Two To Mango

by Jill Marie Landis

  “I overheard Kawika and Jackie Loo Tong arguing in the hallway between the bar and the elevators when they thought they were alone.”

  “You’re sure they were arguing?”

  “I know a threat when I hear one. It was about stealing dancers. Kawika asked Jackie if he thought he could get away with stealing his students. Then Jackie fired back with, ‘You’re not going to be around that long anyway. Mark my words.’”

  “That sounds like more than a threat.”

  “You don’t think one of them would try anything this weekend to ruin the festival, do you?”

  “Maybe. If it upset the competition and they could win the top prize.”

  “What kind of prizes are we talking here?”

  “A trophy, two hundred dollars and a year’s supply of pepperoni flavored pig jerky sticks.”

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “We don’t kid about pepperoni pig jerky.”

  “For this people kill each other?”

  “This is really about the kumu’s reputation,” Roland said. “And money. I checked out the halau website and pulled Mitchell’s tax records. For a non-profit his halau is making a boatload of money. I’m guessing they weren’t reporting much of it.”

  Em took in the view down the beach, then across the land toward the mountains in the distance.

  “Everywhere you look on this island there’s something beautiful.” When she turned toward Roland again he was staring down at her.

  “You’re right about that.”

  “I wasn’t fishing for a compliment.”

  “I already know you better than that. You be careful, okay?”

  “I’ve got the easy job,” she said. “I just have to snoop. I don’t have to toss flaming knives or chase guys in chicken suits.”

  “Back to what you heard . . .”

  “Kawika warned Jackie to stop taking his students. Jackie said that the dancers could go anywhere they wanted.”

  Roland turned and headed back toward the hotel grounds. “Want a hamburger?”

  “No, thanks. How many of those do you eat a week?”

  “Enough that I should buy stock in ground beef and quit my day job. How was the bread art show?”

  Em sighed.

  “That bad?”

  “Not entirely. Louie’s new drink, Two to Mango, was a hit. We served them in plastic champagne flutes and everything. Real classy for the Goddess. There wasn’t much room to display the art pieces. I didn’t know Marco had brought so many. There were lifelike hands and feet, elbows, knees, calves, shoulders. You name it.”

  “Ule?” He side-eyed her.

  She’d lived there long enough to know what that meant.

  “I told him no penises. We draped all the cocktail tables with black fabric. Everything was fine until a woman walked in and sat down at the bar. Unfortunately someone had moved a head over to the bar. There it was, grinning at her beside her elbow. She took one look, passed out, fell off the tiki stool and hit her head on the bar going down. Louie was terrified she’d sue.”

  “Did she?”

  “Not after he gave her free luau tickets for life.”

  25

  Away We Go

  Day one of the Kauai Kukui Nut Festival Hula Competition started with Kawika Palikekua welcoming everyone on behalf of the halau he’d inherited from the late Mitchell Chambers. Opening ceremonies began with presentation of people from the community representing the disposed Hawaiian royal court, followed by a lengthy oli, a chant in Hawaiian, and then a traditional pule or prayer.

  “I hope everyone will refrain from taking their own videos and photos. We have an official photographer in the back with printed photos for sale after each group performs. And you can purchase videos later too. No take photos from your seats, eh? Our friendly bouncers are standing by to toss you out. Gently of course.” He laughed and preened. “Okay, so now we can start.”

  Kiki found a seat near the front row on the bar side of the huge ballroom and settled in to watch the children compete in the Keiki Division of the contest. The children were all adorable. As usual she found herself wishing that she’d started dancing hula as a kid.

  Her mind wandered as group after group of young dancers did their thing. Their families and the rest of the audience roared with approval as if the contest was scored on applause and not by a panel of judges.

  It was hard to concentrate while plagued by doubts about the Maidens’ taro patch number. The song was about Kauai, written by a Kauai musician, in Hawaiian. But would the judges like it? She had no idea if the Hawaiian language usage was acceptable or if they’d like the melody.

  Wally grudgingly admitted he thought her design for the muumuus was good, but then what did Wally know, really? Dressing the flamboyant Fernando for Las Vegas had been one thing, but the man had no idea how to design for a bunch of over-the-hill dancers like the Maidens. All she could hope for was that they didn’t look like decrepit show girls by the time he finished with their hair and makeup tomorrow night.

  After an hour of sitting through the kiddie competition, Kiki had worked herself into a stew of anxiety and decided to get a drink and wander out to the foyer, check out the crap fair, and find some of her cohorts.

  When she saw Tiko at the smoothie table she stopped to chat her up, determined not to rest until Tiko committed to join the Maidens.

  “Do you get any time off to step in and watch the performances?” Kiki asked once she had Tiko’s attention.

  “Not really.” Tiko introduced Kiki to her cousin, Charlotte Anara, who had stepped in to help her keep the line moving. Charlotte was younger than Tiko with long waving black hair that fell past her waist.

  “She’s beautiful.” Kiki took a sip of a vodka tonic she’d sneaked out of the bar. “Is she a dancer, too?”

  Tiko had filled two smoothie cups and was reaching for plastic lids. As she snapped them in place she nodded. “Charlotte has danced hula before, and she’s great at it. Working for Garden Island Vacation Rentals she has fairly regular hours. You’d probably have more luck recruiting her than me.”

  There was a break in the crowd so Kiki introduced herself to Charlotte.

  “You should join the Hula Maidens. Our group isn’t all kupuna, though most of us are over fifty.” Way over, Kiki thought as she smiled at Charlotte. “We’re always looking for young talent. If we had a wider age range we could enter more competition divisions. We practice at the Tiki Goddess out on the North Shore. You’re always welcome to join us.”

  “I’ll think about it,” Charlotte said. “Mahalo for asking.”

  Em came walking over to join them and said hi to Tiko, then Kiki introduced her to Charlotte.

  “She might join the Hula Maidens.” Kiki couldn’t wait to tell Sophie.

  They stood by while Tiko used a marking pen to identify two smoothie cups and then handed them over to Charlotte.

  “These are for Jackie and Kawika. I wrote Kawika’s name and put stars on it so you won’t mix them up. He hates chocolate. I just put coffee bean chips in his.”

  Charlotte picked up the smoothies and left the booth.

  “I’ve been giving all the kumu complimentary smoothies. Are you sure you don’t want one yet, Kiki?”

  “I’m sure. The septic tank at the Goddess still hasn’t recovered from the last smoothie episode.”

  “You’re sure doing well,” Em commented.

  “I’m featuring a variety of healthy additions. I’ve even got some kava, an old Hawaiian relaxant.” She handed them each a smoothie menu from a pile of copies on the table.

  Kiki and Em read over the list of probiotics, immunity boosters, antioxidants, kava for anti-anxiety, caffeine boosts, conjugated acids and vitamin supplements.

  Kiki set
the menu down and raised her glass. “I irrigate my intestines with cocktails to keep them lubed. Thanks, though.”

  The double doors to the main room opened, and a good portion of the audience filtered, some headed for the bathrooms and others for the crafters tables. Tiko’s line started to back up, and she had no time to spare, so Kiki looked around for some of the Maidens.

  “There’s Sophie and Pat,” she told Em. “They’re coming out of the ballroom and headed this way.”

  “How’d you like the performances?” Kiki rattled the ice in her glass.

  “Adorable,” Sophie said.

  “I’m sorry I missed them,” Em said.

  “Where were you anyway?” Kiki wanted to know.

  “Out by the pool. I wanted to call Louie.”

  “Has Marilyn ruined the place yet?” Kiki smirked.

  Em ignored the comment. “It actually sounded pretty crowded.”

  “You all will have to go some to whip them kids,” Pat frowned.

  “We don’t have to compete with the kids. Just other kupuna,” Kiki clarified.

  Pat sniffed. “I’m just sayin’. So how come y’all don’t have a solo dancer? They’re up next.”

  “The only one we would stand a chance of placing with is Flora because she’s Hawaiian,” Kiki said.

  Pat wouldn’t drop it. “Then how come you didn’t enter her?”

  “Because,” Kiki set her empty rocks glass on a nearby table, “last time she danced solo, we had to pay someone to watch her all day long.”

  “Watch her?”

  “To keep her from swilling out of that Gatorade bottle she carries around.”

  Pat Boggs’ eyes bulged. “You mean that’s not Gatorade?”

  “Not by a long shot.”

  “I thought she’d had a stroke or som’p’in. I didn’t know she’s always drunk as Cooter Brown,” Pat shook her head.

  Sophie laughed and turned to Em, “I’d better head back to the Goddess.”

  “I told Louie you’d be on the way.”

  Everyone had to hug Sophie goodbye.

  “Ready to go in? Intermission’s almost over.” Kiki checked to make certain the festival badge around her neck was turned the right way. “I like to sit up front.”

  They started to head back into the ballroom. Kiki looked for some of the others and then stopped dead still. Pat ran into her and cussed.

  “Damn, Kiki. Get a brake light or somethin’.”

  “What’s wrong?” Em followed Kiki’s gaze.

  “Don’t look over there,” Kiki warned.

  Em and Pat looked anyway.

  “What are we looking at?” Pat said.

  “Defector alert.” Kiki tilted her head to the right. “Over there near the windows. She’s hiding next to that rack of hand painted T-shirts. She’s got on a big black hat and sunglasses. She looks ridiculous.”

  “Do you think no one will recognize her?” Pat wondered.

  “She’s still spying,” Kiki said.

  “At least she’s not at the Goddess hounding Louie to forgive her.” Em sounded relieved.

  “She’s up to something.” Kiki was sure of it. “And whatever it is, it isn’t good.”

  26

  Another One Bites the Dust

  Em followed Kiki as they moved with a sea of spectators being funneled through the ballroom doors. Kiki hurried down front and claimed seats off to the left side of the stage. They were no sooner seated than the lights dimmed and Kawika came back on stage. He stepped up to the podium and smiled at the crowd, but his smile was short-lived. He shuffled through a pile of notes on the stand, then tapped on the mic to see if it was on.

  A hush fell over the ballroom as everyone waited in anticipation for him to announce solo portion of the competition open.

  “Alooooooha,” Kawika said.

  “Aloooooha,” the audience responded.

  “Welcome back to the second portion of our . . . completion . . . I mean . . . competition . . . the solo dancers.” The newly appointed kumu wiped his brow with the back of his hand and blinked as he looked up into the bank of bright overhead spotlights. “Our first con . . . contestant in this division comes all the way . . .” Kawika paused. His hands tightened on the podium.

  Em whispered to Kiki, “Does he look pale, or is it just the lights?”

  Kiki leaned forward in her seat. “Something’s wrong.”

  Kawika struggled to continue. “. . . all the way from Tokyo, Japan.” He swayed to his left, then to his right, then took a step back, threw up, and passed out cold.

  An audible gasp filled the room. For a moment everyone was frozen in shock, and then members of Kawika’s halau—formerly Mitchell’s—rushed the stage and knelt around their fallen leader.

  The audience remained spellbound. A few visiting kumu joined the halau on stage. Some people in back precariously climbed onto their seats to get a better view. The less curious went to the no host bar for refills. On stage, someone started to chant. Soon others joined in.

  Em shivered. “That gives me chicken skin,” she said. “Has anyone called 911? What about CPR? Chanting isn’t going to save Kawika if he’s having a heart attack.”

  She fished her cell phone out of her purse and punched in the emergency number. She was informed that the lines were full.

  “Everyone in the room with a phone is calling in.” She looked around and spotted help on the stage. “Thank heaven, there’s Roland.”

  Dressed, or rather mostly undressed, in the malo he wore during his fire knife dance, Roland came on stage and parted the male and female dancers huddled round Kawika. Two uniformed officers who were working the event joined him. One was on the two-way radio, the other standing with his hands on his hips watching the crowd.

  Within two minutes they heard a fire truck and ambulance coming up the highway. The glow from spinning red lights whirled around the ballroom walls when the emergency vehicles pulled up in the driveway right outside the windows.

  Cell phone in hand, Kiki said, “I’ll text the Maidens and let them know what’s happening.”

  Em glanced around the room. Unlike the Maidens, most of the other halau sat together to watch competitions. The Japanese were dressed in matching hot pink T-shirts and pau skirts made of yards of cloth. They took up eight rows and were all on their feet, holding hands.

  As the EMTs came running up the center aisle wheeling a stretcher, Kiki said, “Can you believe it? If Kawika croaks, this will be the third member of Mitchell’s halau to wind up dead.”

  Even though it was happening right before her eyes, Em couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

  But as she listened to the chanting and watched the EMTs labor over the fallen kumu, she had to admit Roland’s hunch might have been spot on. Maybe his toe was psychic. Someone could very well be systematically killing off the upper echelon of Kauai’s top halau.

  When Kiki tried to clamber up onto the seat of her folding chair, Em grabbed her arm and tugged her down.

  “Do you want to break your leg?”

  “I just got a text from Suzi. She’s in the room somewhere. She’s putting this all on Facebook.” Kiki was headed toward the aisle. “Anyone want anything from the bar?”

  Em shook her head no. She kept hearing Jackie Loo Tong’s voice as he argued with Kawika: “You’re not going to be around that long anyway. Mark my words.”

  “Nothing for me,” Em told Kiki.

  She paused to watch Roland on stage. Naked from the waist up, he folded his beefy arms across his bare chest and watched the EMTs work while uniformed KPD officers on opposite ends of the stage kept an eye on the crowd. Though very few people had left the ballroom, the festival organizers and security were in the aisles ready to direct people out in an orde
rly fashion.

  Em scanned the room. Jackie’s halau was gathered together and dressed in black halau T-shirts. A few dancers were in their seats watching with concerned expressions. Some were on their feet, talking to one another, and others were taking photos with their phones. Em left her seat and walked up the aisle to the back of the room and then moved closer to Jackie’s section. She didn’t see him anywhere, so she walked along the far wall, checking up and down each row. He wasn’t near the photograph or video sale tables or across the room at the bar.

  There was no sign of him anywhere.

  As she wandered along the back wall, Em caught a glimpse of Marilyn trying to slip off in the opposite direction. Marilyn had longer legs, and she was in a hurry. Em practically had to jog to catch up.

  “Marilyn!” Em touched the woman’s shoulder.

  Marilyn jumped and turned with a wavering smile. “Oh hi, Em.”

  “What’s with the hat and glasses?”

  Marilyn’s hand flew up to her oversized sunglasses as if she’d forgotten she was wearing them. She pulled them off.

  “I was afraid if Kiki recognized me there would be trouble.”

  “Sophie and I saw you earlier today in the lobby.”

  “Well, look who’s here.” Kiki walked up holding a drink. She looked Marilyn up and down. “Been serving smoothies again? Did’ja just give one to Kawika?”

  Em studied Marilyn to gauge her reaction.

  “Did you?” she asked. “Did you give Kawika anything that would make him ill?”

  “Of course not! What are you two insinuating? I just came to see the show. Why on earth would I want to hurt Kawika? I adore that man.”

  “Why do you do anything you do?” Kiki asked.

  “Where is your new kumu?” Em asked Marilyn.

  “Do you mean Jackie?”

  “Yes. Jackie,” Em said.

  “Or did you already defect from his halau too?” Kiki asked.

  “How would I know where he is? Ask one of his dancers.” Marilyn turned to Kiki. “I’m not officially a member until after the competition.”