  “Not so far from the truth. My temples are pounding. But I can’t lie to a bishop.”

  “Then tell him the truth. You’ve changed your mind. Women do that all the time.”

  “Not to a bishop, they don’t. I couldn’t.”

  “He’s only asked you to come for supper. Maybe his daughters really do want to meet you, and it means nothing more.”

  “Then why haven’t they come in here to the café? Doesn’t everyone in the county know where I work and every detail of my life?” The image of me on the front of the newspaper flitted through my mind.

  She scrutinized my eyes. “I see no happiness on your face. Do you not care for Harvey at all?”

  “Yah, as a friend, and I respect him as a mentor and spiritual leader. But he’s as old as my dat.”

  “About my age, probably.” She clucked. “You said you were going to his house for supper, so go already. Otherwise you’ll never know.”

  “He told me not to dress up.”

  “Suddenly you care how you look?”

  “Ach, none of my kapps are pressed, and I don’t have an iron. Mark’s sister Susie was going to help me out, but I didn’t think to ask her today.”

  “We have an iron in the laundry room in the basement.”

  “But I assume it’s electric.”

  “I wonder how Edna used to press her kapps. Who knows? A nonelectric one might be waiting for you down there. Or I’ll press one for you myself. Now, are you satisfied? You’re not headed to a church service or a wedding.”

  “You’re right. Maybe I should look like a slob. He’ll be disappointed and his dochders will disapprove.”

  “In other words, they’d be making up your mind for you. Honestly, Eva, you need to make your own choices and stop relying on other people’s opinions. I speak from experience.” She glanced to the c
eiling, as if remembering the past. “You’re not the only one who’s been the subject of gossip and ridicule. I was miserable in high school. Bottom line, I was chubby and never thought anyone would date me. But then I met my soul mate, who said he adored me exactly as I was. So when he asked me to elope, I said sure.

  “As you can imagine, when my parents’ attorney annulled my marriage, I was devastated and again the subject of gossip.” She expelled a sigh and her shoulders rounded. “Everywhere I went, heads turned. I was so embarrassed and belittled that I allowed my parents to force me to marry a man I didn’t even know, let alone love.”

  “But it all turned out for the best, yah?”

  “Eventually. Although I’ve often wondered what would’ve happened if I’d simply refused to obey my parents. How different my life would be if I’d stayed married to…”

  “Will you tell me his name?” I asked.

  “I’d better not, as he could stop by.”

  “Seriously? He’d come here?”

  She shrugged, but her face brightened up, and she looked ten years younger. “We attended a small high school, so many have kept in touch, especially with our quarterly newspaper.” She nibbled her lower lip. “In it I read his wife passed away last year. Of course, I was sad to hear of her death, and yet surprised and pleased when he contacted me and said he wanted to get together. For old time’s sake.”

  “Well? What did you say?”

  “I said yes, but he told me he’d be out of town on business for several weeks. I didn’t tell you about that when we talked about him before, but that was more than a month ago. I haven’t heard from him. It would have probably come to nothing anyway.”

  The image of Beatrice in a wedding gown sent me for a loop. Would she remarry before I married for the first time?

  “Now you know my secret. Please promise not to tell anyone as I don’t want to be the subject of more ridicule if he never shows up. I only told you my story because I wanted you to know I can empathize with you.” She removed her apron and tossed it into our laundry hamper. “Now I’ll go down to the basement and look through our irons.”

  “I have a clean kapp in the cabin.”

  “If you don’t mind my going in there, I’ll get it,” she said.

  “Of course I don’t mind if it’s not too much trouble.”

  She stared out through the glass. “Oh my. Looks as though you have another visitor.”

  Harvey sauntered through the café’s front door as Sadie and Annie slipped out before the end of their shifts. His grin expanded when he saw me.

  “Hello, Harvey. I wasn’t expecting you this early.” I flattened my apron, but no use in trying to improve my appearance after a day’s work. I was wiped out and must look it.

  “I was wondering if we could stroll through the nursery,” he said. “I’m looking for a gift. Is it true you sell flowering plants in the greenhouses?”

  “Yah, so many beautiful flowers and shrubs, but I know little about them. I can get someone to help you.”

  “But it’s you I came to see.”

  “Why?” I blurted out.

  “To get to know you better.” I must have looked startled because he added, “And talk about your baptism. Classes will start soon.”

  “Would Olivia Beiler be allowed to take them with me?”

  “She is welcome, although her parents are in the same district as yours, and they’ve graciously taken her back to live with them. I was most thankful to hear she’s returned to the fold. The Englisch world tempted the poor girl away. I heard she cut her hair for what she thought was a generous act, but that’s the least of her transgressions. She has much confessing and repenting to do.”

  “Maybe I should join in that district too.” But I didn’t plan to move home unless I lost this job. My life was a whirlwind of uncertainties.

  “That would be a long drive.”

  I noticed a man walking by lugging a potted rosebush, budding but not blooming. I kept expecting Jake to barge in and make a scene. If he did, Harvey might never let him join the church, and then what? I decided the sooner Harvey and I left, the better.

  “I should go back to my cabin and change my clothes for supper,” I said.

  “No need, really. You look perfect as you are.”

  “But at least a clean apron. And Beatrice has kindly offered to iron a clean kapp.”

  “No need to change a thing, Eva. That is, if you decide to come home with me for supper.”

  “Yah, I accept your invitation.”

  “As I said, by the end of the day everyone will be dressed casually.”

  “Even on a Saturday evening?” I didn’t buy his story. “If you have dochders in rumspringa, they might be all spruced up to go out with their friends or beaus.”

  “They’d better not, as this get-together was their idea.” He cleared his throat. “And I agreed it was a gut one.”

  Through the glass wall, I saw a young Amish fellow pushing a wheelbarrow.

  “You have a wistful expression on your face,” Harvey said.

  “In truth, I’d rather be working out in the nursery than in here.” I thought he might quote a proverb about learning to be content where God plants you. But he smiled back as though he found me delightful.

  “Many young women would envy you. For instance, one of my dochders loves to cook more than anything.”

  “Is she looking for a job?” Maybe one of his daughters had an ulterior motive for meeting me. “She could fill out an application in case one of my girls quits.” I would not be surprised if Sadie and Mark announced their intention to wed, or if Annie found a higher-paying job or enrolled in school. Or if we got plain old too busy, which I supposed was an oxymoron.

  “I’ll let her know,” he said. “I hope my invitation hasn’t made you anxious.”

  I realized I was wrapping my kapp’s string around my index finger. Tighter and tighter, until my fingertip ached. I tried to appear nonchalant as I released my digit. “Ach, I guess I am nervous. Am I in some kind of trouble?” Maybe Harvey had heard about my driving Jake’s automobile and backing into Wayne’s patrol car. “Is that why you wish to speak to me?”

  “Not in the slightest.” He rested his chin on his knuckles. “I’m extending a welcome to you to our district, and I hope you’ll feel comfortable attending church in the future. Tomorrow is a nonpreaching Sunday. Maybe you’d feel more comfortable meeting my family during the day.”

  “I might go to church with my parents tomorrow if I can borrow the mare and buggy. I should have thought to ask Stephen earlier in the day.”

  The phone in the kitchen jangled. I ignored the intrusion, but the ringing continued relentlessly. It finally fell silent.

  As Harvey and I entered the nearest greenhouse, he read the sign aloud. “Tropical Plants. Sounds interesting.” The air was warm and moist. We were embraced with the ambrosia of gardenias.

  “I could spend my whole day in here. When I take a break, I often wander through the greenhouses.” I took a leap of courage and asked, “Did your wife enjoy gardening?”

  “Yah, very much. She could name each flower and bush in her garden.”

  “That is my goal, someday. For now, I only know the more common varieties.” We strolled past pots of African violets and orchids.

  “Plus she grew pumpkins, cucumbers, and gourds. Not a space left open.”

  In a bold moment I asked, “Do you miss her?”

  “Yah, I do.” His upper lip trembled, but he steadied it. “I’m grateful for my children and grandchildren, but they don’t take the place of a spouse. A man gets lonely.” I waited for him to expound, to elaborate, but he said nothing.

  “Do you think one woman can take the place of another?” The greenhouse turned silent. What was I thinking, asking such a personal question of a bishop? I imagined he had helped many widows survive the loss of their spouses. Even after some gruesome tragedies.

  “Her death was Gott’s will. If the Lord selects another
spouse for me, I must obey.” His eyes turned jovial. “Or puts one in my path and allows me to do the selecting.”

  “Even if you don’t love her?”

  “What makes you think I wouldn’t love her, or at least find her attractive?”

  To give myself something to do, I picked up an African violet and removed a broken leaf and shriveled flower. “I’d like one of these for my parents’ window.”

  “Then I shall purchase it for you. I told you I was looking for a gift.”

  I was left speechless as I weighed the implications.

  “When you come over to our house, you can see the flower garden, although it’s not in bloom yet.” He was changing the subject, perhaps for the best. “Of course, you’ll have to wait a few months to see the bounteous blooms. My dochders have started weeding it, but there’s much to be done. They want to keep it beautiful in their mamm’s honor.”

  “I can imagine so.” Always, she would come first.

  “In truth, our marriage got off to a rocky start. I don’t know what I was expecting. That somehow she’d read my mind and fulfill all my wishes.” He gazed across the length of the greenhouse. “Almost immediately we were awaiting our first child, and my wife was sick day and night. My mamm assured me morning sickness is common, but I grew to resent her and the baby, who was born with colic. And then another child arrived right on its heels.” His beard wagged as he shook his head.

  “My wife and I were both shocked and saddened when someone nominated me for minister and I was chosen by lot. In the blink of an eye, I had two full-time jobs. That was in your parents’ district, but it was bursting, beyond capacity with more than two hundred people. We had to split. That was when you were so young you wouldn’t have remembered me anyway. And then, after the split, much to our disappointment and horror, the Lord chose me to replace the elderly bishop with heart problems. I know now we were being selfish, but my wife and I both cried that day.” One side of his mouth curved into a smile. “I remember the looks of relief on the other men’s faces. Their pats of condolence on my back.”

  We were skirting the issue, but I didn’t dare come right out and ask him what his plans were. Was he set on remarrying in the near future? Marrying season was in the fall and winter, after the crops had been harvested. But I’d heard widowers could marry anytime.