Proof of Life: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 4)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “Well as long as this mission doesn’t run over Christmas, I think Mom will be okay if you miss one meal,” Melanie said.

  “I certainly hope that it’s over well before then.” He took a few more sips of his coffee then turned to top up his mug. “And on that note, I need to get back upstairs. Have a good night.”

  Back in his room, Alex took his seat once again. The minute seemed to tick slowly by as he sipped on his cup of coffee and listened to the conversation that flowed through the laptop speakers. Finally around midnight, he moved his laptop onto one side of his queen-size bed. He was tired enough that the off-and-on conversation between the guys didn’t keep him awake, and he fell asleep praying that he would be woken in the night with good news.

  ~*~*~

  Rebecca heard the alarm on the security panel on the wall in the kitchen beep, signifying someone had walked into the house. She looked up from the casserole she was making, expecting to see Tyler and Melanie. When Alex appeared in the entrance to the kitchen, Rebecca looked at him in surprise. Based on what he’d said the night before, she’d figured he’d be late getting home again that night.

  “Everything okay?” she asked as he walked into the kitchen.

  Alex went to one of the cupboards and pulled out a mug. “Yeah. As well as can be expected.”

  He set the mug under the spout of the single cup coffee maker and slid a pod into place before starting it up.

  Rebecca could sense the tension in him as he stood there waiting for his coffee. She wanted to ask him more about what was going on, but that really wasn’t her right. Though, technically, she was still his wife. “Are you going to be here for supper?”

  Alex nodded, his gaze on the stream of coffee pouring into his cup. When it was done, he picked up the mug and took a sip. The look of satisfaction on Alex’s face after he took a couple more sips almost made her want a cup for herself. Maybe once she was done the casserole.

  Rebecca was surprised that he didn’t leave the kitchen immediately upon filling his mug. She picked up the large glass pan she’d used for the casserole and carried it to the oven. After she slid it inside and set the timer, she turned around to look at Alex. She could see the strain on his face and the circles under his eyes made it seem like he hadn’t slept well in days.

  “What’s Jordan up to?” Alex asked as he continued to lean back against the counter and sip his coffee.

  “I left him upstairs working on a project with his friend Robby. They’re both doing the same homeschool units so Robby’s mom and I set up a project for them to do. He’ll be going with Tyler a little bit later to a basketball game.” She wondered how Alex might feel about Jordan continuing to spend time with Tyler.

  “I hope he has fun. Tyler’s a great guy. I wish I had been able to go with him too, but this mission came up unexpectedly and I need to be available at a moment’s notice. I’d hate to drag Jordan out in the middle of the game because something came up.”

  “I explained to Jordan after you talked to us last night that you might be tied up for a few days. He said he understood, but that he hoped you’d be able to take him to the shooting range again soon.”

  Alex nodded. “As soon as this situation is resolved, one way or another, I will make sure that Jordan gets to go back to do some more shooting.”

  “I didn’t really get a chance to talk to you last night, but I just want to make sure that it’s still okay with you that Connor comes to join us here for Christmas.”

  “That’s fine. I know that you are looking forward to seeing him, so I would never deny you that.” Alex took another sip of his coffee then looked at her. “Did you talk to him at all about what’s going on here with you, Jordan and me?”

  Rebecca nodded then busied herself making her own cup of coffee. “I never told him that you were Jordan’s father, so he was pretty shocked. Pretty surprised that we managed to date without our parents or him ever finding out.”

  “I really thought he knew something was going on. But then he wasn’t really one to talk since I’m pretty sure he was dating while in high school too.”

  Rebecca looked at him in surprise. “Connor was dating in high school?”

  “Pretty sure he was. Although I can’t tell you who. I was kind of wrapped up in keeping our own dates secret. I didn’t want to delve too deeply into what he was doing for fear that he’d want to do the same with me.”

  Rebecca laughed. “I guess I’m as surprised to hear that he was dating as he was to hear that I was.”

  Alex regarded her over the edge of his mug. “So how did he take the news?”

  “That you’re Jordan’s dad?” Rebecca asked. She cupped her mug in both hands and took a sip, grateful for the warmth.

  Alex nodded, but he didn’t say anything further.

  “He was surprised of course, but he wasn’t upset.” Rebecca wasn’t about to go into detail regarding their conversation. At some point, she’d need to address it with Alex, but she only planned to do that if and when it became apparent that there was something more there between them. “I think he’s looking forward to touching base with you again.”

  “I am too.” Alex seemed to be about to say something more but then he just took another sip of his coffee. “I want to thank you for the cooking and baking you’ve been doing around here. I certainly didn’t expect that of you.”

  “It’s no trouble at all. Jordan and I are kind of keeping the same schedule here that we keep when we are home in Chicago.”

  Alex tipped his head back and emptied his mug. As he leaned to put it in the dishwasher, he said, “All the same, I appreciate what you’ve done for us. I can’t lie, it’s nice coming home to find supper on the table. Between all of our schedules, we usually have to make supper after we get home or if it’s too late, we get takeout.”

  “I enjoy cooking, and it gives me something to do while I’m here.”

  Alex nodded then said, “Well, I need to head up to my office for a bit. I’ll see you in a little while.”

  As Rebecca watched Alex walk away, she acknowledged the warmth that had filled her when he’d voiced his appreciation for her cooking. It had been one of those things that she dreamed of during those couple of months between their wedding and her discovering that she was pregnant. She’d longed to create a home with Alex where she could do the things she enjoyed like cooking, baking and decorating.

  Alone with her thoughts as she cleaned up the kitchen, Rebecca once again pondered the whole situation with Alex. The emotions she was experiencing the most, stemmed from the memories of when she and Alex had been together. She knew that that was not what she should base any of her decisions on now. She had loved the Alex she thought he was all those years ago. Could she trust Alex enough now to open her heart to him again?

  By all appearances, Alex seemed to be a man of integrity now. She could see he cared for his family. He worked hard at his company. And she’d seen the respect the BlackThorpe employees had for him. She knew he was a man of faith. But was all of that enough? There were glimpses of the man she thought him to be. Thinking back to the time before their separation, Rebecca could see hints of the man Alex would become before fear had clouded both their judgements. Was there still love in her heart for him?

  Rebecca stared down at the cloth she clenched in her hands. That was a question she wasn’t sure she was prepared to answer. In her mind right then, the bigger question was if there was still love in Alex’s heart for her? When he looked at her, did he see glimpses of the woman he once loved? Over the years, Rebecca had often wondered if Alex had really loved her. Back then, she hadn’t been able to believe that Alex could love her and ask her to do something so horrible. That he would want her to get rid of the baby that represented their love. At the time, it had felt like he was dismissing their love as easily as he dismissed their baby.

  But now, between the conversations she’d had with Alex and then with Connor, Rebecca realized that she’d had it all wrong. Though she could nev
er accept what Alex had asked her to do, she understood now what had brought him to the point of asking her to do it. And if Connor was right when he said that Alex would’ve changed his mind, Rebecca wondered if her hasty actions had killed any love Alex might have had for her.

  Though he treated her with the utmost respect now, there were few indications that Alex was experiencing any of the emotions that she was. And it wasn’t just the emotional memories. She struggled with the physical ones as well. When they’d gotten married, she’d never felt as safe in her life up to that point as she had in Alex’s arms. She’d loved the feel of his arms around her, holding her as if she were the most precious thing in the world to him. They’d only had a few short days together but it had been enough to leave her with memories for a lifetime.

  During the time between when he had to leave to return to his base and when she let him know she was pregnant, their communication had been somewhat sporadic. She had hoped that they’d be able to chat on a regular basis, but their schedules and the time difference seemed to constantly defeat their efforts. In the end, they’d relied more on email communication than anything else. That, in and of itself, had been a huge challenge.

  While her emails to him had always been full of news and updates, his emails in return had been much sparser. It had also become pretty clear that she was much more comfortable expressing her love and affection for him in emails than he was. Maybe that was why she had been so easily convinced that Alex had been rejecting her along with the baby.

  The noise of the door opening pulled Rebecca from her thoughts. Pasting a smile on her face, she turned to greet Melanie and Tyler as they walked into the kitchen together. She barely had time to greet them before the door opened again and Jordan appeared.

  While they all discussed their plan for the evening, Rebecca finished setting the table and by the time Adrianne arrived about fifteen minutes later, the casserole was ready to come out of the oven.

  “Alex came home earlier,” Rebecca said as she finished making a salad. “Does someone want to see if he wants to come down for dinner?”

  “I’ll go and let him know,” Adrianne said. “I want to change before eating anyway.”

  By the time Adrianne returned with Alex, all the food was on the table and waiting for them. After Alex had said grace, they all dug in. Throughout the meal, Rebecca noticed Alex frequently checking his phone. Once again she was thankful for Melanie and Tyler’s presence. If it had just been her, Jordan, Adrianne, and Alex, it would’ve been a very quiet meal.

  They didn’t linger over the meal like they had on previous nights. Melanie, Tyler, and Jordan had to leave for the basketball game, and Rebecca could see that Alex was eager to return to his office. Adrianne stayed around long enough to help her clean up the dishes from the meal, but then she too disappeared upstairs.

  Though she knew that she could always use the extra time to work on her book, Rebecca decided to give Maureen a call and have another girl chat. This time, maybe they could video chat because Rebecca found herself really missing the visual interaction with her best friend. So, after getting herself a cup of coffee, Rebecca grabbed her phone and made her way into the living room where the Christmas tree was. She supposed that she should’ve returned to the apartment, but for some reason, it felt better to stay in the house where Alex was.

  ~*~*~

  Alex rested his arms on the desk and leaned forward to watch the movement on the screen. It was the end of day two, and still they had no definite proof that Alana was being held in the house they were surveilling. He wasn’t sure how long they were going to let this mission run without something more concrete. He knew that Eric felt, in his gut, that this house was of some importance to the case. Something told him that even if they didn’t see any other signs of life, Eric would want to investigate the interior of the house before finally pulling out. Alex wouldn’t have a problem agreeing to that. And he didn’t think Marcus would either.

  He’d been sitting in front of the laptop for a couple hours now and needed a break. Pushing his chair back, Alex got to his feet and lifted his arms above his head to stretch out the kinks in his back. He twisted side to side and then, with one last look at the laptop, he grabbed his phone and left his room. The house was quiet as he made his way down the stairs. Although, as he got closer to the bottom of the staircase, he could hear conversation coming from the living room. Not wanting to interrupt anything, he veered off towards the kitchen in search of a cup of strong black coffee.

  As he waited for the coffee to fill his mug, Alex investigated a few of the containers on the counter. He struck jackpot when he opened the third container and found a batch of chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. At least, he hoped they were chocolate chip. He inspected them a little more closely before snagging three of them. He wasn’t normally such a pig, but then it wasn’t a terribly common occurrence to find homemade cookies in the house. Periodically, his mom would bring some over, but that was more sporadic than he would’ve liked.

  Taking his cookies and mug of coffee, Alex settled into the breakfast nook, phone close at hand in case anything should come up. He knew he didn’t need to be monitoring the situation as closely as he was but he just couldn’t seem to help himself. All of them had a lot of emotional investment in what had happened with Justin and Alana. It was hard to keep an objective outlook when it was someone they cared about who was in danger.

  Alex broke off a piece of cookie and popped it in his mouth. He stared out the windows beside the breakfast nook as he took a sip of coffee to wash it down. Sitting there in the quiet, Alex allowed his thoughts to go to Rebecca and Jordan. He would’ve liked to have been the one taking Jordan to the basketball game, but with things the way they were with the mission, it was better that he stayed at the house.

  But had it really been more important that he be there to monitor his laptop? He would’ve had his phone if something had come up. They would’ve been able to contact him immediately if he were needed. As he sat there now, having spent the evening watching nothing happen, he realized that he’d wasted an opportunity. He’d put his work before his son. Maybe he really didn’t know how to be a father. Especially in these beginning stages when it was even more important that they spend time together.

  Alex sighed and bent his head forward. Once again doubts filled him and made him question whether he was worthy to be a father. He’d heard all the sayings over the years about how contributing biologically to a child didn’t necessarily make a man a dad. That a dad was the one who was there with the child as they grew up. Who made the child feel loved and cherished and safe. And he had done none of those things. And now that he had a chance to spend time with Jordan, he was brushing it aside in favor of work.

  Maybe Rebecca saw the inadequacies in him and that was why she was unwilling to commit to the move to the Twin Cities. He didn’t want to lose contact with Jordan, but there was a part of him that kept popping up to remind him how woefully inadequate he was for the job of father. Dad. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Jordan didn’t call him father or dad. In fact, Jordan seemed to go out of his way to call him nothing at all. Not even Alex.

  After the time at the shooting range, Alex had hoped that it was the start of rebuilding the relationship he’d had with Rebecca and also the one he’d started having with Jordan before the revelations had ruined it all. But now it felt like, for that one step forward, he had taken two steps back. How many times could he falter in this process and expect Rebecca and Jordan to give him another chance?

  “Alex?”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ALEX JERKED HIS head around to see Rebecca standing next to the counter in the kitchen. “Oh, hey. I didn’t realize that you were still here.”

  Rebecca came over to the breakfast knock and slid in across from him. “Yeah. I decided to hang out and wait for Jordan to get home. I called my friend in Chicago and had a video chat with her to pass the time.”

  Her words reminded Alex that Rebecc
a had a whole life in Chicago. “Do you have a lot of friends there?”

  Rebecca reached across the table and snagged one of the cookies sitting in front of him. She took a bite of it before responding. “I don’t have a huge circle of friends, but I do have a couple of good friends and then Maureen, the woman I was speaking with tonight, is my best friend. She has a son the same age as Jordan and they’re best friends too.”

  Was it even fair of him to ask her to give up those friendships in order to move to be closer to him? Surely, if put on a scale of importance in her life, everything about Chicago would outweigh him. “I’m beginning to realize how unfair it is of me to expect you to give up your whole life in Chicago and move here. I just want you to know, I won’t pressure you about that anymore. I do hope that you might be willing to work with me on some sort of visitation schedule with Jordan. I could come to Chicago or maybe he could fly here, and I’d cover all expenses if that was what turned out to work best.”

  Rebecca stared at him for a minute, and Alex wished he could read her mind because he certainly couldn’t read her expression. Unfortunately, before she could react to his offer, the front door opened and he heard Jordan’s excited voice as he and Tyler exchanged thoughts on the game.

  “Hey, Mom,” Jordan said with a wide grin on his face. “They won!”

  “That’s great, sweetheart. I’m glad you had a good time.”

  Alex sat silently as Jordan plopped down in the seat next to his mom, listening to his excited recap of his evening with Melanie and Tyler. Would Jordan have been nearly as excited to spend the evening with him? Even if the Timberwolves had won?

  Of course, it made sense that Jordan had enjoyed his evening with Tyler and Melanie. Tyler was an outgoing man, and Melanie had really come out of her shell in recent weeks, thanks in no small part to Tyler. As part of his job, Alex had learned early on to never let his emotions show. Unfortunately, it carried over into his personal life and now to his interactions with Rebecca and Jordan.