Killer Secrets

by Sherrie Orvik

  If anything had happened to him…

  “I’m sorry, Elyse.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. How could he think this was his fault? It was her idea.

  “I’m the one who should be sorry, James. I never should have asked you to bring me.”

  “Maybe. But I’m a cop. I know better than to have put you out in the open in such a secluded environment like that.”

  He glanced at her, his eyes reflecting the same strength and concern she remembered seeing at the accident. His gaze turned back to the road ahead and he drove.

  She’d had a feeling it was going to be a mistake to stay with him, and she was right. She’d grown too close to him, relied on him too much for emotional support. Now both of them were hurt. He blamed himself for putting her in danger and was questioning his own judgment, and it was her fault.

  “You’re a great cop, James.”

  He glanced at her, his brows low and together. “What?”

  “I would have gotten to the cemetery one way or another. I had to go. I had to see if there was a chance I might remember more. You knew that I…” She hesitated, not wanting to admit what she was about to admit. “After the way you held me at the house…I knew you’d agree to take me if I…pressed the issue enough. My only regret is that I put you and your officers in danger.”

  He stared straight ahead, his breathing slow and controlled through flared nostrils, his lips pressed together.

  “You don’t regret anything else?”

  She knew what he meant. Of course, she regretted playing with his feelings. Seeing him upset only magnified the fact that she had feelings of her own—feelings that were getting harder and harder for her to push aside. She looked at the floor, hoping he wouldn’t look at her. She wouldn’t be able to take it if she saw disappointment in his eyes.

  “I have all kinds of regrets. I really am sorry James, but I had to see if I could remember something more about my mother.”

  “Listen,” he said, his tone softening. “The hospital Maggie was housed in has her things boxed up. I’ll send Terry for them. Maybe there is something in there that will help you get the answers you need.”

  “Could we go? I was there, at the hospital, the morning of the attack. I’m sure of it. Maybe if I went back—”

  “No way.” James shook his head. “I won’t risk a repeat of today.”

  What did she expect? After what had happened today, he’d probably keep her locked in the house until her attacker was caught.

  “I understand,” she managed to whisper through her burning throat, tears hanging in her eyes. She reached up and brushed them away, hoping James wouldn’t notice. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was trying to manipulate him again.

  He glanced at her and then turned back to the road. His eyes shifted to see her again, and he heaved a sigh. “You’re right. Going to the hospital might help you remember.”

  His expression didn’t change, his eyes shifted between the road, the mirrors, and her. Was he only agreeing to help her because she was crying? She didn’t want his pity. She certainly didn’t want him to do anything that would make him resent her more than he already must.

  “James, I don’t want you to agree with me just because—”

  “Don’t talk.” The reprimand made her sink back into the seat. “I’m agreeing because I need to solve this case.”

  To get rid of her, she was sure. The sooner he found her attacker, the sooner she would be out of his hair. She thought about how stubborn she’d been over the past few weeks. Refusing to stay at the hospital, refusing his help whenever she could, resisting his every effort to support her. He had been incredibly patient with her. Obviously, his patience had run out.

  “I need to make some security arrangements first. And you have to agree you won’t break away from me. There will be a lot of people there. You have to do what I tell you.”

  “I promise,” she whispered, her heart aching at the thought of leaving him. Deep down she knew it would be best in the long run, for both of them.

  James pulled into the garage, and she reached for the handle. He put his hand out and shook his head.

  “Not yet. Your location might be compromised. Wait for the door to close.”

  The setting sun shone through the small window on the side of the single car garage. It wasn’t exactly mood lighting, but the shadows cast on James’ face made her pulse race. The car was filled with the faint smell of his cologne, and the memory of how it felt to be in his arms made her breath pull into her belly. The memory was all she had now. If her location had been compromised like he thought, she would be moved to a different safe house.

  It didn’t matter. After today, he would never want any kind of relationship with her, anyway. She didn’t want one with him, either. If only she could convince herself of that.

  The small space started closing in around her, her breath hard to catch. She needed out. Her fingers shook as they fumbled the handle.

  “Are you okay, Elyse?”

  “I just need air,” she said, not looking at him.

  He jumped out and rounded the front of the car. He opened her door and stood in its frame, blocking her exit. “You don’t look so good. Let me help you.”

  He reached in and put his hands on her waist to help her out. A surge of heat rushed through her body, and she put her hands on his arms, almost desperate to push him away. Instead, her hands clung to his arms almost as desperately as she had wanted them to push him away. She turned her body to get out, one leg out the door, the other still in the car. James leaned in closer to help her slide out of the seat. Her thigh pressed against his, making her want him more.

  She felt his pulse racing through his touch; saw it in the way his chest heaved with every breath he took. His eyes burned into hers, and she couldn’t look away. Was it possible she had been wrong? He certainly wasn’t pushing her away. He took one hand from her waist and raised it to her face, brushing her hair back. He ran his fingers along her jaw until he reached the nape of her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

  She closed her eyes and let her head drop back, yearning for the feel of his mouth on her skin.

  “This can’t happen,” he whispered as he leaned in closer, his mouth now as close as her breath. Her lips parted, yearning for what had been building between them. She felt the heat of his body, the tension in his trembling touch.

  He released her, and she opened her eyes to see him looking at her, his brows pulled in, his shoulders rounded.

  He took her hands into his, lifted them to his mouth, and kissed them. “This is…complicated, Elyse. I need to know I can trust you. I need you to trust me. Until then, I can’t…” He stopped and gazed into her eyes, his eyes raging with a passion she’d never seen before. “I just can’t,” he shook his head. “No matter how much I want to.”

  He stepped away from her, but kept ahold of one of her hands. What did he mean, complicated? And can’t what? She had a feeling this had something to do with the DNA results. He’d said the same thing when he’d tossed the envelope on the table. After that, how was she supposed to trust him completely? How could she without getting hurt?

  She wanted to pull her hand away, and she wanted to hold his hand tighter. She wanted to get away from him and be closer to him all at once. Her insides shook with the emotion she could no longer control and questions she had no answers to. She wasn’t sure what to think, and with James holding her hand, all she could think about was how his touch felt.

  She pulled her hand away as soon as he opened the door and walked in ahead of him. Oden was waiting just inside the door. She reached down and rubbed his ears. He always had a way of easing her tension. She closed her eyes, but nothing was going to be able to quench the fire James had lit in her. Nothing but James, anyway.

  “You going to be okay?”

  She stood and turned to face him. He was amazing. He had been kind, protective, and generous far beyond what his job required. On top of al
l that, he had the kind of looks that made her cheeks flush and body quiver every time he walked into the room. She hadn’t expected, certainly hadn’t wanted to have feelings for him. But she did. And she knew they only meant trouble, for both of them. As soon as she was safe, she had to leave.

  “Elyse, are you going to be okay?” He repeated.

  “Yeah,” she lied. Nothing was okay. The thought of losing him had made her realize how much she cared about him, how badly she wanted to give him her heart. But she knew she couldn’t. It would only hurt both of them. She wished she could change everything about this day. “I’m just tired. I’m going to bed so I can be ready for tomorrow.”

  “I’ll walk you up to your room.”

  Hell no. She needed to get some distance between them, and this was as good a time to start as any. She looked at him, trying to make her expression and tone as cold as possible. “I’m fine. And you should be looking for a new safe house.”

  It worked. He looked like she’d punched him in the stomach, and it made her want to die. She turned before he could see the tears that were building in her eyes and started up the stairs.

  * * *

  James awoke the next morning, opening his eyes to a sky that was not quite dark, not quite morning. The red letters on the clock read 5:30 a.m.

  No way he was getting back to sleep. He hadn’t slept much, anyway. Elyse’s words about finding a new safe house echoed over and over in his head. She’d said it out of pain—he knew that—but it still hurt. As he’d watched her walk up the stairs, all he wanted to do was call her back and hold her until her pain went away. He’d wanted to smell her hair just beneath his nose, feel her soft, warm skin on his hands, and taste her lips on his.

  Instead, he’d gone to bed in hopes that sleep would help clear his head. Instead, he found her waiting in his dreams.

  Hopefully, today they would find something in Maggie’s things that would give them a clue as to who had attacked Elyse and why. Maybe once she had closure, she would trust him. Maybe then he could trust her. Maybe it was all just a giant mess.

  He climbed out of bed and got ready, then went downstairs. A cup of coffee might help clear his head. He padded down the stairs, careful not to wake Elyse. She had been through so much, and she needed her sleep before the emotional turmoil she would surely go through today.

  Toward the bottom of the stairs, he smelled freshly brewing coffee, and the kitchen light was on. He must not have been the only one who couldn’t sleep.

  Elyse’s delicate fingers were wrapped around a mug, steam rising to her face. Dark circles had replaced the usually fair skin under her eyes.

  “Hey. Didn’t sleep well?”

  She looked at him and shook her head. “I have so many questions, but to be honest, I’m not sure I even want answers to some of them. No, that’s not true. I do want answers, I just…I guess I’m afraid we won’t find anything. And I’m afraid we will.”

  “The sooner we get answers, the better we’re both going to feel. What do you say we leave now?”

  “Yeah,” she said, looking down at her coffee.

  “I’m going to be there with you, every step of the way.”

  “Then let’s get this over with.”

  * * *

  Elyse stared straight ahead on the drive to the hospital, her posture stiff and tense. James turned on the radio, hoping to ease the unspoken tension that filled the truck. He constantly scanned their surroundings. It had seemed, at least so far, that no one had discovered she was staying at his house, but he still wasn’t going to let his guard down. Not for one second.

  He didn’t call Terry about finding a different safe house. He cared about Elyse, more than he should, and the thought of being apart from her made his heart sink. He would make the call if he had to.

  He drove through the country roads, making sure they were alone. The sun shone against her hair every now and then, sending sparks of red through its wavy strands. She had pulled it back in a ponytail, but a few rebellious curls had fallen out and cascaded around her face.

  He remembered how soft it felt against his hand, how the touch of her leg had set him ablaze. He thought of how her lips would feel, soft against his. The way her body responded to his touch made him shake. He turned his head and glanced at her.

  Her eyes focused somewhere straight ahead, on a world that might as well have been a million miles away. The longer he drove, the sadder her eyes became. He wasn’t sure what they would find today but seeing her like this broke his heart. She was strong, feisty, and determined—but right now she looked like she’d had her spirit stolen. He had to at least try to give her hope.

  “We’ll get answers. Maybe today, maybe not. But I promise you, one way or another, we’ll get the answers you’re looking for.”

  She looked at him. “We have to.”

  He thought about the small coffin resting beside his dad’s, his thoughts echoing her words. Yes. We have to.

  They finally reached the hospital, and he pulled into a parking space close to the front doors. Even though he was positive they hadn’t been followed, he had an uneasy feeling he couldn’t shake. He turned to face Elyse and she turned her head towards him.

  “Okay,” he sighed. “Remember what I told you. You never leave my side. Don’t tell anyone where you’re staying. As far as they’re concerned, we don’t know each other. I picked you up this morning from a safe house. Let me do the talking—”

  “James, I get it. Can we just go in? Please?”

  “Okay. Stay here. I’ll come around.”

  He slid out of the truck and walked around to her door. She got out, and he grabbed her hand and rushed her toward the entrance. She glanced at his hand, then back at him. Instead of letting go, though, she squeezed it tighter. He half-smiled and nodded, then hurried her inside.

  He thought he would feel less vulnerable once they were inside—he should have felt more secure with the precautions he’d put in place—but the uneasy feeling wouldn’t go away. He checked in at the front desk, using an old badge. He’d had to turn in his sheriff’s badge, but what the hospital staff didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

  The hallways had that old hospital smell, the smell he associated with death. The walls were pale blue, the floors white. The room doors were white. Not a very personal space, for sure. It was hard to imagine Maggie spending the last twelve years of her life here.

  They reached Maggie’s room, and Elyse stopped. She grabbed James’ arm. She was shaking, her breathing fast, and unsteady.

  “I’m right here,” he said, reaching for the knob. He turned it and pushed the door open, releasing the odor of medications and hospital laundry. They went inside and he closed the door.

  The sun shone through the slats of the thick, white blinds, casting lines across the bare white walls. The bed consisted of nothing more than a rubber mattress on a silver metal frame.

  Elyse walked from the foot of the bed to the head, her fingers dragging along the cold, sterile surface. Tears pooled in her eyes, eventually slipping down her cheeks.

  “She…she was right here,” she whispered. “I held her hand and told her she was going to be alright…” her voice dropped, and she put her face in her hands. James took hold of her shoulders and turned her to him, pulling her into his arms. He held her while she cried, his heart overflowing with the desire to take her pain away.

  She was quiet, the trembling of her body the only indication she was crying. Her tears wet his shirt. She finally lifted her face to look at him.

  He wiped her face with his fingers, and then kissed the top of her head. “How about we see what’s in that box?”

  She pulled back. She nodded and exhaled a deep breath. “Yeah.”

  They walked to the lone box that sat on the dresser and Elyse took the lid off. She reached in and pulled out a photo that was on the top. “My family,” she said, her voice tight as she tried to hold back more tears.

  James put his hand on her back. This was g
oing to be hard on her, and he knew it. She wanted answers. He needed evidence.

  Above all, though, he had to make sure he didn’t do anything that would hurt her.

  Besides the single photo, the box was filled with random newspaper articles and a few pieces of jewelry. No pictures of her children, no keepsakes.

  “I guess it’s what I should have expected,” Elyse said, her top lip curled up, her eyes narrowed. “She was crazy. I should’ve known she wouldn’t have anything important in here. Let’s just go. I have the photo…just leave the stupid box.”

  He picked up the box and she threw him a quizzical glance.

  “I’m sorry, Elyse, but I can’t leave it. I have to bring it in case there is something in here we’re missing. I’ll go through it later.”

  “Whatever. Let’s just go.”

  James opened the door and checked the hallway. He was eager to get her back to the truck with as little interaction as possible. He was unhappy when a man’s voice called from behind.

  “Elyse? Elyse Benson?”

  James turned and placed himself between her and the man in the white coat who was jogging toward them.

  “It is you,” the man said as he reached them. “Oh, Elyse, you have no idea how relieved I am that you’re okay. I’ve been worried sick—”

  “And you are?” James demanded, keeping Elyse guarded behind him.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Dr. Manning.” He kept shifting, trying to see Elyse, but it was easy for James to block the smaller man’s line of sight.

  “I was Maggie’s psychiatrist. When Elyse stopped coming to see her, I became very concerned. And who might you be?”

  “James Warrick. Sheriff James Warrick. Thank you for your concern, but as you can see, she is fine. Now if you’ll excuse us, we need go.”

  James put his free arm around her waist and they started walking toward the exit.

  “Are you still having the nightmares, Elyse?” Dr. Manning called out, stopping her cold in her tracks.