The Unforgiven Sin

by R. Twine

  ‘Hi!’ said Bruce.

  ‘Hello, Bruce. Come in, don’t stand in the doorway,’ said Natalie, inviting him in. ‘Can I help you with something?

  ‘Nat,’ he began in a low tone of voice, ‘Miriam gave me her telephone number, but I lost the slip of paper it was written on. I’d like to see her again. I hope she won’t be against the idea of a date.’

  ‘I’m very sorry, Bruce, but you’d better forget about her. Miriam lost her parents in a car crash. Besides, she’s recently experienced an attack by two scum-bags, and hasn’t yet fully recovered after her psychological trauma.’

  ‘Oh, that's too bad… Poor girl…I didn’t know about it, Nat. But I’m not going to do her any harm. I liked her a lot!’

  ‘Tell me frankly, Bruce: do you have a girlfriend?’ enquired Natalie.

  She didn’t fail to notice that her question confused him.

  ‘Yes, I do,’ he answered after a small pause. ‘She is studying somewhere else. Natalie, I’m not going to date both of them! I mean, um, if Miriam and I started seeing each other, I would stop dating that other girl.’

  ‘If you started seeing each other!’ said Nat, mimicking him teasingly. ‘But what if you didn’t? What if you broke up with Miriam, giving her yet another blow? I don’t think it’s a good idea, Bruce. Please, forget about her. It would be better that way for both of you.’

  Bruce got up and silently went to the door.

  Natalie couldn’t stand the strain anymore; she broke into tears. I hugged her, thinking everything turned out in a rather foolish way.

  ‘Miriam, I know I shouldn’t have done it. I feel very guilty… Forgive me,’ she said quietly. ‘I simply was afraid he would hurt you…’

  ‘Let’s just forget about it,’ I said reassuringly.

  I started to concentrate completely on my studies. My relationship with Natalie recovered, and we never mentioned the incident again.

  Satanail and the Archangel didn’t show up and I, deep in my heart, was glad they didn’t. I could never make out what had happened on that last cold night. Who, in actual fact, were those women, and where did the black shadows come from? Standing behind my back was the one who thwarted a potential attempt on my life. I was sure it was the Archangel Michael himself who saved me. But what if it wasn’t him? What if it was Satanail, in the guise of my parents, trying to mislead me? And where was the invisible line I mustn’t cross when dealing with shadows? That I didn’t know. There was only one thing I was able to fathom: The King of Darkness was capable of assuming virtually any appearance, and that his power on Earth had no limits.

  Winter vacation came, and all the students of Saint-Paul went to a ski resort. I was overjoyed, and all the rest were also happy to get away from their parents’ strict control for a week.

  Elian and I took our seats on the upper deck of a comfortable bus, and started chatting merrily.

  ‘This is terrific! I’m so glad to be on the trip with the rest of our class!’ I said.

  'I went skiing with my class three years ago. At that time I didn't have any friends, and I felt so alone,’ Elian recollected. ‘If it weren’t for you, I would have stayed at home. When you arrived at our college, everything changed. And after Ella’s expulsion, my relationships with the other students got so much better. Looks like the problems disappeared totally by themselves, and I’m very happy about that.’

  ‘I don’t even feel like looking back,’ I said in response.

  ‘We’ll be there soon,’ said Tony happily, sitting behind us.

  After several hours our buses parked outside a hotel specially reserved for collège students. Everybody went to their respective rooms – and our vacation began.

  The first days went very well. We enjoyed the beauty of the winter forest while skiing on its slopes; snow-covered trees were glistening in the sun, the sky blinded us with its azure depths. Sitting at the dinner table we shared our impressions of the day we’d just lived.

  That dinner looked the same as previous ones. Engaged in heated debates, no one noticed three students leave the hall. Tony was the first to leave, while the two others followed him after a short while.

  ‘Elian, I saw Tony leave, and two boys from the parallel class went after him. It seems strange to me. Everybody in our college is afraid of them. They all know it’s dangerous to mess with them. I’m sure they are up to something. They had such sinister looks on their faces!’

  ‘I don’t see anything strange here, Miriam. Are you keeping an eye on everybody? Maybe they left to make a phone call to their parents, to watch TV, or just to play video games. Tony calls his parents all the time, so I don’t see anything strange here at all.’

  ‘Still, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I’d rather go and see where he went. Will you come with me?’ I asked.

  ‘Are you sure it’s necessary?’ asked Elian.

  ‘No, I’m not, but I have to go and have a look anyway.’

  I got up and made for the exit.

  Having ascended to the third floor, I went up to Tony’s room and put my ear to the door. I heard some noise – some moaning and incoherent fragments of phrases, and pushed the door open. Danny Stramos et Filipe Clerk who had followed Tony were kicking him. He was lying on the floor; his face covered with blood. When Tony saw me come in, he tried to get up and say something, but then he was kicked in the head again and fell down. One of the attackers hissed, ‘Get the hell out of here and shut the door!’

  I screamed at the top of my voice and went after them, but one of them slapped me hard across the face – I flew across the room, hitting my head against the wall.

  ‘Shut up, you bitch, or I’ll make a mess of your pretty face,’ said the one who stood near me, in a harsh voice. ‘And if you say one word about us, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life, understand? This asshole already got what was coming to him…’ He pointed his finger at Tony’s huddled figure, and then kicked him hard in the head once more.

  ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ I hollered.

  ‘Stay out of other people’s business! Shut up or I’ll send you to kingdom come!’ he threatened me.

  ‘Tony…’ I rose to my feet and dashed towards his prostrate body. ‘It’s me, Miriam, can you hear me?’

  He was breathing heavily, barely reacting to my words.

  ‘You scum! You’re going to pay for this! You nearly killed him!’

  ‘Shut the hell up!’ said one of them through his clenched teeth, and punched me in the stomach.

  Then they exchanged quick glances and left the room.

  Tony was lying on the floor barely breathing. I fished the mobile phone out of my pocket and, between sobs, called the ambulance.

  I was sitting near Tony, stroking his hand till the doctors came. He rolled his eyes, mumbling incoherently. I remember hearing myself saying, ‘Tony, don’t leave me…stay with me…Oh, my God, what a cruel world we live in… It’s full of merciless animals!’

  I was crying and talking to Tony, who was beginning to pass out. His head was on my knees. His hair was sticky with blood; his eyes and lips were swollen. The scumbags had kicked him in the face. He was groaning with pain; a thing streak of blood trickled down from the corner of his mouth.

  Policemen and doctors entered the room. There were voices coming from behind the door. The doctors laid Tony carefully upon the stretcher, put the oxygen mask on him and carried him out of the room. A policeman helped me up.

  ‘What’s your name?’ he asked me.

  ‘Miriam.’

  ‘Did you see the people who beat him up?’

  ‘Yes, I did. There were two of them… from the parallel class, Danny Stramos and Filipe Clerk.’

  I broke into tears again. The policeman nodded, and went out without asking any more questions.

  ‘Can you stand the pain for a while? I’m going to disinfect your wound,’ warned the doctor, cleaning it with a swab.

  ‘Oh, it hurts!’ I said with a wince.


  ‘That’s quite normal. You need to go with us to the hospital for further examination.’

  A sense of wild fury began to stir within me. Such brutal scoundrels mustn’t be allowed to live on as if nothing had happened. There was one thing I craved for now: revenge!

  The police interviewed me and took my statement. I felt devastated. Tony’s condition wasn’t improving. The doctors were distressed, fearing for his life because there was a risk of brain hemorrhage. We could only hope for the best.

  ‘We apprehended those two teenagers who beat Tony up,’ a police investigator said. ‘The investigation’s already underway. We’ve found out that they were extorting money from him… Maybe Tony told you something about it? You are friends, aren’t you?’

  ‘No, he didn’t,’ I replied.

  ‘If Tony survives, it will be solely thanks to your efforts,’ he went on. ‘The doctors are doing their best.’

  ‘They were threatening me before they left.’

  I couldn’t get their frightful faces out of my mind.

  ‘I’ll try to have them put away as soon as possible.’

  ‘Why are people sometimes so cruel? Especially when it comes to young people? Can it be that some people are born cruel?’

  ‘Unfortunately, such things happen quite often, Miriam. Try to forget this incident. You should consult a psychologist; otherwise all this may ruin your life.’

  ‘It has already been ruined.’

  Two days later we left the ski resort and returned to Cannes, and the news came shortly afterwards that Tony had died. On hearing the news I nearly threw up and dashed out of the classroom. I wanted to be as far away from this tragedy as possible.

  I wandered around for a long time, totally oblivious to what was going on around me, and then sat down somewhere at a roadside and cried bitterly. Again and again I kept looking back upon that terrible evening, recollecting Tony lying on the floor, bleeding. I remembered his head lying on my lap, and the sense of frustration over my inability to do something. I didn’t know what to do to help the bleeding youth, and I regretted terribly my not having gone upstairs earlier, because if I had, everything might have been different now. I will never forget that day, I thought. Flaming fury was simmering inside me. I had a clear sense of Death being present somewhere near me, always ready to take the lives of my loved ones.

  I was stricken with grief, I ate very little and I lost a lot of weight. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, I didn’t know how I was going to live on in the world so full of hatred and heartlessness! There was only one thing gnawing at my mind: those merciless murderers had to be punished, brutally.

  The day was coming to its close. I was sitting on the jetty, my legs dangling off the edge, and watched the scattered rays of setting sun color the horizon in dark-yellow hues.

  The voice that came unexpectedly from behind gave a start of surprise. ‘Miriam, do you consider yourself entitled to demand death for these people?’ The Angel of Death asked quietly, appearing close by all of a sudden.

  He towered above me; his black wings folded behind his back, his figure hidden under a black mantle, his hair – under a hood. His face was ashen, while his dark eyes were looking at me without any emotion.

  ‘They are murderers,’ I echoed. ‘They have to pay for the death of an innocent teenager.’

  ‘Even if they are murderers, they are, first of all, human beings, just like you are.’

  ‘They deprived a man of his life, and have to pay for this,’ I insisted.

  ‘You’re asking me to take them away, but if I carry out this wish of yours their lives will become your burden. They will weigh heavily upon your conscience. Those who crave for revenge become guilty, too, and this sin is going to haunt you till the end of your days...’

  ‘I won’t regret it,’ I said resolutely.

  ‘All right, Miriam. But you ought to know that you’ll have to answer for it later on, too. You’ll pay for the death of those people later in your life. Because we always have to answer for our deeds – be they good or bad. Are you sure you’re entitled to judge people and ask me to take their souls away because they hurt you? Is your demand a just one? Are you ready for the loss of your loved ones as retribution for what you’re asking me now?’ enquired the Angel of Death.

  ‘After what happened, I myself want to die. I cannot take this tragedy in stride.’

  ‘This wish of yours will change the fate of those who you’re going to meet in the future. Are you ready for this?’ asked the Archangel, appearing right out of the blue. He stood near my right shoulder and went on, ‘The death has to be entered in “The Book of Lives” and in “The Book of Shadows”. If you interfere in the circumstances of your fate and – perhaps – succeed in destroying those two murderers, you’ll kill those who are destined to live, because their lives will be taken instead of those you want to punish now. Are you sure you’re ready for this?’

  ‘Yes, I am,’ I said without a moment’s hesitation.

  I didn’t hesitate because I wasn’t the only one hurt by this tragedy – poor Tony’s parents, grief-stricken, were having a very bad time. I liked this boy. He was quiet and unassertive; he was living in his own inner world. In a way, he was like me. We felt sympathy for each other. Sometimes Tony asked me to let him walk me home, and when I agreed, a happy smile would appear on his face. He was a very kind-hearted boy.

  On the eve of the unfortunate vacation, Elian started talking about Tony.

  ‘I think he likes you, Miriam,’ she said. ‘He looks at you adoringly and feels happy about every question you ask him, even if it’s about nothing.’

  ‘Come on, Elian,’ I laughed. ‘He’s lonely here. Just as you and I are, as a matter of fact. It’s just that Tony is a kindred spirit.’

  ‘I’m very sorry that I can’t make up for the emptiness in your heart, Miriam,’ Elian said.

  ‘This emptiness will always live in me. It doesn’t depend upon who surrounds me and what’s going on around me, Elian…’

  The Archangel’s voice brought me back from my memories to reality; Michael was standing in front of me. Satanail, the Angel of Death, had already disappeared. We found ourselves in the endless Universe, and this time I didn’t see a single star. Despite the Archangel’s cloak he’d put on my shoulders, the pitch-dark emptiness of space was heavy and depressing. I couldn’t take this world painlessly either: it had once been mysterious and unique, but now it looked as if evil were everywhere, only sometimes it was carefully disguised as good.

  ‘I’ll give you the opportunity to have a look at “The Book of Lives”, Miriam.’ The Archangel’s voice seemed to be coming from far-off. ‘All Fates are registered in it. I’d like to make one last-ditch effort to convince you to change your mind,’ said the Archangel, clearly aware of my burning hatred and my craving for revenge.

  A very noisy twister swirled suddenly in front of us, and in a little while it stopped, producing from its cone an enormous book that hung in the air. The volume was covered with a multitude of jewels emanating heat, and their glitter illuminated the surrounding blackness. A see-through veil appeared between me and ‘The Book of Lives”. In the middle of the cover there was a big eye swiveling in all directions; one moment it would stop, the next it would come to life again, and finally its gaze focused on me.

  ‘This is the famed “Book of Lives”. It contains everything – from the very beginning till the End Times. It has an enormous power, and it holds the secrets of the Universe. Its blank pages mean there are things even we, The All-Powerful Angels, aren’t supposed to know. By opening this book a man can see what is in store for him… And make a choice. That’s why I asked you to change your mind.’ The Archangel saw that it was extremely difficult to reach out for my conscience. ‘This book has its opposite side, capable of transferring you into the future while freezing the time needed for decision-taking,’ he said, scrutinizing me.

  ‘Does the current time count?’ I asked.

  ‘No,
it doesn’t,’ he said.

  I was gazing at the book, mesmerized and unable to take my eyes off it.

  ‘You’ll be able to revisit the most important moments of your life,’ the Archangel went on. ‘If a man opens the book, time will stop for him, and the longer he looks into it, the faster his life goes. In the current situation you’ll have to make your own decision, because you’re given a free choice. There’s only one thing I want: for this decision to be a wise one.’

  I was still staring at the book, bathing in the light of its magic jewels.

  ‘Look,’ the Archangel said.

  Secret tablets flared up with dark-golden light, The All-Seeing Eye looked at me gravely and authoritatively. The glitter of jewels blinded my eyes. The pages began turning quickly, then the book opened, and I began peering into the forms that were starting to take shape.

  As if on a TV screen, a little girl with curly hair appeared in front of me; she was running on a deserted beach.

  ‘D-a-a-a-d-y, wait a minute!’ she laughed, trying to catch up with her dad. ‘Wait for me!’ she called out, waving both of her hands.

  Her smiling father lifted the child up on her shoulders and walked along the beach, easily carrying his precious load.

  ‘Are you cold, Miriam?’ he asked.

  ‘No, I’m not, daddy. I’d like to walk some more,’ the child insisted, naughtily.

  ‘Well, do as you wish. Let’s go to the car then, to get your bicycle.’

  I had a clear memory of that moment. I was about five when my dad and I set off for an outing. It was November, and the seafront was almost empty of people. I was screaming happily, riding a bicycle on the asphalt.

  The book riffled its pages once again, and I saw another episode of my life.

  I was a little older then, and I was sitting with my mom painting a picture. That is, it was she who was painting while I, covered from head to toe in paint, was trying to mimic her. I enjoyed being with her at her studio where I had my own corner and my own accessories. While at work, my mom always told some stories, and we used to have a good time together.