Volume 6 - The Wavering of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  I picked up the claw shreds dropped by Shamisen on the ground and said,

  “Nakagawa, is it? So you’re Nakagawa, it really has been a while. So, how are you doing? I remember you entering an all-boys school. Well? Why are you calling me now? Have you become the Secretary of the Alumni Association?”

  “That position has already been filled by Sudou, who’s now in Municipal High, but that’s not important, of course I’m calling you for a reason. So listen carefully, because I’m serious about it,”

  You called all of a sudden just to say you’re serious? After such an ambiguous sentence, my wits were at an end as to guessing just what he was trying to say.

  “Kyon, you have to seriously hear me out. The only one I can talk to about this is you, you’re my lifeline,”

  Now isn’t that exaggerating a bit? Alright already, hurry up and say it. I’ll just have to hear what you’ve got to say to a classmate who wasn’t that close to you in school and has no impression of you after graduation.

  “I think I’m in love,”

  “…”

  “I’m serious. I’ve been troubled about it. For these past few months, whether I was awake or asleep, I can only think of this,”

  “…”

  “I’m up to the point where I can no longer concentrate on doing anything else. No, that’s not true. I still managed to immerse myself in my studies and club activities. Thanks to that, my grades have actually improved, and it took less than a year for me to become a regular on my team.”

  “…”

  “This was all fueled by my love. Do you understand, Kyon? I’m so troubled deep inside. After looking for your home number in the junior high school book, do you know how long I hesitated before calling you? Even now, my body is still trembling. This is love, it’s the amazing power of love that has compelled me to call you. I hope you understand.”

  “But, Nakagawa…”

  I licked my lips. A cold sweat trickled down my forehead. Oh god, I should never have answered this phone

  I licked my lips. A cold sweat trickled down my forehead. Oh god, I should never have answered the phone…

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can accept your love… All I can say is I’m sorry. I really am, I just can’t promise you anything,”

  I guess you could say a cold shiver just went down my spine. Now let me set the record straight, I am an absolutely normal heterosexual male. My preference for “the same team” weighs less than that of a humming bird, in other words, it’s non-existent. Whether subconsciously or unconsciously, my preference has been “straight”. See? Aren’t I right? My body would go hot just thinking about Asahina-san. If Koizumi had called me saying such stuff, I would’ve hung up already. By the way, I’m not bisexual either. Do I make myself clear?

  My mind was full of rhetoric I wasn’t sure who to address to, I continued to speak on the receiver,

  “So, Nakagawa, we can still remain as friends, but…”

  Though we don’t have anything between us that could warrant us as friends,

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to commit myself to a romantic relationship, I’m sorry. That’s all. If you want to pursue romance, try the boys school you’re studying at instead, as I intend to lead a normal high school life. I’m glad to be able to hear your voice after so long. If we should ever meet in an Alumni Gathering, I’ll pretend not to remember and would still treat you with respect. I also won’t tell anyone about this, so good bye…”

  “Hold it, Kyon!”

  Nakagawa said sounding astonished,

  “What are you talking about? Don’t get me wrong, you’re not the person I’m in love with. Where’d you get such ideas anyway? That’s gross,”

  Then what were you saying all those romantic stuff for? If you’re not saying it to me, then who was it for?

  “Actually I don’t really know her name, I just know it’s a girl from North High…”

  Though I hadn’t completely understood what he was talking about, I breathed a sigh of relief, like a soldier in the battle trenches relieved at hearing that a truce has been made. There was nothing scarier than hearing a confession of love from a guy… for me, that is.

  “Can you please elaborate more? Just who was it that you’re in love with?”

  There is a limit to talking so confusingly. I am this close to putting you in my ignore list, you know?

  By the way, what was wrong with this guy? Talking about loving someone already in his first year in high school. Even if it is love, it still is quite embarrassing to actually say who you like.

  “It was in spring… sometime in May,”

  Nakagawa began recalling his memories, he sounded very nostalgic as well,

  “That girl was walking with you. I only need to close my eyes and her image would appear in my mind. Ah… her appearance is just so adorable, absolutely beautiful. Not only that, I even saw a glowing aura behind her back. That wasn’t my illusion, yes, it was as holy and pure as the heavens shining upon the earth…”

  His remembrance sounded like those dangerous drug hallucinations,

  “I was completely overwhelmed. It was a feeling I’ve never had in my life, it’s as though an electric current just went through my whole body… No! It was like being struck by a mega-lightning bolt that nailed me to the ground. I then stood there for hours, it seems as though I’ve lost all sense of time. By the time I regained my senses, it was already nightfall. And then I realized, this is love!”

  Let us organize Nakagawa’s Andromeda Strain-induced ramblings. From what he has said, he saw me walking with someone back in May, and he was awestruck by that person, who happens to be a North High girl… in that case, the suspects are significantly narrowed down.

  The number of girls that have walked on the streets with me and Haruhi was very small, and I’m not making this up. If it’s limited to North High schoolgirls, then my sister would be off the list, which would leave just the three SOS Brigade girls.

  This means…

  “This has all been determined by fate,”

  Nakagawa continued to revel in his glorious moment,

  “You know, Kyon? I had never believe in those mythical things like love at first sight. I too had considered myself to be a materialistic person. Yet love has arrived so suddenly, and it has opened my eyes. There really is love at first sight, Kyon~”

  Why must I listen to you ramble on and on? Love at first sight? Seems like your eyes have been covered by some external skin.

  “N, no… that’s not true!”

  Looks like this fellow was pretty sure of himself,

  “I’m not the sort to be fooled by a girl’s looks or figure, what’s most important is her inner character. I saw through to her inner character with one look, and that was enough. That powerful impact made a strong impression on me that will be impossible to replace. Sadly, I just can’t express this in words, all I can say is I’ve fallen in love. No, I’m still falling… do you understand, Kyon?”

  That was what I didn’t understand.

  “Forget it, let’s leave that aside,”

  I decided to put an end to Nakagawa’s never ending insane chatter,

  “You say you were struck by the lightning thrown out by that girl back in May, right? But it’s already winter now. It’s over half a year now, just what have you been doing until now?”

  “That’s it, Kyon, now that you’ve mentioned it, I now feel even more depressed. I’ve been at a lost of what to do for these past few months. My mind has never rested since then, as my feelings could not find a way out. I was thinking all the time whether I would be a good match for that girl. I’ll be frank, Kyon, I only just thought about contacting you recently. It was because you were walking beside her that I remembered you and decided to look up the junior high school book for your number. Her beauty is just so dazzling, never before has a girl made me go crazy like this.”

  To lose oneself completely over a girl whose name you don’t even know, and to
be stressed about it for nearly half a year, isn’t your obsession a bit too scary?

  Asahina-san, Haruhi, Nagato - their faces appeared respectively in my head. I decided to go straight to the point. To be honest, I already felt like hanging up long ago, but judging from how seriously intoxicated Nakagawa sounded, if I hung up on him, I’ll probably have to face a barrage of fatal serial calls from him.

  “Describe what the girl you have fallen for looks like.”

  Nakagawa went silent for a while…

  “She had short hair,”

  He said as though retracing his memories,

  “And she wore glasses.”

  Ah.

  “The North High sailor uniform looked as though it was made specially for her. She looked gorgeous in it.”

  Uh-huh.

  “And she was completely engulfed in this glittering aura.”

  Well, I don’t know much about that, but…

  “Do you mean Nagato?”

  It really was a surprise. At first I thought the person that would drive Nakagawa nuts would either be Haruhi or Asahina-san, I never thought it would be Nagato. Taniguchi sure knows how to grade his girls. The first time I saw her, I thought she was just a silent and weird ancient doll sitting in the club room, I never knew there were so many people with such refined taste. Of course, my impression of Nagato now has changed greatly since then, especially in the past few months.

  “So her name’s Nagato, is it?”

  Nakagawa’s voice began to sound excited,

  “How do you spell that? Can you please tell me her full name?”

  Nagato Yuki. Nagato as in the battleship Nagato, Yuki as in “having hope”.

  “…It’s a good name. One would think of the impressive battleship Nagato, while her name Yuki symbolizes that there is hope… Nagato Yuki-san… it’s just as I thought, it’s a clear name, full of possibilities. Elegant, yet not overbearing, and it doesn’t sound aloof. It’s just as I have imagined it to be!”

  How did he imagine it to be? What sort of delusion could he see with just one look? You say you only care about inner character, may I ask what does one’s inner character have to do with love at first sight?

  “I just knew,”

  He said matter-of-factly, his confidence was beginning to sound irritating.

  “This is not a delusion. I’m sure of it, that no matter what she looks like or what her personality is like, she possesses a kind of rational beauty. I saw in her the wisdom and logic that one would find in a deity; she’s the sort of highbrow girl that one might never meet in one’s whole life,”

  I think I’ll look in the dictionary for the word “highbrow” later, for the questions in my head still remain unanswered,

  “That’s what I don’t get. Why is it that you know she would be noble just by looking at her once? You’ve never even spoken to her, you merely saw her from afar!”

  “I just know, that’s why I’m so hopelessly in love with her!”

  Why should I listen to you yell for no reason!?

  “I’m so grateful to God. I’m so ashamed of myself for not believing in him before. Since then I have regularly gone to a nearby shrine to pray every week, I would also occasionally go to churches, both Catholic and Protestant.”

  Praying blindly everywhere is more unfaithful than not believing anything at all. Besides, it’s not like you’ll get results every time you pray. Pick one deity and stick with praying to him.

  “Yeah, you’re right,”

  Nakagawa replied casually,

  “I thank you, Kyon. I’m even more determined now because of you. From now on, I’ll only pray to one goddess, and that is the Goddess Nagato Yuki. She would be my only goddess, to whom I’ll give my unconditional love…”

  “Nakagawa,”

  As he’ll just go on and on, I quickly interrupted him. Partly because it just sounded too cheesy, and partly because I was becoming irritated for some reason,

  “So what do you want? I already know why you called, but what next? You know it’s pointless, telling me about your love for Nagato.”

  “I need you to relay a message for me,”

  Nakagawa said,

  “I hope you can give a message to Nagato-san. Please, you’re the only one who can help me. Since you were walking side by side with her, you should be pretty close to her, right?”

  He’s sort of right. We were both members of the SOS Brigade, and we are still happily revolving as satellites orbiting around Haruhi’s gravity well. Besides, the Nagato he saw walking with me was the bespectacled Nagato back in May. I see, so it was back then, the first SOS Brigade Mystery Search, the time when I went to the library with Nagato. How nostalgic… compared to then, my understanding of Nagato has now increased hundreds of times, so much so that I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve come to know too much about her.

  With these memories in my mind, I asked Nakagawa,

  “Right, you say you remember seeing me walking with Nagato…”

  To be honest, I felt uncomfortable asking this question,

  “But, why did you only think that I was merely close to her? Didn’t you think that I could be dating Nagato?”

  “Not at all,”

  Nakagawa didn’t flinch a bit,

  “You are the sort who’s fond of weirder girls. Like back in our third year… now what’s her name, weren’t you going out with that enigmatic girl?”

  You, as a Nagato-lover, are the least qualified to comment on my preferences. I suddenly felt as though I’d just lost my balance, but it’s obvious he got something wrong. Ah yes, Kunikida has gotten that wrong as well. I was just friends with that girl, now that I think about it, we’ve not even met since our graduation from junior high. I still do occasionally think of her every few days, I wonder if I should send her a New Year greeting card…

  For some reason, I feel as though I’m digging my own grave, perhaps I should change the subject.

  “So, what is it that you want me to relay? An invitation for a date? Or do you want me to ask for Nagato’s phone number? I’m sure that’s an easier favour to do,”

  “No,”

  Nakagawa’s response was bullish,

  “Right now I’m still a nobody, how could I just appear before Nagato-san like that? I’m just not qualified, that’s why…”

  He paused for half a beat or so,

  “Can you please tell her… to wait for me.”

  “Wait for you to what end?” I said.

  “Wait for me to propose to her. Will that do? Because right now I’m just a first year high school student without any social experiences.”

  Well, I’m not that much different from you.

  “That won’t do. Listen to me, Kyon. I’m going to work really hard from now on. No, the truth is I’ve already been working hard. At this rate, I would qualify for a state university with my grades.”

  Well, it’s good to have a long-term objective.

  “I’m going to do a major in Economics. I’ll continue to study hard once I’m in a university, and try to be the best amongst the North High graduates. Once I’m out in society, I’m not going to join some big company, but I’m going to get a job with a medium or small-sized firm.”

  He sure knows how to talk, and it sounds as though it’s all going to happen. If a ghost were to hear him say such stuff, he’d probably laugh so hard he’d get a stomach ulcer.

  “But I won’t be content with being a classless person. Give me three years… no, I’ll only need two years, I’ll learn all the knowledge that I’ll need to start a business.”

  I’m not going to stop you, so go ahead and give it a try. If by then I’m having trouble with my career, mind if I work under you?

  “After that, the company that I’ve created would take five years… no, I’ll try to settle this in three years, by then it’ll be listed in the Second Section of Topix. Its projected annual growth will be at least ten percent, and it’ll all be net profit.”

  I find myself
struggling to catch up with Nakagawa’s mode of thinking, but he seemed to be getting more excited as he went on,

  “By that time, I will be able to take a small break, since all the preparations will be ready.”

  “Preparations for what?”

  “Preparations for my proposal to Nagato-san.”

  I fell silent like a deep-ocean shellfish, while Nakagawa’s words felt like a torrent of waves splashing towards me.

  “I still have two years before I graduate from high school, and four years from university. My in-job training would take two years, while it’ll take three years for me to set up a company and get it listed in public. That’s a total of eleven years. No, let’s round that off to ten years. In ten years, I’ll be a formidable entrepreneur…”

  “Are you nuts?”

  I’m sure you would all understand why I was suddenly so rude. What girl in her right mind would wait for him for ten years? Not to mention that the girl has never even met him before. To suddenly have a guy ask her to wait ten years for him so that he could propose to her, if she had actually waited mindlessly, then she wouldn’t be from this world. Unfortunately, Nagato just so happens to be from out of this world, literally.

  I bit my tongue and waited.

  “I’m serious.”

  What’s worse was that he actually sounded serious as well,

  “I’m willing to bet my life on this, because I really mean it.”

  If sounds have blades in them, then his voice sounded as though it could cut through many wires at once.

  Now what should I do to get this over with?

  “Well… Nakagawa,”

  The image of Nagato silently reading her book appeared in my mind,

  “This is just my personal opinion, but Nagato actually has a lot of hidden admirers. So many that she’s already feeling exasperated by them. I commend you for your fine taste in Nagato, but she is going to remain single for now, and the chances of her waiting ten years for you are close to zero.”

  I actually made all that up, how was I to know what would happen in ten years? I wasn’t even sure of my own future.

  “Besides, something this important ought to be told in person to Nagato herself. Though I’m reluctant to do it, I’ll still help arrange a meeting for you. It’s the winter vacation now, so it shouldn’t be a problem asking her to spend one hour meeting you.”