Proof of Life: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 4)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Adrianne rolled her eyes with a laugh. “If only!”

  It was the first time Rebecca had seen Alex’s sister relaxed with her. When the woman set the tray on her lap and leaned back in the loveseat, she wondered if Adrianne had something to say to her about Alex.

  Rebecca decided she might as well head off any conversation about Alex with a question of her own. “So you live here with Melanie and Alex too?”

  “Yes. I had an apartment of my own, but when Alex offered to build this place, I thought it would be fun to live with them.” Adrianne wrinkled her nose. “It hasn’t been all fun and games. We eventually had to set up some ground rules, especially when it came to our social lives. It was sort of like living with my parents all over again. I figured I was too old to be asked where I was going and what time I’d be home. Of course, at the time, I was the only one with any sort of social life.”

  Rebecca looked to where Melanie stood with Tyler and asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

  Adrianne didn’t answer right away. And when Rebecca looked at her, she saw that Adrianne was also watching her sister and Tyler. “No, not at the moment. I have been getting lots of pressure from my mom to find a man and settle down to have a family.” She glanced at Rebecca and smiled. “Having Jordan show up has helped take the focus off me. Now that they have a grandchild to dote on, I hope they’ll be willing to leave me alone.”

  Rebecca was surprised at her level of empathy for the woman. Although it had not been grandchildren, she had understood the pressure that parents could put on someone. It was a difficult life to live when you constantly felt like you didn’t measure up. “I’m glad Jordan’s presence has helped alleviate that pressure on you.”

  “But it’s only temporary, eh?” Adrianne glanced over to where her parents were. Jordan was now seated on the floor in front of his grandparents, talking to them. “You guys are going to go back home at some point, right?”

  Rebecca couldn’t tell from Adrianne’s tone if that was a good or bad thing in her estimation. The woman had never really warmed up to her or Jordan the way that Melanie and their parents had.

  “Yes, at some point, we will have to return to Chicago. That’s where our life is now.”

  Adrianne’s expression gave nothing away as she said, “Well, at least I got a break for the holidays.”

  The conversation with Alex’s sister left Rebecca a little confused. Did the woman want them to go or to stay? It was pretty clear even without asking them that Melanie and her parents would want Rebecca and Jordan to stay in the Twin Cities. They had each developed a relationship with Jordan rather quickly. The affection they held for her son was very obvious, and they had even been welcoming and friendly with her. That was not the case with Adrianne. The woman had been aloof from the moment they’d first met. This brief conversation had held the most warmth so far and even that had been precious little.

  It left Rebecca to wonder if there was something in the past that made Adrianne act this way towards her and Jordan. Or was it just that she was close to her brother and wasn’t happy with the way things had changed between him and Jordan these last few days? Without coming right out and asking, Rebecca supposed that there was no way to know for sure. And given that there were enough complexities in the current situation, she didn’t feel the need to add any more.

  It would be different if they were going to be moving there. Then it would be important to develop some kind of relationship with the members of Alex’s family, but since that wasn’t the case, Rebecca would let it go. She would continue to be friendly to Adrianne, but she would not try to delve further into why the woman was rather standoffish when it came to her and Jordan.

  ~*~*~

  Alex stared blankly at the stage at the front of the sanctuary the next morning. He had thought about offering to bring Rebecca and Jordan with him, but then Tyler had extended an invitation to the church he, Melanie, and Ryan attended. Jordan had jumped at that, so Alex had kept quiet. It briefly crossed his mind to consider going to their church as well, but then he didn’t want Rebecca to think that he was trying to force his presence on them.

  So here he was at his own church. It was the same church that Than Miller attended along with his fiancée Lindsay Hamilton and her brother Lucas and his wife, Brooke. It was a large church that he had been attending for the last five years. He felt comfortable there and was involved in the men’s ministry. Even though on the whole he enjoyed the church and appreciated the ministry it had in his life, it was hard being perceived as a single man. The first couple years had been especially difficult, trying to dodge the interest of the single women of the church. By this point, everyone knew that he didn’t date so they basically left him alone.

  Usually, he came alone to the service, but today he’d been surprised to find Adrianne waiting for him in the kitchen when he’d come downstairs. She attended church sporadically with him, but it had been several weeks since she’d last gone. Seated with her now, Alex quickly glanced through the bulletin then set it on the pew beside him.

  The service began as most every service did. They didn’t change much when it came to the format of their service each Sunday. They had two services available, one at nine-thirty which catered to a more traditional style of worship and then another at eleven o’clock which was more of a contemporary service. Alex preferred the earlier service, but today he’d been running late and ended up there for the eleven o’clock. But he had a feeling that for the month of December there wasn’t going to be much difference between the two services.

  As Alex watched, a young child made her way carefully to the front holding a lit candle in her hands. As the piano played O Come, O Come Emmanuel, she lit two of the candles on the Advent wreath that sat on a table at the front of the church. When she had blown out her candle and returned to her seat, an older child walked to the podium.

  In a slightly wobbly voice, the boy began to read, “Today we light the candle of preparation or, as it’s also known, the candle of Bethlehem. In Luke three verses four to six it says: “As it is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet, saying:

  “The voice of one crying in the wilderness:

  ‘Prepare the way of the Lord;

  Make His paths straight.

  Every valley shall be filled

  And every mountain and hill brought low;

  The crooked places shall be made straight

  And the rough ways smooth;

  And all flesh shall see the salvation of God.’”

  As they’d stood to sing the carol the pianist had been playing, Alex realized that his outlook on Christmas was a bit different this year. Having Jordan there, he found himself thinking of gifts and things to do to celebrate the season with his son. Normally, they wouldn’t have made such a big deal out of setting up the Christmas tree. Melanie would have just taken care of it herself with Adrianne’s help if she was around. But setting it up and decorating it the previous day had been more enjoyable than Alex had thought it would be.

  But watching the children also brought a melancholy ache to Alex’s heart. How many times had Jordan been involved in something like the candle lighting and he’d not been there to see it? Regret and guilt swept through him again. His impulsive words had cost him so much and might still cost him even more.

  Once they finished the song, the pastor got up to preach. Alex knew from the previous Sunday that he was tying his sermons to the meaning of the Advent candle. So he listened as the pastor expounded on the candle of preparation.

  “This is a time of year when everyone is focused on preparation. It starts with Thanksgiving and all the preparations that are needed for the special meal that you’re going to have with your friends or family. There might even be preparations made for Black Friday. How you plan to tackle the stores to get the best deals. And then the preparation kicks in for Christmas. The gifts. The wrapping of the presents. Christmas baking. Concerts. Gathering together as a family. And finally, it culmina
tes on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day when hopefully you have prepared everything you needed to so that you can have a happy and joyous day with your family.

  “Nothing is wrong with all those preparations. Nothing is wrong with preparing for anything in our lives. Whether it be a move. A new job. A wedding. The birth of a child. There so many things in our lives that we prepare for, sometimes we forget to prepare for the most important thing of all. We forget to prepare ourselves for God’s will. We become so mired in our day-to-day lives, in the preparations that we need just to get through them that we forget to prepare our hearts and our minds for what God’s will might be for us.

  “We must prepare our hearts to be obedient to God. And part of that preparation is an understanding and an acceptance that God’s will might be different from what we see for ourselves. God may open doors that we had never imagined or He may close doors that we very badly want to be opened. But if we have prepared our hearts to seek God and to seek His will regardless of the door that opens or the door that closes, we’re prepared for God to lead us in the right direction. His direction.

  “Even as you look at the story of Mary and Joseph. The preparations they had made for their future did not involve Mary getting pregnant. They had likely not prepared for a trip to Bethlehem only to find that there was no room for them. It wasn’t like calling ahead and making reservations and using your credit card to secure a room. They had to go, and so they went, trusting that God would take care of them, preparing in their hearts for what lay ahead. The unknowns to Mary and Joseph in their journey were not unknown to God.

  “Are you facing unknowns today? Are there things in your life that you would like to prepare for a certain way? It is easy to believe that we know what’s best for ourselves and to prepare accordingly. Some of us prepare in great detail, organizing everything. Others are more likely to just go with the flow. But regardless of which type you are, you need to prepare your heart for God’s direction. So that when the time comes and His will becomes clear to you, you are prepared to go the way He has planned for you.”

  Alex stared down at his hands as he listened to the pastor. He was definitely facing a lot of unknowns. Between the situation with Jordan and Rebecca and the one with Alana, he felt like everything was an unknown. All the security BlackThorpe had prepared for its employees had meant nothing in the end for Alana. And nothing in the world could have prepared him for becoming the father of a fourteen-year-old boy.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  HE WAS SCARED, Alex realized, that maybe God’s will didn’t involve Rebecca and Jordan staying in the Twin Cities with him. Maybe God knew just as Alex did, that he didn’t deserve to be Jordan’s father. That he didn’t deserve the type of relationship he wanted to have with his son.

  Alex didn’t want to accept—or prepare himself for—Rebecca and Jordan’s return to Chicago. His heart wanted them to stay. He wanted to keep them close, not just to keep them safe, but because he wanted them in his life. But was it really possible that that might not be God’s will? And was he prepared to accept that if that ended up being the case?

  As the service drew to a close and they sang the final him, Alex was at war with himself. The sermon had shone a light on the fact that he really wasn’t prepared to accept anything but what he wanted in his life. He wasn’t willing to accept anything but the best possible outcome for Alana. Until listening to the pastor today, he had been absolutely certain that the outcome of Alana’s situation would be her return to Justin. He had been less certain, although still hopeful, that the situation with Jordan and Rebecca would also resolve itself the way he wanted it. He had just felt that he needed a little time to convince Rebecca that it really was the best thing for her and Jordan to move to the Twin Cities.

  He now realized how selfish that was. And yet he couldn’t stop from hoping that that was still the way things would work out. Did that mean he was not preparing his heart for God’s will? Alex sighed and rubbed a hand against his chest. The ache there had been constant, starting the day he’d seen Justin and Caden in the gym, and intensifying with the discovery that he had a son.

  Adrianne followed him from the sanctuary into the foyer. “Did they finally decide on a restaurant to meet up at after church?”

  “Not the last I heard.” Alex held Adrianne’s coat for her and then shrugged into his own. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text to Melanie.

  Without waiting for a reply from her, he and Adrianne left the church and climbed in his truck. Once he had it running, he checked his phone again and saw that Melanie had replied. “Looks like we’re heading to the buffet.”

  Adrianne groaned. “Like we’re not eating enough already, with it being Christmas and everything.”

  Alex was actually quite happy at the thought of a buffet, but he did understand why his sister wasn’t nearly as thrilled. “I could drop you off at home. If that’s what you’d prefer.”

  “No. It’ll be a good exercise in self-control,” Adrianne said, resignation clear in her tone.

  Lunch at the restaurant unfolded much like Alex had anticipated. Jordan happily engaged with everyone except him. Rebecca also kept her distance, seating herself at the other end of their table between Melanie and Adrianne. It was a struggle to stick to the decision that Melanie had encouraged him to make to be there for Jordan. He wasn’t used to being in a place where he wasn’t wanted. And clearly Rebecca and Jordan would’ve preferred him to be anywhere but there at the restaurant with them.

  Alex talked with Tyler and Ryan, mainly about work-related things. Though they did touch briefly on some sports. Jordan joined the conversation then but made it clear that his attention was on Tyler and Ryan. Apparently, at some point, plans had been made for Jordan to join Tyler at a basketball game. Alex tried not to resent the relationship his son was building up with the other man. He told himself he should be happy that Jordan had chosen a good man like Tyler to befriend.

  Between the sermon that morning and the discomfort he was feeling now, Alex wondered if perhaps it was time to rethink his strategy. He wanted to be important to Jordan and, if he were honest, to Rebecca as well. But the next best thing was to have Jordan develop a good relationship with his family. Hopefully, that would at least guarantee he wouldn’t completely vanish from their lives once they returned to Chicago.

  Though he was discouraged, Alex tried to shift his mindset from what he thought was the best for him, Rebecca, and Jordan. God might have other plans for Rebecca and Jordan that didn’t include him. And he needed to accept that. It wouldn’t be easy, but he could only hope that as things developed over the next few weeks that God would give him the wisdom to deal with it and the grace to accept it.

  ~*~*~

  Rebecca stared at the email on her laptop screen. Her lawyer had gotten back to her with the information that was needed to file for divorce. She propped her elbow on the desk and rested her chin on her closed fist. The words on the screen blurred as her mind went back to the conversation she had with Alex.

  She really wasn’t sure what Alex expected. It had almost seemed as if he wanted them to be a real family. But how could they do that when they didn’t know each other? And what if, after getting to know each other as he suggested, they found that they just weren’t compatible? What if they didn’t fall in love? There was absolutely no guarantee that they could come together in the way that she was beginning to think Alex wanted.

  Rebecca straightened and clicked the touchpad to reply to her lawyer. She was positive that filing for divorce was a right option. After all, it had been fifteen years since they’d last been together. Surely God wouldn’t expect them to stay married when they were virtually strangers. Even as she tried to convince herself that it was the best thing to do, Rebecca just couldn’t type out the email giving her lawyer the go-ahead to file.

  When her phone rang, she let out a sigh of relief and picked it up. Seeing it was Maureen, Rebecca didn’t hesitate to tap the screen and answer.
She’d met Maureen when she’d gone to a mom and baby playtime at Maureen’s church which hadn’t been far from where Rebecca lived with her family. Being a couple of years older than Rebecca but with a baby the same age, Maureen had taken her under her wing and soon Rebecca started going to the church regularly. She had told Maureen a bit about her situation early on in their friendship. When Maureen had asked about Jordan’s father, she had just told her that his father hadn’t wanted him. Which at the time had not been far from the truth.

  “Hey, Becs. How’s it going there?” Maureen asked when she answered the phone.

  With the phone pressed to her ear, Rebecca got to her feet and moved away from the laptop and the email waiting for her. She settled in the chair in the corner, propping her feet on the ottoman. “About as well as could be expected.”

  “Can you tell me about it yet? Last time we talked you didn’t seem too keen to give up information.”

  Rebecca sighed. “Yeah. I can tell you about it. I just feel kinda weird about the whole situation.”

  At Maureen’s prompting, Rebecca shared the whole story starting from the first time she and Alex had met in high school. Maureen understood when she talked about how they dated secretly because of her parents’ strict rules. That was one thing they had in common. As she talked about them getting married and the time they’d spent together on his break before he left for his first tour, Rebecca felt warmth envelope her at the memory.

  She closed her eyes as she found herself giving the details of their wedding. She’d saved up money to buy a white dress because they had waited, and she wanted to be able to wear it as a sign of her purity. Alex had worn a pair of black pants and a white shirt. He’d bought her burgundy and white flowers and told her, with color high in his cheeks, that he had chosen his tie to match the color of her bouquet.