Sucks to Be Me: The All-True Confessions of Mina Hamilton, Teen Vampire (maybe)

by Kimberly Pauley

  16

  George has become a regular fixture at lunch and Serena definitely doesn’t seem to mind it at all. They’re going to make a totally cute couple. Tonight’s little double-duty date is going to be awesome. Serena has been bubbling about it all day, and she even talked her mom into another new outfit. That’s huge, since normally her mother saves all her money and attention for little Miss Prissy-Pants, Serena’s little sister.

  Alexis (with a name like that, she was doomed to be a spoiled brat) is only ten, but she’s got her mom wrapped around her little finger. She competes in those stupid let’s-objectify-females-as-much-as-we-can-while-they’re-young-so-they-won’t-think-twice-about-it-later beauty pageants and has won a fair amount of them. I personally think Serena started the whole Goth thing as an anti-Alexis movement, but it barely caused a blip on her mother’s radar screen. She’s a total pageant mom. All she’ll talk about is how Alexis is going to win Miss America some day and won’t that be special. Gag.

  Serena’s so jumpy about the whole date thing, she gets up halfway through lunch to go over to Nathan and reconfirm everything. And we never, and I mean never, cross over into the A-List’s lunch area. Half the cafeteria goes quiet as she crosses the invisible line that separates us from them, but after she and Nathan start chatting each other up, everyone goes back to eating. (Or not-eating, in the case of the triple A’s—Anorexia Addicts Anonymous. Sometimes I just want to go over to their table and shove some food down their throats.)

  “So,” says George, once Serena’s gone over to A-List land, “what was the deal last night with you and Raven over Aubrey? Are you going out with him or something?”

  “Nah,” I say. I’ve been thinking about it. You add in personality to the list and Nathan wins, hands down. Aubrey just makes for good eye candy. “He’s got the personality of a wet noodle.”

  George looks a little skeptical. “But why the big scene with Raven then? Why don’t you just tell her you don’t like him and be done with it?”

  Yeah, I could do that. But what would be the fun? “I kind of like annoying the piss out of her,” I say and give him a wink.

  “Gotcha,” he says. “I can see that. Just be careful. I wouldn’t put anything past her.”

  Serena wanders back over with stars in her eyes and sits back down next to George with a humongous smile on her face.

  “You could power lightbulbs with that smile.” I tease her. “So, what’s the scoop for tonight? I take it we’re still on?”

  “Oh, yeah.” She smiles dreamily. “The plan is to hit Jill’s party first and then go hang out at his place, just the four of us. His parents are out of town.”

  “Par-tay!” says George, in what I suspect is his sarcastic voice. Serena’s too high on A-List fumes to notice.

  “It’s going to be great!” she says and pulls both of us into a group hug, no easy feat across the puke green cafeteria table. I haven’t seen her this happy in eons.

  I have Mom help me with my hair after school. I’m kind of hair-styling agnostic. It’s not so much that I don’t want to mess with my hair as it is that I’m just no good at it. If I were to try for a French twist, for instance, I’d wind up with something resembling a boa constrictor wrapped around my head. Mom insists on doing my hair whenever school photos are due.

  Tonight she pulls it into a deceptively simple-looking twisted knot that looks both stylish and hip. I’ve got on a denim skirt made from two pairs of old jeans (Mom made it, not me), strappy heels, and a Bebe off-the-shoulder T-shirt with sparkles and glitter. If I do say so myself, I look totally hot.

  I twirl around for Mom. “So, what do you think?”

  “You look good, honey,” she says. “Don’t break any hearts.”

  I can’t help myself. I let out a little giggle. No way am I breaking any hearts tonight. If Nathan wants a bit of a snuggle or a kiss, who am I to argue?

  “Just remember,” she adds, “you’ve got all the time in the world. Don’t worry about moving too fast. I know how it is when you’re a teenager and you just want to rush into things.”

  I give her a hug to reassure her that, yes, I’m a good, dutiful daughter and I’ll take her advice to heart. And I will. She’s got a point. If I do turn, there’s no rush. But then again, I’m also not about to let Nathan get away when I’ve been lusting after him for years. I wanna reel this one in, baby. Especially since I don’t know what’ll happen between us if I do turn. But I’ll worry about that later, as in after I’ve got him hook, line, and sinker.

  Before Mom can give me any more Hallmark-card kind of advice, Serena and George arrive, all spiffed up. Serena’s new flaming red tank mini is hot, hot, hot. Thank God Dad is out. He’d have a heart attack if he saw her. He still thinks of her as a little kid too.

  George is a little more subdued, as per usual, but he looks pretty hot too. He’s got on a green striped shirt that brings out the color in his eyes (how did I not notice they were green before?) and a pair of jeans that look well-worn and comfy. Obviously going for comfort over high fashion, but hey, it works for him.

  Mom slips me a little extra cash (have I mentioned lately how cool my mom is?) on the way out, and we hit the town. Specifically, we hit the road for the long ride out to Jill’s house. We all live in town, but Jill (and a lot of the A-listers, come to think of it) lives way out in suburbia in a fancy subdivision full of cutesy little hand-painted signs saying stuff like, “Please Keep Off the Grass” and “Thank You For Not Speeding,” and every house is behind a big iron gate. Jill’s is no exception, but the gate is open and the entire circular drive (which is huge) is packed with cars. And not just any kind of cars, we’re talking Mercedes, BMWs, blah, blah, blah. Even if we had that kind of money, I don’t think my parents would waste it buying me a fancy-schmancy car.

  Serena’s looking a little awed at the sight of all this obvious wealth. So I tickle her until she can’t stop giggling and is gasping for breath. George looks on, grinning, but ignores Serena’s pleas for backup. Good boy. Gotta train ’em early.

  “Okay, okay, enough already! Stop before I mess up my hair!”

  “Don’t let them intimidate you,” I tell her, “or I’ll bring out the tickling fingers of death again.” I wiggle my fingers at her and she backs up in mock horror. George laughs. It feels good, just the three of us hanging out and having a good time. But we all agree that it’s time to face the top-40 music and head in, leaving the Death Beetle behind.

  We knock, even though it seems totally unnecessary since people are milling around all over the lawn. Amazingly, Jill herself answers the door and looks blankly at us for a minute before snapping her fingers. “Ah, you guys are with Nathan, right?” We nod as a group. “I think he’s in the kitchen, that way.” She waves vaguely off to her left and then starts yelling at someone hanging off the fountain on the lawn. So we go on in and hang a left.

  The inside is crawling with even more kids, and somehow the house looks even bigger on the inside than it did on the outside, which is amazing. I don’t know what her parents do, but it obviously pays well. And speaking of parents, it’s pretty obvious that there’s not an adult in sight. I don’t even recognize most of the kids, and some of them look suspiciously old, like college kids. Exactly what kind of college kids come to a high-school party anyway?

  We find the kitchen after not too much wandering around. The kitchen alone is probably the size of my entire house. There are at least three refrigerators and an island you could sit the football team at. Thankfully, it’s also a little less chaotic than the rest of the house. We also see the first adults, who happen to be frantic caterers busy filling tray after tray of goodies. Man. Rich people have it good.

  Nathan is sitting on the counter strumming a guitar and humming along. You have to admit, he just keeps getting better and better the more I learn about him. Cute guy + guitar = potential rocking superstar babe. Guys always look better with a guitar. Forget that whole bringing a puppy to the park thing, just bring a g
uitar and I guarantee you a crowd of admiring girls. I push Aubrey even further back in my mind.

  Speaking of a crowd of admiring girls, there’s one gathered around Nathan right now. Including Bethany. Ugh. I’ve hated her ever since the third grade when she told the teacher I had a frog in my pocket. I got in trouble and had to let the frog go after I’d spent three hours trying to catch him. Okay, yes, I’d stuck gum in her hair first, but only because she’d made fun of Serena in her ballet costume.

  We watch for a minute and then Bethany catches sight of us (in her compact, no less, as she was checking her lipstick).

  “Oh, look who’s here,” she starts in a snippy voice until Nathan abruptly stops strumming. “The, uh, girls.” She finishes lamely. Oh yeah, Nathan’s got them trained, that’s for sure.

  He jumps off the counter in one fluid movement, dislodging his crowd of admirers and neatly missing a caterer passing by with a tray of itty-bitty sandwiches. “Serena-Mina!” he says and gives us a big hug. “And you must be George,” he adds and gives him a hearty guy-thump on the back. “Nice to meet you. I’ve heard lots of good things about you.” Hmm, I guess that means Serena’s been talking George up to Nathan. I wonder what she said?

  “How about we go out and sit in the gazebo?” The three of us nod and follow him out. Bethany and the others kind of hang back, not sure of what to do.

  I’ve never actually seen a house with an actual gazebo before. I’ve only ever seen them in parks or zoos, things like that. But sure enough, Jill’s got a big white gazebo with ivy growing up the sides in her backyard, along with a swimming pool, a cabana or two, and a Jacuzzi. A couple of stoners are out in the gazebo, but they get up and move on as soon as Nathan comes into view. What must it be like to have that kind of power? Where people just do what you want them to? Amazing. I wonder how he’s escaped being a total spoiled brat.

  Nathan sits in the middle of the gazebo with his guitar, and we sit sprawled around him. I make sure George is next to Serena. Maybe Nathan will play something romantic and love will be in the air.

  “I thought we’d just take it easy back here for a while. The crowd scene isn’t really my thing.”

  Huh. I thought that was a prereq for the leader of the pack. But it works for me. I’m not exactly into the scene back at the house. I like to actually be able to hear people when they talk to me.

  “You know any Sleater-Kinney or Howie Day?” This from George, who I’d had pegged as more of a hard rock kind of guy.

  “Yeah,” says Nathan. “And Franz Ferdinand? You like them? Great for guitar.”

  They go off into a side discussion on guitar bands versus drum bands versus I don’t know what while Serena and I look on helplessly. Okay, I like music and everything, but I’m not a walking iPod or anything. They finally settle on a band (one I’ve never even heard of) and start jamming. Nathan on the guitar and George providing rhythm with his hands and the wood bench built into the gazebo. And then George starts singing! I had no idea he could sing.

  “He’s got a great voice,” Serena whispers to me.

  “Yeah, I had no idea.” George is a man of mystery and hidden talent. If Serena only knew the half of it.

  The jam session actually draws a bit of a crowd, but no one else crowds our space in the gazebo. It’s kind of cool, like being on the inside instead of on the outside looking in. Nathan and George don’t even pretend to notice their audience and play on through a few more songs, none of which I’d ever heard before, but to which George knows all the words. I hear a couple of girls in the crowd, thankfully not Bethany, ask each other “Hey, who’s that guy?” and I know they aren’t talking about Nathan. I start worrying about hustling him out of there before one of the vultures moves in on Serena’s man. That is not part of the plan.

  “You guys rock,” I say when they pause for breath. “You’re making me thirsty just watching you.”

  “I completely wasn’t thinking,” says Nathan apologetically (not exactly what I was going for, but it’ll do). “I should have gotten you guys something to drink when we were back at the kitchen.” He glances at his watch. “You want to just head on out to my place now? I’ve got stuff to drink and eat at my place.”

  Sounds kind of dangerous, but oh yeah am I ready to go. The four of us alone equals much more potential for make-out time. I jump up before Serena or George even reacts. “Sure, let’s go!”

  We bypass the house and walk around to the front. I spot Nathan’s cute little Mini Cooper and head that way. “Okay if I catch a ride with you?”

  “Sure,” he says. “Serena drive you guys here?”

  “Just call me James,” Serena says. “As in, ‘Home, James.’ I’m Mina’s dedicated driver.”

  “How come you don’t have a car?” Nathan asks me.

  I get that a lot. Sometimes I think I’m the only one at McAdam without one. It’s me and Annabelle Mayflower, and she’s morally opposed to supporting oil-rich countries or something like that. She bikes to school from like twelve miles away. All the freaks live in California.

  “When I turned sixteen, my parents gave me a choice. I could either have a cheap-o car then or I could save the money and take a gap year after I graduate and go to Europe. So I picked Europe.”

  “Hell yeah!” says Nathan appreciatively.

  My thoughts exactly. It kind of sucks not having a car, but I’ve been holding on to that dream of a trip to Europe. I’m planning on hitting at least three countries and doing my fair share of bistro-sitting, coffee-sipping, and cute-foreign-accent-guy-flirting. Hopefully none of this vampire business will have any effect on my plans. But I guess that will all be settled soon.

  Okay, not thinking about that right now.

  We make it to Nathan’s house a little bit after ten, probably right around the time Jill’s party really starts going strong. I know some of the seniors won’t even show up until after midnight.

  “My parents are on vacation, so we’ve got the whole place to ourselves.” After Jill’s house, Nathan’s place seems like a quiet oasis. Much more my style.

  He drops us off in the theater room (and yes, it’s seriously a theater room with big plush velvet seats, a popcorn machine, and the biggest screen I’ve ever seen short of a movie theater) and says he’ll be back in just a minute and to go ahead and start popping the popcorn if we want any.

  “This place rocks,” I say and plop down on one of the cushy chairs. I could totally get used to this.

  “I told you,” says Serena. “Just wait until you see the pool out back.” She starts working on the popcorn machine and George wanders over to the shelves of DVDs to check out the titles.

  By the time Nathan gets back with a cart (Just like a hotel! Well, not one I’ve actually been in, but I’ve at least heard of stuff like that.) full of goodies and drinks, the buttery smell of fresh popcorn has filled the room and George has a little pile of DVDs pulled out as possibles.

  Nathan checks out his picks while we descend on the cart like a pack of vultures. Okay, maybe that’s just me. Serena descends more like a dove. He’s covered us on every angle—sodas (regular and diet), American beer (yuck—what dog piss would taste like if I were stupid enough to drink it), some English ale (I might try one later, who knows, maybe the English have better taste), wine (I have yet to develop that taste and right now, red wine reminds me a little too much of you-know-what), some virgin strawberry daiquiri mix (yum), and some harder stuff. And then there’s the food. What, does he have a chef hidden in his kitchen? Actually, I guess that’s not inconceivable in a place like this.

  “Kill Bill, Donnie Darko, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Almost Famous, American Pie, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Nice picks, George.” I stop stuffing myself long enough to agree. Some of my favorites. Just add in a couple of chick flicks like Sleepless in Seattle and Ten Things I Hate About You (okay, I’m a closet girly-girl. There, I said it.) and you’d have my top picks.

  We wind up watching Kill Bill first, and George an
d I act out the fight scenes, complete with goofy dialogue and weapons (a TV remote and a pencil). We probably look like total dorks, but it’s fun and Nathan and Serena have a blast laughing at us. I just love Quentin Tarantino. His movies have awesome soundtracks, really cool visuals, and a lot of cheese, as in cheesiness. I challenge anyone to take From Dusk Till Dawn seriously. Even if you don’t know anything about real vampires. I mean, come on.

  Serena picks the next flick, which of course means Donnie Darko because:

  a) She’s got a total crush on Jake Gyllenhaal and even calls herself a Gyllenhaalic,

  b) She loves obscure movies and you can’t get any more obscure than Donnie Darko, and

  c) She’s into any movie with evil rabbits. And there aren’t that many of them, either, beyond Donnie Darko and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. That old movie, Harvey, has a giant invisible rabbit, but he wasn’t evil, though it is kind of funny, so that’s in Serena’s list too. Have I mentioned that my best friend is a little weird? That’s just the way I like her.

  This time, it’s Serena and George that do the play-by-play as Nathan and I crack up, though we do talk Serena into fast-forwarding through a couple of the slow parts. My only complaint is that the cushy movie chairs don’t really allow for a lot of contact. Even though I’m sitting close enough to Nathan to smell his cologne (yummy woodsy spiceness), there’s no way to just casually reach out and touch him without being really obvious.

  It’s pretty late by this time, so I give Mom a quick call to let her know that I’m not dead, but don’t wait up for me any longer (which is kind of silly, as she doesn’t actually sleep, but anyway) as I won’t be home for a while, we’re just having too good a time. She’s cool about it, just reminds me one more time to be careful and gives me the obligatory Mom warning about the evils of drinking and driving.