The Lies We Believe

by Eden Rose

  Every day I look down at the scars on my hips and remember the floating feeling of my pain disappearing. It’s a verboten experience in the manner of me causing myself pain and then having the pain inside taken away.

  Every single time that I have looked at the silvery scars on my hips, I remember how easy it would be to press a blade into my skin and allow it to take me away. Take me someplace else where I don’t have to hear the words broken ribs. That is enough to make me scream.

  For fuck’s sake.

  “Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”

  No, I really don’t understand anything because I was too busy throwing myself a pity party to listen.

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention to what you were saying. I’m so sorry.” I’m not fucking sorry. He’s pissing me off by talking to me as if I’m a child. I could only imagine how frustrated he is with me for not paying attention.

  He takes a deep breath and then looks down at his papers. “Audrey, I understand that what you went through was traumatic but we need to discuss how else you could have been hurt.”

  “I was not raped. They’d never touched me like that.” I rub my hands over my bump and then squeeze gently. There were many nights that I would have done something dramatic to even the playing field between myself and Liz. I was so tempted to drill a knife or a fork through her neck and watch her bleed to death. I wanted to. I never did though. How could I have been sure that it would have killed her?

  Plus, her goons were always breathing heavily on her.

  “Well, that’s good. I would like to know how long these bruises and breaks were left untreated. That would give me a better idea as to how to help you.”

  “Months?” I question and then look at the charts that are hanging around the room. The only reason why I had any idea what was happening and how long I was at her place was because she got off on telling it.

  What I would like to know is if there is a way to burn these images from my mind.

  I see the doctor is looking at his notes and then comes over towards me where I’m laying down. “You have broken ribs and your arm has been broken. I have a feeling that you have several other injuries that I can’t examine due to you being pregnant. Do you want to see your baby?”

  “Yes,” I blurt out and not even think about Damien.

  “Do you want me to call anyone over here to see your baby?”

  “No, not really…”

  The doctor pats my leg and then walks away from me. “I will give you a few moments to decide while I get an ultrasound technician in here to hook you all up. Audrey, I will tell you that I know that you went through something very serious, but it’s important that you don’t block everyone out. I don’t know what happened in it’s entirety, but don’t push out your husband.”

  Before I could say anything, he has left and I’m staring at the doorway that he vacated. Damn it. He’s right. I need Damien in my life and I know that it’s not his fault. I can’t punish him for what happened with Liz before me.

  I press the button next to me to get the nurse’s attention. As she comes into the room, I have tears rolling down my face.

  “Audrey, sweetie, what’s wrong?” She rushes over to the side of my bed and brushes the hair off the side of my swollen face.

  My words are slurred from crying and the pain that I’m feeling but I manage to get the words out just right. “I need my husband. His name is Damien Alexander.”

  “Sure, sweetie. I will get him right now for you.”

  Damien

  My hand is throbbing and I cup it in my other hand. I have no one else to blame for the fact that I’m the one that fucking punched a wall with it.

  “It’s broken. You know that right?” Liz says to me as she crosses her arms over her chest.

  “I’m sorry. Jesus. I’m just fucking everything up. First, I get my wife kidnapped and now I’m… God damn it. I’m so sorry, Liz.”

  She shakes her head and then reaches her hand out and puts it on my hand. “I know you are going through a hard time and I know it’s hard for you. But you need to get it through your head that this doesn’t have anything to do with you. Liz has been a crazy fucking bitch for a while and I know that you are blaming yourself. Now, figure out your shit and go claim your wife back!”

  “Damien Alexander?”

  Both Liz and I look over my shoulders and see a shorter but round woman with a clipboard in her hands. Oh god. What if something happened to the baby? What if something happened to her while I was gone? Fuck! I can’t do anything right.

  “Yes?” I ask and then approach the nurse. “I’m Damien.”

  “Your wife would like you to come to her room. They are about to do an ultrasound on the baby and she wants you to be there. Follow me please.”

  I don’t even hesitate and I follow her. “Is Audrey okay?” I ask mainly because I need to get my emotions under control before I barge in there thinking something’s wrong.

  “She just wanted you to be there for looking at the baby for the first time.”

  By the time we get to her room, I see Audrey laying on the bed, in the same position as before but with with tears in her eyes. “My lovely, what’s wrong?” I ask her as I approach cautiously. I need to make sure that I don’t stress her out but I’m still mad that she forced me to leave her.

  “I just want you to see our baby.”

  The ultrasound technician is already set up and was waiting for me to come into the room before she started examining Audrey. I could tell that Audrey was nervous about seeing the baby and I was too.

  “Do you want a boy or a girl?” The female technician asks. She has long red hair that is tied together on the side of her face. Her eyes are hidden behind big frame glasses and I would say she looks more cute than anything else. She’s probably about my age with only a couple of wrinkles around her eyes.

  “We can see that today?” I ask her. My hands are all over Audrey’s stomach and I can’t help it. I need to be able to feel her stomach so I can know that this is real. That I’m not imagining it.

  “Do you want to know?”

  Audrey’s looking at me and then at the baby that’s tucked away. “I want to know… Do you want to know?”

  “Of course.” Truthfully, I wanted her to keep looking at me like this opposed to how she was glaring at me before. Before, she was looking at me as if I was the one that created childhood hunger. It was awful. I don’t know if I can ever forget the look of poor hatred that was on her face as she looked at me.

  “We want to know,” Audrey confirms and looks at the technician.

  I watch helplessly as all of the tests are done and I am staring at Audrey’s face as it lights up with happiness. She grasps my hand without even knowing that she’s doing it and squeezes.

  “That’s our baby!”

  My heart restricts and then contracts against the bloodflow that it is battling. It’s true. That’s our baby and I can see the heartbeat fluttering away in his chest.

  All of my life I never imagined that I would be a father. Hell, I never imagined that I would be a husband who actually cared about another human being as much as I cared for Audrey. I don’t know what this means, the restriction in my heart, but I think that it might have something to do with the fact that I’m truly in love with what is happening right now.

  I’m one hundred percent gone for this woman who is carrying our child.

  Audrey

  I feel like the biggest asshole as I have tears rolling down my cheeks as I stare at the heartbeat and the blob of our baby. Why do I feel like an asshole? Because I pushed Damien away for something that he didn’t do.

  “Well, Mommy and Daddy, it looks like you are having… a GIRL!”

  My heart explodes with happiness as I look at the picture on the screen closer. Being in the medical field, I had to take a course on ultrasound technology but that doesn’t make me an expert.

  Damien leans over my body and kisses me on
the lips gently. “Thank you, baby. Thank you so much for giving me a baby. I love you.”

  We had never exchanged I love yous before I was taken. Hell, we never even stated that we had real feelings for each other, so it’s nice to hear that he does care for me.

  “I love you, too.”

  “So, Mom and Dad, are you ready to find out how far along you are?”

  “Yes!” Damien exclaims and as I look up at him, I notice that he has tears running down his face.

  I bring up the hand that is still good and cup his cheek. “It’s going to be okay. Don’t cry.”

  After the technician pushes the probe into my stomach more, she clicks a few buttons on the screen and then prints off some pictures. “You better go and buy some pink stuff. Your baby is seven months old.”

  Both Damien and I gasp at the same time. “We have two months?”

  “Yep. That’s what it looks like. I’m going to send in the baby doctor in a moment to discuss with you some limitations and everything. Congratulations, Mom and Dad. You have a healthy baby girl on her way.”

  “Holy shit. I don’t know what happened to you while you were gone. I know that we have a lot to talk about, baby. I just can’t even think of anything besides happiness that you kept our baby safe the whole time you were gone. I’m so sorry that this happened and I promise that I will make everything right. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

  It’s my turn for the water works to be turned on and I cry harder than before. I cry because Damien missed out on the moment that I found out that I was pregnant. I cry because I know that Damien would have wanted to be there for me and our baby. I cry because those are seven months that he missed out on.

  But then I cry because he’s able to be here and see our baby for the first time on the screen. I know that he’s excited and nervous about our upcoming addition, but I couldn’t be more happy.

  “I love you, Damien. I meant it. I know that I’m a bitch and I’m so sorry for pushing you away.”

  “If you say that kind of shit again, I’m going to kick your ass.”

  I smirk a little and then wink at him. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

  He climbs into bed with me and begins to brush my hair with his fingers. It’s snarly and nasty from the lack of conditioner that I have had available to me.

  Damien groans as I lay my head on his chest and he wraps an arm around my back to pull me closer to him. I appreciate that he stopped the pretence of trying to brush out my hair. It’s no use and it’s a rat’s nest.

  The doctor strolls in about a few minutes later when I’m almost asleep. The stress from the past six months and the comfort of being with Damien, have caught up to me. I’m finally comfortable and I feel as if I’m going to be okay. It’s a fucking awesome feeling.

  “Did she just fall asleep?” The doctor asks Damien.

  Damien whispers: “Yes. Sorry. She’s had a lot going on and I’m going to let her sleep. Do you mind telling me what you were going to tell her? I want to make sure that I understand how to help her.”

  “I suppose I could let you know what’s going on. The baby seems healthy. I don’t see too much in the way of complications with her heart or growth.”

  “That’s amazing news. Thank you!” I yell out.

  Damien chuckles and then looks down at me through the side of his eyes. “Do you ever not eavesdrop?”

  “When it deals with my baby, you better believe that I’m going to be all over that.”

  “There’s a but, isn’t there?” Liz says as she walks through the room.

  My heart is jump started at seeing my best friend for the first time in six months. She looks the same as she did before but today she looks tired. I could tell that the stress of my not being there has really taken a toll on her.

  “Who is this?” The doctor asks and looks her up and down. I can tell by the lazy smile that he’s thinking she’s gorgeous. And it’s true. She’s a beautiful woman.

  I would probably hate her if she wasn’t my best friend.

  “There is a small but. Due to the fact that you had no prenatal care and the state of your health, I have to strongly suggest that you go on bedrest until the baby is born.”

  I open my mouth to disagree, but Damien speaks over me. “That’s a great idea. I think that she needs to rest and get her health back in order before she goes back to work or anything.”

  “I agree,” Liz says and crosses her arms over her chest to show that she means business.

  I glare at her the best I could with the state of my bruised face. “Bitch,” I murmur under my breath.

  Damien

  “My lovely, I know that things are hard right now and you are going through a lot. I just need to know what happened. Please, don’t shut me out and act as if it’s no big deal. What happened to you is a very big fucking deal.”

  We have been in the hospital for four days and they are doing observations on Audrey to make sure that there isn’t anything else wrong with her. Due to the fact that she had zero prenatal care or vitamins, the doctor is worried that there are some underlying problems with the baby. To be honest, I would rather her be safe than sorry.

  Plus, after everything that we have been through, we are finally at a decent place. That decent place doesn’t need to be rocked by something stupid happening.

  “Damien… Are you sure you want to hear about what happened? I don’t want this shit in your head. You don’t need to be thinking about this every day.”

  I brush my hand up and down her arm in light touches to help ease some of the hurt that she’s feeling inside. “I know you think it’s too much, but I need to know what happened.”

  “When I left you that day after we… had sex for the last time, I was driving down the road and someone ran me off the road. It was so scary because I totalled the car and everything. I had no idea what was going on or what was happening. All I knew was Liz had something to do with it.”

  “Go on,” I encourage her lightly.

  “At first, she kept me in a room and made me watch videos.”

  “What kind of videos?”

  “Uh… It was of you two… having sex.”

  I’m mortified that Liz would force my wife to watch movies of me having sex with someone else. It’s no wonder that she didn’t want to be around me. I don’t blame her at all. “I’m so fucking sorry, Audrey. I’m so god damned sorry.”

  “You didn’t know me then. There’s no reason for me to hold it against you.”

  “Yeah, but you didn’t need to watch it.”

  “No, I didn’t need to watch it and I don’t even want to know why you had so many different things to hit someone.”

  Oh god! She made her watch the movie where I learned how to pleasure someone through pain. “God damn.”

  Audrey shakes her head gently and then says: “I’m not going to lie to you, that was the worst thing that she did. It was awful seeing you with someone else. It was awful hearing you call her names of endearment and watching you fuck her. I hated it.”

  “She didn’t mean anything to me. I promise. She never meant a fraction of what you mean to me.”

  “I know. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt though. Then it started to get worse emotionally. She started calling me names and beating me up when I refused to acknowledge what she was saying. I didn’t want her to know that she was getting to me but I knew she had cameras in the room.”

  “How did you escape?” I ask her cautiously.

  Audrey takes a deep breath and then rubs her belly gently. I place my hand on the bump as well and squeeze. “It was a little after one in the afternoon when a man came in with a hood in his hands and he handed it to me.”

  Audrey

  “Put the hood on,” the guy demands as he tosses it at me.

  I’m in so much pain right now that it’s hard for me to move to grab the hood that comes flowing past me. “What now?” I question and just hold onto it. No matter what, Liz is going to find some
reason to beat me up. She’s going to find some reason to make me feel like shit so she can show me how much better she is than me.

  After being here for so long and not being able to talk to anyone, I’m beginning to think she’s right.

  “Did you want out of here or are you going to let Liz do what she’s wanting to do? I guarantee you that she will kill you and steal your baby. I know that she’s insane.”

  “What’s the point?” I blubber and then cover my face with my hands. I know that nothing else matters and it’s the end for me.