Always a Bridesmaid

by Lizzie Shane

  “I think that’s probably for the best. I could never be with someone I couldn’t trust.”

  Then you’re going to be alone a long time, buddy. She held back the words. Maybe he’d never really let go of his baggage. Maybe he’d never really given them a chance, but had she?

  “I hope you find what you’re looking for,” she said instead.

  He left her with one last sullen silence to remember him by. And then it was over.

  A not-quite-three month romance. And the closest she’d ever gotten to feeling like she might really cross the finish line with someone. She’d had longer relationships, but this one had been serious. On paper he’d wanted all the same things she wanted—a family, a home, a future.

  Had she done the right thing, breaking up with him? She wasn’t getting any younger and the options weren’t getting any more plentiful. Had she just given up on her last chance?

  It was hard to regret it with that last silence ringing in her ears. She couldn’t imagine bringing him to Katie’s wedding next week. Let alone Sidney’s in two months.

  How long ago had she stopped seeing a future with him? She’d wanted so badly to see it, but wouldn’t she be sad now if he’d been the One? She didn’t feel heartbroken. She felt relieved.

  Though in retrospect, perhaps it hadn’t been the best idea to break up with her boyfriend immediately before attending an event where everyone would be talking about relationships nonstop.

  Parvati tucked her car into the crowded driveway at exactly two o’clock and made her way to the door of the Malibu beach house where one of Sidney’s Marrying Mister Perfect friends, Elena, now lived with her husband.

  The place wasn’t much from the street side, but as soon as she stepped into the sunken living room, the three-million-dollar view through the floor-to-ceiling windows smacked her in the face.

  “Parvati!” Elena thrust a mimosa into her hand and plucked the present from her grasp before she disappeared to answer the door again.

  Sidney was already here—thank God—and so was Tori, but they were surrounded by a gaggle of women Parv had most recently seen on her television screen as Sidney’s co-Suitorettes on Marrying Mister Perfect, as well as a few faces she vaguely recognized from her high school and college days.

  She found a place on one of the pristine white couches, feeling less maid-of-honor and more awkward guest.

  “Parvati Jai? I thought that was you! My gosh, it’s been years. What have you been up to?”

  Her relief at being joined by another guest died a quick death when she realized it was Ally Hopkins—their high school valedictorian—who was currently wearing a rock the size of Gibraltar on her left hand.

  She’d been to enough bridal showers to know that they were mostly presents, champagne, wedding gossip and relationship advice—but she’d failed to take one other element into account: everyone catching everyone else up on their fabulous, exciting lives.

  Except Parv’s life wasn’t fabulous and exciting. She’d broken up with her boyfriend fifteen minutes ago. She worked as a receptionist and a bakery slave. Her housing situation could best be described as “mooch.”

  “Oh,” she pasted on a smile. “This and that. What about you? Is that a wedding ring I see?”

  Ally beamed. “Guilty! Ally Hopkins-Adalpe, now. And Chris is just the greatest guy. We both do corporate law and we met when both our clients were named in a lawsuit. It was love at first discovery hearing! What about you?” Her eyes flicked down to Parvati’s naked hand. “Are you seeing anyone?”

  “Oh, no one special.”

  “What?” Tori chose that exact moment to appear with fruit and cheese skewers. “What about Parker?”

  “We broke up.”

  “When?”

  About three minutes ago. Luckily, Elena tapped a fork against her champagne flute to call the shower to order and saved Parvati from having to answer.

  Tori shot Parv a look that demanded answers later, but didn’t push the subject as the showering commenced.

  * * * * *

  By the time Sidney opened the cute little spatula set Parvati had given her and set it alongside the designer dishes and high end cookware she’d already opened, everyone in the room had asked Parvati about her employment and relationship status—except Sidney.

  Admittedly, Sidney was busy—opening presents, getting unsolicited advice for a happy marriage, and answering questions about how she and Josh fell in love, their plans for the wedding, and when they were going to start a family—but the omission still felt significant somehow.

  Sidney had no idea what was going on in her life. It was possible she didn’t even know that Parv was living with her brother.

  And with her break-up with Parker echoing in her thoughts, Parv couldn’t stop thinking about balance. Where was the balance in their friendship? When was the last time Sidney had given a damn?

  By the time the last prospective baby name—not for Tori’s baby, but for Sidney and Josh’s future offspring—had been discussed, Parv had a running tally of Sidney’s transgressions playing in her head. Moving without telling her. Not being there for her when Common Grounds closed. The hours of unreturned voicemail messages.

  All the things Parvati had told herself didn’t bother her until the collective weight of them felt like a piano crashing down on top of her, painfully discordant.

  When the party was officially over, she lingered, helping pack the presents into Sidney’s shiny new SUV in the hope that she’d catch a moment alone with her friend, a single moment of connection that would make that piano-weight of grievance vanish into smoke.

  But then someone else was trying to leave and Parv needed to move her car and by the time she’d reparked it and come back in to help load again, all the gifts were in and Sidney was hugging Elena and Tori, thanking them for the lovely party, and getting ready to leave.

  She turned to Parv with a tired smile and for a moment Parvati forgot her grievances. Sidney had always hated being on display. It was part of why her choice to go on a reality TV show again after Marrying Mister Perfect had come as such a surprise to Parv.

  “Long day for you,” Parv said, with genuine sympathy.

  “Long year. Planning a wedding, launching a reality television show—how would anyone have the energy for kids after all this?” Sidney groaned, opening the driver’s door. “You headed back to Casa Marquez?”

  And there it was. The reminder of how far apart they were now. “Actually, the Marquezes sold their place. I’m staying at Max’s now.”

  That stopped Sidney. She turned in the crook of the open door, frowning at Parv with her eyebrows arched high. “What does Parker think of that?”

  “We broke up.”

  Sidney groaned, the sound heavy with judgment. “Oh God, Parvati.”

  “Don’t look at me like that. It had nothing to do with Max.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  She wasn’t. But she wasn’t about to admit it, bristling defensively. “He’s my friend, Sidney. And I’ve needed one because you sure as hell haven’t been around. Lately I feel like I’m besties with your voicemail.”

  Sidney rocked back on her heels. “Excuse me?”

  “You couldn’t take five minutes to drop by Common Grounds when I had to close?”

  “I’ve been a little busy.”

  “I know! But does that mean you stop giving a crap about me?” Parv heard her voice getting louder and couldn’t seem to stop it. “You moved without telling me. You don’t even know what’s going on with me right now. Am I the thing that gets knocked off your priority list when something has to give?”

  “That isn’t fair—”

  “I understand that you have different priorities now. Your job is important and your fiancé is important and Tori is important and her baby is important, but when did I stop being important? When did I become the deadweight in this friendship?”

  Now that she’d started talking she couldn’t seem to stop, all
her pent-up frustrations from the last few months spilling out in a rush. “I know it isn't going to be like it was. I know we aren't going to be Tuesday nights vegging out and watching Marrying Mister Perfect together. I know everything is different and I'm the one who can't keep up. I'm the one who can't find a man. I'm the one who always wanted what you and Tori have, but I'm the desperate old spinster and you're living the dream with your perfect life.”

  Sidney’s jaw dropped. “You think my life is perfect? My life is stressful as hell! Do you have any idea how much pressure I’m under? Every week I have to make some insanely deserving couple’s wedding dreams come true—cancer survivors, military vets—flawless happy endings every week. But no pressure. It’s just televised for the entire world to see. And now I have to feel guilty because you're feeling left out?” Sidney gripped the car’s doorframe. “I'm sorry you're going through shit. I really am. But I'm going through shit too. And you aren't old. You aren't a spinster. That’s just ridiculous.” She climbed into the car. “I'm not going to throw you a pity party. I don't have the energy or the time. And I’m sorry if that makes me a bad friend, but I would hope my best friend would cut me a little slack.” She reached out to grip the door, ready to pull it closed. “Now I’m sorry, but I have to go. I have twenty-seven things on my to-do list to keep Once Upon a Bride afloat so we can afford to pay our employees. By the way, Tori told me we hired you. Welcome aboard.”

  The car door slammed shut on the sarcastic words and Parvati fell back to watch the woman who had once been her best friend in the world drive away. She didn’t know what they were now.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Max arrived home to find Parvati sitting on the couch in yoga pants and a tank top, staring at a blank television with a full tumbler of scotch in her hand. The corners of her lips pulled down and her free arm was wrapped around her knees, hugging them tight. The sight was so foreign, he found himself creeping up to her cautiously rather than just walking over and throwing himself on the couch like he normally would.

  “Parv? You okay?”

  She looked up at the sound of his voice, as if she hadn’t heard the door slam when he came in from the garage. “I blew up my life today.”

  She toasted him with the full glass and he nodded to the tumbler. “How many is that?”

  “First. I keep forgetting to drink it.” She took a long swallow.

  So he hadn’t caught her mid-bender. That wasn’t the origin of her vaguely catatonic state. “What happened?” Was it Parker? Her family?

  “Sidney and I had a fight.”

  Max settled down beside her on the couch, moving carefully. “It can’t be the first one.”

  She shook her head, still staring at the blank television. “We’ve never fought like this. Even when we argued before it never felt like we were really on opposing sides. Now we’re separate. There’s this gulf between us that keeps getting wider. I’m losing my best friend, Max. And I know I made it worse today. I shouldn’t have blown up like that, but I just got so sick of the lack of balance. Nothing has any balance. I broke up with Parker too.”

  “What?” The words hit him like a sucker punch—but he’d never been so relieved to be socked in the gut.

  “There was no balance.” Parv took another lingering swallow of scotch—a big enough gulp that he would have known she’d watered it down even if the pale color hadn’t given it away. “Parker. Sidney. I would drop everything to help someone I care about and they know that, they take advantage of it, but do I have anyone in my life I can depend on like that?” She turned her head, looking at him now, her gaze no longer distant. “Except maybe you. You’re my rock.”

  A jolt of something that closely resembled fear but wasn’t entirely unpleasant streaked through him. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be her rock, though part of him definitely liked the idea even if it scared the shit out of the rest of him.

  “I don’t complain—at least not to anyone but myself—or you—and I tell myself I’m not keeping score, and I never used to, not when I felt like Sidney actually gave a damn, but now I’m bitter about the lack of balance—but you can’t bitch about getting nothing if you don’t ask for something. I’m tired of getting nothing, so from now on when I want something, I’m going to ask for it. No more Miss Nice Girl.”

  “I like Miss Nice Girl.”

  “I like you too.” She looked at him, something serious in her gaze that made him want to squirm.

  Danger, Will Robinson. “Parv…”

  “I broke up with Parker.”

  Oh Sweet Christ. “You said.”

  “He wasn’t right for me.”

  He swallowed, his tongue suddenly thick. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Are you? Are you sorry?”

  Fuck no. His gaze fell to her mouth. That damn mouth he’d fantasized about since he was a horny teenager. The full lower lip. The perfect shape of the upper. It was the mouth of a forties pin-up girl and she had the body to match. All touchable curves.

  This was a bad idea. It had always been a bad idea and it still was. She was looking at him with her soul in her eyes, but she was falling today and if he was her friend, he wouldn’t take advantage. He would prop her back up on her feet and walk away.

  Her glass hit the coffee table. “Max…”

  She put her hand on his arm and he felt the touch like a brand through his sleeve. He was shaking his head, but that wasn’t stopping her. She was leaning toward him, her gaze dropping to his lips, and all he could think of was that last kiss. The one that hadn’t lasted nearly long enough. The one that kept him up nights. The one that he’d relived more times than he cared to count over the last few months.

  “Are you sure about this?” Christ, was that his voice? All hoarse and raspy?

  “I’m going after what I want,” she whispered, so close he could feel her breath on his lips. “And I want you.”

  The kiss was soft and tasted lightly of scotch, but it wasn’t tentative. There was nothing unsure about the way she kissed him. If there had been even a trace of uncertainty, he could have walked away. At least that’s what he told himself. But there wasn’t. The touch was gentle, but she leaned into it until it was sweeter, deeper, shoving him past his best intentions and into the feel of her.

  He didn’t know if she moved or if he reached for her. All he knew was that she was sideways across his lap, his hands full of her, the kiss never breaking as her mouth opened and her tongue teased against his. After months of foreplay, he’d expected them to be a short-burning fuse, igniting quickly and taking them into insanity in a frantic rush of flying clothes, but now that he was here, in this moment, with her exactly where he wanted her, he wasn’t going to rush this. No matter how she squirmed in his lap, urging him on.

  “Max,” she gasped impatiently when he finally broke the kiss to move along the side of her neck, one hand smoothing down to grab a handful of her ass and position her more snugly against him.

  “Easy,” he murmured against her skin.

  “What if I don’t want easy?”

  He blew against the skin of her neck he’d just wetted with his tongue, making her shiver. “You sure you don’t want easy?” With one hand around her back, keeping her upright in his lap, he stroked the other from her hip to her ribcage, pausing just below her breast. With just the backs of his fingers, he grazed the full lower curve through her tank top.

  “I hate easy,” she gasped, arching into his touch. He teased her nipple through her clothes, the touch light enough to make her twist helplessly.

  “Is that like when you say you hate me?” he asked with a grin against her neck. “Because I think you really like easy. And me.”

  She twisted in his arms, biting the side of his neck.

  “Ouch.”

  “Shut up. You liked it.”

  He grinned. “True. But it’s not going to make me hurry. I’ve been waiting for this for too long not to savor every second of it.”

  She shivered at th
e words. “Savoring can be good.”

  His hand slid back down to her hip. “Oh sweetheart. You have no idea.” But she was about to.

  * * * * *

  After all the fantasies she’d had in her life starring Max Dewitt, the reality really should have been a letdown. There was no human way he should have been able to live up to expectations. But she should have known that when it came to expectations, Max was never satisfied unless he surpassed them.

  By the time her first earth-shattering orgasm rolled over her, Parvati had realized that Max was in a whole different league from Parker. By the fourth, she realized they weren’t even playing the same game. Not that she thought of Parker. Max consumed every sense and every thought.

  She was aware of nothing but him on the couch—and when he carried her to the master bedroom. And the master shower. And the floor.

  She was perfectly, blissfully sated when she fell asleep and perfectly, blissfully happy when she woke up. The feeling lasted as she stretched and closed her eyes, reliving every moment of the night before. It lasted right up until she opened her eyes and rolled over to find Max studying her.

  There was nothing in his look to pop her happy bubble, but she still felt it deflate a bit when she met his eyes with the morning light streaming through the windows behind him. A moment ago she’d been reveling in the fact that it had really happened, but now facing him just felt too real.

  “Hey.” He smiled, adorably lopsided, his dimple making an appearance on one side, and her heart lurched a little.

  “Hey.”

  “So that happened.”

  “Repeatedly.”

  He released a short, startled laugh. “That it did. I’m guessing we should talk.”

  And there it was. That ugly bitch reality come to ruin her perfectly sated morning.

  She reached down deep, but couldn’t find a shred of regret. No matter what came next, she was glad they’d done that. And she wasn’t ready for it to be over just yet. But they did need to talk about expectations.

  Were they friends with benefits? Something more?

  This was Max, of the two week attention span. But this was also Max, her rock.