Believe (Faith & Friendship Series)

by Jayne, S. L.

  “Matt, wait… don’t leave!” I shout at him.

  “No, Rylee. I saw the look on your face, I thought you were different to the rest… I was wrong.” He slammed the door behind him.

  Before I could get to my feet to chase him, I hear the front door slam.

  He’s gone.

  Chapter Seven

  Staring at something, willing it to move doesn’t work. I know this is true, because I have had my eyes locked on my bedroom door for who knows how long now, and Matt hasn’t come back. Ava has been in here since Matt left, Ryan took off after him and Ava listened to me re-cap the whole conversation with Matt; we were trying to figure out where his breaking point was in the conversation, because we both agreed that my facial expression wasn’t one of disgust.

  “He won’t come back, I know he won’t… what if he’s left for good?” I whispered.

  “Ryan will find him, Ry. It’ll be okay, I’m sure of it,” she sat up, shifting her body to face me.

  Still laying down, I turned away from the door to face her. “I don’t want him to be gone for good.” I shook my head. “When Sidney called us friends, but assumed we were more, I corrected her, told her we were only friends… and then bam, I totally missed the part where it all changed- it feels like there is more there now.”

  She chuckled. “I’ve seen more there between you two since the start, Ry, I don’t think you’ve ever been “only friends” with him. He won’t leave for good- he told you he wants you, he’ll be back.”

  “We are friends, it’s just a little more different than your average friendship. I never imagined I’d ever have that with anyone, much less Matt. I don’t know if I can handle his crazy possessiveness, and unpredictable flip outs, but I do know I have to find him… because for the first time in my life, I’m actually thinking about what could be, rather than what couldn’t be.”

  “Is it a bad time for me to start cheering? I love you, girl, and I’m so freaking happy you’re thinking that,” she beamed at me.

  “I wouldn’t get too excited, it’s over before it even had a chance to begin,” I said, turning away from her, trying to ignore the churning in my stomach.

  Checking the time, I see it’s almost six thirty. I’m not going to get any more sleep, it’s almost time to get up. Ryan has been gone hours, I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or not, the longer he’s gone, the more chance he has found Matt, right?

  “I’m going to send myself crazy laying here waiting, Ava, I’m going to make coffee and then I’m going to do something, anything.”

  “Okay, I’m coming with you.”

  A few more hours passed and there is still no sign of Matt. Ryan came back an hour ago, he and Walker had looked in almost every bar around town, Liam went to the gym and called a couple people he knows that Matt has associated with once or twice- whatever that means. We were all coming up blank with any new ideas. How do you find somebody that doesn’t want to be found?

  “C’mon, we’re going out. We’re getting breakfast, Rylee’s choice, and then we’re going shopping for whatever you girls normally shop for when you’re in a funk,” Ryan announced as he walked in the room. I guess he couldn’t sleep either.

  “You serious, Ryan? You’re going to come shopping, with girls?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

  “Seriously, but if anyone asks, you girls forced me, okay? The guys already think I’m pussy whipped, I don’t want them thinking I’ve grown tits too.” He winked at us, making us laugh.

  Ava and I jumped up from our seats and hurried down the hall to get dressed. I know what they are doing, trying to take my mind off Matt, but it feels good to have a distraction. I never thought Ryan Sanders would ever be this considerate, kind, loving guy, but I’m happy for Ava that he has shown this side of him.

  “Look at this cute skirt, Ry, you’d totally rock this,” Ava called out to me, holding up a red skirt that looked like something they wore in St Trinians movie- only nicer.

  Shaking my head, I laugh at her. “I’m not in school anymore, Ava, but it’s a pretty skirt.”

  “I know, and I’m buying you it… because I know you won’t,” She smirked.

  I love this girl, but I could strangle her sometimes. I know she’s just being Ava, but I always feel bad when she wants to buy me things. I’ve gotten over the fact I live rent free, I’m almost over the fact she bought me my dream car, I’m not about to let her buy me clothes too.

  I sighed dramatically, mainly so she doesn’t take offense. “You’re not buying it for me, Ava. I’ll buy it,” I said, grabbing it out of her hands and making my way to the cashier.

  The day went by quite quickly, considering we were all so tired, that usually makes the day drag. It’s almost eight o’clock, tiredness is starting to take over and there is still no word about Matt, even Ryan hasn’t heard from him. Ava and Ryan invited me to go for dinner with them, but I didn’t feel up to going. A huge part of me wants to go talk to his dad, see if he can help, but what do I say? “Oh, excuse my crazy ass, but I can’t find your son, he took off after he spilled his heart and soul out.” Yeah, that would make look like a caring friend wouldn’t it?

  Deciding the best place for my miserable ass is in bed, I grab my cell from the table and head to my bedroom. I have sent Matt umpteen texts throughout the day and called him countless times, both left unanswered. Quickly changing into my pajamas, I climb into bed and turn away from door; I don’t want to torture myself even more by watching it again.

  The unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach is keeping me from being able to stop worrying. What if he’s gotten into a fight, and is hurt? Or worse, gone too far and is in jail? I force down the sick feeling that is rising up in my throat and tell myself to stop thinking like that, stop the self-torture- he’ll be back, he’s just cooling down. I’ll get my chance to tell him he was wrong, that I am different to the rest. I know I will.

  Feeling my eyes get heavier, I drift off to sleep with images of Matt in my mind. He’s smiling at me, and that gives me hope that I’ll find him- and when I do, he’ll believe me.

  ***

  Waking up with a jolt, my heart pounding in my chest and my body shaking. I carefully look around the room, taking in my surroundings; I’m in my bedroom, but in the dream I have just awoken from, I was in what seemed like an old creepy forest. I was following Matt’s voice, trying to find him- but I failed, I couldn’t find him. It’s eight thirty, I’ve slept for twelve hours solid. I probably would have slept longer if it wasn’t for that God awful dream. Is my dream trying to tell me he’s gone? Spontaneity

  “Morning, how did you sleep, sweetheart?” mom said, passing me a freshly poured coffee when I walk into the kitchen.

  “I slept like a baby all night, until I woke up this morning scared half to death by a dream,” I sighed.

  “What happened in your dream?” she asked, sounding concerned.

  “I was in a creepy forest, looking for Matt. I could hear him calling my name, so I was trying to follow his voice, but every turn I took was the wrong one. He sounded scared, Mom, he sounded like he really needed me, and I couldn’t find him.” I swallowed hard, trying to stop the sick rising.

  I don’t know if it was the actual dream that has scared me, or the reality hitting me of not being able to find Matt. Either way, I have to do something, I can’t just sit around waiting for him. If he needs me to reach out to him, to be the strong one for us both, then so be it. Ava has shown me what it is to be strong, she’s helped me feel strong. Now’s my time to show her I can do it. I know what I need to do.

  Getting to my feet, I rush out of the kitchen straight to my room. I need to see James, tell him I’m worried about Matt, and see if he can put my mind at ease. If he knows where he is, and knows he is safe, then it’s okay, I’ll feel better.

  Ten minutes later I’m washed, dressed and heading out the door. “I’ll be back, Mom. When Ava gets up, tell her I’ll text her. I’m going to see James.” I closed the door behi
nd me and ran to my car. Before I start driving, I type out a quick text to Matt.

  Me: It’s me again. I haven’t given up on looking for you. I miss you. xx

  Telling him I miss him for the first time ever, doesn’t seem right over a text message, but he needs to know. Something needs to make him want to be found. I shove my cell into my purse and make my way to Morgan’s.

  Knocking loudly on the door for the third time, I wait for someone to answer, silently praying that someone is here.

  “Rylee! Hi,” James said as he opened the door, he sounds happy to see me.

  “Hi, James. Sorry to stop by so early, but I was wondering if you could help me… I need to find Matt, do you know where he is?”

  “He’s not with you?” he asked, looking at me baffled.

  “No… he hasn’t been with me since late Friday night. He kind of took off after we had a talk…”

  I can see his nostrils flaring from him taking a deep breath through his nose as he shakes his head.

  “That boy will be the death of me, I thought he was with you. Come in here, sweet girl, I’ll fix us some sweet tea.” He opened the door wider for me to step inside.

  “Could I possibly have coffee instead, please?” I smiled, walking through the door. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here sooner, I didn’t know what to do. We’ve all been looking for him, texting and calling him… he’s gone,” I sighed.

  “Of course, you don’t have to have sweet tea.” he smiled. “Now, don’t you worry yourself, he’ll be back. My boy likes you, a lot. And don’t you go thinking I’m a crazy old man, I know it’s true, because he ain’t smiled like he does now since he was baby,” he winked at me and smiled.

  I take the cup of coffee he hands to me and climb up on to a bar stool.

  “Okay, tell me what happened,” he said as he sat down on the stool next to me.

  I looked down at the cup in my hand, I couldn’t look at him while telling him what Matt had told me. “He… he told me about his birth mom and his fighting. He told me and then left, right after saying he thought I was different… he misread my expression, he thought I was repulsed by him.” I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to stop them filling up, but it was too late. I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

  “Please don’t cry, Rylee. Whether you see it or not, you’ve changed him. He’s told people before, but they were guy friends, never girls. And him running because of your reaction is a damn lie and a bad excuse, he’s ran because he can’t control his feelings. I’m telling you, he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him since he met y’all, he has a good friend in Ryan, and you, you’re good for him, my boy needs to learn to keep a girl like you,” he nodded at me, showing me he meant what he was saying.

  “Thank you, James. You don’t know how much I needed this talk, and I want to find him, I really do. I know what I need to do now. It will give me an answer, either way,” I smiled at him before turning toward the door.

  “I’m here anytime. He isn’t too old for a spanking either, you tell him I’ll beat his ass if he doesn’t sweep you off your feet,” he called out to me.

  “I will, thank you,” I said laughing, closing the door behind me.

  Sitting in my car, I take a deep breath and hit send on the message I just typed out to Matt.

  Me: I need you. I want you. I miss you. Matt please, I’m going to wait for you. I’ll be at the beach by the fire pits. If you still want me, meet me there. Please. Xx

  Driving to the beach, I turn up the music and think to myself. I feel silly having a smile spread across my face with no one here to see it, but I can’t help it.

  Fuck you Nate Roberts, I am good for somebody and I can make another person happy.

  Chapter Eight

  “He isn’t here yet,” I say down the phone as I look around the deserted beach.

  Ava called me thirty seconds after I hit send on my text to her, telling her where I was headed after my talk with James over an hour ago.

  “Ry, I don’t like you sitting down there all alone, please let me come keep you company,” Ava’s tone is full of pure annoyance, because I won’t let her come here.

  “I’m okay, Ava, honestly… I need to do this alone, please don’t think I don’t love you, though, I do.”

  “You’re a bitch, Rylee Blake. You know I’m dying to witness Matt in all his heart melting swooniness,” her loud laugh down the phone made my ear ring.

  “I’m a badass bitch, Ava Lawson, you said so yourself. Go get your kicks from your boyfriend, you insatiable wench… and for your information, swooniness isn’t even a real word,” I laughed.

  She laughed back at me. “Okay, I’m going now, but you better call me the minute you leave the beach… and Ry? Don’t wait there all day on your own, I mean it. You’ve done everything you can, now it’s his turn. And for your information… if he doesn’t turn up, I’ll slice and dice his balls, add some strawberries, and make him drink them in a smoothie. Bye, sweetie,” she said, ending the call before I could get a word in.

  Sitting on the sand facing the calm water, I put my ear buds in and start listening to my playlist on my cell. There is always a song to suit your mood, and right now, there are so many songs that I could play.

  We’ve only lived here a few months and already I’m far stronger than I have ever believed I could be. I’ve always lived in Ava’s shadow, always depended on her and looked up to her, not just as the sister I never had, but as my hero… without her, I don’t even want to imagine where I would be. She saved me. My issues do seem minor in comparison to Matts, but everyone’s demons are their own, and if I have learned anything, it’s that no one should feel or be made to feel that they are stupid or wrong for having something to overcome.

  If Matt comes here and tells me he does want me, really wants me in the way he told me, I’m not entirely sure how we’re going to deal with his fierce protective side without me feeling like I’m his possession, but maybe we can help each other overcome our demons.

  Checking the time on my phone, I see another hour has passed, it’s been two hours since I sent that text to Matt. Should I leave? If I do, that’s giving up isn’t it? I told him I wasn’t giving up on him. I have to stay, just a little while longer. Folding my hoodie to make a pillow, I lay down on the sand, close my eyes and let the sound of Beyoncé’s powerful voice and meaningful lyrics run through me.

  “RYLEE!!”

  I hear my name being called. Turning around, I can’t work out which direction the sound came from, it was faint, but definitely clear enough for me to hear.

  Last night’s dream really shook me, and I don’t want to start shaking and freaking out while I’m alone. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I see on my phone that yet another thirty minutes have passed. I grab my things and start walking back to my car, I know I said this is giving up, and I feel like I should stay- but what’s the point when he isn’t coming? There has to be a time when you tell yourself you’ve done all you can.

  “RYLEE, WAIT!” the distant voice calls again.

  Unsure if it’s real or I’m just bat shit crazy at this point, I spin around to see who’s there. The beach is still deserted, but in the very far distance I can see somebody running, or power walking, I can’t tell exactly. I start walking toward them… I can’t make out who it is from this far away.

  “PRINCESS…” I hear Matt’s voice loud and clear as he gets closer.

  My heart beat accelerates and the swarm of butterflies return in my stomach when I hear him call me the name I usually hated… but right now, I love it. He’s back, that’s all that matters.

  I start running to meet him, my legs instantly feeling the strain from running across sand. I almost crash into him but he grabs me before I do and lifts me into his arms.

  “You came,” I breathed, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  “I’m here. I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry.” He struggled to talk while trying to catch his breath. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling m
e closer into him.

  “Where have you been, Matt? We’ve been so worried, we couldn’t find you.” I felt tears sting the back of my eyes.

  “I wasn’t with anyone, I needed to kick my own ass- I stayed in my car, driving from place to place, nowhere meant anything to me. My cell battery died and it wasn’t until earlier that I remembered I had my car charger with me, I plugged it in and when I turned it on, it went crazy with messages.” He put me down on the sand, and then sat down. I sat down next to him, not wanting to ask why we’re stopping. He looked at me, his deep brown eyes full of worry.

  “I don’t know what anyone else’s messages said, I didn’t look at those, I saw the last message you sent me, telling me you needed me and I panicked… you scared me, I thought something had happened. I got here as soon as I could. I’m such a dick, I shouldn’t have left you,” his voice trailed off as he said the last words.

  I wanted to lean forward and kiss away the lines on his forehead from his furrowed brow. I wish I could take away the guilt he’s feeling from leaving me.

  “Matt, you have to stop thinking the worst all the time, nothing happened… I just… I just needed you to come back. I didn’t realize how much I actually needed you until you were no longer there.” My stomach instantly knots, remembering how it felt with him gone.

  “Come here, baby… you need to listen to me,” he leans forward grasping my hands, pulling me forward. I end up in his lap, facing him with my legs wrapped around his waist.

  His warm hands cup my cheeks, bringing my face up, making our eyes lock.

  “I thought the day I found someone who saw past my fucked up issues, my overprotective side, all of that, would be the day Hell freezes over… but you, you’re something else, Rylee Blake, you’re the one thing I didn’t see coming. I’ve spent my life predicting people and working out pretty quickly that they were using me, but the day you walked into my bar with your smart mouth and cute as fuck smile, you knocked me on my ass, Princess.” His gorgeous megawatt smile spread across his face. “I knew you had steel walls up, I didn’t know why… and you can call me a caveman if you want, but I knew from that moment that I had to be the one to break them down, to get inside of you, to get you.”