Cole (The Leaves)

by Hartnett, J. B.

  “Are you drunk?” he enquired. “I only ask because you’re really quiet and you’ve had four of those Snowball things and I can smell the alcohol from here.”

  I didn’t know him well enough to know if he was offended or what, but I was learning my brother had a no nonsense abruptness about him that could be seen as totally rude. “Uh, I admit, I’m definitely feeling this drink but honestly, I don’t care.” I giggled, “I’m surrounded by family and friends, I’m getting married in six days, my fiancé is awesome… and hot…” he raised his eyebrows, but his expression remained neutral, “have you seen him? Cole is hot -hot… and look!” I held my right hand in his face, “Finally, I have fingernails!”

  Then he took my hand, held it in his, smiled and said, “That is good news.”

  “So, what’s your story? You’re kind of intense.” The alcohol was definitely allowing me to be more of what I used to be. I used to be more brazen, especially when I first met Cole, not to mention the run-ins I’d had with his dad.

  “Yeah, I get that a lot.” He smiled. “You haven’t asked me what I do.”

  Oh my God, he was right. I hadn’t asked my brother anything about him. “I am so sorry, David. I’ve been so wrapped up in everything, I never even took the time to ask you about… you. I’m an asshole.”

  “No, you’re not. You and I are the same, Anika.” It was then I saw his teeth, when he smiled at me. It was a devil grin and I liked it. It made me feel warm and fuzzy and I assumed it wasn’t something many people had the honor of receiving from him. “We’re artists. I’m actually a concert pianist. It’s why I don’t drink much. I live in my head most of the time. I have a good guy friend and a girl I… well, a girl I get together with now and then, but I don’t have the time nor do I have the inclination to date.”

  Wow. That seemed kind of final. “Did someone break your heart, David?” I asked gently.

  “I broke her heart. She was, is a cellist. Beautiful. She plays with such grace it’s like watching a dancer, and she has a talent far beyond a lot of professionals twice her age. Anyway, she wanted me to go to London with her. I wanted to stay close to home. When I compete, I always come home when I can and the same when I tour… right now I’m touring which for my age, to be invited to tour internationally like this, that’s pretty fuckin’ cool. But not only does it strain a relationship, I wanted a home base. I need to have a place I always come home to or I go crazy and that home is my mom and dad. I also have a tutor in the mountains. You know that music camp in Idyllwild?”

  “I’ve heard of it, yeah.”

  “He, Mr. Miers, used to tour, played with great orchestras, great directors, recorded with them but we’re a lot alike… he hated the road. Then he was on the jury for a competition I entered. I took a master class with him, we hit it off, so now he lives there. I drive up, stay at my parents’ cabin, have a rehearsal day or two with him… prepare for the next… whatever, practice, and back down again. There’s no room for anything else in my life now, but there will be soon.”

  “What does that mean? Are you ready to settle down at the age of nineteen?” I laughed, but he did not.

  “No, Anika. I’ll be twenty next month, but no. I broke my thumb and first finger last year on my right hand. Not my dominant hand either, so I’m already at a disadvantage. That’s when I ended it with the cello player, Anna. It’s why I don’t drink. I was shitfaced, lost my footing, and broke my fall with my hand. No one knows but her, Mr. Miers, the specialist, and now you. Anna was pushing me to get surgery, knowing I didn’t want to. I realized then that without the touring, the playing, the entire scene, she and I didn’t have anything else in common. At the moment this is all I know, but I need to decide what I want to do, and who I am without all of that. So stupid. I wish it wasn’t because of something I did, like a car accident or something. Anyway, no one knows but you, okay?”

  “I get it.” I said quietly.

  “My parents invested a lot in me… not just money, time, hope… everything. I’ve been an only child ‘til now, so all the dreams they had for me, you know? Now I get pain, like arthritis. I went to see a specialist and he thinks I have bone spurs from the break and yes, I could have surgery, rehab, but it’s risky. I could lose these next two years and never regain my ability. I would be happy playing in a hotel lobby five nights a week, I could tour with a band but, I can’t keep this schedule and as much as I love playing with an orchestra…”

  God, it was like listening to someone tell you they knew their marriage was over. That’s what it felt like. My heart was breaking for him but I didn’t know what to say. I did know if I couldn’t paint, it would… I couldn’t even imagine. “What are you gonna do? Are you in pain now?”

  “No.” He was lying.

  “You’re lying.”

  “Yeah… but not all the time. I manage myself carefully. So, you want a stubborn jar opened, don’t ask me.” I waited for him. After a few minutes he continued, “Aside from Mr. Miers, there was no one I could talk to about this. Thank you. This should give you the inspiration for my painting, this is my pain. I’ll find you a piece of music that means something to me. But I have a few good years until my career is over I hope. I just realized it last week. That’s why I’m a dick. I’m afraid if I open my mouth it’ll all just tumble out.” He grinned again, but this was genuine, not playful, this told me I was in. I was a trusted member of his circle.

  He stood up and asked, “What’s your favorite Swing tune?”

  “Uh, well, I did have It Had to Be You as our first dance. Don’t judge me… it’s a Harry Connick, thing.”

  “Mind if I do it?”

  Did I mind? Was he serious? “What do you think?” I replied sarcastically. “You sing too?”

  “Yep.”

  “Me too.” I answered

  “Duet at the reception?”

  “That’s a bad idea.” He didn’t know about my singing thing.

  “Do you suck?”

  “That’s not the reason…”

  “Anika?” Cole was kneeling on the backs of his heels in front of my chair. “How are you, besides drunk?” he chuckled and moved his eyes upward to David. “You’ve been talking his ear off.”

  “Actually it was the other way around and I’m sorry, I need to go. I have a rehearsal tomorrow.”

  “On Christmas?” Cole asked suspiciously.

  “It was the only time. Two hours, eight in the morning. But I’ll have the rest of the week and two weeks after New Year’s before I leave for Seattle. Anyway, Anika, it’s been great getting to know you. I’ll be at the rehearsal dinner and Cole, just so you know, I offered to play at your reception… kinda like a wedding gift. You guys talk about it. Mom and Dad always tell me that couples ‘discuss’ things. They can’t make a decision without talking to each other first. Oh, before I forget, I’m pretty sure they think I’m gay.” He looked toward our dad and his mom then back to Cole and me. “You can tell Cole, I’m cool with that. But my parents would not understand about the girl. She’s older, three years older… but we started hanging out when I was fourteen… so you see how that might be a problem for me.”

  “Your secret is safe with your new and drunk sister. I’m not a blabbermouth, don’t worry and neither is Cole.”

  “You’re welcome to come by tomorrow evening, David.” Cole offered. “Or anytime you want. Just give us a call.”

  “Thanks.” He leaned down and picked up his overcoat and scarf from beside the chair. I must’ve been pretty drunk because I didn’t remember him going to get it. “Sis… it’s been a great Christmas eve… probably the best I’ve ever had. I’m glad you liked your present.”

  He walked to his parent’s, our dad patting him on the back and giving him a final shoulder squeeze, then over to Cole’s parents, Gus and Aimes and said his goodbyes. Cole closed the door behind him and came to me, gingerly lifting me from the chair by my hands.

  “So…” he started just as Bing Crosby crooned “White Chri
stmas” through the house. “What’s the story there?”

  “Well…” I whispered so loud the neighbors could probably hear, “he’s a concert pianist and he’s the shit, but he…” I looked to see if anyone was close. Knowing it was safe I continued, “He broke his finger, bad, so his career will be over in a couple of years he says. He’s like me and you, he has that passion to create. It’s not about money or fame, he just wants to play.”

  “Poor guy.”

  “His parents don’t know so we can’t say anything. But he’s gonna play at the wedding… won’t that be cool?”

  “You are hammered, baby.” He smirked at me, kissing me on the forehead.

  “Listen, you made those concoctions and you fed me three I think, maybe four.”

  “I don’t want you to puke, that’s all. Come on… we’ll sit on the couch, watch our guests mingle and enjoy the scenery.” When he settled me beside him, he began to tuck my hair behind one ear that kept falling across my face. I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of it. “Do you like that?” He chuckled.

  “Mmmhmm.” I replied from a very happy place made of something fruity and something alcohol. Before I knew it, there was quiet all around except for a lovely instrumental version of “The First Noelle” in the background. I slowly opened my eyes to see Cole gazing down at me, his face tender, and his fingers sifting through my hair.

  “I woke you.” He stated softly. “I couldn’t resist how beautiful you are when you sleep. I had to touch you to make sure you’re real.” He leaned down and barely touched his lips to mine. In return I lifted my hand to run my fingers through his thick dark hair. I loved his hair. It was one of the first things I noticed about him. “Are you drunk?” He asked.

  “I won’t really know until I attempt to stand.”

  “Just close your eyes.” He whispered.

  “Did everyone leave?”

  “Yeah but we’ll see them all very soon.” He said scooping me up.

  “They’ll think I’m a terrible hostess, Cole. I feel bad. I didn’t even say goodbye to my dad.”

  “They understand, Anika.” We rounded the corner at the top of the stairs, Cole turning us to the side to fit through the doorway.

  “Understand what? That I can’t hold my liquor?” He sat me on the edge of the mattress with my feet on the floor.

  “No, they understand you were happy and relaxed and you had a good time.” My pants and panties were pulled off my feet.

  “They weren’t mad?” I asked with my eyes closed.

  “No baby… arms up for me… they weren’t mad.” Hideous sweater, long sleeve tee and festive red bra, gone. “Put your arms up, one last time.”

  Cozy. Cozy, happy, tired and drunk.

  “Don’t move, baby.” He said gently.

  “I’m not going anywhere.” I sat with my ankles crossed on the bed and hugged my knees up to my chest letting my head rest against them. “You know what?”

  “What?” I heard from the direction of the bathroom.

  “I always called Evan ‘baby’. My dad called me ‘baby’ and I wanted to save it for the man I would marry. I’m sorry I wasted it on him when I have you.” He was behind me, pulling my hair back when I felt a brush against my scalp… heaven. “That feels wonderful… what are you doing?”

  “I’m getting you ready for bed.” I could hear his smile.

  “You’re brushing my hair.” I sighed happily, stating the obvious. “Wouldn’t you rather be having hot-drunk-no holds barred-sex?”

  “Does this feel good?”

  “It feels incredible.”

  “Then we can have hot-drunk- no holds barred-sex another night. But tonight, Christmas Eve, I want you to remember this. I want it to be special. Both of us in our cupcake pajamas, me holding you, taking care of you… this is the beginning of our life together… baby.”

  He pulled my head against his chest and kissed the side of my neck. “Will you kiss me, Cole?” I turned my body around to face him and opened my eyes to see him smiling at me. “Your kiss, the kisses you give me… they are far and above the best kisses I have ever had in my life. Nothing has even come close. You can almost bring me to orgasm just from your kiss.”

  “That’s funny because the first time we kissed, I thought the exact same thing about you.” And with that he leaned down and touched his lips to mine, lightly coaxing them to open with the tip of his tongue, I welcomed his beautiful kiss. I felt it in my fingers all the way down to my toes and everywhere in between. It wasn’t aggressive. It wasn’t leading to anything else. It was beautiful and perfect and expressed every ounce of love I knew he felt for me and I felt for him.

  Perfect.

  “Perfect.” I whispered.

  “Sleep Anika. My beautiful girl.”

  I closed my eyes and settled into Cole’s warm chest, breathing in his scent of soap and just Cole with my only thoughts being happy ones.

  Cole 20

  Anika

  I felt like hell. It wasn’t the worst hangover I’d ever had but it was up there. Fruity drinks that mask the amount of liquor inside them are not a good mix for me.

  “Good morning.” Cole was sweet to whisper.

  “Is it okay if I don’t open my eyes until, say, next Christmas?”

  “Lucky for you, we don’t have to be anywhere for a while, so I brought you four Advil and a bottle of water. You keep your eyes closed, lift up a bit, we’ll get these beauties on board and you can go back to sleep, okay?”

  I didn’t answer. I just did what he told me to.

  “I’ll see you in a little bit, baby.”

  Four hours later…

  “Rise and shine, Anika.” I smelled coffee. I also smelled something bacon and something… I wasn’t sure what, but it was rich and buttery and delicious.

  “It smells like what I imagine breakfast time in Heaven will smell like.”

  “How’s your head… you ready to brave the big bad world?”

  I raised my arms in a big stretch and covered my mouth in a yawn. Several things happened all at once. I yawned, covering my mouth and thinking that I had the worst morning breath ever, Cole was in my face trying to kiss me good morning, I knifed up in bed with my arms flailing everywhere trying to get away from him, so he wouldn’t be disgusted with my morning breath when my elbow met his ear.

  “Jesus, Anika!” He laughed and yelled at the same time.

  I jumped up and down doing what will forever be known in our household as the funny-bone bash-dance. “Oh my God, oh my God that hurts so bad… are you okay?!”

  “Baby, what the hell?”

  “My breath is terrible! I have to keep the illusion alive that my breath is always minty fresh, I never use the bathroom for anything other than to maybe pee, shower and put on make-up and I never ever pass gas!”

  At this little morning rant of mine, Cole burst out laughing and actually began rolling on the floor.

  “Stop laughing at me!”

  “Baby…” he gasped, trying to get a breath between laughter at my expense, no less, “Do you not recall only a couple of months ago, I had to help you wipe your ass?!” More laughter.

  My face turned bright red. No fighting it, it just did. “I was incapacitated at the time and we agreed never ever to talk about that!”

  “No baby. You demanded not to talk about it. This is life Anika. You’re human, I’m human, and we’re animals at the end of day that wear clothing.” He leaned up on an elbow, giving his ear a slight rub as he came down from his laughing fit. “Come here, stinky breath.”

  “No.” I crossed my arms over my flannel cupcake clad chest.

  “Baby, come here.” He chuckled.

  “Not. Gonna. Happen.”

  “Go in the bathroom, slosh some mouthwash around, and get your ass over here.”

  “Fine!” I turned around and stomped away into the bathroom. Opening the cabinet and twisting the cap, I tossed a shot of eye watering green liquid in my mouth. I lifted my head to lo
ok in the mirror and noticed two things. One, my hair looked beautiful and I remembered that Cole had brushed it while I fell asleep. Two, my head didn’t hurt at all. In fact I felt just fine. I spit into the sink and looked to my right to see the toilet and bidet beside each other and how Cole never once made me feel embarrassed. He took care of me, nothing shameful about it. He did what had to be done.

  I opened the door and he was right there, waiting like he knew what was going to happen. “I’m sorry, Cole.” I whimpered. “I’m sorry, baby. I was being silly.”

  His arms went around me while I sobbed into his chest. “This is what I signed up for, Anika. I will always take care of you, always. Morning breath to old age… whatever I have to do to take care of you, I will. Always.”

  “Merry Christmas, Cole.” I pulled back to look up at him, my man. How lucky I was to have someone like him. How lucky we were to have each other.

  “Now, can I kiss you?”

  “Is your ear okay?”

  “My ear will be fine. Kiss me, Anika Redding soon to be Carlyle. Kiss me like you mean it.”

  “I always mean it.” I went up on my toes and met his eyes while Cole put his hand to my cheek. “I love you, Cole.”

  “I love you too, Anika.”

  Cole leaned down and just then we exchanged our very first Christmas kiss. His tongue pushed between my lips and we locked together gently, but as it always happened with us, it quickly sparked a heat as his hand moved from my jaw into my hair. He quickly spoke into my mouth his frenzied command, “Back up, baby. I’m going to fuck you against the wall.”

  Oh my.

  Merry Christmas to me!

  I started to walk backwards, but apparently wasn’t moving fast enough for him. He didn’t break our kiss as his hands travelled down my back, over my ass and thighs and grabbed me behind each knee, lifting me around his waist. I crossed my ankles and held tightly to his neck while his tongue filled my mouth. When my back met the wall I squeaked, but he knew it wasn’t from pain. His hands went to the waistband of my pajama bottoms, pulling them over my ass and down. “Drop your legs.” Bottoms, gone. Legs back where they were, hands under my ass, Cole positioned me perfectly and thrust into me.