Slowly, we all drifted back toward the picnic blanket where lunch was waiting. Everyone except for me and Austin.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you something, but it’s been hard to get a moment with just the two of us,” he said as he helped me to my feet.
My muscles felt tight, and my legs were already beginning to stiffen up. I groaned at the soreness and stretched down to touch my toes. “I feel like an old lady.” I turned to look at him. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Well...um...” Austin rubbed the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed. He glanced around as if making sure no one else was around. “You know that problem I have...the one that, well—”
“The one that’s kept us from boning this entire time? Yes, I’m familiar with it.” I grinned at him and watched him squirm with embarrassment. It was fun to see how embarrassed he got when we talked about sex stuff.
“R-right, well, over the last few weeks, it’s been getting a lot better.” He took a deep breath and smiled. “It’s not so tight anymore, and I think I’m finally at the point where I’ll be able to do stuff without any pain.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, not wanting to get my hopes up. “I don’t want to force you into anything before you’re ready. We’ve gone this long without sex. We can wait a little longer if you need to.”
“No, I’m sure.” He took both of my hands in his and held them to his chest. “In fact, I’m so sure that I already booked a room for us.”
“A room?” I frowned and cocked my head. “Where?”
“I wanted to give you the night you should’ve had at the winter formal.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper.
I felt my throat tighten as I looked over the reservation confirmation for the same hotel that the dance was held at.
I looked up at him and felt a surge of emotion flood my heart. “Oh Austin,” I said, throwing my arms around his neck. “This...I wasn’t expecting this.”
He slipped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze. “I love you, Kim. I want our first time together to be as special as you are.”
“You’re such a dork,” I said as I leaned back and looked him in the eye. “It’ll be special no matter where we are.”
“Okay, cool. I’ll just cancel the reservation then.” He chuckled and grabbed the paper from my hand. “Maybe I can get my deposit back.”
“Not so fast.” I swatted at his hand and jumped back, keeping the paper out of reach. “I didn’t say I didn’t like the idea. It’s really sweet, actually. You put a lot of thought into it.” I stepped back toward him and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you, Austin.”
“Will you two please hurry up?” Liz shouted from the direction of the picnic basket. “Maddie won’t let us eat until everyone’s here.”
I laughed and shoved him back. “I guess we’ll finish this later.”
Austin took my hand and we started walking. “Did you have fun today?”
I leaned against his side and wrapped both hands around his bicep. “More than you know.”
31
“Are you ready?” Austin asked as he closed the door to our hotel room. “Because I’m not sure I can wait any longer.”
I grinned over my shoulder as I dropped my bag on the floor and approached the bed. “I’ve been ready ever since you picked me up.” I let my long coat fall to the ground and revealed the racy lingerie I was wearing underneath.
“That’s all you’ve had on?” Austin stepped toward me, his faced flushed. I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or aroused.
My heart was racing like it was my first time too. Somehow, the fact that I was with Austin made everything feel new again.
“Well?” I sat on the edge of the bed and crossed my legs. “What are you waiting for?”
“R-right, sorry...” Austin stepped toward me wearing just his boxers. “I...I just...what do I do?”
“Come here.” I held out my hand and coaxed him to me. “Come sit beside me.”
He was fidgeting with his shorts as he took a seat.
“Relax, babe.” I leaned up and gently kissed his lips. “There’s nothing at all to worry about.”
Once we started kissing, things quickly increased in intensity. Austin was shy at first, but his hormones and kicked in and he loosened up. His arms curled around me, pulling me close as the heat of my mouth opened to him. Our tongues danced as we fell back onto the bed, entangled in each other’s arms.
I could feel myself growing aroused and ready for him, but I didn’t want to rush him. I wanted to enjoy every minute of this.
“I love you.” Austin breathed against my neck before he slowly pulled away from me. “I really love you, Kim.”
“I love you too.” I watched with rapt attention as he slid off the bed and slid off his boxers. His body was every bit as delicious as I’d imagined it to be. Despite the pain I felt previously, I was grateful we hadn’t slept together during the winter formal. All that time apart, lusting and longing for him, had made this moment all the sweeter. And now, I was sure of my feelings too. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. I’m not sure I ever would’ve found that certainty if we’d been able to have sex that night.
Once he was bare, he slowly undressed me. There wasn’t much left to remove, but his hands were trembling, so it took a few minutes to get the strappy one-piece off me. I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I enjoyed the attention. His halting uncertainty, the way he stopped and sought my approval with every motion was sweet and endearing. That was something that wouldn’t last long, but I loved it. The more we were together, the more confident he would become, and the less I would have to lead.
Right now, however, I was happy with his inexperience. Every movement was just as important to him as it was to me.
When our naked bodies finally were entwined, I don’t think I’d ever felt so fulfilled. The heat of his skin against mine, the gentle throbbing as I adjusted to having him inside of me, the feeling of his breath on my neck, was all new to me.
New and perfect.
I let him take his time to get adjusted to the sensations, and once he was ready, he began to move together with me. I clung to him, calling his name and encouraging him to push us both to the heights of pleasure.
My eyes fell closed as my fingers curled into his shoulders as I got lost in the feelings. Austin’s movements, the noises he made, the way he touched and looked at me, were all so different from anyone I’d been with before. If there had been any doubt in my mind about his feelings, they were gone now.
He loved me unconditionally.
When he finally collapsed onto the bed beside me, we both panted for breath as sweat beaded across our skin. His arms folded around me, and I allowed myself to be wrapped in his protective embrace. I tried to fight it but sleep eventually overtook me.
And when it did, I wished we could stay like that forever.
Epilogue
Life had taken a completely new turn for me after that. I embraced my newfound love of running and joined the school cross country team. Thanks to all my training with Austin, I was able to quickly establish myself as a force of nature on the track. I even picked up a couple medals for my efforts and propelled us to several victories in the state championship race.
I didn’t let off steam in my road racing either. After a few more 5k runs, I started to do 10ks. My confidence increased with every race and I was able to get a couple different first place prizes for my age. During the summer, I joined the Cupertino running club and went on weekly runs with them. I was the youngest member, but that made me push myself harder.
Running had become a huge part of my life, and I embraced it wherever I could.
My relationship with the bathroom scale ended in tragedy when I tossed the thing in the curbside trash bin. The only person that actually cared about my weight after that was my doctor. He says I’m healthy and that’s good enough for me. I’m happy with my appearance, and I’m physically capable of doing what
I love. I don’t need anything more than that.
I did suffer a bit of a negative penalty to my social standing at school when I spoke up about what I’d gone through. A group of girls with eating disorders had been outed to everyone and were getting picked on from all sides. With Austin’s support, I reached out to the school newspaper and wrote an article about how anyone could suffer from negative body image and self-esteem issues. I was nervous about it at first, but I was able to use my experiences to educate some of the jerks who thought people with food problems were somehow deficient.
While it might have harmed my reputation in some circles at school, it did win me a lot of positive attention from other places.
Mrs. Moorhead, Suri’s mom from next door, heard about my article and invited me to be a guest on her talk show. I was really nervous about the whole thing since I’m not an expert or anything, but it was a really fun experience. It also made me realize that even though running had become my passion, it wasn’t what I wanted to do as a career.
I wanted to become a dietitian.
Someone who could speak with authority about the body’s relationship with food. I wanted people to take me seriously when I shared my experiences, and most importantly, I wanted to help other people change their relationship with food the way I had.
I talked to the school counselor the next day so we could come up with a plan for my college goals. I may not have been an expert when Mrs. Moorhead interviewed me, but I was going to become one.
As for Austin, he made the varsity football team for his senior year. His debut was explosive, especially for someone who hadn’t had a chance to play an actual game since middle school. He’d spent most of his sophomore and junior years getting into shape and it paid off.
He got an invitation to try out for the local college team, which isn’t the same as being scouted obviously, but if he made the cut he would get a partial scholarship. That would go a long way toward helping him achieve his dream job of being a massage therapist.
My parents are completely different people than they ever were before. They’ve both dialed back on the amount of work they’re doing and are spending a lot more time at home. It was difficult to adjust to, and there are still times when I butt heads with them over things like privacy and accountability, but deep down, I appreciate their interest. Since I never had to tell anyone where I was before, and now one of them was always texting me to find out when I was going to be home and who I was with, there was a learning curve. But when it got to be too suffocating, I talked to them and we worked out a compromise. It was a nice change in our relationship, to be honest.
I rather they care too much than not at all.
Plus, they did give me a car for my sixteenth birthday.
“Would you please slow down a little?” Austin begged as we rounded a bend in the windy country road.
“I’m going the speed limit,” I told him with a little laugh. I’d just gotten my license, and I was enjoying the hell out of the freedom. Right now, we were loaded up and headed up the coast for a weekend getaway at Logan’s beach house.
It was the weekend of my seventeenth birthday, and I was looking forward to waking up in bed beside Austin.
“Yes, but these roads are a little more curvy than you’re used to.” Austin held the door handle with white knuckles. “Besides, the turn is coming up in just a minute. You don’t want to miss it.”
I sighed and reluctantly let off the gas a little. I wasn’t a speed demon by any means, but my beloved boyfriend would have me driving like a little old lady if he had his way.
A few minutes later, we turned onto the access road to Logan’s house without incident. We’d come up here a few more times since that first trip, but I was always blown away by just how beautiful it was.
As I climbed out of the car in front of the house, I stopped to inhale the fresh salt air. I could hear the ocean waves crashing on the shore only a short distance away. The day was warm and the cool water would feel really nice.
Too bad we had to unload the car first.
We’d brought enough groceries to cook all our meals, plus clothes for three days. Truth be told, we were probably severely over packed. I know I definitely bought more clothes than I was going to need, but I couldn’t decide what I might want. Besides, there was an inexplicable glee over the idea of playing house together, just the two of us, for an entire weekend.
Austin and I carried the first load of groceries to the front door, and I waited impatiently as he fumbled with the lock.
“Babe, I’ve gotta pee. Can you please hurry.” I squirmed uncomfortably.
“I told you the mega sized slushie wasn’t a good idea.” He chuckled and tried the lock again. “Just a sec. I’ve almost got it.”
The key clicked in the lock, and Austin pushed the door open. “After you, milady.” He bowed comically and stepped out of the way.
I stormed into the house and immediately froze in place.
My friends and family were waiting for us inside. There was no loud shout of “surprise!” just smiling faces all around as my mother carried a cake, topped with seventeen lit candles, toward me.
Austin entered the room behind me, and it was his voice that started off singing, “Happy Birthday.” Everyone else quickly joined in, and I found myself surrounded by a chorus of disharmonious but happy and cheerful voices.
“You guys!” I was in shock as the song came to an end, grinning from ear to ear.
“Blow out the candles,” Liz said, holding up her camera so she could record the whole thing.
I took a deep breath and put them all out in a single blow. “There, now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta pee!”
The rest of the afternoon was spent laughing and playing. Austin’s dad was there, and he fired up the grill to cook the most amazing ribs I’d ever had.
“So, did I surprise you?” Austin asked as the two of us stood on the beach, watching the sun paint the sky a wash of red and yellow.
“You really did.” I leaned against him and laughed. “I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. You’re so sneaky.”
He wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead. “What can I say? You make me want to do crazy things. I’ve never really thought of myself as spontaneous, but when I’m with you...I like the idea of just hopping in the car and seeing where we wind up.”
I grinned up at him and nodded. “Kinda sounds like you’re going to ask me to elope to Vegas with you.”
Austin laughed and shook his head. “It’s tempting, but I think your mom would kill us if we tried something like that.”
“She really would,” I agreed.
“We’ve got plenty of time to worry about this later.” Austin said, squeezing me reassuringly. “Tonight is about having fun with our family and friends.”
“You know, as much as I love them all, I’d really like them to go away.” I pinched his butt and shot him a devilish grin. “I really wanna take you to bed right now.”
“Ooh, I thought you wanted to spend a quiet, romantic evening together and save the naughty stuff for tomorrow?” He teased me as he touched his forehead to mine.
“Yeah, well, I changed my mind. I wanna reward you for how thoughtful you are all the time.” I untangled myself from his arms and held his hand in mine. “As soon as everyone’s gone, I’m going to show you just how much I appreciate you.”
Austin glanced around, his eyes scanning our friends and family as they milled around, socializing on the beach. “I guess it would be rude to tell them all to get lost, wouldn’t it? I mean, they did drive all this way.”
“A little bit, yeah.” I huffed at our dilemma. “You didn’t really think this through, did you?”
“Not completely, no.” He shook his head and frowned
“Don’t worry, there’s no expiration date on my feelings for you,” I told him. “We’ve got plenty of time.”
We walked hand in hand down the beach toward the edge of the water where the guy
s had erected a volleyball net. I’m complete trash at volleyball, but Austin talked me into playing anyway.
When everyone finally went home and it was just the two of us, we lingered downstairs by the dying embers in the fire pit. It was hard for me to believe that just over a year ago, I’d been sitting in that exact same spot, obsessed with my weight and eager to cram diet pills down my throat to make things better.
As Austin took my hand and lead me upstairs, I felt a deep contentment settle over me. I had changed myself for the better. Now, I wasn’t just the girl who was perfect on the outside. I had a life I was proud of, a boyfriend I loved, and plans for a future that I couldn’t wait to see.
Coming Outside
Keep reading for Adam & Bryant’s story in Coming Outside…
32
“Bryant? Did you hear me?” My therapist’s voice gently nudged at the wall I’d erected in my head. Her questions had probed a little too deeply for my liking, and I could feel myself shutting down. It was the only defense I had against things that made me uncomfortable.
I turned my eyes toward the window where a large bird feeder sat in a garden. It was early spring and flowers were bursting out of their buds all over the place. Birds of all shapes and sizes crowded around the feeder and flitted between the shrubbery.
They were so free.
“What are you looking at?” She was sitting across from me in her overstuffed chair while I sat on a sofa against the wall. All the décor in her office was designed to soothe and put people at ease. The soft earth tones and natural lighting let the room fade into the background. Normally, I liked going there. It was one of the few places where I could be myself.
“The birds.” I finally looked back at her. “I was looking at the birds. I envy them.”
“Why is that?”
“They don’t care what anyone else thinks. They’re just themselves. They live their lives outside in the sun, free to go wherever they want. I know it sounds cliché as hell.” I chuckled to myself and shook my head. “I guess everything I am is a cliché.”
The Outside Series - Complete Trilogy: Books 1-3 Page 27