Rae of Sunshine

by Micalea Smeltzer

  He caught me around the waist and spun me around, before we promptly fell to the ground, and rolled until he hovered above me.

  “I win.” He kissed my nose.

  “You didn’t even give me a chance,” I frowned.

  “My bad,” he grinned crookedly. He stood up slowly and offered me his hand. “This time you can throw first.” He lowered and picked up the football, handing it to me.

  He jogged away and I tossed it to him. He had to run forward to catch it since I didn’t throw it far enough. He turned away from me and ran.

  I jogged after him and when I got close enough I jumped onto his back.

  He started laughing, reaching back to grab my legs.

  “I got you,” I chimed, pressing a kiss to his neck.

  “You got me a long time ago, Sunshine.”

  I smiled widely at his words as he headed back to where we left the blanket. He dropped the football on the ground and I hopped off his back. I jogged back to where I left my camera and as I approached, I called, “Smile!”

  He grinned and my stomach fluttered. Cade’s smile did crazy things to me.

  After snapping a few more photos he took the camera from me. “My turn.”

  I blushed, lowering my head, suddenly shy at having the tables turned.

  “Don’t hide from me,” he warned, his voice husky.

  I looked up slowly and found that he’d lowered the camera.

  “You have nothing to be afraid of, Rae.”

  “I know.” I stood up straight, squaring my shoulders and leveled him with a smile.

  He grinned. “Now that’s more like it.”

  I took the camera from him then and sat down on the blanket, going through photos. Cade leaned over my shoulder looking as well.

  “Hey, you made me look good there,” he pointed to one.

  I laughed, leaning against his chest. “That’s because you look good no matter what and you know it.”

  He chuckled, lying on his back. “That’s true.”

  I set the camera aside and curled my body around his.

  We grew quiet and Cade stroked my hair.

  “Are you ready?” He asked softly.

  I stopped breathing and my heart skipped a beat.

  It was time. I knew it. He knew it.

  I had to take care of what I came here to do.

  “Yes.”

  ***

  Cade held my hand as we walked through the cemetery. My mom had told me where they were buried, so I didn’t have to search the headstones.

  The closer we got the faster my heart raced.

  I knew this was it.

  The beginning of something new for me—a life without fear.

  “I want to go alone,” I told Cade.

  He nodded and released my hand. “I thought you would. I’ll be over here,” he pointed a few feet away.” I knew what he was saying, if I needed him he’d be close.

  “Thank you.” I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

  I gave him a reassuring smile as I headed to Brett’s grave. Hannah and Sarah were just as important as Brett, but he was the one I needed to speak to and say goodbye.

  Kathleen and Cade might’ve given me that final push to gather the strength to come here, but I’d known all along that this was what I had to do. I’d fought the inevitable for far too long.

  As I strode through the graveyard I took several deep breaths to calm myself. I could do this. I was strong and I would not break—not anymore.

  I stopped in front of the grave, a choking panic overcoming me.

  Brett, the boy I’d grown up and loved once upon a time was gone and what was left lay here beneath my feet.

  I suddenly felt bad for not bringing flowers or something to leave for him.

  I sunk to my knees, tears coursing down my cheeks as I reached out to touch the cold stone surface of the headstone.

  “Hi, Brett,” I choked. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to visit. I’m sorry about a lot of things, actually,” I laughed humorlessly. “I’m sorry I stole your sweatshirt when we were ten and lied about it…I really wanted it.” I laughed, and this time it didn’t sound forced. I reached up and dried my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “I’m sorry for eating all of your cotton candy when we went to the carnival. I’m sorry for ruining your art project in eight grade when I tripped and fell on it. I’m sorry for making you pose for hours while I took your picture. On second thought I’m definitely not sorry for that. You know what, forget it, I’m not sorry for any of it. I’m not sorry for being your friend or for loving you. I am sorry that because of me you’re not here right now,” I sobbed, “but I wouldn’t take back any of the memories I have of you for anything. I’m thankful I got to have you in my life for as long as I did. I will always regret what I did, but I won’t let it rule my life anymore. I wish things were different, but wishing gets you nowhere. I know one day I’ll see you again, so even though I came here to say goodbye I was wrong. This isn’t goodbye, Brett. This is me telling you I’ll see you later.” I took a deep breath and stroked my fingers over his name. “I have to live my life and I know you’d want that for me.”

  I sat there crying. There was so much more that I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the words. I knew in my heart they were unnecessary.

  I pressed my lips to my fingers and placed them against the headstone.

  I stood up and dusted the grass off my jeans, before I walked forward and was met by my present, my future, my forever.

  epilogue

  Six months later…

  “That’s the last one,” Cade grinned, setting the cardboard box on the floor. He came around the kitchen island and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I leaned my back against him, smiling. “Now we have our own place.”

  “Almost our own place,” I reminded him.

  After graduation Cade and I decided to move in together, but since Cade wanted a house, not an apartment, and we couldn’t afford a house on our own we were going to have roommates.

  But not just any roommates.

  He groaned. “Way to burst my bubble, Sunshine.”

  About that time Xander and Thea strolled in. Each of them was renting a room from us so they could live off campus. Thea still insisted that nothing was going on between them. I guessed only time would tell where those two ended up.

  Thea wrinkled her nose at us. “Am I going to have to watch you grope my best friend all the time?”

  Cade chuckled. “Probably.” He nuzzled my neck and I giggled.

  “Bleh,” Thea gagged. “I think I liked her better when she was mopey and didn’t talk to anyone, because this,” she pointed at us, “is getting majorly gross real fast.”

  Xander started to laugh and chimed in with, “Well, what do you think is going to happen when they start having loud, obnoxious, bang the walls down, sex.”

  “Oh my God!” She slapped her hands over ears. “I didn’t even think of that!” She ran from the room and up the steps. “Moving in here was a bad idea!”

  The three of us laughed at her over dramatic antics.

  “I’ll finish unpacking the stuff in the family room,” Xander tossed his thumb over his shoulder and backed out of the room, leaving us alone.

  “Are you happy, Sunshine?” Cade asked me, cupping my cheeks in his large hands. His eyes were serious, almost worried, like he thought I might say no.

  As cliché as it sounded, he made me happy when my skies were gray. With Cade by my side, even the bad days didn’t seem so bad anymore.

  I placed one of my hands over his. “I couldn’t be happier,” I promised. “I’m ready for whatever the future holds for us.”

  “Like babies?”

  I started laughing. “How about you let me graduate college first and then we’ll talk marriage and babies?”

  “Deal,” he grinned.

  And we sealed it with a kiss.

  acknowledgements

  I don’t even know where to begin with the acknowledgeme
nts for this book. Rae of Sunshine wasn’t an easy book to write. I was terrified to write a book about texting and driving and the consequences, because it is so pertinent in the world we live in. Many teenagers—and adults—are guilty of texting and driving. Even looking down at your phone while you’re behind the wheel can have lasting consequences, like in Rae’s case. When you’re driving your sole focus should be on the road. Personally, I’ve never lost anyone because of texting and driving, but I’ve wanted to write a story about it for a while. I know many of the people who read my books are young, and I thought if I could stop one of them (you) from texting and driving, then I’d accomplish something. When I started Rae’s story I knew the accident would be her fault and that she’d carry immeasurable guilt because of it. I wanted to show what it would be like to be the “villain” in the story, not the victim…but in a way Rae is very much a victim. One of her own making. She has to come to terms with what she caused and learn that she’s not a monster. She made a mistake—one she’ll carry for the rest of her life. Oftentimes we all think we’re invincible and nothing will happen to the ones we love or ourselves, but the fact of the matter is it can happen. So always be thankful for what you have, because you never know when it might be gone.

  Cade. Cade. Cade. He was exactly what Rae needed, despite his own tragic past. When I got the idea for Rae of Sunshine I knew he’d be a football player, but not your typical one. Cade is very sweet and humble. Life has shaped him into a guy that thinks beyond his years and I love him for it. I know many of you are probably mad that I didn’t delve further into his story and have a resolution with his father, but this is Rae’s story, so I felt it was important to focus on her overcoming her issues.

  Okay, now that I have rambled for a page in a half I guess it’s time that I thank some people.

  Thank you to my wonderful author friends: Regina Bartley, Harper James, and Valia Lind. You’re all always there to support me and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thanks for listening to my many breakdowns and dealing with my panic attacks.

  Thank you to my lovely beta readers, Haley, Becca, Kendall, and Stefanie. You guys were an immeasurable support system throughout this book.

  Regina Wamba, I can’t thank you enough for the stunning cover. It’s exactly what I wanted.

  Monica and Michael, thank you so much for bringing Rae and Cade alive! You both did amazing and I’m blown away by how well the pictures match up with the book.

  To all the bloggers that have/will read and review Rae of Sunshine, THANK YOU. Without bloggers most books would fall through the cracks. Thank you for taking time away from your busy lives to read my books. I’ve become really good friends with many of you and I’m so thankful for that.

  I can’t forget to thank YOU. The readers! You guys blow my mind! When I started this journey three years ago I NEVER expected the amount of support I have today. Every time I get a message or email from one of you I can assure you that there’s a smile on my face.

  Enjoy two excerpts from Live for Her by Harper James

  & Causing Heartbreak by Regina Bartley.

  PROLOGUE

  NATE

  Five Months Earlier—Senior Year

  Nate turned the lights off on his bike as he approached the Marshes’ home. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself and wanted a minute to prepare what he would say when the door was answered. No matter who it was, there would be explaining to do. He had left when he and Scott had fought about being caught with that stupid beer so long ago, and he had made it a point to never come back. Chloe was the one girl he was willing to break that vow for. As he straddled the bike at the end of the driveway, his heart sank. Her car was nowhere in sight. She wasn’t here, and he was no closer to making sure she was all right. He couldn’t ask her if the stories all over the news were true or if she could handle what was sure to come her way the next day.

  “If you’re here to give my brother a piece of your mind, then punch him and bail, you’re a day late. Little brother, Josh, took care of that last night.” Olivia walked out from the shadows at the far end of the house where he knew she must have just crawled from her window.

  “Little Livvy, long time no see.” Nate smiled.

  “No, that’s not true. You have definitely seen me. You just choose not to talk to or acknowledge me, even though I’m pretty sure the thing that crawled up your ass and died has nothing to do with me.” She walked up so she stood a few feet from the bike he had turned off. “If you’re looking for the main attraction, she’s not here.”

  “I figured that out: no car, no Chloe.”

  “And here I thought you were the dumb one all this time.” Olivia gave him the same smile she had when they were getting in trouble as kids. After a second, she chuckled and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. “I’ve missed you.”

  Nate was taken aback. He had gone so long hating Scott that he had forgotten he had also been friends with Olivia. Slowly raising his hands, he wrapped them around her waist and hugged her middle. “Me too.”

  “Sorry she isn’t here. I’ll let her know you came to check on her if I see her tonight, okay?”

  “Thanks, Liv. You know, just because I hate your brother doesn’t mean we have to be mortal enemies. I remember plenty of times when we were little that it was the two of us taking him on. We can always try that again.”

  “You just now figuring that out?” she asked, tilting her head to the side to study him. “Too bad you took so long. Bridges have been burned; hearts have been broken.” She took a step back and shrugged her shoulders. “Besides, at this point, Chloe’s either going to break your heart or his. You won’t want her best friend around if she breaks yours, and I can’t hurt Scott by coming around you or bringing you around here if she breaks his.”

  “Yeah.” Nate sighed.

  “See you around, Fennell.”

  “Later, Livvy.” He waited until she had crawled back in her window to start his bike up and head home.

  Prologue

  Dane

  “I need to talk to you.” Wren stopped me at the front door as I was leaving. Talking was out of the question. I hadn’t slept in days. I had some place to be, and it wasn’t there.

  “Not now, Wren.”

  “It’s important Dane. I need to talk to you now.” She followed me down the steps and towards my car.

  “It can wait.” I open the car door and started to get inside.

  Just as the door was shutting, I heard her say, “I’m pregnant.”

  When I looked back at where she stood, I saw a serious look in her eyes. My head was already jumbled with everything that was going on. I hadn’t been able to deal with finding out that the people I’d thought were my parents weren’t. It had weeks now, and I still couldn’t get past it. The damn pills weren’t killing the pain, and now this. My freaking head couldn’t take anymore shit.

  “You sure it’s mine.” You could never be too sure about these things. The only time we’d slept together was at that party. That was months ago. My hands clenched hard against the steering wheel. I rocked back and forth in the seat. When I looked back at her she had tears running down her face.

  “What did I ever see in you?” She dropped her chin to her chest. My eyes scanned her body until they landed on her stomach. I could plainly see it. Her stomach was clearly sticking out under her shirt.

  “I’m trying to figure that out myself.” I stared at her once again willing her to say something. I knew she wouldn’t though. She knows as well as I do that I am a piece of crap that not even the dogs would take a second look at. I didn’t need this crap. Not now, not ever. If she was expecting me to act like this was great news and that I should be forever excited, then she truly didn’t know me at all. Just add this effing great news to all the others. My life was a bowl of fucking cherries.

  “Are we through?” I snapped at her.

  She glanced up at me once more and I watched a single tear slide down her pale white face,
but I didn’t let it get to me. It was about time someone felt as broken as I did. Why did I always have to be the one to suffer?

  “A small part of me expected you to react different. I wanted you to care about one little thing in your miserable fucked up world Dane.” She swiped her hand across her cheek. “If your own child can’t make you care, then I don’t know what else will.”

  I huffed out a breath and smirked in her direction. “I still don’t even know if the kid your packing is mine.” I barked, but didn’t look in her direction. I knew I was hitting below the belt, but I wanted her off my ass.

  “Go to hell.” She stomped off towards the house.

  Funny, that’s the exact place I was headed.

  I started the car and backed out of the drive. My eyes followed her as she quickly made her way inside the house. Good Wren. Runaway. You don’t need someone like me in your life.

  ***

  I stood there in front of the grave of the people I thought were my parents. The ones who’d spent their whole life telling me they were. The realization was that every piece of my life up until this point had been a lie. Parents… What fucking parents? The feeling in the pit of my stomach made me want to claw out my insides. It was creeping up my throat and it felt like I could vomit up everything inside.

  Make it go away. I let my lips linger on the glass bottle before turning it up again. The burn of the alcohol wasn’t helping the pain in my chest. Neither were the two pink pills I swallowed over an hour ago to kill the pain. They used to help. They used to make every conscious thought and abrasive feeling go away. Not this day. First my parents and now Wren. I can’t imagine that anyone would want me to be the father of their baby. I don’t know how to be a dad. Now looking back, I realize I never had one, so this baby would be just fine if it didn’t have one either. Better none, then some phony. No one wants a man saying “I love you son,” if he obviously didn’t mean it.

  I blamed everyone. When Sawyer said she needed to talk, this wasn’t the conversation that I was expecting. I would never have expected this, in a million years. How is it possible that I didn’t know that these people were my parents? Looking back now I realize that I shared no physical traits with them. I am the tallest one of the family, and I have blue eyes. Fucking blue eyes. Not brown. Ugh… All lies.