Proof of Life: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 4)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Adrianne was usually more engaged and outgoing then she had been recently. Alex still thought that something was wrong there, but his sister was keeping whatever was bothering her to herself. Usually, he would’ve tried harder to get to the bottom of what was bothering his twin, but with everything else going on at the moment—all the balls that he was trying to keep in the air—Adrianne was a ball that had gotten dropped. Except he was pretty sure he’d also dropped the Jordan and Rebecca balls. The only thing that had his complete attention lately was work.

  What was it that kept him from being able to rearrange his priorities to what they needed to be?

  “So you’re still not sure about making dinner tomorrow night at Mom’s?” Melanie asked as she stood next to the breakfast nook, Tyler’s arm around her waist.

  Alex thought for a minute. Here was another opportunity and this time he needed to make the right choice. “Go ahead and tell her that I’ll be there as well.”

  Melanie’s brow furrowed. “But what about the mission that you’re monitoring?”

  “I’ll make time for the dinner. If something happens with the mission, they know how to get hold of me.”

  He saw Tyler give a slight nod of his head. The man had been briefed along with Ryan on the mission earlier that day. Though the two men weren’t technically part of the management team of BlackThorpe, Alex saw potential in both of them to one day move up into those positions if they wanted to.

  “Mom will be happy to hear that. Now if I can just get Adrianne to agree, it will be a great evening.”

  “Make sure to extend the invitation to Ryan as well, if you’d like him to be there,” Alex said as he lifted his mug to his lips. He knew that Ryan had no family in the city, and as Tyler’s best friend, it had only been natural to start including him in their get-togethers once Tyler and Melanie were dating.

  “I’ll make sure to let him know,” Tyler said.

  “I’m not sure if any of you would be interested, but our church is having their Christmas program this Sunday night,” Melanie said. “I’m going to see if Mom and Dad want to come too.”

  As Melanie talked a little bit more about the program, Alex realized that this was the first Christmas season where he was getting more involved than usual. Between the decorating of the tree and going to the Christmas programs, this was definitely one of the more active Christmas seasons he’d been a part of. If only the situation with Alana was resolved. It was hard to truly get into the spirit of Christmas with something like that hanging over their heads. While this may be one of his better Christmases, he had a feeling it was one of the worst for Justin and Caden.

  He had just finished off his coffee and the last cookie when Tyler announced that he was leaving. Jordan jumped up and gave him a hug, thanking him once again for taking him to the game. Melanie walked with Tyler to the door, leaving Alex alone with Rebecca and Jordan. There was no awkward silence, however, as Jordan continued to talk about the game and how much he wished his friend Robby could’ve gone with him.

  Melanie returned a few minutes later but only stayed long enough to say good night. Alex figured that Rebecca and Jordan would be next to leave, but to his surprise Rebecca told Jordan to go to the apartment and that she’d be there in a few minutes. Jordan’s gaze darted between the two of them before giving a nod and leaving them alone.

  “I just want to make sure I understood what you said correctly.” Rebecca leaned forward, bracing her elbows on the table. Her brow furrowed over her blue-green eyes. “Are you saying now that you don’t want us to move here?”

  Alex fought the urge to look away, afraid she would see too much in his eyes. “No. I’m just acknowledging the fact that you have a whole life in Chicago and that it was wrong of me to pressure you to move here. If you decide that you want to move here, I want it to be your decision only. No pressure from me. And if you do decide to stay in Chicago, I will do my best to work with you to arrange some sort of schedule for me to see Jordan.”

  Rebecca sat back in her seat and stared at him. “What brought on this change of heart? You seemed quite determined that us moving here was the best decision.”

  Alex shifted in his seat, his feet bumping into hers. He drew his legs back and sat forward. “I just realized that I’m asking you and Jordan to give up an awful lot and I don’t have much to offer you in return.”

  “What about the opportunity for Jordan to get to know his father?” Rebecca asked, an edge to her tone.

  “Well, if you’re open to working with me, I think we can make sure that that still happens.”

  Rebecca pressed her lips together and crossed her arms as she stared at him. “You have been all over the place when it comes to dealing with Jordan and me. One day you seem determined to make things work between you and Jordan, and now you’re telling me that you’d be happy if he ended up back in Chicago.” She got to her feet and then turned to look at him. “You know, for a little while there I thought that you were going to make the effort to see where things could go for us three. But it seems like maybe that’s just a bit too much work for you. What with everything else you have going on in your life right now, I’m just glad you showed your true colors before I wasted any more time contemplating a move here.”

  Before Alex could say anything in reply, Rebecca walked away, leaving him sitting in stunned silence. Her words shouldn’t hurt so much. Had she really been seriously contemplating moving to the Twin Cities? Had his own doubts about his ability to be a father just dashed any chance at a real future with Rebecca and Jordan? He hadn’t even realized that she was thinking along those lines.

  But now what did he do? It just seemed that whether he was nineteen or thirty-five, he didn’t know how to deal with Rebecca. As Alex sat there, anger and frustration began to burn within him. Where on earth did Rebecca get off saying that he was the one all over the place? She hadn’t come out and told him that she was seriously considering a move to the Twin Cities. Everything he’d gotten from her had pointed to her wanting to return to the home she shared with Jordan in Chicago.

  Alex shoved back from the table, grabbing his empty mug as he stood. True, he hadn’t exactly been clear about what he was thinking, but they’d both been at fault here. Not just him. He didn’t know about Rebecca’s motivation, but for him, underlying it all, was the fact that they were still married. She was his wife. He knew at this point it was merely a technicality, but there was a small part of him—or maybe not so small really—that had wondered if perhaps this was their chance to become a family. The three of them.

  After getting himself one more cup of coffee, Alex headed for the stairs. To say he was confused about the whole situation was putting it mildly. And if there was one thing that Alex hated, it was confusion. He liked things well planned out. Well thought out. And under his control. That was absolutely not the case when it came to Rebecca and Jordan. And he had tried to keep control even when he gave it back to her but clearly that had backfired.

  So now he was left angry and frustrated, wondering what it was going to take to figure out how to make things work with Jordan, even if things weren’t going to work out with Rebecca.

  ~*~*~

  Rebecca tried to get her temper to cool between the time when she stepped out of the house and stepped into the apartment, but one look at Jordan’s face as she peeled off her jacket told her that she hadn’t been too successful. He remained silent as she hung up her jacket and slipped out of her shoes, but when she turned back around, he said, “What’s going on with the two of you?”

  Uncertain how Jordan would take the news that Alex was basically suggesting they go back to Chicago, Rebecca took her time answering his question. She went into the kitchen found a mug and made herself a cup of tea. Jordan knew her well enough to understand that she would answer his question, even if she wasn’t doing it right away.

  When she finally had a cup of hot tea in her hands, Rebecca settled at the table and looked at Jordan. He was seated on the sofa b
ed reclining against the back of it with his feet flat on the mattress. He held his phone in his hands and had no doubt been texting with Robby, telling him all about the game that he’d been to with Tyler and Melanie.

  “Alex wanted to let me know that he was no longer going to pressure me to leave Chicago and move us here.”

  Jordan swung his feet over the edge of the bed and got up. He walked over to the table and sat down in the chair across from her. “Is that his way of saying that he doesn’t want us here?”

  Rebecca sighed. “To be honest, sweetie, I really have no idea. I’m not sure what has prompted him to back off from his original desire to have us move here.”

  With his eyes on the cell phone in his hands, Jordan chewed on his lower lip. He shot her a quick glance. “Do you think it’s because of me? Because I was kinda mad at him about what he said last week?”

  “Honestly, I kinda get the feeling that Alex is struggling to know how to be a dad. The times he’s been most comfortable with you have been when they’ve involved something from his job. I think BlackThorpe has been his life for so long, he doesn’t know how to deal with a situation like he has with us.”

  “Was he always like that?”

  Rebecca realized that this was the first time that Jordan had really asked for any details about what it had been like back then. Before everything had fallen apart. “He’s always been a very focused man. He always seemed to know what he wanted in life and was determined to get it.”

  “And I guess he wanted you, but he didn’t want me.” Jordan’s thumb slid back and forth over the darkened screen of his phone. “Maybe he still doesn’t.”

  Rebecca wished she could say with one hundred percent certainty that that wasn’t the case, but she couldn’t. Clearly she and Alex needed to sit down and hash all of this out. They just needed to get it all out on the table. The marriage. Jordan. Whether or not she wanted to move from Chicago. Somehow she had to get Alex to open up and put it all out there because the uncertainty was hurting her boy. And if Alex cared anything for him at all, he was going to have to man up and work with her to get this all figured out.

  Maureen had asked her once again, about renewing her relationship with Alex. Up until the moment he’d ticked her off in the kitchen, Rebecca had found herself more strongly considering that option. But now, she wasn’t so sure. Which wasn’t really fair. Relationships had their ups and downs and if she was ready to bail on Alex the first time she got upset with something he said, then she was as bad as he was for backing down from what had seemed initially to be his desire to work things out.

  In all honesty, they were probably both really out of practice when it came to a personal relationship. From everything she’d seen and heard, there seemed to be no indication that he’d ever had a relationship since they had been together. The relationship with friends, family, or children was different from that of a relationship with a spouse or significant other. She needed to remember that as she tried to work this through with Alex. She just really hoped he would listen to her and be willing to knock down a few of the walls that he seemed intent on keeping in place. She wondered if he was actually aware of the fact that he had built those walls around him.

  Reaching out, she laid her hand on Jordan’s. “I’m going to talk with him to see if we can’t just get this figured out. Right now we’re all just kind of operating under the assumption of what we think each other is thinking and what the other wants. We need to put it all on the table. I need you to also understand that when you chose to take it upon yourself to come see Alex without telling me, you opened yourself up to the consequences of that decision. And part of those consequences was hearing something that you didn’t want to hear. You’re blowing hot and cold with Alex as much as he is with us.

  “So I need you to really think, Jordan. I haven’t pressured you to spend time with Alex, nor have I pressured you to consider a relationship with him. But I think we’re at the point now, where you need to put some serious thought into what you want and let me know.”

  Jordan kept his gaze lowered and didn’t say anything, but then he swallowed hard and looked up at her, his eyes damp. “I want him to want me. I want him to love me.”

  Rebecca’s heart squeezed painfully as she took in her son’s emotional response. She slid off her chair and moved to his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Pressing her cheek against his head, Rebecca said, “He does want you, Jordan, but I think he’s scared that you don’t want him.” She moved back a little and tipped his head back with the press of her fingers beneath his chin. “And that’s why we need to be totally honest with each other. Even if it might hurt, we need to know where each of us stands before we can move forward.”

  Jordan rubbed a finger underneath his eye. “So do I have to tell him that?”

  “I think it would be best if I talk with him first, but then after that — yes, I think you should tell him that. And hopefully, he’ll have something to tell you in return. Then we’ll have something to work with.”

  “And if he decides that he doesn’t want us, then what?”

  “We’ll just have to pray that that is not how it turns out. I wish I could give you more of a guarantee — I would love one for myself too — but right now, all I can offer you is that we’re going to try and figure this out.”

  Rebecca returned to her seat and took another sip of her rapidly cooling tea. Jordan sat there with her, clearly mulling things over in his mind.

  He looked over at her, the tears and emotions from earlier gone. “Do you think if we do move here, Robby could come to visit and maybe we could go to another game with Tyler?”

  Rebecca smiled, glad for the resiliency of her son. “I’m pretty sure that that could be arranged.”

  ~*~*~

  After a restless night of sleep, Alex was in his office early the next morning. The sun hadn’t even risen in the sky as he stared out the window, coffee cup in hand. So many things were trying to vie for attention in his mind. As he settled into his chair, he wanted to push aside the personal things in order to deal with the work-related ones, but just the thought of doing that made him feel guilty.

  And because of that, Alex spent the day in a somewhat distracted mindset. Thankfully, no one really seemed to notice. The things utmost on his mind were Jordan and Rebecca and the mission. They were on day four of the mission with no sign of either Alana or her captor. Alex knew a phone call was coming. It would either be Marcus or Eric and then decisions would have to be made. He knew what Marcus would want, but he just couldn’t bring himself to pull the plug on it just yet. So, he came up with a plan in case the call came from Eric before there was news of Alana’s release.

  He was late leaving the office and traffic didn’t cooperate on his way to his folks’ house. By the time he pulled into their driveway, he could see that everyone else was already there. No doubt a few figured that he wasn’t going to be showing his face.

  Alex didn’t bother to knock on the large wooden door of his parents’ Victorian style home before opening it and stepping into the foyer. He took off his coat and shoes and put them in the closet before heading toward the dining room.

  “Alex!” His mother got up from the table and came around to hug him. “I thought something was going to keep you from coming.” She patted him on the arm. “Take off your jacket and stay a while.”

  “I just might do that,” Alex said as he slid his suit coat off and hung it on the back of the only vacant chair at the table which, coincidentally, was right next to Rebecca’s. He gave her a nod and a smile as he loosened his tie and settled into his chair.

  Since it was obvious they’d already started to eat, Alex bowed his head to say grace for his meal before taking the bowls of food his mother handed his way. As he glanced around the table, he was glad to see that Adrianne was there as well. Things had been tense between her and their mom for the past several months, so he was glad to see her there for the family dinner. And hopefully, his mom would la
y off the requests for grandchildren now that she had Jordan.

  As usual, the meal his mother had prepared was delicious. Obviously anticipating several hungry mouths, his mother had made plenty of the pot roast and vegetables. Alex noted that he wasn’t the only one who went back for seconds. Rebecca, on the other hand, didn’t seem to eat as heartily as usual. He wondered if their conversation the night before was still bothering her. It was still bothering him, but there wasn’t much that interfered with his appetite when he was hungry.

  He had just finished the last of the piece of chocolate cake his mother had given them for dessert when his cell rang. Figuring that it would be a mission related call, Alex pushed back and got to his feet as he pulled the cell from his pocket. He glanced at the display and knew he couldn’t put off taking the call.

  “Excuse me, I need to take this.” His mother gave him a reproving look. “I’m sorry, Mom, but I really do need to get this.”

  Walking quickly, Alex headed for his parents’ living room as the phone rang again. He tapped the screen to accept the call and pressed it to his ear. He ran a hand through his hair as he stared out the bay window that framed the Christmas tree.

  “Hey, Eric. How’s it going?”

  “Sorry it’s so late, but I was kind of waiting until the last minute to make this call.”

  “I understand.” Alex sank into a winged leather armchair that sat next to the Christmas tree. “I assume you’re calling because there’s been no sighting of Alana or Craig.”

  Eric didn’t say anything right away, and Alex could almost feel the man’s frustration through their phone connection. “I know I said that I had a good feeling about this, and I still do. But we can’t go on indefinitely like this. I’m pretty sure Marcus is getting close to the end of his tolerance for this mission without any concrete evidence.”

  “You know Marcus wants to find Alana as much as any of us, right?” Alex felt the need to stand up for Marcus. He was aware that most didn’t understand the man the way he did. “Marcus just has a very practical side, so if we’re looking for fire, he wants to see some smoke.”