Two To Mango

by Jill Marie Landis

  “Why did you quit?” Kiki asked.

  “I didn’t get along with Mitchell’s alaka’i. Shari Kaui was a headstrong little bitch.”

  “Marilyn, I’m shocked to hear you say that.” Actually Kiki wasn’t shocked at all. Marilyn couldn’t get along with anyone in power, and the alaka’i was a kumu’s second in command.

  “It was an honor for you, virtually a beginner, not to mention a haoli, to have been in Mitchell’s halau,” Kiki reminded her. “You shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, you know. It must be awful for them, losing Shari and then Mitchell so close together.”

  “I’m sure. I’ve been hoping that you and the others might allow me to rejoin the Maidens again. I still have most of my costumes . . .”

  Kiki had no idea what else Marilyn said after that. The woman’s lips were flapping, but Kiki’s head was spinning. When she finally recovered her wits, she yelled across the room to Sophie.

  “I’ll take a wine.” Then she had a change of heart. “No! Make that a double vodka martini with two olives.” Suddenly she remembered they were about to go on. “You want to rejoin?”

  “Yes.” Marilyn smiled as far as she could stretch her frozen lips.

  “You want back in the Hula Maidens?”

  Marilyn nodded and even showed her teeth. Sensing an emergency, Sophie hurried over and put a martini glass in Kiki’s hand. Kiki drained it and stared at Marilyn.

  The nerve of the woman. She’d put the Maidens down time and again by telling anyone who would listen that the women couldn’t dance their way out of a wet paper bag. It was a cardinal Maiden rule not to bad mouth your hula sisters outside the group. They might be lacking in talent, but one thing they had by the truck full was loyalty to each other. When one of them was in need, they all showed up.

  Kiki tugged down the hem of her sarong and hiked up the top, set the martini glass on the bar and shook her head.

  “Marilyn, I don’t think . . .”

  “Before you decide, will you please just ask the others?” Marilyn glanced toward the ladies’ room.

  “You have got to be kidding me, Marilyn. You really do.” Kiki turned and walked away without looking back.

  5

  The Big Announcement

  Thirty minutes later Em was circulating the tables greeting tourists and locals with the same warm welcome. Time and again returning visitors wanted to share stories about meeting Uncle Louie’s wife Irene, the consummate hostess. The lovely Polynesian’s reputation for warmth and generosity had made the Goddess the tourists’ “home away from home” that it still was today. Once you walked through the door, whether you were a malihini or a kama’aina, a newcomer or an old timer, you were part of the family. Em worked as hard as Louie to make everyone feel the aloha.

  Outfitted in his long white linen pants, vintage Aloha shirt, black kukui nut necklace and white Panama hat, Louie looked every bit the island planter and colorful host. But he was absentminded, and tonight he was more distracted than usual.

  He’d seated Marilyn Lockhart alone at a reserved table near the stage and had barely left her. Em’s anxiety amped up as Louie walked up to the table with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. He rarely drank anything that didn’t involve a whole lot of rum, fruit juice and a paper umbrella.

  Marilyn gave Louie a tremulous smile, and they toasted each other, ignoring the dancers on stage, which was just as well. Most of the Maidens were trying to circle to the right when Lillian suddenly went left and wound up face to face with Kiki.

  Lil stopped in her tracks which caused Suzi Matamoto to careen into her, and a train wreck ensued. Suzi stomped her foot and marched off the stage.

  It was so crowded in the bar that Little Estelle had been forced to leave her Gad-About in the van, so Big Estelle had left her at a table right in front of the stage. Little Estelle started banging her aluminum walker up and down, trying to get the girls back on beat. The attempt was lost on the Maidens. No one could recover the tempo. Disaster loomed as they flailed around.

  Thankfully Danny Cook, leader of the three piece Tiki Tones band noticed. He suddenly cut the song short, which only made matters worse. The five women left on stage executed five different endings from a deep bow and curtsy to Flora’s flinging both arms overhead in a desperate move that started a series of off-the-Richter-scale underarm quakes.

  Twitters of laughter rippled around the bar as the Maidens filed off stage as fast as they could. All but Kiki, who was furious, headed directly to the ladies’ room. She hovered in the short hallway between the bar and the restroom, collecting herself.

  Em quickly made her another martini.

  It was time for Louie to take the stage in his nightly tribute to Irene, the woman he referred to as his one true love, his Tiki Goddess. Everyone in the room waited expectantly. But tonight as he took the mic, Louie didn’t face the life-sized portrait of Irene that hung behind the stage. He barely glanced at the image of his late wife. He was smiling down at Marilyn instead.

  Em watched the Defector raise her champagne flute and silently toast Louie.

  Em’s gaze shot to Kiki, who hadn’t missed the exchange either. Kiki’s eyes slowly narrowed, her mouth hardened. The rest of the Maidens had collected themselves and filed back in. Suzi and Big Estelle joined Louie on stage. The others were forced to remain on the floor and join hands with the public. Soon tourists and patrons stood and linked hands, forming a huge circle around the room.

  “And now,” Louie said, “for all you kama’aina and malihini alike, it’s time for our traditional finale. The Hula Maidens are going to sing along with me as they dance to the Tiki Goddess Song. This is a number I wrote back in 1973. It’s dedicated to my late wife, my very own hula gal, Irene Kau’alanikaulana Hickam Marshall.”

  As Louie began the Tiki Goddess Song, Kiki glowered at Marilyn.

  “Brown-skinned girl of my dreams

  Standing there by the shore

  Dancing ’neath the moon beams

  I’ll never love anyone more.”

  When Louie began the chorus, everyone sang at the tops of their lungs.

  “My Goddess. My Tiki Goddess.

  I’ll never love anyone more.

  My Goddess. My Tiki Goooddess.

  I’ll never never, never, never, never

  Love anyone moooooore.”

  Everyone sang with the off-key enthusiasm inspired by too many tropical drinks which dissolved inhibitions. No sooner had the last strains of the tune died away than Louie smiled at everyone gathered around the room. He was lifting the mic to his lips again when Kiki elbowed her way through the crowd.

  “Louie! Oh, Looouie!” She called out in a sing-song stage voice and waved frantically, cooing as she tried to capture Louie’s attention.

  “I have a big announcement to make!” Kiki climbed up on stage and tried to reach for the mic, but Louie held on tight.

  “I’d like to make an announcement first,” he said.

  Kiki shook her head, forgetting the mic was on. “I don’t know how you found out, but you’re not stealing my thunder.”

  Her words echoed around the bar. Most of the tourists were still on their feet. The locals sat down and were back to eating and drinking with one eye on the stage.

  Kiki grabbed the mic and tugged. Em got ready to referee, but ever a gentleman, Louie finally shrugged, smiled, and handed over the microphone.

  It was an unwritten rule that fist fights over the mic were reserved for Karaoke night.

  Kiki tapped the top of the mic and then blew on it to make sure it was still on.

  “I’m sure you are all dying to know what the Hula Maidens have been up to.” She’d honed her stage voice to the carefree chirp of a coy schoolgirl.

  Chairs scraped across the floor as the tourists took their seats. Local
s who knew Kiki knew her announcements tended to go on forever. The old boys’ club, regulars straddling tiki barstools with their backs to the stage, were studiously contemplating the labels on their beer bottles. Only the newcomers, the malihini, and the Maidens were actually listening with rapt attention.

  “Well, you all know how much my girls love to dance and how we’ve danced at so many recent events: The Slug Festival, the shave ice truck opening, Flipper Thompson’s baby’s one year luau, not to mention our up and coming appearance at Mitchell’s funeral.”

  She paused and scanned the crowd, then nodded. “Yes, it’s true. We’ve been invited to dance at the funeral.” She clapped her hand and started a short burst of applause. “Not only that, but in a few weeks the Hula Maidens are going to compete in the Kupuna division at the Kukui Nut Festival Competition!”

  The room was full of noise, the clink and clank of flatware against thick ceramic china and the constant whir of dual blenders. Kiki kept smiling, waiting for a response that hadn’t happened.

  “Whoo hoo! Yes!” Kiki shouted into the mic so loud that an ear splitting whine shrilled with such a high pitch it rattled Em’s fillings. “We’re competing again, and we’ll need all of your support. Next week we’ll be selling pork lau lau out on the highway to help with our expenses, and I’m expecting all of you to buy at least four orders. And tickets for the competition will be available from all of our dancers very, very soon.”

  “The more excitement we generate in the audience, the better our chances to get high scores, so we’re counting on all of you to be there. The event will be held at the hotel that used to be the Hilton, before it was a Hyatt. That was before it was a Marriott. Anyway, I think it’s called Island Holidays Hotel this week, but whatever it’s called, you know the place, near Wailua golf course and the prison. We’ll have maps and brochures so you won’t miss it. And all of you tourists who will still be here in three weeks, well, you’ve never seen anything like this competition. It’s real hula. The real deal. So be there or be talked about.”

  Kiki took a deep breath. “As some of you know, most of us started dancing over nineteen years ago . . .”

  Afraid Kiki would rattle on until she emptied the place, Em started forward, intending to somehow cut her off, but Louie was already there. A brief tug-o-war ensued before the mic popped loose, and Louie caught it.

  “Mahalo, Kiki, for that exciting news,” he said.

  She glared back, but he ignored her. When he raised his champagne glass, Em could swear her uncle’s eyes were glistening. She held her breath, aware of what was coming but not wanting to hear it.

  “As you all know,” he began, “my lovely Irene passed on over a decade ago. She’ll always be the love of my life, but recently another woman has entered my world, a beautiful lady inside and out who makes me smile and puts a real spring in my . . .” He wiggled his brows and laughed. “A spring in my step!” he finished.

  “We know what’s really been springin’ up lately,” Little Estelle yelled from behind her walker. “But please! Spare us!”

  The crowd howled. Louie waited for them to calm down before he went on. Em found herself staring at Marilyn thinking, Oh Louie, what have you done?

  All the color had drained from Kiki’s face leaving two huge blotches of adobe bronzer on her cheeks.

  “I’m pleased to announce that I’ve asked Marilyn Lockhart to be my wife, and she’s graciously accepted.” Louie took a bow as cheers went up around the room. The tourists were thrilled to be included. The old boys at the bar groaned and ordered another round. The Maidens stood in stunned silence, staring in horror. Louie might as well have announced he had ten minutes to live.

  When he saw Marilyn on her feet, raising her own champagne flute in his direction, he offered his hand, and she gracefully stepped onto the stage. She could barely smile but there was no hiding her triumph. She stood there next to Louie reminding Em of a recent photo she’d seen in the Garden Island news. It was a shot of a fisherman beside a record breaking ahi tuna that was dangling from a winch on the dock at Nawiliwili.

  6

  Lost and Found

  Still in disbelief after Louie’s announcement, Em deposited a tray of glasses at the end of the bar. Sophie paused in the middle of wiping the bar top free of sticky fruit syrup and grenadine, key ingredients in Louie’s Liliko’i Lifesaver, the two-for-one drink of the night special.

  Things had quieted down in the last two hours. The old boys had long ago given up their bar stools and tottered out. Except for a wedding party from Tucson, everyone had closed out their tabs and vacated the place. Louie and Marilyn slipped out together shortly after their big announcement.

  Kimo popped his head in from the kitchen. “Hey, Em. The Maidens are holding an emergency meeting in the parking lot.” That said, he disappeared again.

  “Probably plotting Marilyn’s demise,” Em figured.

  “Yeah. The engagement was a shock,” Sophie agreed. “Did you know it was coming?”

  Em didn’t want to admit that she was hurt by the blindside.

  “No idea. I mean, they’ve been together a lot lately, but Louie never ever talked about getting married again.”

  “Well, from what I hear, Marilyn makes a habit of it. What’s this going to make? Six husbands?”

  “I hate to ask.”

  “Maybe you should find out what happened to the rest of them.”

  Distracted, Em started dumping glasses into soapy water in the wash bin below the bar. “The rest of what?”

  “The rest of her husbands. She’s got tons of money. Maybe she’s a Black Widow. Maybe she kills them and moves on.”

  This was no time to let her imagination run away with her. Em tried to focus on washing glasses while Sophie restocked the bar. Before they found the neighbor smoldering in the luau pit, Em would have dismissed the idea of a black widow going after Louie as crazy. Now she knew paradise wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, if you looked behind the backdrop of palm trees, white sandy beaches and grass skirts.

  “I hate to think she’s only after Louie for this place. It would break his heart,” Em said.

  “I know Kiki suspects as much. I wasn’t sure until . . .” Sophie looked over her shoulder and then walked closer to Em.

  “Until what?”

  “Until earlier tonight. Marilyn was super-friendly. She asked how business was going and said she was sure glad things had picked up lately. I just thought she was trying to make conversation. After their announcement, it got me thinking . . .”

  “That she has plans for the Goddess.”

  “And probably not good plans. Maybe you should have your detective look into her background.”

  “I’ve told you, he’s not my detective.”

  “But you wish.”

  Sometimes, Em thought, but she didn’t want to admit it even to herself.

  “He’s got bigger fish to fry.” Em dried her hands.

  Kimo popped out of the kitchen again and walked over to join them at the bar. He picked up a bottle of beer and opened it.

  “No more fish to fry. Kitchen’s closed.” He laughed at his own joke then said, “Em, you bettah get outside. Kiki’s got some big pilikia going.”

  “Pilikia?” She tossed the towel down. She didn’t know much Hawaiian, but she had heard the word tossed around the Goddess plenty when the late night crowd came in. Pilikia meant trouble. “Where are they?”

  “Outside your office door in the back parking lot,” he said.

  “You got this, Sophie?”

  The wedding party looked about ready to leave.

  “Got it,” Sophie assured her. “Better go see what they’re plotting. I’d hate to have Louie’s fiancée go missing so soon.”

  “Me, too,” Kimo agreed. “If I ever get a call to bail Kik
i out of jail, I’d be tempted to leave her there.”

  Em hurried through the small office in back. Just outside the door, Kiki and the Maidens were gathered in a tight knot in an empty parking stall.

  Overhead, the stars appeared as thick as sand on the beach against the moonless sky. The one amber light in the parking lot cast the Maidens in jaundiced yellow. In a rainbow of vibrant muumuus now muted by the light, they were still wearing their huge sprays of fake orchids and ferns in their hair.

  Em closed the door behind her without making a sound and heard Lillian say, “I didn’t know there were restrictions. I thought anyone could join our group. Why, the day I ran into Suzi at Foodland, she said all I had to do was come to practice and start paying dues.”

  Kiki turned on Suzi. “I was wondering who said that. But right now our main concern is the Defector. I will not allow her to rejoin. No way. Nada.”

  “Did Marilyn actually ask to come back?” Big Estelle was leaning against the white van equipped to load her mother’s Gad-About. Handicapped stickers and license plates were visible along with a small sign in the back window that originally said Baby on Board but had been altered to Babe on Board.

  Little Estelle wasn’t around. Em assumed she was already loaded in the van.

  “She practically begged me to let her come back.” Kiki pursed her lips. “She even squeezed out some fake tears.”

  “There’s Em.” Lillian saw her and waved. The rest of the women shifted around so she could join the circle.

  “I suppose you knew all about the big engagement?” Kiki hated to be the last to hear anything.

  “No. I’m as surprised as you.” Em gazed around the circle of faces. “Sounds like Marilyn wants back in.”

  “She does, but she’s not getting in,” Kiki said.