Cole (The Leaves)

by Hartnett, J. B.

  Heaven.

  I was still wearing the cupcake pajama top at this point, but apparently it was in the way. I knew this when Cole sunk deep inside me and stopped. He looked at me like an animal stalking its prey when his hands went to the outsides of the lapels and ripped the top open, little buttons flew everywhere scattering on the wood floor. His hands returned to my hips as he slowly began grinding into me. I was lifted up enough to where he took my breast into his mouth and sucked, flicking my nipple then moving to the other. For my part, I was so caught up in what was happening, the pure carnal pleasure, I didn’t have time to think. I was all gasps and moans, my thumb sucked into his mouth – not enough – fisting his hair in my hands as if he could read my mind, he kissed me deeply, his tongue dancing with mine in a perfect rhythm.

  He kept a steady pace, thrusting into me, holding my hips and giving just enough friction from his pelvis against mine, I was close. He knew it too as he went deeper and harder, my head sliding up and down the wall at my back… I was there.

  “Anika!” Every syllable of my name edged out of him with his orgasm. I cried out when it hit me, so deep, while he pounded into me, I never wanted it to end.

  “Baby.” I breathed out.

  “Anika.”

  He slowly released his hands from my hips and slid away, leaving me feeling empty, but the emptiness was only physical. Cole moved his lips along my jaw whispering, “Beautiful… beautiful.”

  Cole 21

  Cole

  “Anika!” I watched her jump as I smacked the wall beside me. “Stop! Do. Not. Open. That!”

  “I, I… I’m sorry. I wanted to see if you’d drawn anything else.” Her voice had become so small and timid and I immediately felt like an asshole. I watched her slowly return the giant sketch pad to its place against the wall and attempt to slide past me when I grabbed her arm, not harshly, but enough to hold her.

  “Anika, I-”

  “No.” She cut me off, “I shouldn’t have been snooping. I need to respect your privacy, Cole.” She wouldn’t even look at my face. I had never seen her react this way, never. I crossed a line and I knew it as soon as it happened. I loosened my hold and watched her slip into the bedroom.

  An hour passed before I found my way out of the darkness that took over when I saw her with the sketch pad. This hadn’t happened in a while. Anika suffered from surprise anxiety attacks and how ever else her P.T.S.D. manifested itself now. My depressive nature left me with the odd passing dark cloud that would make its way through me, settle in for a while and move along. Some would describe it as me brooding, but I thought of it like being inside one of those giant fishing nets, trapped until I found that perfect deep breath that would give me the strength I needed to find my way out. I struggled on my own through this for years… until Anika came along that is. She became my life jacket and my breath and the last time I saw that sketch pad opened was the day I thought I had lost her, the day that net threatened to take me and I was only too happy to go. I did not want to face the pain of that day and night, the memory of my absolute horror when I wasn’t able to talk to her again.

  I went down the stairs and stared out the window. The marine layer that had been burning off by noon these days was still there. I was keeping track of the weather, wanting to know what our wedding day would be like… and our drive up the mountain on our wedding night.

  I had pulled the chaise lounges against the house the night before, giving protection from the impending rain with the deck above. When I looked closer, there she was. Wrapped in one of the large throws we kept in the living room, just looking out to the stormy sea.

  I opened the slider, gutted that I yelled at her, and ready to do some serious sucking up.

  “Anika?” I said quietly, kneeling next to her. She didn’t answer, she didn’t even acknowledge me. “Baby… I need to explain-”

  “No. Don’t.” She said abruptly. I tried again. “No, Cole. There’s nothing to say.”

  “Anika…” I attempted to take her hand in mine, but she yanked it away.

  “Leave me alone, Cole. I need to think and I need some time to myself to do that.”

  “No.” I

  “No?” She returned snidely.

  “No, Anika. This isn’t how this works. I can’t let you sit here, stewing over what just happened when you don’t have all the facts. We also need to talk things out. You and I, our histories, we have to talk.”

  “And what could you say that would excuse how you spoke to me in there? You have never, not once raised your voice to me like that. That was not cool and you know it.” She then delivered a blow that I was sure I would never recover from. “Maybe this was all too fast. Maybe we should just get to know each other a little better.”

  I exhaled as if she had socked me in the gut, “Anika…”

  “I asked you to give me some time and I meant it. Anything I say is just me reacting out of being pissed off and hurt, so just give me some time.” She turned her head back to the darkening sky.

  “Absolutely not.” I said firmly.

  She jumped off the chaise, throwing the blanket down behind her. “Then I’ll find that space I need somewhere else!” She yelled and stomped through the slider as I followed.

  “Anika.” She could hear the pain in my voice, my throat thickening with the emotion I knew was coming. I did not want to go here with her even though I already alluded to it. I didn’t want to put this on her, but she was leaving me little choice and I needed to make her understand.

  “I thought you were dead.”

  She stopped just as her foot hit the stairs, but didn’t turn around.

  “Anika. The last time I saw that sketch pad, I didn’t get to talk to you. Do you get that? I told you this before. Do you not understand how much you mean to me? How painful that was for me? I’m not trying to make this about me…” I said shaking my head, “but I thought I lost you. Baby that was the last happy memory of a life I thought was just starting. I had a future, I had happiness and beauty for the first time ever and then it was gone. Just like that, it was fucking gone. And I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I am so, so sorry about that. I reacted because I was faced with the worst pain I’d ever felt and hope to God I never have to feel again. Do you get that?”

  I closed my eyes and put my hands through my hair, so frustrated that we had to go through this over and over again. Both of our issues coming up to slap us across the face when we least expected it.

  “Baby…” She said holding my head in her hands. “Look at me.” Her eyes just keeping back tears. “We’re having one hell of a Christmas, aren’t we?”

  Her small smile when I opened my eyes calmed me immediately. “I hate being weak with you, Anika. I hate being a fucking pussy.”

  “You were scared, Cole. At the time, all I could think about was how you and everyone else were coping and worrying and now… I’m sorry. I should have…”

  “Stop talking. We are going to fight, we’re going to disagree and if you recall, we both agreed to each other’s ‘fucked-up’ and baby, we have a passion that is unmatched, it’s intense and sometimes it’s going to make things like what happened an hour ago seem like the end of the world… but it’s never going to be the end of the world for us, Anika. Never.”

  I wrapped my hands around her wrists and leaned down to kiss her just as the doorbell rang. A millimeter from her lips I said, “You have got to be fucking kidding me?”

  “Are we expecting someone?”

  “No, but someone was expecting us and now that we’re all buddy-buddy-happy-families…”

  “Really? I mean, it’s Christmas… really?” She mused.

  “You realize the door is gonna open whether one of us actually answers it.”

  “She would not do that again, Cole.”

  I would have liked to assume that, but with my mom, when she wanted something, anything was possible. “It’s less than a week to the wedding and she expected us a while ago so, yeah, she would. And
my dad is with her for sure.”

  “How do you know?”

  “It’s their first Christmas together in about twenty years.”

  “Cole? Anika?” The door was opened wide.

  “Patricia,” my dad scolded. “They could be busy… we should have called.”

  Anika giggled into my chest while we listened to them.

  “They would be upstairs if they were busy, Richard.”

  “According to Cole, dear, there isn’t an inch of this house they haven’t covered.” I could hear him trying to stifle a laugh. Anika’s head hit my chest with an embarrassed thud.

  “Richard! That is our child you’re talking about!”

  “No, he’s a thirty-five soon to be thirty-six year old man who is in a fairly new relationship with his soul-mate and they can’t get enough of each other and from what you told me… dear… you were a witness to their activities.”

  I heard my mom gasp. “Richard! What are you doing?”

  “And he is his father’s son, Patricia.”

  “Oh my God.” I whispered.

  “Richard, stop it! They could walk in at any moment!”

  “Then you’d get exactly what you deserve.”

  There was no more talking, but there was definitely something else happening. I pulled Anika quickly up the stairs, through the bedroom and up again to the top floor and carefully closed the door. She yanked back the covers, we pushed off our shoes, jumped into the bed, pulled them over our heads and burst out laughing.

  “Do you think they can hear us?” She asked, tears streaming down her face while she tried to hold back giggles.

  “I can’t believe…” I started, trying hard to hold back the hearty laugh that desperately wanted to escape from me, “My parents…” I laughed, “My parents are making out in our hallway.”

  “And we’re hiding!” She turned to face me, coming down from the highly amusing scene and for me, one of pure horror.

  I had just edged out the last chuckle when I turned to her, “Our first fight.”

  “Not really.” She returned.

  “It was up there though.”

  “Yeah, it was. I’m sorry, Cole.” Every trace of amusement now gone.

  I reached over to brush the strands of hair from her cheek, “No… don’t be. Like I said, we have a passion, baby. It’s gonna happen. We just have to remember when all is said and done, whether or not either one of us is overreacting, our love will win each and every time.”

  She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “I will never forget the first time I woke up in this room with you, just taking it all in; the sound of the ocean, the gulls, how the deck creaks when the wind picks up.”

  “I’m glad I made you stay.” I brushed her lips lightly with mine, her eyes remaining closed.

  “You bribed me with new clothes and coffee.”

  “You’re an easy date.” I joked.

  “Asshole.” She replied in jest. “I’m glad I stayed too.”

  Our moment was once again broken by a crash from downstairs. Considering we were two flights up, I knew whatever it was, it was big.

  “What the hell was that?” She grinned, “They’re really going for it.”

  “Please don’t say things like that… I think we better make our presence felt. I’ll go first just in case.”

  “Cole, if you’re trying to shield me from the possibility of your parents in a compromising position, I think maybe I should be the one to go first. You and your dad are already in counseling. You really want to add that to the topic list?”

  “Jesus.” I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

  “Rub your eyes all you want. That mental image you just conjured up isn’t going anywhere.” She hopped out of bed laughing and put her hand out to me. “We’ll face the horror together, baby.”

  I threw the sheet back. “Don’t start giggling again!” I smiled, hers too contagious to resist. I took her hand and stood up, moving against her so that she had no choice but to lean back.

  “Cole… what are you…?”

  “Please don’t try to push me away. Come up here. From now on, if I do anything to piss you off, you need space; this will be your safe. I won’t intrude, I’ll give you all the time you need but baby, you can’t run away from us. I need you, Anika.” I leaned my forehead to hers, “I. Need. You.”

  She took a deep breath and said, “I need you too. Please don’t ever doubt that.”

  We stayed that way for a few minutes just being, just trying to wrap our heads around the last few months together as a couple, fighting for our love, our lives, challenges the average couple never face… shouldn’t face. The one thing I couldn’t tell her was the real reason behind my reaction; I knew that Joe was out there, unaccounted for. I didn’t know whether or not he was going to show up and fuck with us again. I was tired of the surprises that life kept throwing our way and although I would gladly take the worry I currently had to the grave, I needed to be more careful about it spilling into our day to day lives.

  We stood together at the top of the stairs that led to our bedroom. “Cole?” She whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “The studio feels crowded with my sofa. It belongs at the cabin.” She had reluctance in her voice, but I understood.

  “I agree. It’ll be there when we arrive.”

  “Thanks, baby.”

  “In the garage.” I heard my mother shout.

  “Where in the garage?” My dad returned.

  “On the left?” She yelled.

  “It doesn’t sound like they’re busy anymore. I’m glad I know how much sound carries in this house though. We better get down there.” She lifted her head. “I love you, Cole.”

  “I know you to, baby. Come on.”

  Hand in hand we entered the living room, me clearing my throat to make our presence known. “We were napping when we heard a giant crash. Then I heard your voice, Mom and knew I wasn’t being burgled, though, I think I made it pretty clear you should call first.” I grinned, Anika trying to survey the source of said crash.

  I saw it first. The buffet, which ran the length of the dining table, had been home to a couple of dozen glass Christmas baubles. The fine, thin glass leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. The bang must have been from the polished driftwood bowl which was lying on the wood floor as well. My dad looked at me and gave me a knowing smirk and a subtle nod so that my mom and Anika wouldn’t notice. I can’t say I was comfortable, but at least my parents were repairing their marriage.

  I gave Anika’s hand a squeeze and luckily she received my silent communication. “How about I put some coffee on and I’ll help Trish clean this up. We won’t even notice these are gone you know,” she joked to my mom, “I think we went a little ‘decoration overkill’. We could start breaking these things like plates at a Greek wedding and we’d still have too many.”

  My mom never looked me in the eyes; she just kept herself busy with a dustpan and small brush. She glanced at my dad, her cheeks starting to visibly blush and said, “I’ll go get the Dyson from the garage.” Then bolted like a spooked horse. Anika kept at her task of very intense coffee making, while my dad nodded for me to follow him outside.

  Light drizzle was falling and luckily I hadn’t taken my coat from the back of a dining room chair to the hall closet. I settled the hood and met my dad at the railing.

  “Sorry, Cole. I hope you’re not embarrassed.”

  He was still smirking. “Well, I can honestly say that is not something I ever thought would happen. In a way, I’m kind of glad it did. Please do not take that as an invitation to do it again though.”

  “Don’t worry, son. I think your mother is beyond mortified.” He began to laugh and looked out to the water. “You know, your grandfather, my father, he used to bring me to the beach when I was young. Never my brother, just me. I was always scared of my father, did you know that?”

  I shook my head no.

  “He was a frightening son of a bitch.”
>
  “Uh, Dad, not sure if you know this, but I’m thinking the apple didn’t fall far from the tree there.”

  I watched his face plummet. “I suppose I deserve that.”

  “I shouldn’t have said that. Please, continue.”

  Our counseling sessions had opened up a “dialogue”, the therapist called it. My dad didn’t share often, but when he did, it had a purpose. He had thirty years or so of being a parent to catch up on.

  “He always took me to Crystal Cove. Always. Then we would walk close to the cliffs. He explained erosion, pointed out what the black streaks were in the wet sand, showed me how to recognize a fossil embedded in the cliffside, how minerals become precious stones… all of it to preen me to follow in his footsteps. My brother was already on board, he didn’t need convincing. Well, you know the rest, but I had not thought about it in years… until I came here. You know, I was asked by the Governor to speak against offshore drilling. Those eyesores out there.” He nodded his head toward the oil rigs, barely visible from my deck, but they were there. “He was against legislation that would take control away from the state… anyway, we were a very convincing team. Seems when you have large pockets you can do some good. At least for now.”

  It seemed a random story until I realized he wasn’t finished speaking. “I never wanted to be cold like him. I’m glad I’m standing here in your home, Cole. But that’s not why we dropped in on Christmas Day. I’m sorry we threw the information about Joe and Serena on you last night. We never should have said anything.”

  “Dad-”

  “No, Cole. From this point on, this is finished for you. For you and Anika, Joe and Serena no longer exist. You already know you are safe as you can possibly be. Get married, be happy, pursue whatever you want and give me a grandchild.”

  “What?” I whipped my head toward him.

  “You heard me.” His eyes crinkled as I watched his grin expand across his face. “At least two. She’s young, you’re rich… you were the best thing that ever happened to your mother and I before I fucked it up. Have you talked about it?”